Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto if I did you bet I wouldn't be sitting here writing this randomly at 5am on morning when I can't sleep.
Authors note: This story is for everyone who ever lost someone they love due to violence. Everyone who knows that the pain & anger never really go away we just move on the best we can.
I want to especially dedicate this to my Aunt Chrissy who was shot almost 2 years ago protecting my cousin from a crazed stalker. She is a Carnegie Hero award winner for her act of bravery.
Aunt Chrissy we love you & you are now a true national hero. Things aren't the same without you.
Shikamaru sighed & stared again at the shogi board in front of him. The board had sat there for the past few days not one move being made. Much like everything else he just didn't feel like playing so he sat & stared instead trying as hard as he could to for once stop thinking. It was at that moment he heard the slightest noise upstairs coming from his room no less. He ran upstairs quickly into his room when he saw something move by the window. His hands moved quickly putting the shadow possession jutsu on them.
"What the hell Shika!" The ever familiar voice said.
"Temari?" He asked still holding her she just rolled her eyes.
"No! How many other people sneak in your window?" She asked as he let her go. "I saw a light on figured your parents were home so better to use my normal entrance." She said annoyed straightening out her clothes.
"No they went out of town for the weekend." He shrugged they were worried about leaving him alone but he made sure to let them know he'd be fine. As hard as it was to convince them."So should I ask what are you doing here?"
"Well I got a mission out this way thought I'd stop by. I heard what happened." She explained.
"Well that's convenient." He said changing the topic not wanting to get into that conversation.
"No what's convenient is the fact Gaara leaves his office door unlocked so I can go & change some paper work." She smirked walking over & hugging him.
For the past year they had been in what they called an 'unconventional relationship'. Meaning they kept it to themselves mostly in fear of her brother banning Temari from coming back to the Leaf Village.
"Well that's convenient enough for me." He said looking down & kissing her as he moved her slowly backwards on the bed. He then crawled over her & started kissing her neck trying to find her weak spot. She let out a small gasp as he hit it. He then put his hand on her leg wasting no time moving it up to her thigh. There was something wrong defiantly he was moving too fast & he just wasn't into it she pulled back. He looked down at her slightly confused & slightly annoyed.
"I know I am going hate myself for this but this isn't what I came here for." She said moving his hand from under her skirt.
"Then why'd you come Temari?" He said annoyed sitting up she flinched this all ready wasn't going good.
"I heard about what happened to your sensei & I wanted to make sure you were ok. I know you both were really close." She said putting her arms around his shoulder. He moved them away this wasn't the conversation he wanted right now especially with her. She moved closer again this time not touching him.
"I just was worried about you I wanted to make sure your ok." She said looking over at him as he just looked away.
"I'm fine." He snapped at her she sighed.
"Ok. I just know how much it sucks to be alone right now." She said he turned & looked at her.
She didn't know how he felt hell he didn't know how he felt half the time all he knew was now he felt pissed.
"How can you possibly know how feel Temari? I lost a person I considered a father to me! You never even met him & you think you can understand how I feel? No one fucking understands it especially you." He snapped at her he hadn't meant to but all the anger flowed out at her before he had a chance to stop. She got out of the bed looking at him anger apparent all over her face. But this was a type of anger he'd never seen before. He could tell she was hurt by what just happened.
"Maybe I shouldn't of come." She said walking back over to the window.
"Yeah maybe you shouldn't of." He said his voice still raised she stopped & looked back at him.
"And if anyone should fucking understand how you feel it's me you selfish son of bitch." She snapped at him. "Did you ever take the time to realize I have no family other then my brothers? I fucking lost my family my mom, dad, & uncle all murdered at some point. I think I got a good fucking clue how it feels." She said her voice wavering slightly under the emotion of that statement something Shikamaru never thought possible.
"If you know then tell me when dose it stop hurting Temari? I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't do anything!" He said putting his head in his hands she walked back & sat back down by him.
"It never dose." She said he could sense something in her voice at first he thought it was pity then he realized it was her own sadness she took a breath composing herself. "It only gets easier after a while but it will never ever stop hurting. It's the price we pay-" She started but he interrupted her.
"For being a shinobi I've heard it. I don't even know if I want to anymore." He said not looking up at her tears stinging his eyes he couldn't tell but she shook her head no.
"No." She said simply putting a hand on his back. "It's the price we pay having a relationship with someone. Eventually you're going to lose that person that's how life works unless that person loses you first."
"Then what's the point?" He asked looking up at her she took a hand & wiped a tear away.
"If we don't have relationships with people we're just as good as dead inside & that's no way to live life." She said putting her head on his shoulder as they sat their quietly both in their own thoughts.
"I just wish I could make it easier. It just plays through my head over & over. If I was stronger I could of done something." He said looking down at his feet.
"I used to tell myself the same thing when my dad got killed that I could of done something. But our destiny is pre-determined we can't change it & we can't fix the past. You just have to find something that makes you move on you know? For me it was my brothers." She said with a half smile her brothers were always one thing that could make her happy. "I was too young to really know when mom died but I grew up being taught how to be the woman of the house taking care of Kankuro. Then when Gaara accidently killed my uncle I started taking care of him too. Then when dad left it's been my job to legal raise them for the past 3 years." She said her hands mindlessly playing with her skirt he could tell how deep in thought she was.
He never knew the full extent of her family history as she never talked about it but was shocked to hear how tough life had been on her. Part of him wished he never had to hear her sound so sad it wasn't like her. She had always been so strong & this didn't seem right to see her so weak & vulnerable. But he knew that she needed to talk about this just as much as he did.
"You'll find something that helps you move on. Then it will be easier to sleep, then to eat, & then when you think about them it won't hurt so much you can start to focus on the good memories not the bad." She said looking over at him he could see the tears in her eyes. He put her head in his hands & kissed her forehead wishing he could put into words how much this meant to him. Just to be able to be with someone who could tell him it was ok to be angry, to be sad & he would be survive & to really know that it was true meant the world to him.
"Thank you." He was all he managed to get out she nodded at him with a smile.
"Anytime." She smiled as they both lay back on the bed.
They spent the rest of the night talking & laughing about memories of the people they lost before falling asleep. It was the first time in a week he slept the whole night through being comforted in thought that maybe, just maybe he found the thing that would help him move on.