I THINK THIS HATCHET IS UNDEAD
Kurt leads him back to 'their' room. He's stripped it of all the insane decorations; it looks... pretty much like it did when Finn first got there. A little bland, but comparatively inoffensive.
Of course, if it was, Finn wouldn't exactly say so. Not with the death glares Burt keeps shooting him and the lump in his throat that forms whenever he thinks about what he said.
"I'm sorry about this, Finn," says Kurt, sounding genuinely humble for what might be the first time, well, ever. "I know rooming with me makes you uncomfortable; we're trying to clear out one of the spare rooms for you, but, well... Big house, few people, junk gets piled places."
Finn shakes his head. "No, no," he insists. "Really dude. It's cool. I'm fine in this room with you."
"No you're not," Kurt says, sitting down on his bed, and there's that lump in Finn's throat again.
"Look, man, I didn't mean to say I was like, scared of you or something..."
"I know. You didn't mean to say it. But that doesn't mean you didn't mean it," he says, then takes in a deep breath, looking up at the ceiling. "Or that you didn't have a point."
Finn just stands there, staring blankly, as Kurt turns his eyes back towards him, now glazed with tears. "Finn, I am so sorry."
"Everything!" Kurt says with a little flailing hand gesture. "The way I have treated you... trying to drive a wedge between you and Quinn, setting Rachel up like that, getting our parents together, singing that freaking song to you in Glee club... when I think about it, I'm shocked you didn't call the cops on me months ago."
Finn shrugs, uncomfortable with the sudden listing of why this has creeped him out so much. He kind of wants to cry. "It's okay. I know how hard things can be for you, I'm just..."
"Finn," Kurt says, voice low and morning. "Don't lie to me. I know you. You keep your feelings bottled up for so long because... you really don't want to hurt people, even when they have it coming, and eventually you just explode and make the whole thing so much worse than it ought to be. So don't do that to me, please. What you said... it was awful, and I know you didn't mean to use that word, but... I need you to be angry at me."
Finn sits down on the bed with him. "You really freaked me out, dude."
"I know," Kurt says. "God, I'm such an idiot."
"Don't say that."
"But it's true. I mean, deep down? I knew you were straight. I tried to fool myself about the whole thing, and then I tried to fool everyone that I wasn't fooling myself about you – I got kind of dizzy after awhile," Kurt laughs a little, but it doesn't make Finn feel much better.
"Dude, you can stop trying to explain yourself to me. Your dad was right about what I said. Nothing you did excuses that."
"It's not a check and balance system, Finn! What you said does not just magically undo my behavior."
"I know, it's just..."
"You don't want to deal with it. Understandable. It's easier to just be the bad guy and apologize, huh?" Kurt asks. "I think I'm kind of learning that now. Honestly, I feel like you should have stopped me sooner. Were the roles reversed, I would have ripped your head off as soon as you made Rachel dress up like a two dollar hooker."
Finn gulps. "So... you really did do that on purpose? 'Cause, I mean, it did seem kind of weird, her dressing up like that just after you were asking me about the kind of girls I liked... But, I mean, I thought I was being paranoid; you wouldn't be that cruel."
"If it's any consolation, I felt terrible about it. Didn't actually apologize to her or anything, but still – okay maybe she annoys me, and maybe you were with Quinn then, but she didn't deserve that."
"Uh, I don't know what 'consolation' means, but I think I get the point. But Quinn kind of slept with my best friend anyway, so..." Finn trails off and drops his head in his hands. "Fuck. What is wrong with us? All of us, like everyone I know. We screw each other over like... I don't know, people who screw each other over a lot."
"Politicians? Prostitutes?" Kurt offers with a small smile. "Welcome to humanity, my friend. Everybody screws each other over, even when they're not trying to. Especially when they're not trying to. And yeah, it really sucks."
"That's... kind of shit."
"Yeah, I know." Kurt sighs and laughs a little. "Do you remember the day we met, Finn?"
Finn furrows his eyebrows. "Uh, a little...? Okay not really. Sorry dude."
"It's okay, Finn. The point is – you know, just another day for me. Getting shoved around, like it was no big deal – I was used to that. Then you happened. You said it wasn't okay."
"Dude, I think I said like, a grand total of three words."
"You were my knight in shining armor. You proved to me that it was okay; that I was okay, and those jerks couldn't just push me around. I kept thinking, if I got just get closer to you... be with you... you'd make it better. Make all the hurt disappear."
Finn winces. "As I remember, I didn't much make good on that. Like, I let them throw you in the dumpster, all the time."
"Well, you saved some of my clothes, that was something," Kurt says. His humor then falls. "You want to know why it hurt so much when you, of all people, called me those things? I'm used to being the resident fag. Used to people saying shit about me. It doesn't bother me; I'm better than all those morons anyway. But you... god, when you said that, it was like a slap in the face. 'Cause you were the one guy who proved to me that I wasn't the one at fault; the guy who proved I couldn't just be pushed around. That I wasn't a target because I'm gay. And when you said that, it was like you broke your promise. Like all that was a lie."
"Dude, I am so sorry."
"I know, Finn, you've only said it like fifty times."
Finn groans. "God, how did everything get so fucked up?"
"I'm a creepy stalker and you have gross emotional problems?"
"...That about sums it up, yeah."
Kurt laughs a little. Then his face goes solemn. "I'm still terrified to tell Dad and Carole the truth."
"About why I introduced them."
Finn winces. "So, that really was about me? 'Cause like, I had these thoughts like, you could have been planning them to get together so we'd like, move in and you could get closer to me. And that freaked me the fuck out, because stalker much? But I thought like, I was being paranoid and shit, I don't know."
"If you were being paranoid, you must do it more often. That was exactly my plan."
"Yeah, I suck at this human decency thing. Though I kind of soured on the idea once I saw how you and my dad got along."
Finn is confused. "Dude, I like your dad."
"Exactly. When I saw, just how easy it was for him to hang out with you... You could be the son I could never be. You made me so jealous. It damn near killed me."
"Sorry. Christ. It's like, my very presence fucks your life over."
"Well, I wasn't exactly bringing rainbows and sunshine and puppies into yours," Kurt says and sighs. "Finn... this is a mess. So much is fucked up and broken, but I just... can we just be okay again?"
Finn hesitates. "...No."
He wonders if he looks half as depressed by that statement as Kurt looks, which would be a quarter of how bad he actually feels. "Listen, Kurt. Like you said, there's a lot to deal with, and I can't be just okay with it all. Not with what you did, not with what I did."
Kurt bites his lip. "I understand."
"But," Finn continues like he hadn't heard, "I want to try. Dude... I just want us to be friends again, you know?"
Kurt looks up like he can't quite believe it.
"So here's my plan – we'll actually talk, work through it, make things okay. Not just pretend they are."
"One step at a time, huh?" Kurt says, smiling, and Finn nods. "Kind of cliche, I guess, but it suits the situation well."
"Uh-huh," goes Finn. Then he, surprisingly, pulls Kurt into a hug – it's awkward and shaky, but it's real and actually comforting.
One step at a time. Sometimes that's the best thing.