Naruto AD (Alternate Dimension) Ep. 01 – Kurenai & the Mitarashi Tower of Terrors
Kurenai Yuhi stood outside the Mitarashi Clan Tower in the middle of the Forest of Death, mentally preparing herself for the horrors that lay within. To be honest, she would rather have her teeth drilled than do what she was about to do.
"Now, why did I agree to look after Anko little crew of psychos while she's off on a mission to the Land of Waves again?" The ruby-eyed genjutsu mistress thought to herself as she went inside. "Oh wait. I know why. Anko threatened to tie me to a chair and force me to watch Guy and Lee do that whole hugging bit with the sunset genjutsu for 24 straight hours." Kurenai shuttered at that thought. "Talk about damned if you do and damned if you don't."
After a lengthy climb up numerous stairs, Kurenai finally made it to the section of the tower that Anko Mitarashi, her three adopted sisters and Naruto Uzumaki called their home. As she made her way towards the living area, the sound of loud music could be heard vibrating through the walls. Kurenai covered her ears as she reached the door to the room that the music was originating out of.
On the door was a sign held up by a shuriken that said 'Kin's Room – Check your sanity at the door.'
"Cute." Kurenai thought as she banged on the door. "Kin Tsuchi Mitarashi, TURN IT DOWN!"
No response. Of course the music was so loud, not even Kurenai could hear herself yelling. So to take the direct approach, the genjutsu specialist kicked the door in.
The walls of Kin's room were covered with posters of various heavy metal bands…well most of them anyway. There was one wall that was covered with pictures of various girls (all of whom were members of the Sasuke Uchiha Fan Club by the way), which in turn were used as makeshift dartboards…except in this case, the 'darts' were various shuriken, kunai daggers, a few kodachi swords and…Kurenai's eyes widened. "Are those bullet holes?" She thought as looked at the numerous holes in the wall.
There were also several verses of violent poetry etched into the wall that made Kurenai think that perhaps she should suggest to Anko that Kin go into…some kind of therapy.
Kurenai turned her attention away from the picture/weapon covered wall and looked over at the room's occupant. The self-proclaimed 'Dark Musician' was laying in a large black beanbag chair with her eyes shut and wearing a large pair of headphones while moving her head and hands to the beat of the music that was blaring out of four large speakers stacked on top of each other, which were hooked to a rather intricate looking stereo system.
In other words, Kin was unaware of her guest…until Kurenai pulled the plug on the stereo.
"Hey!" Kin angrily turned to see Kurenai rubbing her ears. "Was that necessary?"
"In order to preserve my hearing and getting your attention, yes." Kurenai said, pinching the bridge of her nose in order to ward off an oncoming headache. "I haven't been here five minutes and already I need a drink." She thought to herself.
"So Kurenai-Sensei." Kin said, taking off her headphones. "What brings you to Casa Mitarashi?"
"Anko asked me to make sure none of you get into mischief while she's on her mission in the Land of Waves." Kurenai replied, unenthusiastically.
Kin picked up on Kurenai's lack of enthusiasm. "Gee Kurenai-Sensei, why don't you tell me how you really feel?" The red-eyed woman gave the black haired girl a look.
"Well, it was either this hell or another hell…of the green kind." Kurenai said, shuttering involuntarily.
"Green hell?" Kin said, raising an eyebrow before realization dawned on her. "Oh wait, now I get it. I remember Anko saying something about that. Geez, talk about being caught between a rock and a hard place." The Dark Musician laughed.
Kurenai just groaned and put her face into her hands. "Mother was right. I knew I should have been a dentist."
"Hey don't be so down Kurenai-Sensei." Kin said, getting up out of her beanbag chair. "If it makes you feel better, the idea to have Guy and Lee hug using that weird sunset genjutsu for a full day was actually an idea me, Naruto, Tayuya and Tenten came up with."
"Oh really?" Kurenai said, her voice taking a dangerous tone. Plus, her left eye was beginning to twitch slightly, which didn't go unnoticed by Kin.
"Well, yes. It was a pretty big step down considering Anko's original plan was to have Guy and Lee do their whole creepy hugging by a sunset routine while adding another genjutsu on top of that one to make it look like Guy and Lee were without clothes and oiled up and-"
"ALRIGHT THAT'S ENOUGH!" Kurenai shouted, feeling more than a little ill. "I do NOT need the details!"
"Well that's good because I had a nightmare after Anko told us about it. I mean don't get me wrong, she saved me and my sisters from that freak Orochimaru, but she is one sick bitch sometimes, you know that?" Kin said.
"Tell me something I don't already know." Kurenai groaned. "Speaking of your sisters, where are they? Peeping on Naruto in the shower again?"
"You really think I'd be in here if that were the case?" Kin said, raising an eyebrow. "And to answer your question, Naruto went into town to pick up some dinner. Since it's Wednesday, Tenten's probably with him."
"What do you mean?" Kurenai asked
"Oh it's the schedule me and the other girls came up with so we'd all get some time with Naruto. Basically, I get him on Mondays and Thursdays, Tayuya gets him on Tuesdays and Fridays while Tenten gets him on Wednesdays and Saturdays."
"And Sundays?" Kurenai asked, not sure if she wanted to know the answer.
"Oh that's easy. He spends time with all three of us."
"Really?" Kurenai asked.
"Yeah. And when I say spend time with us, I don't mean we don't have one big orgy…well not all the time, maybe once a month, but that's beside the point. What I DO mean is that we just hang out, you know, listen to music, play some video games, watch a movie or two, blow something up, beat up the Uchiha and his legion of bitches, train by hunting down the local wildlife…which is actually getting kind of hard as I think we may have scared a lot of them off." Kin said, putting her finger on her chin as if she were thinking, while Kurenai was beginning to think that maybe dealing with Guy and Lee wouldn't be so bad.
"Yeah that one time we found that giant snake and that tiger hiding out in that tree, the both of them shaking uncontrollably, pretty much marked the last time we saw an abundance of animal life around here. Hell, oddly enough, some of the plants uprooted themselves and ran like hell and it wasn't even a genjutsu. Kinda of weird, eh Kurenai-Sensei?" Kin asked.
"Weird doesn't even BEGIN to describe what you just told me." Kurenai said, although she had been wondering why some of her more recent trips through the Forest of Death were becoming increasingly uneventful due to lack of wildlife. And it also explained why some of the ANBU reported a stampede of creatures that busted out of the forest and ultimately out of the village a few months ago.
"Well, now that I know you're all alright, I'll be off and…wait a second." Kurenai said as she was inching her way toward to the door, but then she stopped as she remembered something. "You didn't say where Tayuya was. Where is she?"
"Oh she's here. She's just working on a project for the academy." Kin said in a matter-of-fact tone.
"What kind of project?" Kurenai asked, terrified of the answer.
It was then when the whole tower shook due to a mammoth explosion that came from somewhere down the hall.
"Home Economics. She's sort of failing that class. Not surprising considering she can't even make a bowl of cereal without causing a few fires." Kin said as if it were the most normal thing in the world.
"What?" Kurenai shouted. "How the hell do you start a fire by making cereal? Wait. Did you just say a FEW FIRES, as in more than one fire?"
Kin just shrugged her shoulders as she and Kurenai made their way towards the kitchen. "Well to answer your questions, one, I have no idea. It just happens, which is strange because she's not pyrokinetic like Naruto is…at least I don't think she is. And two, yes, I did say a few fires, as in she has started more than one. But they're pretty small…usually anyway."
"Usually?" Kurenai asked
"I remember this big one she and Naruto started behind the bleachers a few weeks ago. The fire department had to evacuate the academy. Didn't matter to me though. Got me out of an algebra test."
"You know, the more I learn about you kids, the scarier you all become." Kurenai said as they reached the kitchen.
Kin and Kurenai entered to see that the kitchen was in utter ruin. It looked like a grenade had gone off. Various pots and pans were piled in the sink, globs of…who knew what were splattered all over the walls and a thin blanket of smoke hung in the air. A string of coughing and curses more colorful than a rainbow could be heard as Tayuya stepped into view.
The tempermental necromancess was holding what appeared to be a tray of cupcakes…at least Kurenai thought they were cupcakes. They looked more like puffed up pieces of charcoal.
"I take it you hit a bit of a snag, eh Tayuya?" Kin asked.
Tayuya coughed again. She had smudges of batter and singe marks on her face and her clothes. "No shit. What do you think? You know, screw it. I'll just flunk the class. What's Anko gonna do anyway?"
Now normally, Kurenai would scold someone for willingly flunking their classes, but in this case, she held her tongue.
Tayuya looked at her failed attempt at pastry baking and walked over to the trash can. "Well, you know what they say. Out of sight, out of mind." The redhead said as she dumped the 'cupcakes,' tray and all, into the trash can.
The instant the tray hit the bottom of the can, it was as if Tayuya dropped a weight that weighed several tons, because the trash can crashed through the floor, which was at least 10 feet thick, fell downward through the Chunin Exam arena, crashed through that floor, which was TWENTY feet thick. The sound of several impacts could be heard as the trash can continued downward. A low boom sound and a slight shaking of the tower's foundation signified that the trash can and it's load had reached the ground.
Kurenai and the two girls looked at the hole the trash can made for a few moments. Tayuya whistled at her unintentional accomplishment. "Damn. Didn't see that one coming."
Kurenai meanwhile, had decided that enough was enough. Anko be damned. She'd take her chances with the Twin Green Beasts. At least with them, she had an idea of what kind of insanity she was in for.
Now it should be noted that the door to the kitchen was right across from glass door to a balcony. So when Kurenai got out of the kitchen, the first thing she saw was the head of a giant snake hovering over the balcony. So she reacted the way many people would.
Kin and Tayuya came out of the kitchen to see Kurenai on the verge of having a heart attack. And then they saw why.
"Hey, a giant snake." Kin pointed out as if that were the most normal thing on Earth.
"Told you there was at least a few slithering around." Tayuya said.
Outside, the snake lowered it's head to reveal Naruto and Tenten riding on top of it. They were both carrying several plastic bags.
"Who's hungry?" Naruto said as he put the bags a table. Tenten stayed on the balcony and was actually talking to the snake. And to Kurenai's shock, the snake seemed to understand her.
"Now, let's go over our little agreement again, shall we?" Tenten said in a sugary-sweet tone. "You behave yourself and promise never to eat people again and I don't make a dozen pair of boots out of you." To emphasize this, Tenten used her powers to coat her arms with metal and formed several blade-like protrusions from multiple areas on her arms. Her voice took a dangerous edge as well. "Understand?"
Kurenai's jaw dropped when she noticed that the snake was actually trembling in fear and nodded it's head rapidly in the affirmative.
"Good." Tenten said, canceling out her powers as her arms returned to normal. "Now GIT!"
And just like that, the snake took off like a bat out of hell into the forest, making a yipping and yapping sound like a frightened dog. Kurenai just stood where she was like a statue, not believing what she just witnessed.
Tenten walked into the room and noticed the ruby-eyed Jonin in the state she was in. "Hi Kurenai-Sensei. You feeling alright?" The genetically enhanced kunoichi asked, looking concerned.
Kurenai shook herself out of her stupor. "Yes, yes. I'm fine." She said rapidly as she started to inch her way towards the hall that led to the tower exit.
"Hey Kurenai-Sensei! Wanna stick around for dinner?" Naruto said, holding a box of Orange Chicken. He still liked ramen, but Anko and the girls got the Ninetails vessel eating other foods. "We got more than enough."
"Oh no. Thanks that won't be necessary. In fact I was just dropping in just to check on all of you to see how you're doing without Anko around. And since you're all doing well, then I guess that means you don't need me around. So see you around. Bye!" Kurenai somehow managed to say all of that in one breath before she vanished in a swirl of leaves, leaving the four teenagers blinking at the spot she had just occupied a second ago.
"You know something?" Tayuya said as she took a bite out of an eggroll. "I think she's getting used to us."
"Yeah." Kin said as she used a pair of chop sticks to get some chow mien noodles out of a box. "Last time, she straight ran out of here screaming like a banshee."
Elsewhere, Kurenai had reappeared outside a bar that many of the Jonin frequented. The genjutsu mistress staggered over to the bar and grabbed the wine list…and the bartender by the collar of his shirt
"You see this page? A glass of everything on it! NOW!"