Title: My Side of the Story
Rating: R
Criminal Minds
Genre: Humor/Drama
"It's not what it looks like" – the most feared phrase in the history of the universe.

Morgan heard the voices when he was ten feet from Reid's door. They were soft, their owners indistinguishable, but he could tell from the tone that the topic being discussed was a matter of some urgency.

He frowned.

It had taken him weeks to wheedle Reid into a simple night out: drinks, hanging out. Simple, unassuming stuff. Morgan wasn't fool enough to think that it would turn into anything beyond friendship, but that didn't stop him from trying. He'd dressed smart-casual for the occasion – not too smart that it looked like he was trying too hard, and not too casual that it looked like he wasn't trying hard enough. Unable to wait any longer, he had decided that being ridiculously early was preferable to hanging around his apartment, pacing.

His hand hovered near the door, about to know, when he heard the scream. Not a scream, really. A screech, was a more accurate description, but Derek Morgan had had his protective instinct drilled into him at a young age, and screeches were potentially just as bad as screams.

His gun already out of the holster, he pushed the door open without a second thought.

And stopped.

Never in a million years, would he have predicted this.

Reid and…Garcia. And that wasn't the worst of it. Reid was wearing nothing but his tighty-whities, and Garcia had a harness attached to her front, its straps pushing her bubble skirt in all different directions.

Garcia's expression was like a deer caught in headlights. 'It's not what it looks like,' she blurted out. But really, with a sizeable strap-on clutched in her fuschia-fingernailed grip, Morgan seriously doubted that there was any other way of interpreting the situation.

His heart fell.

All this time. All this time, and Reid was sleeping with Garcia, of all people. Why hadn't she told him? She knew of his…the word "crush" seemed so childish, as did the harsh sting of betrayal that he felt.

'I should leave,' he said bluntly, ignoring the sounds of protest that Garcia gave, and the positively hurt look on Reid's face.

He ignored the sound of his cell phone the first time it rang, and the half dozen times after that.

Tomorrow was going to be awkward.

Garcia came into work early the next day, determined to find Morgan before there were too many people in the bullpen to make an awkward situation downright horrifying. She knew he would be there – he always came in early to do paperwork when he was upset, because it took his mind off things.

Thankfully, there was no-one else around, but the moment Morgan saw her, he stood.

'Stop,' she called out. 'Derek, we really need to talk.'

Her heart almost snapped in two at the look on his face. The pain, the humiliation. She had screwed this one up pretty bad.

'Look,' he snapped. 'I don't care who you fuck, but you knew I was interested in Reid, so you could have at the very least told me.'

Garcia shook her head. 'I am not fucking Reid. I was helping him with something.'

Morgan's eyes narrowed in disbelief, which was completely unsurprising, considering the circumstances. She decided to get it out quickly, like ripping off a super-prickly bandaid.

'It may come as a surprise to you, Derek, but you have a very, very large penis.'

There was silence.

'Excuse me?' he asked, the frown on his face deepening.

She looked around, just to make sure that no sneaky ears were listening in. 'Spencer is a virgin. And if you were planning on sticking that thing up there in a heat of passion, then he would be very sore for a very long time. He called me, asking for help. We were just getting to the part where he said "I can't do this" when you showed up.'

Morgan was silent for a few seconds. He looked up then, his eyes hopeful. 'Wait, he asked you for help because he wanted to be with me?' he asked, his expression simultaneously the most endearing and the most amusing thing she had ever seen. A Derek Morgan in doubt of his sexual prowess.

The sound of footsteps heralded someone else's arrival – Reid's arrival, it soon became apparent, because that awkward silence hung in the air once again.

Garcia tipped them a wink. 'I will leave you boys to it,' she said. She had the strangest feeling that they would be having a very, very good night that night.