A/N: I don't own Twilight (obviously) SM does, however if I did, Jasper would be permanently tied to my bed and I would not be sharing.
First things first, this was originally written for AlsoFrightened6 for his birthday.
I really need to thank CatMaster and rmhale for pre reading this for and pointing out the bits that didn't make sense and OCDJen for being amazingly supportive and boosting my confidence when I got scared to post anything.
Last but by no means least, special thanks to my beta , I know you have a lot to deal with right now honey but thank you so much for doing this for me, you are amazing.
A Decade Apart
As much as I love my little sister, sometimes I wish I had gone through with the swap Tanya Denali offered me when I was six: my new baby sister for her Twizzler. I really was really tempted. At six years old I would much rather have had a Twizzler than a baby sister, but I knew Mom and Dad wouldn't be happy with me. For reasons that escaped me at such a young age, they actually liked having a screaming smelly baby around.
For someone so small, Alice really is a huge pain in my ass sometimes. She knows that I will never say no to her, no matter what it costs me financially, physically, and like to today, emotionally.
Alice has been working in A&R for a year now, and this is her first big solo project: the album launch of a new alternative rock band, 'Comply or Die'. The DJ for the party pulled out at the last minute and she couldn't get a replacement. That's where I came in, as an emergency DJ.
So long as I got to stay behind the decks all night, everything would be fine. So long as I didn't have to come face to face with the band's lead singer, I couldn't see a problem.
Alice had been raving about this new band for a while, especially how gorgeous, talented, and funny the band's lead singer was.
I was happy for her. If the band did well, it would do wonders for her reputation within the industry. It wasn't until the press started to take an interest that I started to fake interest.
Now, it would be so much easier for me if the band faded back into obscurity. At least then I wouldn't have to see 'his' face staring back at me from every newsstand and, at the moment, every damn TV station.
I could agree with Alice that Comply or Die's lead singer was gorgeous, talented, and very funny. He was also the first boy I ever kissed, the boy that gave me my first blow job, and the guy I have measured every partner against since I was sixteen.
It is one of my best and worst memories. I can remember the summer of nineteen ninety-nine so vividly. I had just turned sixteen and was spending the summer with my best friend Bella in Jacksonville. She had moved there the previous summer after her mom remarried. I had been there about a week when we ran into him at the local store. He was beautiful with his unruly tangle of blonde curls, amazingly expressive blue eyes; beautiful plump and kissable pink lips... the list just went on and on.
I hadn't realised I was staring until Bella poked me, rather painfully may I add, in the ribs. He introduced himself as Jasper Whitlock and said he was spending the summer with his Gran to give his mom a break. Apparently his mom had remarried and he didn't get along all that well with his new step father and step sister. From what he told us, I'm not surprised he didn't get on with his step sister Rose. She sounded like a right bitch.
Bella invited him to hang with us for the summer and I couldn't have been happier. Being my best friend, Bella was one of the few people outside of my family that knew I was gay and had instantly picked up on my attraction to Jasper. As the weeks passed by, the three of us became inseparable. Bella was becoming unbearable with her little comments about me and Jasper but he, for the most part, seemed oblivious.
On our last day in Jacksonville, Jasper's Gran invited me and Bella for a sleep over. Unfortunately, Bella was sick and had to stay home. Not that I minded. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't happy she was sick, but I was glad our last night together would be just me and Jasper. Jasper seemed pretty excited too.
We had spent the night lounging around in our pyjamas watching movies and stealing sips from a bottle of Jack Daniels Jasper had managed to get his hands on. Around ten thirty, his Gran let us know she was heading to bed and to keep the noise down and not stay up too late.
It was around half an hour later that Jasper started inching closer to me on the bed. I lay there as still as I could, pretending to watch the movie and not notice what he was doing. Once he was close enough, he rested his hand on my leg and started to draw lazy circles on my thigh.
My breathing hitched. I was just about to open my mouth to say something, anything, when his lips met mine.
To say I was surprised would be an understatement, but as his mouth moved over mine, I had never been happier. He trailed his tongue between my lips, urging me to open my mouth and let him in. In that single moment, I had found my own personal nirvana.
As his tongue caressed mine, I was euphoric and all sense and reason left my body. I gave myself over to the bliss that was Jasper kissing me. After moments of our mouths trying to take dominance over each other, Jasper pulled away. I actually whimpered at the loss of contact. Why did he stop?
'Edward?' Opening my eyes, I was met with Jasper staring down at me, blushing.
'Please tell me you want this. I've wanted to kiss you all summer.'
I could feel myself blushing too, but there was no way I was going to let our kiss end there. From somewhere inside myself, I found the courage to say, 'What took you so long?'
Grinning at me, he replied, 'I knew tonight was our last night together and even if you didn't kiss me back, I wouldn't have the embarrassment of having to see you again, knowing you didn't want me. But, I would have the memory of the feel of your lips on mine and that I at least got to kiss you once.'
A rambling Jasper was a very cute Jasper indeed.
Although we had stopped kissing, it hadn't escaped my notice that we hadn't stopped touching. All the while we talked, Jasper's hand had never left my thigh. Following my gaze, he noticed this too and withdrew his hand.
Looking down, he began fiddling with a stray thread on his t-shirt. 'Edward, I know we only have tonight left together; I feel like we've wasted all summer. Please tell me you feel this too and that I can kiss you again.'
Smiling, I moved forward slowly, raising my hand to his cheek. I looked into his beautiful blue eyes. 'Jasper, I would love nothing more than for you to shut up and just be kissing me again. '
The next thing I knew, I was laying on my back with Jasper's hard body pressed over mine. My sixteen year old hormone ravaged body had never been happier. Raising my hips, my painfully hard erection pressed into his. Cocking his eyebrow, Jasper looked down at me and rocked his hips against mine, eliciting a whimper from me and something close to a growl from Jasper.
Once again, his lips were on mine, urgent and full of need. Not holding back this time, I parted my lips and his tongue was sweeping mine. He tasted of Jack Daniels and popcorn, and nothing had ever tasted more delicious. All the while he was kissing me, our hips were rocking together in a steady rhythm causing an amazing friction between both our hard cocks. My hands started to make their way under his t-shirt, trailing my fingers lightly up and down his sides. I needed that shirt out of the way now. Gripping the hem of his shirt, I tried to pull it up. Jasper, realising what I was trying to achieve, stilled his movements and all but ripped his shirt over his head then grabbed at mine. In mere seconds, we were both without shirts.
Jasper shirtless had become one of my favourite sights over the summer. He was lean like me but toned, not skinny. I knew he liked to keep in shape doing crunches or something. Whatever it was, he should keep doing it as the definition to his abs was amazing. I wanted to reach out and trail my fingers over each one. I couldn't stop myself from drinking in the sight of him, my eyes roaming over his tanned, toned chest and coming to rest on his dusky pink nipples. Without pausing to think, I sat up the best I could and took one of his nipples into my mouth. Rolling my tongue over it as it pebbled, I gently bit down a little. 'FUCK Edward, that feels so good!'
I had no idea what had come over me. Other than Bella, I had never kissed anyone else, let alone done anything like this. In a move that surprised us both, I soon had Jasper on his back with my hands roaming his chest. I stopped momentarily to pinch and roll his nipples between my thumb and my finger. He threw his head back into the pillows, arching his neck. A turned on Jasper was a very sexy Jasper indeed. I moved my lips to his neck, starting to lay gentle kisses and nips from just below his ear and working my way down until I reached his collarbone.
Once again I found myself on my back, this time with Jasper attacking my neck, biting and licking his way down. Nothing had ever felt better. Once he reached my nipples, he flattened his tongue and took a swipe over one, wetting it, then gently blowing across it. I could feel the goose bumps rising all over my body. With only a momentary thought to his Gran asleep down the hall and trying not to wake her, I let out a low moan, letting him know how good he was making me feel. After lavishing attention to both my nipples, his kisses crept ever lower. I felt him dip his tongue into my belly button and I swear I almost melted on the spot.
I felt his hand move to the waistband of my pyjama bottoms, tugging, all the while still lavishing my stomach with loving kisses. 'Ja….Ja…Jasper, what are you doing?'
'Sssshh darling, I just wanna make you feel good. I've been dreaming of doing this to you all summer.'
Without thinking, I raised my hips, allowing him to pull off my pyjama bottoms. I couldn't believe I was laying on Jasper's bed. Naked. My erect cock bare and twitching for attention. With a mischievous smile, Jasper leant back down and continued his assault on my stomach. He gradually moved lower until I felt him snake out his tongue and lick across the head of my painfully hard cock. Teasing me, he dipped lower, flattening his tongue and running it from the base all the way up my shaft back up to the head. Dipping his tongue into my slit and around the head, he tasted the pre cum that had gathered there.
Then he stopped.
'Jasper what's wrong? Why'd you stop?' I all but whined.
Resting up on my elbows, I looked down at him pulling a face and wrinkling his nose. God he looked adorable. 'Sure don't taste like how they write about it.'
Damn, I hope it wasn't that bad. I really wanted him to finish what he had started. I wanted to bury myself in this throat and give myself over to absolute pleasure. Instead I said, 'Jasper, babe, if it's that bad you really don't have to…'
Before I had the chance to finish what I was saying, he looked me straight in the eye. 'Uh uh darling, I intend to finish what I started. I was just a little shocked is all,' he grinned back at me.
He lowered his mouth back over my aching cock, enveloping me into the exquisite warmth of his mouth. Slowly, he worked his way back up and down again, curling his tongue around the head on his upstroke. Hollowing out his cheeks, he sucked me back down. I felt myself resting at the back of his throat and that's when he swallowed around me and hummed. Holy crap on a cracker!
'FUCK! Jasperrrrr... gonna cum...'
He instantly released me and replaced his mouth with his hand. While his hand gripped my length and worked itself up and down, twisting gently when he reached the head, his lips were back on mine. Seconds later, I felt myself release onto his hand and my stomach. As my body turned to Jello, our kisses slowed and stopped. 'Jasper, that was amazing,' I sighed.
Just thinking of that night has got me semi hard. I had wanted to return the favour, but Jasper only felt comfortable with me getting him off with my hand. We fell asleep that night in each other's arms and said goodbye the next day. We stayed in touch via email and IM and were due to meet up again in Jacksonville the next summer, but when I turned up his Gran informed me that he wasn't coming after all. His band was playing some of the summer music festivals instead. God. His damn band was all I had heard about for months from him. He hadn't even had the decency to let me know he wouldn't be meeting me after all. Bella says I was unbearable all summer and almost wishes I had stayed home.
After that, I only heard from him once more. Six months after we were supposed to have met, I received a single line email:
To: Edward Cullen
From: Jasper Whitlock
Thinking of you
I deleted it and changed my email address.
Although I never forgot, I very rarely let myself think about him. That was until Alice showed me the pictures for the band's first press release. I haven't been able to stop thinking about him since, no matter how hard I tried. I was only slightly surprised that Alice hadn't realised who Jasper was when they started working together, but I hadn't mentioned J for years. At ten years of age, Alice wasn't really all that interested in my life. I wish the same could be said now.
Although I never admitted it to anyone but myself I had fallen in love with Jasper, hard. Every relationship since, every guy I met was measured against Jasper, and none of them could compare.
I really needed to stop thinking about him if I were to get through tonight. What I really needed was a drink and a smoke.
'Hey, Rock DJ, I want you to meet someone.'
Damn Alice and her perfect timing! Turning around, I was confronted with my darling baby sister and none other than Mr. Rock Star himself, Jasper.
'Eddie, this is Jasper. You know, the lead singer of my baby Comply or Die.'
Alice really did think of the band as her baby.
I pinched the bridge of my nose, as I often did in times of stress. It seemed to relieve some of the tension. Holding out my hand for him to shake, I said the only thing I could...
'Hi Jasper, nice to meet you. Alice has told me all about you. Sorry guys, but please excuse me. I need to make sure everything is set up for later.'
With that, I walked away. I could tell from the look in his eyes he more than remembered me. As I made my way over to the decks, I could still feel the tingles running up my arm from where he shook my hand. This wasn't fair; after ten years he shouldn't be able to have this affect on me.
After checking everything was set, I headed home to get ready for the night ahead. I tried my best to shake all thoughts of Jasper from my mind. He had obviously moved on and along the way realised he was straight. I had given up counting the number of women he had been pictured with over the last few months. Every time he was in the press, he was photographed with yet another woman draped across his frame.
I was getting angry, with myself for allowing myself to get so engrossed in Jasper again, and with Jasper for throwing me away so easily. I had spent the last few months feeling like I was some kind of experiment for him. No matter how angry I got, it still didn't stop me jacking off in the shower to my memories of that summer.
The launch party was going well. The band had arrived, played a short set, answered the press question, and posed for photographs. Alice had had words with me earlier for being rude to Jasper. Apparently, he got rather upset after meeting me and his sister had to take him off to calm down. According to Alice, it was my entire fault for being an ass.
I had successfully managed to keep myself confined behind the decks all night, sending my assistant Tyler off to gets drinks and snacks as I needed them. But now I was in serious need of a piss and a smoke. I hadn't seen Jasper for a while; the last I had seen of him he had some red headed reality TV star fawning all over him. They were nowhere to be seen now so I felt safe to make my move.
Leaving the decks to Tyler, I made my way to the back of the makeshift stage to use the bathroom then head outside for a smoke. That was when I heard a conversation that almost made my heart stop.
'For god's sake Jasper, this is your big night. After ten years the band's finally made it, yet your sitting here on your own, hiding, looking like someone just killed your puppy.'
'God Rosie, just leave me alone, please.'
'I will not leave you alone. You're acting like a child, Jasper.'
'Will you stop acting like my mother Rosie?'
'Don't pull that shit with me, Jasper Hale Whitlock. Get your ass back out there. You've given up too much to get where you are today to be sat here sulking.'
'A, I'm not sulking and B, believe me sis, I know how much I gave up. The most important thing I gave up by far is out there and can't even bare to look at me.'
'I know, J, and you swore to me when you found out he was Alice's brother it wouldn't be a problem.'
'It wasn't, then, but I thought…..'
'You thought what, J? That he'd see you again after ten years and fall at your feet? You froze him out hon, focused all your time and energy on the band and forgot about him.'
'I NEVER FORGOT ABOUT HIM!'
'Oh, really? After that second summer you were supposed to spend together, you never mentioned him again.'
'That's because it hurt too much, Rosie. I never forgot, though. Why do you think none of my relationships last? Because none of them even compare to him.'
I had to walk away. I couldn't listen to this anymore; my mom always warned me about eaves dropping. Hearing Jasper shout at his sister that he hadn't forgotten about me was too much. I didn't know if I wanted to go in there and hit him or kiss him.
Instead, I opted to do what I had set out do in the first place: I went to the bathroom then headed outside for a smoke. I could really do with talking with Bella, but she was off somewhere with her husband, Jacob, trying to get impregnated.
Finishing my cigarette, I decided the best thing I could do was to head back inside, hand the decks over to Tyler, and head home. I would gladly take the tongue lashing from Alice tomorrow; it had to be better than hanging around here torturing myself with what I heard.
Heading back inside, I made my way over to Tyler to let him know I was heading home.
'Ty go you gonna be ok here if I bail?'
'Sure, no probs E, you ok?'
'Yeah, I just want to get home and curl up on the couch with George, you know?'
'Yeah, I get you man, but you do know he's probably just going to walk out when you walk in.'
'Don't remind me. He's been in a foul mood with me since the operation.'
'Yeah, I think I would be too. You head home and take care of George. I'm sure he just needs some love and attention. I'll be fine here, seems to be winding down a little now anyway.'
Turning around to head out, I almost collided with Jasper. Looking up into his eyes, I saw nothing but hurt. What the hell has he got to be hurt over? I just brushed by him and headed out, hoping I could avoid Alice on the way.
With a sigh, I opened my front door hoping to hell George wasn't going to be pissed with me again. Heading into the front room, I found him curled up on the couch.
'Hi sweetie, how you doing today?' I asked him.
He opened one eye lazily and glared at me. Waking up fully, he got off the couch, stretched, and walked out of the room.
Heaven knows what possessed me to get a cat, but when I was at the pound with Bella and Jacob getting Sam, their dog, I saw George and just had to take him home. He reminded me so much of me; where my hair was a reddish brown almost bronze colour, his fur was ginger blonde and just like mine, stuck out everywhere. No matter how much you groomed him, it was always a mess. Also just like me, he was moody and liked his own space, and I swear he was gay. You never saw him with any of the neighbourhoods female cats but he was always mincing past the toms. George had been pissed at me for a week since I had taken him to the vets to get neutered.
Deciding to leave George to his 'woe is me' act, I headed into my bedroom, undressed, and went for a shower.
Twenty minutes later, I was showered and dressed in my pyjama bottoms, raiding the fridge for food and beer. I had just finished my first beer while my left over pizza was heating when there was a knock at my door.
Sighing, I went to answer it, praying to god that it wouldn't be Alice or my cousin Emmett, drunk again and forgetting he didn't live here anymore.
Opening the door, I was shocked to all hell to find Jasper standing there looking sheepish. As I went to close the door, being in no mood right now to talk to him, he stuck his foot out and stopped the door.
'Edward, please just talk to me. Stop pretending like you don't remember me.'
'Jasper, what is there to say? We spent some time together ten years ago, we've both grown up and moved on; you've got your career now. What are you doing here? You should be at your party; it's everything you ever wanted isn't it?'
'No, Edward, it isn't everything I ever wanted. I know you've moved on but please just give me five minutes. Is George here?'
What the hell? Why was he asking about my cat?
'George is around somewhere. He's pissed at me right now so he's probably in my room pissing in my shoes. Apparently, cats do that when they're pissed.'
Jasper let out a sigh that almost sounded relieved. 'George is your cat?'
Puzzled, I answered, 'Yeah, of course he is. Why?'
'Thank god. I thought he was your partner.'
'How did you know about George anyway?'
'I heard you talking to your assistant before you left. Look Edward, can I please come in and talk? Just for a minute?'
Sighing and against my better judgement, I opened the door and invited him in. I don't know why but I offered him a drink. He asked if I had Jack Daniels. I poured him and myself a generous measure and offered him a seat.
Taking a large swallow of my drink, I looked over at Jasper. He was shifting uncomfortably in his seat. Resting the arm holding my drink on my leg, I asked him what he was doing here.
'Jasper, it's been ten years without a word and then you turn up here. Why? In fact, before you answer that, how? Who told you where I lived?'
Jasper had leant forward, resting his elbows on his knees and looking at the floor. 'I looked in Ali's organiser, told her I wanted to check the upcoming tour dates, and found your address. I was honestly just looking for a phone number or email address but when I found your address, I just had to come over here. Why did you change your email address and cell number? Did you hate me that much?'
What the hell?
'Jasper, I changed my email and cell after you left me that summer without so much as a word. For gods sake, I had to hear from your Gran that you weren't coming to see me. You never called or wrote and I realised how little I meant to you and how stupid I was for holding onto one night for so long. It's ok, Jasper. I know now, you moved on and realised you were straight. I was just an experiment to you. You don't need to worry. If that's why you're here, I'm not gonna tell anyone you sucked me off when you were sixteen; your secret's safe with me. Ali would have my balls for ear rings in a second if I dared say anything bad that ruined your image.'
Jasper just sat there with a look on his face halfway between shocked and angry.
'Straight? What on earth makes you think I decided I was straight? You were, no, you are more than an experiment to me, Edward. I'm gay and you know that. Always have been always will be.'
'You could have fooled me, Jasper. I've lost count of the number of women you've dated over the last six months.'
'Oh god!' He cried. 'Please tell me you aren't stupid enough to believe everything you read in the press! Yes, I've been pictured with lots of women, but that's the record company, not me. They thought it was better for the band's image if I came over as straight, at least until we got a sound fan base and started actually selling records. The only person at the label who doesn't seem to give a shit is Alice. She's pissed that I listened to the suits and didn't come out in our first press release.'
Yeah, that sounded like Alice. Ever since the day she realised just exactly what I meant when I told her I was gay, she has been one of my strongest supporters.'
'Don't fucking call me stupid! Ok, so because the record company says , you're building a fan base based on lies. So you're actually gay. What the fuck does that have to do with me? It's been ten years, Jasper.'
I stood up and stormed into the kitchen. I grabbed two beers, opened them, and marched back into the front room. Never let it be said I'm not hospitable even when I'm pissed. I slammed a beer down in front of Jasper and was about to go and stand by the window as far away from him as I could, but he looked at me with tears streaming down his face. For the second time in ten years, Jasper broke my heart. But I wasn't about to let him know that. I could be quite the bastard when I wanted to be.
'What the fuck are you crying for, Jasper? You got everything you wanted but you're sat here on the biggest night of your life crying on my couch.'
'Edward, the biggest night of my life was the night you let me kiss you. Nothing ever comes close to that night….'
I opened my mouth to speak.
'No, please Edward, let me finish. I've waited almost ten years to say this; I need to get it out without you interrupting me and you need to damn well listen. After I'm done, if you still feel the same, I'll leave and never bother you again.'
Sighing, I sat down and gestured with my arm that he had the floor and was free to speak. I pulled a cigarette from the packet on the coffee table and threw the packet over to him, knowing he smoked too. As I lit up, I really wished I had something stronger but Emmett had taken all his shit with him when he moved out.
Jasper took a cigarette and lit it up, inhaling sharply and exhaling the smoke. He stood and started pacing and after what seemed like forever, he started to speak.
'First off Edward, I tried telling you so many times I wouldn't make it out that summer, but the words wouldn't come. The longer I left it, the harder it got. By the time I plucked up the courage, it was already too late and you were on the plane out to Jacksonville. That summer was the worst of my life. Our drummer at the time, Embry, was a bigoted idiot. There was nothing he hated more than homosexuals, and boy did he let us all know it. The rest of the band knew I was gay, how could they not? I never stopped talking about you, but for the sake of the band I kept it quiet around Embry. We had auditioned so many people and he really was the best we could find; we thought we needed him. After one gig, he'd disappeared. We found him outside kicking the shit out of some kid wearing an 'Out and Proud' badge.'
He stopped pacing and put out his cigarette before continuing.
'We had an emergency band meeting afterwards and decided he had to go. We found our current drummer Jared a few days later. It was like fate we met him. Not only did we need a drummer badly but I needed someone that understood me and what I was going through. We became best friends. Hell, I was even best man when he got married to his wife Kim last year. After months of listening to me wallowing over you, and how it taken me so long to pluck up the courage to contact you again and got no reply. I suppose this was around the time you had changed your contact details. Jared took me out and told me straight to either suck it up and track you down, tell you how I felt or put you to the back of mind and concentrate on the band. As much as I hate myself for doing it I concentrated on the band. Jared is the best friend I've ever had. Yes, before he met his wife, we fooled around. Jared is Bi but was always so sure of himself and he really helped me to understand myself and what I wanted out of life.
'Jasper, I really don't want to sit here and listen to your conquests.'
Picking up my cigarette packet, he lit up another one.
'That's not what I'm doing. I'm trying to explain how I got to be here now, how I finally got the courage to stand in front of you and say this. Do you have no idea how fucking hard this is? When I couldn't reach you, it broke me. I know I had no right to talk to you after not turning up that summer but when I went to visit Gran over Christmas break, the first thing I did was head over to see Bella. After she hit me and yelled at me for hours, she told me leave you be and move on.'
Christ, I was gonna rip Bella a new one when she got back from her break with Jacob.
'It hurt, but I understood where she was coming from. We had just turned seventeen, you we're in Washington State and I was in Texas. Other than a few weeks a year, we would still been in the same predicament. Bella and I stayed in touch for a while and she told me how you were spending the following summer in Europe with your boyfriend Mike and his parents. That was the summer my Gran passed. I spent two weeks sat in my room at my Gran's thinking of you and mourning... the loss of my Gran and the loss of you.
For the next few years, I pushed myself and the band hard. While we were working I wasn't thinking of you, but you were never far from my mind.'
He threw his wallet at me and told me to open. With trepidation, I picked it up and opened it. My heart was in my mouth when I saw a photo taken by Bella of me and Jasper in the summer of nineteen ninety. Shocked, I closed it and placed it back on the table.
'You have every right to hate me and throw me out, but believe me when I say I will never forgive myself for the way I behaved. You've already given me more than I deserved by letting me into your home and letting me talk to you.'
This was the moment George decided to show his face. He stood at the door, eyeing us both. With a hiss aimed in my direction, he made his way over to Jasper and started working his way around his legs. Jasper sat back down on the couch and George immediately jumped into his lap, making himself comfortable. Smiling down at my traitorous cat, Jasper smiled. 'Only you would have a cat that takes style tips from you. Is his fur naturally this messy?'
Laughing, I said, 'Yeah, that's why I bought him home from the pound. As soon as I saw him, I knew he was meant to be my cat. We normally get along well but he's pissed at me because I had him neutered last week.'
George looked up at this comment and hissed at me again, fucking cat. Jasper lazily stroked his head and he settled back down, purring in Jaspers lap. It looked the perfect picture, my cat curled up with the love of my life on my couch. What the fuck? I really couldn't be thinking about Jasper being the love of my life right now, could I?, I was angry at him; he left me behind like I was nothing. Could I forgive him after listening to his side of things? I could feel myself getting pulled back into all things Jasper. Was I strong enough to handle it this time? What if he left me again? He'd already said the record company wanted the media to see him as straight, and then of course once the album launched there would be the tour. Could I handle having him back in my life to live a lie and for him to go away again for months at a time?
'What are you thinking Edward? I can see the wheels turning over there.'
'Honestly? I was thinking if I could believe a word you say. If I do could I cope with being your secret until the record company decides it's safe for you to come out. Then there's the fact that you would be away an awful lot on tour, how would it be any different to how it would have been back then?'
He stood up suddenly, dislodging George from his lap.
'For fucks sake Edward, please believe me! You are all I ever, all I will always, want! Fuck the record company! Yeah, the band may be pissed at me but if you will just give me another chance, I'll get Ali to call a press conference tomorrow. I'll tell them all I'm gay and in love. So long as I can have you, I will always have exactly what I need to live my life happily.'
He crouched down on the floor in front of me and put his hands on my knees.
'Edward, please look at me.'
Warily, I looked at him, scared of what I would see in his face. His eyes were ablaze with passion and truth.
'Edward Anthony Cullen, I love you. I have loved you since I was sixteen years old. Please believe me; I know I don't deserve it, but please give me another chance to prove what you mean to me.'
He moved onto his knees.
'This is me, Jasper Whitlock, on my knees begging you to let me love you.'
How is it possible that after all this time and after everything that had passed that I could forgive him and let him back in? Crying, tears soaking my cheeks, I looked into his eyes again and nodded. 'OK.'
Reaching up, he bought his hand to my face. Using his thumb, he brushed away the tears falling down my cheek. I couldn't help myself as I shuddered and a sob escaped my lips.
'Please don't cry, sweetheart. I'm hanging on by a thread here myself, and if you don't stop I'm gonna start, then we're both gonna end up a sobbing mess.'
Using the back of my hands, I tried to brush away my tears. But now that the floodgates had opened, I really didn't think I would be able to stop. Jasper raised himself on his knees until our faces we're level and leaned towards me. I closed my eyes and let out a breath, then felt Jasper lips press against my closed eye lids.
'Sshh... I'm here now and I promise I'm not going anywhere. Please stop crying, you're breaking my heart.'
I sucked in a deep breath trying to steady myself and regain my composure. Once I was sure I could stop the tears for a moment, I leant forward and captured Jasper's lips between mine. Our mouths began to move together slowly, savouring each other. Jasper once again tasted of Jack Daniels, but this time the sweet taste of popcorn was replaced with the salty taste of my tears.
Jasper started to rise from his knees, never breaking the kiss, until he was leant over me. I reached out my arms and gripping him behind his thighs, pulled him until he was sat over my legs on the couch, straddling me. Where as teenagers our kisses had been urgent and full of need and want, our kisses now were slow, sensual, and full of longing. My hands found their way into Jasper's hair, tugging gently and pulling him closer to me, silently begging him to deepen the kiss. With a moan, I felt Jasper's tongue reach deeper into my mouth, exploring the hidden corners then curling and massaging my tongue with his.
I knew we had lots more to discuss but right now, in this moment, I wanted to loose myself in him. After years of trying and failing to get over him, I decided to live in the moment, consequences be damned.
Losing myself in the feeling of Jasper's lips on mine, my hands moved from his hair to his chest and pushed off the opened button down shirt he was wearing. He removed his arms from around my neck and shrugged out of it, his lips never once leaving mine. Once the offending shirt was gone, my fingers moved to the bottom of his vest and I tugged that over his head, forcing our lips apart. Once again, Jasper was before me bare chested and I savoured the sight. His physique had changed from that of a boy to a man but he was still essentially Jasper…my Jasper.
Jasper's hands had made their way to the hem of my t-shirt and with one pull he had it removed. Grinning at me, he winked and said, 'Fair's fair, Edward.'
I was starting to become painfully aware that I was sat in nothing but my pyjama bottoms whilst Jasper was still wearing his jeans. I could feel myself awakening and raising, my tears long forgotten and replaced with hunger for the man kissing me. Grabbing hold of his thighs, I stood, lifting Jasper with me. Once I was stood up fully, he wrapped his legs around my waist and with strength unbeknown to me, I managed to carry him to my bedroom. Reaching my bed, I let go of my grip on him and gently lowered him to the mattress. Removing my lips from his, I peppered kisses along his cheek down to his strong jaw, relishing the drag the scruff there caused as my tongue snaked out to lick and nip my way down to his neck. Reaching the juncture of his neck and shoulder, I couldn't help burying my nose and inhaling the scent that was wholly Jasper.
I was a fool to think I would ever be free of Jasper and that anyone else could make me feel this way.
He was lay before me, on my bed, arms stretched above his head. Without touching me, he was still making me feel more than I had felt in years. I had the feeling that he was letting me take the lead. Our last time together, Jasper had been so self assured, he had taken the lead. But now, he was letting me lead. I was thankful he was giving me this; I felt this was his way of assuring me that he was here at my mercy. Tonight was up to me. If I didn't want it to happen I could walk away and leave him there, wanting, as he had left me all those years ago.
I needed to forget what happened years ago and live in the now. I had a half naked Jasper on my bed and he sure as hell was going to be naked in the next few minutes.
Seeing as he was letting this be my show, I was going to savour every moment. As much as he promised and I wanted to believe, this could be my only chance to be with him. Yes, it would hurt like hell if it all turned out to be lies, but I had always known deep down that if we ever met again I wouldn't be able to walk away without spending one more night with him.
As my eyes swept over his body, I remembered every blemish on his torso right down to the tiny freckle just below his left nipple. I felt the tears forming in my eyes again. The time for tears was over; I could cry tomorrow after he left, hoping to god he would never leave again.
Barely holding back my tears, I lowered my head back to his neck. I allowed myself a moment to breathe him in again before my tongue began to trace the shape of his ear. Running slowly around the shell, I made my way to the lobe, sucking it into my mouth and gently biting down and tugging.
Jasper had started to move around under me, slowly writhing and rolling his hip upwards to meet mine. I purposely kept myself just out of reach, wanting to tease and tantalize him until he was begging me.
Moving from his ear, I made my way down his neck, stopping to rest at his adams apple. Knowing how it drove him crazy, I kissed and licked my way around it, moving to the other side of his neck. With feather light, barely there kisses, I made my way to his chest, reaching his already hard nipples. Capturing one in my mouth, I lavished it with attention, feeling it harden further against my tongue. Not wanting to leave any part of Jasper untouched by my lips, I kissed my way over to his other nipple, pausing to lightly kiss the small freckle just below before swirling my tongue around the dusky nub then capturing it between my teeth and pulling lightly.
Jasper arched himself from the bed, his body seeking contact with mine. So far he had been quiet but I didn't want that; I wanted to hear what I was doing to him. Pushing his taught frame back down to the bed, I sped up my kisses, moving steadily down and pausing only briefly to dip my tongue into his belly button. As I ran my nose along the soft hair of his happy trail, my hands moved to the large buckle of his belt, making light work of getting it open. Not bothering to remove his belt, my fingers moved straight to his buttons, popping each one open at lightening speed. I couldn't help the gasp that escaped me when I realised he wasn't wearing any underwear. Not wanting to waste any more time than we already had, I started to slowly pull down his jeans, gasping again as his hard length sprang free. My memories hadn't done him justice; he was so much bigger and thicker than I remembered. I knew I didn't have anything to complain about, but Jasper was a sight to behold. I couldn't wait to have him in my mouth. Hell, I couldn't wait to have him inside me.
After removing his Jeans along with his socks and boots, I decided to start my exploration of Jasper's body again starting from the bottom. Starting with his left ankle, I stared a trail of loving kisses up to his knee, gently sucking and nipping at the soft skin just inside his knee. With the moans and whimpers he was know issuing, it didn't take an idiot to realise Jasper liked it. Moving back down, I repeated the same action starting from his right ankle. Making my way past his knee, I continued my ministrations up his thigh. Finally reaching my destination, I buried my nose in the short hairs of his crotch, inhaling the musky scent of Jasper that permeated from there. Deciding my slow torture had taken long enough, I allowed my tongue to sweep over his balls, carefully sucking one into my mouth and rolling it with my tongue. I heard Jaspers breath hitch and felt the sheets under us bunching from where he must have gripped them. As my hand gripped Jasper's length, he gasped, 'Fuck Edward, that mouth should be illegal.'
Releasing him from my mouth, I said, 'Mmm... you liked that? You ain't felt anything yet.'
'Hmmm, I like cocky Edward.'
'Let me just finish here and I'll show you just how cocky I am.'
OH MY GOD! I can't believe I said that!
'You're blushing aren't you?' Jasper whispered. God, even after all this time he knew me so well.
Rather than answer him and let him know he was right, I moved over his straining cock and took all of him into my mouth, working myself down until my lips were being tickled by the tight curls around the base of his cock. This. This is where I have wanted to be for a decade.
Relaxing, I let his hard length rest at the back of my throat and using the move I had learned from him years ago, I swallowed and hummed, letting the vibrations emanate through him for a moment before I started my ascent. Slowly and lightly I began to drag my teeth up his length, increasing the pressure and sucking tightly around the head of his cock. With a pop I released him from my mouth, relishing the sight of his hard length slapping against his stomach.
'Edward, if you keep that up I'm gonna cum so quick.'
'Well, we wouldn't want that would we? I don't want you cummin until you are inside me.'
'That can certainly be arranged darling. Why don't you come here and….'
Before he could finish, my lips were once again on his. Jasper grabbed a hold of me tightly and rolled us over so I was on my back and he was resting over me.
'God, I've missed how you feel under me... the night's I've lain in bed dreaming and imaging you like this.'
Tears started to fall from his eyes. 'You are here, aren't you? I'm not dreaming this, am I? I don't think I could bare to wake up now if this isn't real'
'I'm here baby, and when you wake up in the morning, I'll still be here.'
He seemed to need the same reassurance that I did, but please God let him still be here in the morning when I woke up.
'Sugar, I don't wanna spoil the moment but do you have any…?'
I knew what he was asking and motioned with my head towards the draw in my bedside table.
With a huge grin showing his delectable dimples, the southern drawl that I attributed to him all these years was more prominent in his voice than I had heard it all night, reached my ears. 'Now don't you dare move darlin. I want you to stay there just like that.'
Closing my eyes with a smile, I heard my bedside draw open and him rustling around trying to find what he was looking for. I hope he didn't think it was weird that the only lube I had was watermelon flavoured. I hated generic lube, that stuff tasted nasty and really limited you to what you could do with it.
With my eyes still closed, I heard Jasper sigh and the draw close. My skin started to tingle as I felt the warmth of Jaspers body returning to mine. I heard the click of the bottle of lube being opened and the wet sound of it hitting skin. Keeping my eyes closed, I prayed to god that this was really happening. My mind was still trying to accept the fact that he was here with me.
I suddenly felt the wet warmth of his lubed hand gripping my length, working me slowly. Before I was ready, his hand left me and was replaced by his mouth.
Oh fuck me, that feels good!
As his mouth and tongue teased my length, his hands made their way to my balls. Gripping them lightly, he tugged gently and I couldn't help the growl that left my chest. I had never been turned on enough to growl before. His hand moved lower, his fingers applying pressure to the skin just below my balls. I swear I could almost feel my heart in my mouth. His fingers continued to move lower until I felt them circling my entrance. As he moved his mouth down to fully envelope my length, I felt his finger slip inside. I willed my body to relax and allow him to make his way through the tight ring of muscle there. Moving his finger in and out at the same pace as he worked my cock with his mouth, my body surrendered to him. As he felt me relax, he added a second finger, curling them both and hitting that spot that would make me see stars with just a little more pressure.
Increasing the speed of his mouth over my cock, he also increased the speed at which his fingers were stretching me, preparing me for the only cock I had ever wanted inside me. In all my other relationship I had been the top, never trusting anyone else to make love to me the way I knew Jasper could.
'Jasper, I'm ready. I need to feel you now.'
Jasper withdrew his fingers and mouth from me. With my eyes still closed, I heard the sound of foil being torn and the snap of the lube being open and closed again.
Feeling the head of Jaspers cock against my entrance, I relaxed by body, awaiting the explicit pleasure that was to come.
'Edward, open your eyes. Look at me while I make love to you.'
My eyes opened to be met by the deep blue pools of Jasper's, showing nothing but love and need. Staring into his eyes, I felt him press forward. My eyes rolled back into my head as I felt myself stretching to accommodate him, relishing the exquisite burn. As the head of his cock made it's way through the tight muscle, I felt him stop, allowing my body to become used to the sensation of him inside me.
'Edward, sugar, look at me.'
With every ounce of coherency I had left, I focused my attention back to Jasper's face.
After what seemed like an eternity of him resting as he was, I moved my legs around his waist, hooking my feet around his ass and pulling him deeper into me.
We both let out whimpers as Jaspers length became fully buried inside me.
Once again he rested, allowing my body to welcome the intrusion.
'Jasper, please move. I need to feel you.'
'Damn, Edward, give me a minute. You feel so damn good that if I move now, I'm gonna cum.'
'I don't care, Jasper.'
Rocking my hips, I caused him to move within me.
'Oh shit, darlin...'
That seemed to spur him on. Withdrawing his cock till just the head was still penetrating me, he plunged back in until I felt his balls slapping against my ass. Pulling back, he made the same movement again and I felt him brush against my prostate. Leaning down, he captured my lips again in a searing kiss, also trapping my aching erection between our bodies.
As he moved slowly within me, the friction his moving body was causing against my cock was quickly brining me to the edge. I knew I wasn't going to last. I closed my eyes, silently trying to clam my body down. It wasn't working, and as Jasper sped up his movements, the pleasure rocking my body became too much. I could feel the silent tears once again coursing down my cheeks.
'Darlin, look at me,' Jasper begged. 'I can't bare to do this without looking into your eyes.'
Opening my eyes, I was confronted with Jasper moving above me, causing pockets of pleasure to erupt throughout my body. Silent tears were falling from his eyes too.
'I'm not gonna last much longer, baby,' he said in a strained voice.
'Me either, sweetheart.'
'I want you to come with me,' he sighed, leaning back down and recapturing my lips with his in a searing kiss.
As our mouths worshipped each other, our tears mingling with our kisses, he increased his speed, plunging into to the depths of me. I could feel the knot in my stomach tightening and knew I was there right on the edge. With one final deep push, Jasper pushed me over the edge. I cried out, releasing violently across both our stomachs as Jasper sobbed and I felt him releasing into the condom while inside of me.
Collapsing onto me, not caring of the sticky mess I had created between us, Jasper buried his face into my shoulder, sobbing. I buried my face into his hair, doing the same.
'I love you so fucking much, Edward. I promise I'm never letting you go again.'
I couldn't answer him just then. Instead, I relished the feel of his body over mine, his softening cock slipping from me and his arms around me holding me so close it was almost painful.
After long moments, he moved from me and went to the bathroom, returning with a warm wet wash cloth and proceeded to lovingly clean up the mess we had made. As Jasper returned to the bathroom, I assumed to clean himself, I crawled under my covers.
Jasper returned and crawled into bed beside me, pulling me to him so my back was to his chest and his face was in my neck. He pressed light kisses against my skin.
After years apart, I finally felt complete. Sighing and relaxing into his embrace, I sighed.
'I love you, Jasper.'
Feeling sleep over take me, I hoped against all hope that after a decade apart, when I woke up the morning, I would still be in Jasper's arms.