The consummation of their, what, 3-month-long relationship, and Kanda had demanded that he be treated special.

"For the love of God, Yuu, you have a bed, I have a bed, do we really need to do this?"

Their relationship-relationship, the one that people talk about with waggled eyebrows and jabbing elbows, that one's 3 months long. Total amount of time spent in Kanda's actual company as the self-proclaimed (loudly and whole-heartedly) bestest best buddy ever, ever?

Like, can you get a cheerleading squad (with gloriously short skirts) to shout out "T! E! N! Teeeeeeen, years!" out? Because if Lavi had to spell out how long they've been together in gen'ral, yeah, might as well let pretty girls do it.

There'd been that gorgeous drunken night in, which Kanda had blamed completely on Lavi for spiking his drink with vodka. Which was totally true, but seeing as how Lavi had poured Smirnoff into Kanda's glass in front of Kanda, and as strong alcohol wasn't something easily mistaken as plain water, really, Kanda must have wanted Lavi as bad as Lavi had wanted Kanda.

They'd gone as far as a quick grope on the floor of Lavi's flat before Kanda had punched him in the teeth.

Lavi's first impression was that Kanda was heavily in the sado side of things, and immediately decided that he totally didn't mind a little bit of masochism, and oh yeah, baby, if you swing that way, I'm going to stick my perky little butt in the way of the bat.

Then Kanda's knee had gone for Lavi's family jewels and Lavi found out that Kanda meant for things to stop, seriously.

"We are so not fucking doing it on a floor in your shithole of an apartment."

And what Kanda wants, Kanda gets.

That was day one.

Three months of scrimping and saving, and now they're going to manifest their sweet, sweet gay love. Lavi punched the air before they could enter the lobby, and Kanda slapped the back of his head. Lavi pouted.

"Yuu, like, three months of imposed chastity, I might actually die from happiness! Don't spoil my joy!"

Kanda didn't really see why Lavi felt the urge to announce what they intended to do in the hotel. Two boys walking into a hotel to get a room for one night; they couldn't be more obvious than that, could they?

Well, if he had let Lavi leave his apartment dressed in the ridiculous collared shirt that was unbuttoned to his fucking navel, then the only thing to top that would be Kanda throwing Lavi to the ground in the lobby, ripping off his shirt and asking the shocked concierge if they had any loose condoms hanging around.

Kanda shook the thought out of his head, because it was looking more and more attractive, and hell, he was still a young man in his prime of total awesome, the lack of contact over three months...

If Kanda didn't think he was worth a 5-star hotel for his first time, Lavi would have been shagged through the floor in his apartment already. Kanda should be the one pumping his fist in the air. Or waving a banner, or singing the national anthem or something.

Lavi whistled at the passing bellboy who opened the glass doors , who, irritatingly, blushed. Kanda wanted to swing his knapsack at the white-haired little creep. Instead he just bared his teeth over his shoulder, because that was what men did. The bellboy looked startled, before glancing around.

Hell no, it's you I'm pissed off at.

Then the cheeky bastard stuck his tongue out at Kanda, before running off. Kanda would have pursued him to pull that tongue from that head had Lavi not grabbed him by the wrist and dragged him to the reception desk. So Kanda sent Allen the finger mentally. What a stupid name to be born with, and to have on a brass name tag pinned to a ridiculous maroon uniform.

"Hello, welcome to the Black Order, I'm Lenalee Lee. How can I help you?"

Kanda did a swift once-over, but Lavi spent a lot more time appreciating the admittedly pretty Chinese woman at the counter. "Hi, gorgeous." Lavi grinned widely, but Lenalee kept a mild, professional smile when Kanda thought she should maybe sue for sexual harassment.

"Me 'nd my Yuu, yeah, we're here for the night. A night of awesome, because it's going t'be me 'nd my Yuu. Which is going t'be-"

"Awesome," Lenalee finished with a warmer smile. Kanda nearly slapped his head in exasperation; the woman was being charmed by the redhead, and really, if Lavi wasn't Kanda-sexual Kanda would have been worried for Lenalee.

Lavi was the boy mothers warned their daughters about.

Lavi winked; the woman was so his type... except, you know, not. "Yes, Lena m'sweet, that, exactly. 'cos have y'seen my Yuu? My Yuu kinda looks kinda mmm, Lena, would y'believe?"

Kanda was unceremoniously dragged right next to Lavi, pressed close. Now Lenalee was the one giving him a once-over, and Kanda felt a bit like a piece of meat (of which the butcher approved).

The woman nodded her head slightly, looking she had just agreed on something serious in her serious blazer and her serious hairstyle. "Mmm indeed. Do you have a booking?"

"Damn straight!" First show of vehemence on Lavi's part. "Been waitin' for this for months, Lena m'dear, if I came without a booking-"

Lavi reviewed his choice of words, then grinned as Kanda, who had also reviewed them, groaned. "Actually, I totally wouldn'tve minded coming without a booking, but Yuu's got me on a leash."

He didn't add that he didn't actually mind being on Kanda's leash, because it meant Kanda was always within grabbing distance, and Kanda within grabbing distance required an accompanying chorus to sing him praises.

"How wonderful. The booking would be under whose name?"

"Kan-chan's! Because it's done for him, and-"

"Lavi, my name is not fucking Kan-chan. You're wasting her fucking time."

Which theoretically was true, but the reception was empty and no one else was jostling for Lenalee's attention. Kanda chose to ignore this small detail.

"Kanda. It should be under my name, Kanda Yuu."

The woman nodded and tapped his name into the computer. "Kan...da," she muttered. "Ah, yes. Room 138. Let me call the bellboy for your bags."

Kanda wanted to ask what bags, because all he'd brought along was a spare change of clothes, and he doubted Lavi had anything more in his own bag. But if it would make her happy, then Kanda didn't see any reason to say no. The faster they got to the room, the faster-

"Oh, Allen, could you take these gentlemen to their room? It's 138."

"My pleasure, Lenalee."

And usually Kanda afforded waiting staff the same amount of interest as he would furniture (which was a step up from the mildly irritating buzzing insects he found normal people to be), but the name rang a bell, and it was a deeply unpleasant bell.

"Ah, sirs, if you would like to pass me your luggage-"

"Oh God Yuu, look! A guy shorter than you! And you're Asian!"

There were times, really, when Lavi should just be killed. Kanda was tall, damnit, Lavi was a scant few inches taller than Kanda, that was it.

Kanda whipped around, and smirked when he had to lower his gaze to see eye-to-eye to the little runt who had been so rude to him before.

Grey eyes widened in surprise before narrowing into a small scowl. You, he almost seemed to hiss.

Oh? Kanda wanted to say.

Lavi observed the exchange and figured out that Kanda had it out for this little white white boy. And decided to have a little fun, because it was very easy to have a little fun in Kanda's company. In fact, Kanda seemed to magically attract things capable of great hilarity to himself, despite not being fond of people in general. Lavi thought this was fuck-tastically magnificent.

He quickly looked between Allen and Lenalee, because Allen was quickly looking between Kanda and Lenalee, and therefore here is an angle to mess about with.

"What, m'Kan-Kan, did Allen do something rude?"

A look of total horror bloomed on Allen's face as a faint tint of disappointment coloured Lenalee's. "N-no, of course not!"

"Fuck yeah you did, you stuck out your tongue at me."

Allen looked even more disturbed, and his attention was wholly on Lenalee now, who was looking disproving.

"Allen, did you stick out your tongue at Mister Kanda?"

Sulkily, the very, very pale boy replied. "Only because he bared his teeth at me first!"

And for a moment Lavi honestly thought Lenalee was going to ask Kanda, "Kanda, did you bare your teeth at Allen?"

It looked like she would do it too, but she caught herself in time. Instead she sighed, then smiled at the distraught Allen. "Apologise to him, okay? It's a very important day for them, and you don't want to spoil Mister Kanda's mood, do you Allen?"

"I suppose not." Allen didn't look at all sincere in what he was saying, begrudging and reluctant. He turned to face Kanda, and Lavi wanted a video camera to record this wonderful moment. "Sorry sir," he muttered.

Kanda smirked. "What was that?"

"I said I'm sorry sir!"

Maybe Lavi wasn't so far off with the thought of Kanda being sadistic. He could almost see the horns poking out through thick, dark hair. "Did you just shout at me? I know you didn't just shout at me. Because if you'd just shouted at me-"

"Mister Kanda!"

Kanda snapped around, an automatic response to a female voice directed at him. Lenalee was outright glaring at him now, and by the side Lavi gleefully noted that while Lenalee was a responsible receptionist, she was a whole lot more protective of her co-workers than she was of her guests.

She couldn't have known that Kanda was completely unable to go against a female, but it certainly worked in her favour. "Allen said he was sorry, and you have forgiven him, haven't you?"

Kanda's will held out for a bit.

"Haven't you?"

His will broke. "Yes," he conceded. "Fine, whatever."

Lenalee's ruffled feathers were soothed, and she went back to being all sweet gentleness. "Great news! Now wouldn't you prefer to hurry up to your room to enjoy the rest of the day with your companion?"

Well, holy hell. For a voice so innocent, why did it hold so much lusty connotation? Kanda could not get it, but Lavi was completely impressed. "Lenalee, you're an utter star! Yuu has trouble sorting his priorities out, y'see, when obviously I should always have his attention. Am I right or am I right?"

The Chinese woman laughed. "I cannot imagine anyone being able to be distracted by anything else in your company, sir. Now hurry on up to the room, and," and here she dropped her voice to a conspiratorial whisper, and the three men on the other side of the counter all leaned over to hear better, "I'll get someone to send you some totally orgasmic chocolate cake as a gift. It's on me boys, so please enjoy it."

Lavi laughed in delight. "Good God, Lena, if me 'nd my Yuu weren't held t'gether by a bond that defies time 'nd space 'nd the law, I'd so snap you up. You're bloody brilliant!"

Then he reached over, grabbed her hand and kissed it.

And once again showed that Lavi had to have something about him, because if anyone else had done it they could have expected a slap to the face for harassment, but all Lavi got was a blushing Chinese woman and a stuttered, "O-oh, it's... it's not a big deal."

"Yuu, say thank you t'the wonderful lady!"

What is it with people and telling him how to behave today? Kanda wanted to hit someone but didn't think security would allow it, damn. "Thank you Miss Lee," he ground out, wishing the ground would open up and swallow the rest of the world.

"Just do please enjoy your stay at the Black Order." She waved them off with a smile much too wide for her face, and Kanda's intuition told him he should be concerned.

Possibly somewhere along the lines of involving Viagra in the chocolate cake; women weren't sane, were they?

Allen ushered them off after waving at Lenalee, and the elevator ride was anything but quiet and awkward.

It was noisy and awkward, one part noise generated by Lavi, and a whole lot of awkward felt keenly by both Kanda and Allen.

"So, Allen, how're you?"

"Fine, sir."

"Dude, like, y'must be just a few years younger than us, callin' me sir is giving me the creeps, right, Yuu?"

"You're the creep."

"Yuu so mean! 'nyways, hey, Allen, obviously y'have the hots f'my awesome one, Lena the star. She's lovely, she is."

Allen nodded, still staring fixedly at the closed steel doors. "Yes, yes she is," he said, with feeling.

"Yeah. She's really pretty 'nd really sweet. Y'should ask her out."

"Right, sir."

"You aren't going to, are you? I can tell."

"Right, sir."

"I want t'rip off your jacket and ravish you, my pure Allen boy."

"What?" shouted Allen and Kanda in unison.

Lavi grinned. "Just kiddin'."

"That's it. You're not getting any."

This time Allen was the one who chortled and Lavi was the one who looked like he was two and a half seconds away from a heart attack and a stroke and a pulmonary embolism.

"Yuu, y'know I was just kidding. It'll always be me 'nd my Yuu!" Lavi swept his red hair back in emphasis.

Of course Kanda knew. Kanda's personality was not the sort that could be easily tolerated, and for Lavi to have stuck around for ten years (T! E! N!), that was dedication.

Kanda could appreciate dedication, and over the years Kanda has learned to appreciate Lavi.

"You should apologise to us both, sir."

"Oh, you're fine, Allen, I don't really want t'do anythin' inappropriate t'you. But Yuu, if y'don't forgive me, I'm going t'have t'rip off your clothing right now 'nd service your bo-day with my bo-day, oh babe."

Allen began chanting a prayer that they would reach the designated floor before his mental health was scarred forever.

Lavi's hand was on his belt buckle before the elevator dinged merrily.

"Oh thank God!"

"Why, Allen, I didn't think you'd be that interested in my taking m'clothes off."

Kanda punched Lavi in the shoulder, and Lavi knew all was well.

Kanda was not anyone's definition of charitable, but the hell Lavi had put Allen through wasn't anything he would wish on anyone. So when Allen had let them in and had turned to leave, still with eyes wide with barely-restrained trauma, Kanda had clapped a hand on the bellboy's shoulder, discreetly handed him a fiver, and shared with him a look of complete understanding.

Allen's eyes had brightened, and he opened his mouth to say something that was probably completely ridiculous, but Kanda shoved him out the door and slammed it shut behind him.

Then Kanda was slammed into the door, because Lavi's been channeling all his unhealthy fixation on Kanda today into mild displays of amusing insanity, but a boy can only hold out so long.

Lenalee might be a star, but what Kanda was, was so much better that it was hard to think of anything else when being occupied in a kiss.

A little while on and there was a knock on the door. Kanda couldn't be bothered to move, so Lavi grinned and rolled off the bed to answer.

He pulled the door open with possibly the biggest smile he has ever worn.

Unfortunately, at the time, it was the only thing he was wearing.

The man on the other side of the door had braided blond hair and a look of perpetual concentration. Lavi glanced at the man's name tag.

H. Link. What, as in Hyper? (Lavi's inner geek LOLed at that).

(Technically, his name tag should read Howard, but he was not going to let random hotel guests know what his first name was. They weren't intimate acquaintances, good God.)

"Link, yeah? How can I help you?"

The man's face was still stuck in shock, and Link couldn't seem to help himself as his eyes were drawn inexorably downwards. The trolley that he had brought with him was the only thing stopping Link from ogling Lavi's junk.

Not that he'd wanted to, of course. But he had overheard Allen with the Lee girl talking about the eccentric guests in room 138, and had approached with no small sense of apprehension. Because if Allen and the Lee girl found someone 'eccentric', then they had to have an extra arm at least.

"Your chocolate cake, sir."

"Oh! Lenalee came through for us! Yuu!" the redhead shouted into the room. "Lena's brought us the good stuff t'power us up for round... Round... What round was it again?"

"G'f'ck yourself," Kanda grumbled, comfortable in his lazy lay on the ridiculously magnificent bed.

"Defeats the purpose, Yuu m'sweet. 'nyways," he turned back to Link. "Thanks for this, dude. 'nd if you keep starin' at me like that, I might think you're out t'get me, Link."

Lavi winked.

Link was not the sort to be easily moved, though. He sighed as he relinquished his hold on the trolley to allow Lavi to pull it to himself, but there was one thing he had to say before he left them to their unholy debauchery.

"For the love of God, please at least leave the sheets in the tub to soak in hot soap water when you're done. Otherwise neither love nor money is going to be enough to launder them."

Lavi smiled with his teeth showing, and didn't bother telling the man that they had no intention of ever being done.


A/N:

Written on Ossi's gorgey prompt of hotel, and the OT4+Link. A chunk of you have already read this, ahem, but owing to my silly, mad schedule, this recycling of previous material is all that I can (belatedly) offer on Kanda's birthday to (hopefully) kick off LaviYuu, the Epic Festival Of Love, Awesome, Gay and Robots Named Henry. Yeah. EF still not getting written, guh. Do enjoy, as ever~