Previously on car crash…
I could see that Bella was very tired by this time so I buzzed for the nurse to ask for some more medication to help her sleep and ease her pain. This was arranged to be administered, once the nurse had done this and completed her final checks for the night I decided to lie on top of the bed beside her and put my arms around her to console her and keep her safe. It was not long before she dropped off to sleep. Once again I held my love in my arms, she was in pain but she was safe and content in my arms, as was I.
Chapter 3 - This is a chapter where Edward muses about his feelings for Bella….
Bella slept soundly, all that I could hear in the room was the even sound of her breathing and the gentle beat of her heart. Oh how I missed the sound of her beating heart. I could not believe that I had nearly lost her, and for what. I was always putting her life in jeopardy, even when I was not around, I was doing it. What would have become of her if I had not found her when I did, I shudder to think.
My love stirred in my arms slightly and each time I made sure that she was safe, cocooned in my arms. I sang her lullaby softly to her, low enough for only her ears and no-one else. I looked at her face now restful in sleep and could not believe the pain that she had endured. It was going to take some time for her to recover but I would be there for her, every step of the way.
Her leg was in plaster, as was her arm and the simple act of moving was going to be not only painful for her, but extremely awkward. Bella was not exactly known for being graceful but this was different, she would find this confining and horrible but I would help her. I would do everything for her that she could not do, well almost everything. Alice would help with anything that I was unable to help with, I was sure of that.
I hoped that when she woke up she would believe me that I was here to stay. That day in the woods when I left her, I found it hard to believe that she accepted my lies, when I told her that she was not good for me, she accepted it so easily. I never understood why. It took me so long to convince her that I loved her but it took mere seconds to convince her otherwise.
I was always so sure of my feelings for her, I still am but I did not realise how fragile her feelings were, she had some hideous thought that she was not good enough for me, that somehow I was too good for her, how stupid that idea was, it was so much the opposite. I did not deserve her, I would never for as long as I existed deserve her, she was perfection to me.
I looked again at her face, no longer did it hold the perfection I loved but it would again soon, when she healed. I wish I could take away her pain, take away the wounds she had, I did not want her to suffer ever. Her pain was my pain and I for one found it hard to bear so I could only imagine what she was suffering.
I watched the dawn light creep through the blinds, a shaft of sunlight hit the bed and across my face. I noticed the effect of the sun on my face swirl across the room leaving almost a trail of diamonds reflecting throughout the room. Just at that moment my love opened her eyes slightly.
The light in the room must have been too bright as she blinked repeatedly and I moved to block the light from her eyes. Not the best thing for a glittering vampire to do at dawn.
I heard a soft gasp from her lips and then a whisper "Edward, you are really here?"
"Of course my love, I am here, I have been here all night and I will be here for all the rest of the days and nights in your life"
"Oh Edward, please just hold me, I need you please"
"Hush my love, it is going to be alright"
"Edward, everything hurts so much, please take the pain away" said Bella almost sobbing.
"I will get the nurse, you need some more pain relief"
"No, don't leave me, please" pleaded Bella
"I won't leave you Bella don't worry, I am just going to press the buzzer"
I rose from the bed and reached for the buzzer, no sooner had I pressed the button but a nurse came through the door saying softly "Hello, what can I do for you dear?" she said to Bella.
"Ooooh, everything hurts, so much, please….?" mumbled Bella., her voice laced with pain and suffering.
I spoke to the nurse then "She is in a great deal of pain nurse and I think she needs some more pain relief, can you help her?"
"Yes of course, I will get another syringe of morphine for her, it will help her sleep and ease her pain, if you give me a minute or two I will be back, is that okay?" directing her question at myself.
"Certainly nurse" I agreed.
The nurse turned and left the room. Meantime Bella was crying and I did my very best to help her. I gently moved my fingers on her forehead in an effort to calm her while humming her lullaby very softly to her. It did seem to work but I could tell she was still in some degree of pain.
The nurse was not long in returning and when she did so she quickly set about attaching the new syringe of morphine to the pump that was already set up. As soon as this was completed she pressed the pump to release the first dose of morphine.
She then turned to Bella to check her temperature and pulse then recorded all of the information on her chart. She then bid her goodbye and left the room.
By this time Bella was a lot calmer and did not seem to be in as much pain at all. Her breathing settled and she seemed to fall back into a sleep.
I decided that I should perhaps give her some time to rest and not bother her by lying on the bed beside her so I sat in the armchair by her bed, holding her hand and simply watching her sleep. I would never get tired of watching her sleep, she was absolutely stunning in slumber, not that she would ever believe me if I told her that. She would not believe a lot of things that I thought about her if I told her. I had tried to tell her how beautiful she was on many occasions however she scoffed at me every time.
She really did not see herself clearly at all, she did not realise how beautiful her chocolate brown hair was flowing down her back, nor did she realise the depth of the melting brown of her eyes that a person could get lost in, she did not realise the creamy silky smooth skin she had and she certainly did not appreciate the beautiful blush that crept up her cheeks when she was embarrassed. Basically she did not see what I could see, she did not realise that I loved every little thing about her, no matter how small it was, she was beautiful beyond comprehension.
One day, just one day I would convince her of her beauty.
I had never in my 109 years of existence met anyone such as Bella. I had never met anyone that I had any feelings for such as this and I had been thinking that I never would. I was about to resign myself to an even lonelier life that I already had. A life spent writing music, learning to play various instruments, learning different languages, reading, playing various sports, travelling, investing in the stock market, buying fancy cars and many more activities that took up the long boring hours of my existence.
Since I had met Bella I had not done very much of these things at all, well I had written a piece of music and played it for her but that was all really. I had found better things to spend my time doing, like being with Bella, getting to know her, making sure she was safe, loving her and caring for her. My life was nothing until now and I could not believe that I had managed to exist for over 100 years not knowing this kind of happiness.
Now I knew how my family all felt, I understood the link between them and their mates. Carlisle and Esme, always so much in love and always looking out for one another. Rosalie and Emmett always so passionate with one another, never venturing far from each other and lastly Alice and Jasper, a silent love affair between them, a gentle touch here and there, each one knowing that the other was always close and making sure they were each okay. It was a wonderful feeling and if I played my cards right Bella and I would be like that too.
I would do anything, anything at all to make sure that my love was happy, that she stayed with me and I with her, she deserved some happiness and as far as I was concerned I was going to make sure she was going to get as much happiness as she wanted, if it was the last thing that I ever did.
I sat there for four hours, twenty five minutes and seventeen seconds holding my loves hand in mind. She did not move a muscle, not once in all that time and I was relieved that she was finally getting some rest. Rest is what she needed most so that she could recover, both physically and mentally.
I pondered over a few things as my love slept, one of them in particular was my sister Rosalie. She did not like Bella much, I knew that. Rosalie was a very vain person and she felt threatened by Bella, something I understood but I honestly don't think Bella understood Rosalie's feelings.
There were times when I thought I would never really understand the female mind, and sometimes I thought I was pleased that I couldn't understand it, probably like most men!
Anyway, Rosalie was quite distraught herself tonight, she even got to thinking that this was somehow all her fault for not taking to Bella and being to mean to her but I gave her my reassurances on that score as I was the only one to blame for this. If I had been here in the first place then Bella would not be lying here in a hospital bed now. If I could just go back and change everything then that would be good, but that was an impossible task.
As I said, I gave Rosalie as much reassurance as I could and it was now simply down to her to make things work between her and Bella when she recovered. I could not guarantee that Bella would be all that happy but I knew she would give it a good try as she hated anyone having any ill feelings towards her.
I sat there and mused over the things I was going to do with Bella when she recovered. I was going to spoil her with gifts even though she would refuse them, I would still buy her what I wanted to give to her. The first on the list would be a brand new car, something safe, fast and strong. Something virtually indestructible, as after all she was nothing but human and fragile and very important to me. I would make sure that she would never be hurt like this again.
Bella was stubborn girl and there was always going to be some things we would never agree on and a new car was definitely going to be one of them, but I was not going to listen to her, infact I already had one in mind!
First thing in the morning, as soon as Alice arrived I would go to the dealers and place an order for a Mercedes Guardian which would be the best option for her, its bullet-proof and indestructible, yes I though, she would hate it I knew but she needed to be kept safe.
I would also make sure that I was with her as much as I could, and if not then Alice would have to keep tabs on her. She would be at school throughout the day so that would be easy enough and when she got home she would be with Charlie but I would always be close by. At night whilst she slept I would be with her, although her father would not know as I would climb in the window. I would do everything in my power to keep her safe for as long as it took.
I would need to speak to Charlie in the morning too to find out how on earth this happened. How did her truck end up where it had, was she ran off the road, if so, who did it. I thought at first that it might be that bitch Victoria but then if it had been she would have killed her there and then and not given me the option to save her. Who took her from the car crash site anyway, it must have been one of the wolves as there was a heavy scent of them in the cave where we found her. There again it might have been them who scared her off the road, I would not be surprised if it had been.
No matter who it was, I would find out and I would rip them apart with my bare hands.
I would do anything, anything at all within my power to make sure that Bella was never hurt again, not by me, not by anyone or anything, and if they did try to hurt her then they would die!