After watching 'Brain Drain' and listening to Evans Blue 'Beg' this popped into my mind and just screamed to be written!
Disclamier on Profile
To my friend Alicia, if you only knew the effect you have on me.
"He disliked emotion, not because he felt lightly, but because he felt deeply." – John Buchan
"Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling into at night. I miss you like hell." – Edna St. Vincent Millay
The cigarette hung loosely from the young adult's cracked lips, at one point he moved so fast the world couldn't keep up, and now all he wanted was for it to slow down. He inhaled deeply trying to remember when life was worth living; a picture had been tacked to the wall to serve at a reminder. That didn't matter anymore; he didn't feel anything looking at the picture. Two boys, a tall skinny one clad in purple in green the other short and chunky decked out in yellow and orange. There was someone else hidden in the picture, too bad he had taken a lighter to that half.
"That part of my life is over.," he said softly to no one as he sat in the darkness, the floorboards creaked as an only response. He slammed the cigarette against the heel of his sneaker, rubbing it out harshly. Soon this part of his life would be over too, and then he'd move on. Laughter erupted in the darkness; it took him a moment to realize it was his laughter. Part of his mind knew that was a lie, he hadn't been able to move on. "Damn that girl, she can burn in hell for all I care. She took the only thing I ever really had and damn him too." That's whom he had burned out of the picture, only he had done it far too late. That girl with her black pigtails and obsessive hold on his best friend and everything pink. He hated that color, pink. He wanted to burn it from the world, turn it to black.
"I love you and all I want is for you to love me back.," the violet masked teen murmured on his 16th birthday to the brunette teen beside them as they watched the sunrise. The brunette only smiled and took his gloved hand in his.
"I've loved you back for as long as I can remember." he replied turning to stand tiptoe to give the taller boy a peck on the lips. Everything just seemed to fall into place in that one moment.
"I should have known better. That bitch got her claws into him, made him think that it was wrong, that we were wrong." It wasn't wrong, he told himself that a thousand times and then some even after they had broken up. It was only love and it didn't matter what gender. Yet, somehow, that pink-loving psychopath convinced him otherwise, even though he hated her to Hell and back. They never really broke up now that he thought about it. Instead, he had caught him with his tongue down the girl's throat after they had a small fight over why he still hadn't told her to go to Hell even after all these years.
"You're so distant anymore!" the brunette shouted pulling away from the girl to face his boyfriend.
"I can't be near her! She tries to change you! I refuse to let her change you into something you're not!" he screamed back.
"Maybe you don't know what I'm really like! Maybe I'm not who you think I am!"
"I thought you understood me, but I see I was wrong. You just don't see it do you?"
"See what? What an emo wannabe, you are? Your emotions run as deep as a piece of paper."
That was the comment that made him go silent. Is that want people thought of him? He grew up; it was simple as that; he just didn't want to feel the pain of the real world. He lit another cigarette, only wanting to watch it burn. 'What did they know anyway? 'He thought bitterly inhaling deeply the cigarette held tightly between his lips. He exhaled just as quickly, the cigarette now hanging loosely between his fingers. Another seven minutes off his life, not that it mattered now. Oh, that and a higher risk of cancer. 'They don't have all the answers. Even when we're in heath class, if you have sex you'll go blind. No one knows that for sure, but it feels good while you're doing it. If you smoke, you'll get cancer. Who knows that's so far down the road, you might die from something else first.' He wished he had never started maybe life would be different. "A string of cancer chokes the answers."He chuckled bitterly, who cared anymore.
To Hell with choking them, fucking kill them! Who wanted to know the answers? It was better that way. Maybe it was better that no one knew where he was, or why he was there, why he had suddenly stood up to tear the picture off the wall, or why the room smelled like gasoline.
The answer was simple enough; he had been burned when all he wanted was to be loved.