Kay, I have no idea why I'm doing this, just to let you know. Okay, now we've got that out of the way, this is just going to be a short little story about the adventures of Yuffie trying to steal Vincent's cape. I have no idea where I'm headed with this, but I'm sure i'll figure it out soon... hopefully. Anyway, i hope you enjoy reading whatever you could call this, and hopefully you'll drop me a nice little review ;) A girl can dream, can't she?
I swear I didn't do it on purpose.
Well, at the beginning it was on purpose… but then it all just got out of control. Like always. I should learn more self restraint… or at least learn to quit while I'm ahead. Bah, screw it. What's the point of doing anything if you don't have fun and push the limit? And let me tell you - what I did was fun. Well, except for the yelling part, but that's what I get for pushing him so far. But of course you guys have no idea what I'm going on about, so I should probably explain.
It was a brilliant, sunny day with everything around everywhere in vibrant colour mode, just the way I liked it. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, the kids were laughing. It was the ultimate day of awesomeness for everyone and everything. The exception being Vinnie, of course.
As I'm sure you're all aware, the Vinnie I speak of is a doom-and-gloom-death-stare-anything-that-looks-at-me kinda guy, but I'm sure you all know that. Anyway, he tends to wear this god awful cape everywhere, and as I'm sure most of you aren't aware, that cape has been singing me its devilish siren song ever since the day I first laid eyes on it. 'Steeeall me Yuffie, you know you want to!'
I swear that cape was out to get me from the beginning.
So it was upon this gorgeous day I happened to cross paths with Vincent Valentine in Tifa's bar, when the cape started talking to me. 'Yuffie, if you steal me, it'll be the most awesomest, ninja-ist thing you could do, no one has ever tried to take me off this awful man, and you could be the person to do it! Think of how much more awesome that would make you, you'd be a hero!'
That cape is eviler than Sephiroth.
Anyway, since I totally agreed with the evil cape, I figured this was my one chance to finally get my hands on it, since Vince would totally never allow me to touch it normally. I always wondered whether it was soft, or whether it felt all grimy and dusty. I even wondered what it smelt like. So, this was my chance to find out, was it not?
I cleverly stood in Vincent's brooding corner– let's call it VBC for short – chatting nonsense to him so he wouldn't suspect I was up to something. He was always good at that kinda thing. Maybe he had a sixth sense that detected whenever I was up to something… like a Yuffie trouble detector. Yeah, that'd be right. Trust him to have something like that to ruin my fun.
So anyway, I used my awesome skill of being able to talk utter rubbish whilst thinking of something completely different to help me with the plotting of my brilliant idea. From VBC, I realized he had a pretty good view of the overall bar, which limited my options somewhat. Luckily, Leviathan decided to love me today, and blessed Tifa's bar with a pretty large crowd. I could work with this, but as you all know, I could work with anything.
Excusing myself from VBC, I sauntered over to Tifa behind the bar, innocently offering my assistance to her, which earned me a suspicious look. I wasn't very surprised.
"And why would you want to help me today, Yuffie?" Tifa asked me accusingly, correctly guessing I was up to something, but of course she couldn't know that.
"Because you look like you might need some help, that's all," I used my most innocent voice, giving her my most heartfelt expression. I saw her quickly scope out the crowd in the bar, her forehead slightly crinkling when she realized the crowd was a tad larger than she originally thought. I inwardly danced when Tifa relented, a small nod as her sign of giving me approval. I opted on giving her a large smile in return, one I didn't even have to fake; I was genuinely pleased that I was able to get started on my plan.
Part of the charade was to work in the bar like normal, while Vincent stood unsuspecting in his little corner. Then, as soon as closing time hit it was time to put my real plan in action…
Anyway, as we all know, nothing I ever think of goes to plan. Ever. So I guess it shouldn't have shocked me when closing time slowly crawled over to us, my plan slowly crawling the other way as I realized Vincent was leaving. Him, leaving!
Anyway, since my first plan went away running in circles whilst set on fire - I decided it was time for plan B. Every good ninja has a plan B for everything. EVERYTHING.
Too bad I hadn't thought of it yet.
Well, it was time to improvise! Improvising wasn't too hard, it just had to seem natural...ish. As soon as Vincent stepped out the door, it was time for me to put my creative genius to the test. I quickly yelled goodbye to Tifa, jumping over the bench in an escape to not only reach Vincent before he got too far, but to also escape the perilous job of cleaning mugs and washing dishes… now that was a chore to avoid.
Ducking out the door, I used my super stealthy ninja moves to sneak up on the vampire, only to have him whirl around and face me, causing me to nearly plow right into him.
"OH MY GAWD VINNIE, YOU NEARLY GAVE ME A HEART ATTACK!" I screamed at him, clutching my chest in surprise. How could he have heard me? HOW?
"Hn," was all he said. Really. He nearly kills me, and all he says is 'Hn.' Stupid vampire. Maybe I should make an attempt on his life then 'Hn' him, and then he'll see how it feels! Nyuk nyuk nyuk. Anyway, he hadn't shot me yet so I took that as a sign that I could walk alongside him, my brain going a million miles an hour.
I had two options: ask him outright for the cape, or simply keep going along as if the cape stealing idea had never popped into my head. Because if I ask Vinnie for the cape and he says no, then he'll be alerted to the fact that I want the stupid cape, and then that makes my task just that much more harder… but on the other foot, if I act like I don't care about the cape – or, my usual self – then I could just easily steal it and everything will be fine and dandy.
Well, as fine and dandy as things for me can get.
While I was thinking these genius thoughts, I felt a laser practically burning through my skull, but I realized that was only Vinnie death staring me. As usual. I looked up at him with my innocent face on, but it's like he never even saw it. Stupid, smart, sexy vampire.
Wait! Cross out that sexy bit... right? Well, he does look rather sexy in his-
No. Bad Yuffie!
Ohgawdohgawdohgawd, he knew I was thinking about whether or not he's sexy! I had to act cool, act cool dammit!
Oh yeah, way to go Yuffie. Totally cool and non-suss. I earnt an eyebrow raise at this, but nothing was spoken at what I said. He already knew I was weird, so it was okay. He didn't need to say it.
"… You're quiet."
Oh, thank the heavens! He just thought I had become a mute. Well, I did speak earlier but still.
"Oh, just thinking," I replied offhandedly, desperately hoping that he'd drop it. I knew that if he kept talking to me, then my genius plan would be ruined… RUINED. And that couldn't happen. Not at all.
He didn't say anything to that, and I was glad he didn't. If he kept me talking, something about the cape-nicking would have been blurted out, and then he'd pull out Cerberus and then I would be splattered everywhere. Besides on his cape. No one was allowed to get their splatter on it. Ever.
Skipping down the street with Vinnie, I was slightly shocked when we came to a stop. I first thought it was so Vincent could kill me, ("Hey Yuffie, wanna go stand in that alleyway and close your eyes so I can shoot you in the face so I don't have to put up with you and your constant blabbering? Thanks, you're a doll. Love ya!") But it was actually because we had reached his apartment.
Yes, you heard me right. Vincent Valentine had bought an apartment in Edge, and didn't bother telling me. I would have figured out about it sooner or later, but I was still hurt that he didn't tell me. Stupid Vinnie.
But this was all okay, because it added nicely to my plan, nyuk nyuk nyuk. Now that I knew where he lived… it would be just that much easier to get that cape.
He said goodbye to me before entering inside, his cape bidding me farewell as well – 'Goodbye Yuffie, you missed your chance to steal me tonight, but just wait until tomorrow… you won't be able to resist!' – leaving me to my own devices. What a mistake on his part. Now that I knew where he lived, it was over for him.
That cape never knew what was coming.