A/N: The idea for this ficlet chose to snack on my brain at 3am. So...if it doesn't seem all that well thought out, you know why. Oh yeah, and I don't own anything. Just the idea.
When the fayth asked me if I wanted to walk with you again, I could only say yes. It felt like a silly daydream to think that I would ever see you again, but I said 'yes!'. When you actually reappeared, I was so surprised. I had finally started to accept that the past was in the past, but there you were, swimming just off the shore of Besaid. You probably never imagined that I would jump from a moving airship—neither did I! I can hardly begin to tell you how happy I was. I felt like I was living a fairytale, with my "happily ever after", right there in my arms.
Maybe that was the first sign that it wouldn't work. No matter how real you felt, no matter how real you are, "we" always felt like a dream. The kind of dream that can't be recollected from the pyreflies—distant, and forever fading, because we were two entirely different people back then. At least, I'm sure that I was.
After we had our first real fight, I was so hurt, so confused. I never believed we would speak to each other like that. I went to Lulu that night, crying. At first, she told me that it was normal. That we would eventually feel so guilty about hurting each other that we'd do whatever we could to make up, or maybe even forget what the fight was about.
"All couples have disagreements, Yuna. They're part of how they grow and change together. Sometimes they can hurt, but the ones that last can make the best of them." Those are the words that I remember the most. Do you know why?
I changed without you for two years. It was even the first thing you noticed, and that's why I believed that we could catch up. And you believed it with me. We both made the same mistake. But, I admit that there was more to my side. When I really thought I would never see you again, deep down, I started looking for a different path to walk…and maybe, for someone else to walk it with me. I thought I could stop looking when you came back. I wanted to stop, but I think that we—no, I—I was too late. Nothing was the same with us. A big part of me had moved on, without even noticing it. Please, don't think that I didn't try move back to us. It's all I wanted to do. That's why it's taken me so long to tell you all of this.
Maybe if I had searched Spira just a little faster, if I had understood how everything was connected, I would have found you in time. I don't know exactly when I started to let go, but I think it had something to do with Shuyin. I regretted ever losing you in the first place, but I also realized how harmful holding onto the past could be.
Do you remember our last fight? I don't even remember if we were actually fighting about something. I think we were just mad. We woke up Vidina, and Wakka and Lulu decided they needed to talk to each of us alone. I still don't know what Wakka told you, but after that, you went to Luca with the Aurochs. Lulu said that we needed some time apart to "do some serious soul-searching", and that maybe I should get out of town, too.
So, I did. At first, I was going to camp out on the Moonflow, but it didn't seem right without you there. That was something we were supposed to do together, remember? How could we forget? But we did. There were so many things we were going to do, but never did. I wonder why…?
I don't know why, but I decided to visit my childhood home, Bevelle, instead. That's where you and the others rescued me that time. Maybe I was hoping that those memories of you would help. The people we were back then were so perfect for each other, but now…I just wish you knew how to stop trying to be my guardian. Still, I know the Yuna you knew and fell for back then really needed that, and I'm truly grateful that you were there for me.
I'm not even sure how to tell you this, because I know that it'll hurt you. A lot happened in Bevelle. I ran into an old acquaintance of the Gullwings', Baralai. I told you about him, right? You said he seemed "kinda fishy", but that it was probably just the "whole Yevon thing". He's really very kind once you get to know him, although, maybe a little too kind to me...He tried to invite us to some type of formal gala as honorary guests. When I told him that you were too busy with the blitzball season, he asked if I would accompany him instead. It was so sudden and little embarrassing, but I accepted. I kept telling myself that I was just doing him a favor.
I think that was the night I knew we were finished. Believe me, I never planned for it to end like this. Never thought that so much could come from just one dance, or a few minutes watching the fireworks together. I suppose it was more than that, though. When Baralai and I talked, it was—it was a lot like how it used to be for us. At least, it made me feel the same. And I'm ashamed, because I never wanted to think that way about anyone but you.
Tomorrow, I'm coming back to Besaid to say goodbye. I don't know where I'll go from there. It's funny, but I think this time will be worse than the last. Not that I ever want to see you fade again. There will always be a part of me that loves you for everything you did, a part of me that wishes we could just keep trying. I just don't want to lead either one of us on with false hopes…