A/N: Since I cannot think of a chapter story of the boys as toddlers right now, I decided to write several scenes of their lives ages four-six instead. Enjoy!
TALES OF TODDLERHOOD
It had only been two weeks since Stan Marsh and Kyle Broflovski allowed Eric Cartman to be their friend but already they were getting tired of him. Their other new friend Kenny McCormick was fine but Eric, or as they had dubbed him, 'Cartman', was something else. Even though they played together during preschool and Stan had invited him over his house last Saturday, he was still the same boy he was when preschool started. He was still a bullying, fat, mean little boy who liked to make fun of others and steal their toys. Kyle kept telling Stan they should just break off their friendship but Stan didn't have the heart to do so. So while the two played at Stan's after school Thursday, they tried to come up with something to make Cartman stay or go for good.
"I say we still give him a chance," Stan said softly as he held onto his beloved stuffed dog Ruffy.
"We keep givin' him chances Stan! He still is the same," Kyle said grumpily.
Stan put a finger in his mouth, as he usually did when nervous or in thought. "I know," he finally said. "How 'bout we give him one last shot. How 'bout we tells him he has to do something to be in our club."
Kyle looked at him wearily. "Like…?"
Stan shrugged. "I dunno, somethin' to prove he's for reals. He really wantsta be friends wif us."
"I'm listening," Kyle said, crossing his arms.
"Um…" Stan put a finger between his teeth again. "How 'bout, he hasta not say one mean thing to us all day."
Kyle didn't look too impressed. "It has to be somethin' more, Stan. That won't prove nothin'."
"How- how 'bout he hasta do what we say and play how we want. He can't take nothing away from us and we're in charge of what we do."
Kyle thought. "Okay."
Stan smiled; he knew he'd get there in the end. So the next day the two boys waited near the front of the door to their classroom after their mothers had dropped them off, waiting for Cartman to show up. He did, kissing his mother sweetly good-bye before turning to his 'friends.'
"Hey stupid-heads," he greeted.
Stan and Kyle shared a look.
"Kyle an' I think you're real mean to us Cartman, so we're gonna do somefing about it," Stan began.
Cartman sniggered. "Babies."
"We dedided that you can't push us around when we play today. If you do, you're no longer our friend," Stan said, arms crossed in a final sort of way.
Kyle however didn't like this, he had a feeling Cartman wouldn't listen. So he pulled Stan aside.
"I don't think we should do that Stan, he won't do it."
Kyle watched as Stan took off his large hat to chew nervously on the brim. A smile spread on Kyle's face as he looked at the poof-ball hat then thought about his own. "I know."
He walked back to Cartman. "If you wanna be in our club, you have to get a hat, just like ours."
Cartman was taken aback. "What? That's stupid."
"No it's not. We all have hats. Kenny wears a hood all the time so it counts too," Kyle pointed out to Kenny who had just walked in.
Cartman looked at Kyle with his stupid green hat, Stan with his too-big blue and red hat, and Kenny with his orange hood pulled over his head. He suddenly felt left out and he never liked to be excluded from anything. He humfed.
"Fine, I will get a hat."
"And it hasta be by Monday," Stan informed him.
"I will. My mom gets me anything."
"Alright then. 'Member, it can't look like ours either," Kyle said.
"Do you really think he's gonna get one?" Stan asked his best friend.
"Pfff, no, you know him Stanley, he likes to lie."
So when Cartman's mother Liane picked him up from preschool that day he immediately told her everything.
"I need to get a hat Mom other-ise Stan and Kyle won't let me play with them," Cartman whined.
"But you don't need a hat poopsikins," Liane told him.
"But Mooooom, I need one," he whined some more.
Liane thought for a second. "Well, alright then."
"Yes! And it has to be before Monday," he demanded.
"Of course dear."
So all weekend Cartman was taken to the mall to find the perfect winter's hat otherwise he wouldn't have any friends. Not like he needed them, they were both so stupid. Kyle, thinking he was smarter than everyone else and liking all the fruit and veggies snacks they had, thinking he was so healthy, and Stan, with his stupid doggie, walking around with a finger in his mouth all the time, following Kyle around like a lost baby. And Kenny… he never said much and he was poor, which meant he was stupid too. But he hated them so much; he had to be in their club otherwise it wouldn't be as fun to make fun of them. So he had to find a hat. Cartman made his mother walk into all kinds of shops in the mall until finally he found one- the perfect hat in KidZone Clothes.
Monday had Cartman walking into preschool proudly showing off his new hat. Even if stupid Stan and Kyle wouldn't let him be friends he was still keeping it, he liked how he looked in it. He found the two boys and Kenny playing with some cars and trucks.
"So what do you dummies think of my cool new hat?" he bragged.
They blinked and looked at him.
"That's a stupid hat," Kyle stated.
"Yeah, it looks too much like mine," Stan said, gripping his.
"It does not!"
"Yours can't even fit your head Stan. Mine fits my head so it's not the same," Cartman crossed his arms firmly.
Stan turned to Kyle. "So what do we do?"
"He's not gonna change Stan, he's still gonna be the same."
"I know but, he might. People change…"
"They do not!" Kyle pushed him.
"They do too!" Stan pushed him back before looking at Cartman again. "Alright fine, you can be our friend."
"Stan!" Kyle cried.
"But you gotta play wif us and act like us. We're not givin' you no more chances," Stan told him.
Cartman smiled smugly before taking the car that was in Stan's hands and sitting down, ignoring his crying to give it back. He was in; Stan, Kyle, and Kenny were his personal idiots to make fun of. And since they were friends, they would never do anything about it.
Boy, making friends sure is easy, all I had to do was get a hat, Cartman thought as he once again took hold of Stan's stuffed dog and began to dictate.
I hope you liked the first installment of the boys as toddlers. More short stories are to come so stay tuned!
Magical love: Rose, June 11, 2010