Disclaimer: I don't own Royal Pains!

Summary: His heart did a weird, sinking thing when he found out she actually had gone through with the engagement. EvanDivya, set during Spasticity, oneshot

Gahh! Royal Pains is back and I couldn't be happier! The premiere episode was amazing. I just got the chance to watch it on Friday because, well, I had conflicting schedules. Lol. But I was SO pleased with how it turned out! It was amazing, and it had SO many Evan and Divya moments. So, here's a little fic in the vein of the season two premiere because…gosh I am so happy to have more inspiration for this show!


Cast Away


He was so happy to hear her voice.

Evan Lawson didn't know why - okay, maybe he did, but he didn't want to admit it - but he was so glad to hear her snooty little voice that he almost couldn't contain himself. Hank was already mad at him, and the sense of normality that her voice, caressing his name ever-so chidingly, made him relax.

The phone call was short, but…

There was something off.

Even before he asked her the fated question, the question that had been plaguing his mind ever since he left the engagement ceremony, he knew she had said yes. But he just had to hear it coming from her.

"Did you go through with the engagement?"

That was the question that damned him.

He couldn't help himself. He could wait and ask her when he got back to the Hamptons, but his morbid curiosity got in the way, and he found himself asking that question, randomly, as if it wasn't him in the doghouse right now. The sound of his voice as he asked the question surprised him as well - he sounded surprised and in shock.

The click of the phone provided him with the answer.

She had hung up on him.

There were a few quick, flustered breaths in his ear before that, but she had hung up on him, and that was as good as a yes, Evan, I am engaged in his book.

The phone call had done more harm than good. Because now, instead of feeling the pain over the fact that their father had obviously stood them up again, he now felt a different kind of pain, like his heart had detached and fell into the contents of his stomach.

This pain was like he had been run through with some kind of sword. He could practically feel the metal sliding past his ribs and into his still-beating heart.

He hated to be melodramatic, but he figured he had a right to be.

Sighing, he rolled off the couch in his hotel room and moved to the window. Looking out at the gray, dull landscape of New York, he realized that he missed the bright and sunny beach more than he thought possible. He missed his brother and Divya most of all.

Her name lingered in his thoughts, like a ghost, a phantom, taunting him of what he could never have.

Divya, Divya, Divya…

Squeezing his eyes shut, he moved away from the window and looked at the television dully, not seeing, not caring. Some infomercial was on. Something he would usually find amusing, but now…now he couldn't care less.

He sighed again, something that seemed typical of him now and looked longingly at the door, as if his father would appear there with all the money they needed, and make everything right. He stared at that door for a good fifteen minutes before tearing his eyes away.

It had been hours since his dad left.

Maybe Hank was right.

No, there was no maybe. Hank was always right.

He wasn't angry. He was too numb with all of the goings-on that he couldn't really feel anything. It was like he was in another world as he gathered his things and made his way out of the room, not looking back.

New York wasn't the place for him. His dad had stood him up again. Divya was getting married to a man she didn't love. His brother probably hated him. Scratch that, he knew his brother hated him. At least for now. Evan wasn't sure how much of the Lawson charm he'd have to use to regain his trust after what he had done with the money.

Oh, right, they were broke. Can't forget that.

He got in his car and left the city. He had to get back to the Hamptons and try to make everything right. The wheels in his brain were turning, twisting in a way that he had never made them before, to find a way out of this funk.

It was strange, almost like he was having an out-of-body experience, but not quite.

He weaved his way out of the city, finally making his way to the highway, and it was like a weight had been lifted from him. The oppressing buildings and whatnot of the city were like a heavy wool coat, and it was summer, after all.

No sooner as he had been rid of one weight that the others finally took root. Of course, he had been thinking about all of the screwed up things that were happening right now, but now they seemed more concrete to him.

Despite all of the things - the money problems, Hank hating him, he couldn't stop one thought from making its sick circuit through his thoughts.

Divya is officially engaged.

Maybe, somewhere in his reserves of hope, he had thought she would actually dismiss him at the party. He thought that maybe she would realize what he already knew - that they weren't right for each other. He knew that was something that might have been more a fantasy to him, but it was still there. Still present.

He hadn't realized how much he wanted her to reject Raj until now.

Of course, he knew she was supposedly getting engaged, but she had seemed so against it that Evan thought she was actually going to leave him.

Now…

Now she would wear his ring on her finger. Take his name. Live in his house, and have his children.

All for the sake of her family.

Evan suddenly found himself furious.

Why would they force this upon her? Why would she go through with it? The Divya he knew was fiery, passionate, and determined, and if she said she was going to do something, she did it. So why didn't she leave him?

His stomach churned. All of this was making him feel sick.

He looked to see that he was going thirty over the speed limit. Immediately, he slowed down, not wanting to get a ticket piled on top of everything else that had happened today. It would be just too much for him.

His thoughts returned to the path they had taken.

Divya.

Raj.

Married.

Kids.

Divya.

Divya.

Divya.

He let out a strangled scream as he turned up the music, blaring it out through the speakers. Anything to get him away from this painful course of thoughts.

It didn't work.

The images that assaulted him were not helping at all. He couldn't help himself from picturing Divya, holding a child that looked just like her and Raj, standing in front of a large, mansion-like house in London. Raj was there, his hand around her shoulders, and the child was happy, but the smile plastered on Divya's face was as fake as the nose of a socialite.

She wouldn't be happy with him, he knew it.

Raj - he thought the name as if it were a curse - would never make her as happy as…

As who did? He did? He didn't recall a moment where she had been happy in his presence, unless he counted the time they were goaded into having dinner with each other, the time he made her laugh. That picture was still vivid in his mind, her face lighting up with what he saw as true happiness.

That image pained him now.

He turned on the exit that would lead him to the Hamptons. Back to Hank, back to trying to work, and back to the woman that pervaded his thoughts more than any other he had ever encountered.

Somehow, he couldn't get the image of Divya's family out of his mind.

He knew she would have to leave them now. To live in Raj's apartment in London - or flat, or whatever the hell Divya called it. She had strange expressions, but those expressions seemed welcome now, considering the alternative: he would never hear them again.

He only now realized he was clenching onto the steering wheel so tight his knuckles were white.

Evan couldn't stand the thought of her leaving.

Not being able to see her face, hear her voice - or her insults, rather - or just be in her presence would be enough to cripple him. His chest contracted painfully at the thought, and he leaned back in the seat, gripping a mass of curly hair with one hand while driving with the other.

Things are really going down the toilet, aren't they, CFO?

CFO. Even the title seemed to mock him, along with the other things, making him feel even more unworthy than he thought he was.

The sky was a pretty, robin's egg blue above him, but he found himself unable to enjoy it fully. Found himself unable to be glad that when he inhaled, he breathed in the fresh, crisp air instead of smog.

Because all he thought about was how much he had screwed up.

With Hank, and with everyone else he had cared about.

Maybe, if he had listened to Hank every time he said their father was no good, they wouldn't be in this situation now.

Maybe, if he had been just a bit nicer to Divya, she wouldn't have chosen Raj over him.

He snorted to himself. As if he had even been in the category of her choices.

Suddenly, another image pelted at him. This one more painful than the others, if that was even possible.

The same family image Evan had seen - Divya with Raj - just moments ago, changed. Morphed into something different, something more accessible. Something…amazing. Something that Evan couldn't believe he was actually thinking, but there it was, smacking him in the face.

The scenery changed, flickered into something else. A bright, sunny house alongside the beach, instead of a stuffy London mansion. Divya stood on the sand, holding a child. But this kid looked different. He had the same dark skin as Divya, but his eyes were a clear, crystal blue. His hair was just as dark as Divya's, but had some curl to it.

Even before the image had changed all the way, Evan knew what he was seeing.

He saw himself come into the picture, climbing up the sand dunes to the house, a grin on his face. Divya's face lit up like a Christmas tree, her eyes sparkling, as she glanced at him. This smile was real. Completely, utterly unguarded and genuine. He wrapped his arm around her form, and grinned at her impishly. Their little boy - their child - smiled and flayed his feet about.

The pain that hit him then was almost crippling.

Then, just like that, the fantasy faded away, replaced by the stretch of highway and the screeching of gulls above him.

Evan hadn't realized until then that he was breathing hard, and his eyes itched irritatingly.

The car rolled to a stop on the side of the road, leaving Evan to collect himself. All of the stress, coupled with his recent realizations, was weighing down on him so much that he felt like he was being suffocated.

He drew in several deep, supposedly calming, breaths, his hands shaking as he did so.

His mind whirled.

All of the mistakes he'd made were laid out in front of him like some sick slideshow.

He saw images of Hank's disappointed face, of his father's eyes, of all of the money that had been lost, and finally, his mind rested on the image of Divya and the child that was half him, half her.

The hopelessness finally crushed him.


End.

Wow. Okay. Um, this wasn't what I had started out to write. Actually, it has taken on a mind of its own and I just couldn't stop writing once I got started. I really enjoyed writing this. I didn't realize how much I really missed writing Evan and Divya and Royal Pains until now, and I am glad that I'm back into the fandom!

I guess this is just a piece about Evan's feelings about what all he has done. The mistakes he's made, and everything. Mostly about him and Divya, though it has some of the drama with Hank and his dad, too. It's pretty angst-ridden, which I was going for, and I really enjoyed writing this.

I hope everyone enjoyed this fic! I would love to hear your feedback about this fic. It would be very much appreciated! And thanks for reading!