Darkness and emptiness were the first words that came up to her mind when she thought about how to describe this place. Time had no meaning here; neither did hate, pain, love or memory. Had it been years since she had felt her very heart stop beating at the lighthouse? It could easily have been centuries, thousands of years, or just a few minutes. Who could have known? Nyu didn't; no more did Lucy nor Kaede. They, or rather she, were the only one here, as far as they knew.
The first thing she had felt after her death had been a sudden wave of warmth and energy before feeling her own life slipping away from her melted body like sand between a child's fingers. The warmth was Kouhta, holding her close to him, her body wrapped up in his jacket, the cloth soaked with his and her tears. She had had time to smile, barely, stretching her exposed muscles horribly and probably showing off a terrifying grimace instead of a thankful smile. Then it had been darkness, and before she knew it she was here.
She had first acknowledged that she was completely naked; not that it bothered her in the least. After all, she had already been naked hundreds of times: in front of the doctors when she was being tortured or in front of Kouhta in her short, happy and carefree days as Nyu. The thing that startled her was that her body was not melting anymore: it was completely back to normal, as if nothing had happened. She then knew that she was in the afterlife.
But was this really a life? She felt so alone here, so empty and insignificant, as if she were melting away, not physically like she had experienced it before, but inside of herself. It was as if she could disappear at any moment, one light gust of wind could break her apart into a million tiny pieces. But there was no wind here; there was nothing at all. There was one, bluish light that looked everything but warm and welcoming. She had tried following it first, hoping naively that it would lead her to the open doors of Heaven; but it had leaded her nowhere. It seemed to go on and on, and when she thought she couldn't walk anymore she still told herself that it would end soon, and when she really couldn't walk anymore she decided to sit there, curled up on herself. She had cried for such a long time, or such a short time, who could've known, feeling alone even worse than she had when she was actually alive.
Maybe this is my punishment. Maybe this is the revenge of all those humans I have killed.
When she had known it was useless to cry her tears had dried up naturally and she had remained silent. There was nothing to do, no one to kill, no one to love. Nothing.
Maybe this is where all us dicloniuses go after we die.
But no matter how far she looked, Nyu couldn't see anyone but herself. It was pure and simple loneliness, not very different from her young days, only a hundred times worse, since she knew it would never end.
Her memories seemed to stretch on and on in her head, for it was all she could do to kill the crushing feeling of emptiness and boredom. She felt that, if she didn't think about her past life over and over again, they were going to forget her. Kouhta, Yuka, Mayu, Nyu, Nozomi-chan… everyone she'd loved, the people who'd accepted her even though she looked and was different. But somehow it didn't feel like her own life –perhaps because she had been here for so long, it felt as if she was thinking about a very close friend's death instead of herself.
Nyu had been sad, Lucy had been angry, Kaede had only felt loneliness, as usual. They shared their own feelings and kept them for themselves, even though they were one person altogether. This only made them lonelier.
Kouhta… Kouhta… I miss you…
And now she was Nyu again, and tears rolled on her cheeks. She was crying like a small child, like a baby, her face twisted with grief, her eyes red and puffy, her hair sticking to her skin. Her sobs almost choked her and made her breathing hard, but what difference did it make? Now that her body was most likely ashes lost in the wind, she wasn't breathing anymore, no more was she crying or feeling anything at all. And yet at the same time, she was alive in another life, feeling every sharp pang of pain even worse than she had in her first life. It was horrible and it was like a nightmare, a long nightmare, like Nyu hoped forever and ever that one day, she would finally wake up and find herself at Maple Inn with Kouhta and everybody else. Nyu hoped and believed, Kaede hoped only, and Lucy knew that it was impossible. She had come to the end of the road now, and here it was a lifeless desert.
I'm miserable right now, Kouhta… And it's so painful inside, and I believe that one day it will end, I'm even hoping to go crazy so that I could get lost in the memories and forget that I'm dead now, that there's no escape now and that it will always be like this from now on. I'm lonely here, even more than I used to be, and it's painful knowing that I will probably never see you again, not you, not Yuka, not Mayu, Nana or Nozomi-chan…
Still, I'm hoping… That one day, maybe, just maybe, I will come back to you in one form or another. I will be reborn, as a good girl this time, and live a happy life without killing, and mostly always be by Kouhta's side. I'm hoping, Kouhta, I'm hoping. Just you wait. Don't forget me. I will not forget you, and one day I will come back and be with you again, at the Summer Festival. Do you remember? That was a promise.