Okay, you people have a right to be mad. I was out for two months. With writer's block and business.
With 2 AP courses and pressure of soccer… I can barely keep my scheduele straight.
But stay with me here.
I'LL NEVER STOP DOING TORTURE until it's done. (Well, after the finale of the planned sequel) ;P
So I missed you all!
-NerdHerd15: Oh WOW. My story's on YOUTUBE? Shweetness. I'll try to find your channel :3
-Akatsuki's a Bang: "What Happens in Vegas, Staying in Vegas!" …you definitely got that right. Especially when Deidara is mistaken for Haley (but ya know, it's common for him to be mistaken for a lady, I mean look at his perfect hair!) XD
-Britt3899: Aw! Thanks for your Might Guy angel coming down from the sky! XD
-Alli ate Sora-Sorry Roxas: I'm glad that you took Dei's arrest in a positive note XD
-Jestie Uchiha: I'm so happy I get all of these uppercased comments from you! :D Thanks!
-MewMewRuby: You. Made. My week. (gives shower of cyber cakes) I'm so glad that you think it's THAT funny! (I'm not too much of a comedian, but someone's gotta write it! Thanks a bunch for the review!
-Fox2319: You may have all the cyber cookies in the world. :D
- Lunaria Celeste: Thanks a lot! I'm glad you laughed a lot (:
-GEMfaerie: Casey, you have no idea. XD But Casey's adventure… even better. ;P
-ErinEhmazing: I forgive you, my dear middle sister. (hugs) And if the Dei-bashing offends you, I have no problems to stop it ;P But I won't. Because I enjoy it. Sasori bashing… even more enjoyable. :D
-obitofoever: I haven't watched Part Two either ): and I have read and COMMENTED on your story a few times… funny as hell! XD Thanks for reviewing!
-Bloody Massacure: Thanks for all the comments! (If I was Haley, I'd have 'em all to myself ;P)
So that's it! Leave a comment… please? (gives puppy dog eyes at readers)
Well, I sincerely promise to update A.S.A.P. on Thursdays just like good old times just because my soccer afternoons are pretty much done now (phew)
So read the chapter, damn-it! :D
Warning: Please go pee before reading this, and discard any liquids from your computer, as this may invoke laughter that may make you ruin your monitor and/or wet your pants.
I'm talking to you, Pein.
So after our little rendezvous with Honey Glazed and Choco Sprinkles, we all headed out. Madara was being his obnoxious self, talking about 'ruling the world' and all… B.S. with a baloney sandwich with it. We all know that Granny Badass is taking over. So here he is, talking to me like I was inferior to him. Hehe… I cracked a funny.
"So where is this 'Cube of Rubik'? You're not saying very much for someone who someone who swears constantly."
Well, he's got that right. But I ignored him, putting my hands in my pockets. "WELL, Mista Cinnabun-bun, I feel like chilling out tonight. At a hotel or something. I'm TIRED, MANNNN. I need some food… and a good time. I know that Casey spent all the money-"
Casey interrupted me with a huge fake cough. "ACTUALLY, Butterscotch gambled everything. I put him in charge of the slot machines." She grinned evilly. Kakuzu caught a glance of that and criss-crossed applesauce with his eyes. Uh oh. Here goes my psychotic rag doll.
"You… are the WORST… thing to happen to me… EVIL GIRL…"
Wow. And I thought I was bad.
"Hey hey hey!" Casey retorted, trying to hold onto Sai's little gay deer crown of rainbows, "BUTTERSCOTCH gambled it all. Don't blame me. I just sat there drinking a Redbull while he did his magic… the magic power of GETTING RID OF YOUR MILLIONS!" She danced the Caramelldansen while Kakuzu slunk back to his position, literally dragging himself on the ground. Aw. DENIED.
I caught eye of the Mirage hotel again, then… the hamster on the wheel in my brain decided to get it's fatass off the couch and start working out again. I felt more brainpower than BRAINBLAST Jimmy Neutron, or Pinkie transforming into the Brain. I felt like Hidan's intelligence just became Shikamaru's. And THAT'S saying something.
"Here's the hotel! We can crash in there for the night, and have a good time!"
Everyone looked at me with the now regular 'What the Fuck' look. Everyone except for Justice, who pretty much smiles and plays along with what her best friend is playing at. What a brave soul.
Kakuzu turned to me, seeming taller and creepier than ever. Frankenstein's back. "WE… HAVE… no funds…"
"Okay, Wrinkles McGee, here's an obvious. WE'RE THE F***ING AKATSUKI. WE BLAST ASS. We can even make unicorns come flying out of our ASSES… but I prefer that to be avoided."
Hidan frowned. "Damn it! I wanted to try that out!"
"Anyways… remember how you kidnapped me?" Brr… that felt like ages ago. I almost feel as old as Madara or Kakuzu. And that's old. Like older than Granny Badass. I shuttered silently. "Well, you used your awesomeness. You all… oh wait! I robbed the bank of NYC because of MY awesomeness! But off topic; sorry, I was blinded by my God-like abilities."
"Up my ass! You've got nothing on Jashin-sama!"
"You've got nothing on me, little girl! I'm the ONLY god!"
"Okay, Pein-in-the-balls, Church Boy. Geez-"
"Someone please bag him!"
Kakuzu smiled as Hidan's mouth remained shut, now permanently stitched. "Got that."
I cleared my throat. "So we're all awesome and what-not. So Dr. Shmex, you can use your little cute thing-a-ma-gig-"
"This is the ultimate eye of the Six Paths, the eye that can cause torture and terror beyond the world's-"
"We don't need the whole story. Save it for Sasuke when he brings home Naruto and tells you he's his boyfriend. THAT'LL be a story. But you can use the Sharingan and knock some people out. Kisame, you can flood the hotel and make a big friggin' pool. Hidan, don't kill anyone. Tobi, don't TOUCH anyone. You may just blow the entire place up with one stupid comment, or whatever Tobi's do. Deidara, don't be a bitch. We can make a runway so you can show off your hair and your pretty art. Sasori, you can videotape it. SLOWLY. For your sake. Kakuzu… keep Hidan with you and don't let him kill anyone. I'd prefer if he's stay away with the drinks. And everything fragile. Pein, don't piss the place. That's Kisame's job to fill the hotel. Konan… hang with us. Girls get girl time off. Any questions? SUCK MY ASS. Good! Let's go, team!"
I put a hand in the middle of the circle. Here's part two of the dynamic teamwork building of youth. "Hmmm… hmmm…."
"What's she doing?"
"Oh money-lords…" Kakuzu slapped his head, "She's doing that again…"
Justice laughed. "YES! That's my sensei's dynamic teamwork session! Let's go everyone!"
She put her hand in and grunted like a pig. That's not exactly it, but I'll roll with it. Deidara went in for the sake of Justice, and Sasori went in for the sake of Deidara's love. Casey went in, then Hidan, since he enjoyed it last time. Kisame decided to try it out, but he was snorting half the time. Itachi went to get it over with, but he didn't grunt. "Come on, Dr. Shmex! Like you're giving birth!"
"I do not have the capability to have kids, since I am a man and-"
Casey delivered a swift kick to the man-pouch. "That'll clear things up."
"HMMMMM!" Itachi cringed, putting his hand in. I grinned. "Beautiful, mi compadre, beautiful."
Konan out her perfectly manicured nails in, along with Pein, who had to run to the bathroom anyways. Kakuzu groaned, seeing almost everyone had their hands in. All but Tobi now. Time of the glare of death.
"Tobi, come on!" I gave my kawaii face. I really meant to give him my devil face, but I had to hide his identity by being nice to Tobi. Madara stood there and gave me the Neji glare. Time of a spark of youthfulness.
"Oh, come on, Haley-chan! Let's not be-"
My glaredown was impossible to break. Not even Madara F***ing Uchiha can stop it."
"Gah! Stop it stop it! Fine, Tobi will do the constipation noise! HMMMMMMMM!"
I got up and smiled evilly. YES! I'm going to owe him bigtime, but still! "Fight! Fight! FIGHT!"
"HUZZAH! Now let's go rock this badboy!"
. . .
Now you're probably thinking: why the hell are there three time periods on the top of this sentence? Well, here's the answer… TIME FLEW.
And that's exactly what I, Haley van Peterson, thought when she woke up next to Sasori on the floor. I saw him sleeping there, totally passed out. With a Sheppard's boy trouser outfit on. And face paint on his forehead that said 'Granny's Boy'. Gee, makes total sense.
But then when I groggily got on my knees, Kakuzu was holding Itachi just like a teddy bear. And Itachi had a bib, and a diaper. NOTHING ELSE.
I managed to think I was first one up, so I staggered to where the door was. When I was walking by my left , Konan was sleeping in a stripper's outfit complete with zebra six inch heels and rainbow fishnet tights with a short mini-skirt. And funny enough, Pein was wearing one too. And to my right was Zetsu in a Mohawk. And some pink stickers on his green over-hanger thingy.
I opened the door. There was Deidara tied up with underwear on, and Tobi with a gun, giving crazy eye. "TAKE IT OFF! I SAID TAKE IT OFF!"
I immediately shut the door on that and everyone got up with that scream.
"Oh god… someone kill me NOW."
"WHAT HAPPENED TO ME?" Haha, Danna got it good. I bet Deidara did all of his decoration. With some fun art going on in between. "I'm in this awful outfit!"
"I think you look cute, danna!" Deidara grinned, trying to claw his way out of the closet.
I turned to a mirror. "Holy… SHIT!" I was wearing a SpongeBob piñata. I checked the inside. There was candy. Madara definitely did this. "Can someone tell me what the HELL happened last night?"
"We're trying to figure that out too." Wow, Dr. Shmex took that one to another level.
"And we're missing four people. Hidan, Casey, Justice, and Boston Market. I bet that Shark Man just walked out and went to a bonfire to get his fish ass fried."
"Well," Konan started, tripping in her high-heels, "Does anyone know what the last thing we all remembered was?"
Pein gulped. "Peeing."
"Well, other than that. Thanks though, honey, for sharing that information."
Wait… I saw a MOVIE about this! Thank the God of DVD for establishing this. "Well, we all got hung-over in Las Vegas."
"WHAT?" Everyone said, looking up with a groggy look in their eyes.
"It means that we drank too much and got screwed. And we probably all got DRUGGED because I can't remember diddly-shit."
"Well… crap," Sasori muttered, still upset and blushing from Deidara's gayish comment, "Only one person in the world would do this, because I felt this way right after he left."
Itachi did a face palm. "I have a bad feeling about who it is."
I almost wet my SpongeBob piñata outfit. "Wait…who?"
The words muttered were about to unravel a mystery never foreseen by anyone, words of perverted importance and reminded me a lot of Michael Jackson and pedofiling.
. . .
Oh! Didn't except that, did cha?
Well, there's about three parts to this epic story, so comment to guess where Casey, Kisame, Hidan, and Justice are, and how the Akatsuki got hungover!
So get typing, and I'll try to get back every Thursday from now on!
Ja ne! (And happy late Halloween) ;P