Chapter One: The fallout

OK- Yes I am on another Carlisle/Bella jag! I just love them together. (Last story I did throw in Edward as well) Please comment/critique-makes me keep writing.

As usual-these aren't my characters-non-canon pairings. Likely a lemon or two.

This story picks up following the abandonment of Bella by Edward. Bella suffers a mental breakdown and gets institutionalized in a psychiatric hospital. After a botched ECT treatment, Bella loses her memory. Carlisle comes to the rescue. Will Bella recover her memory? Will she find love?


The days following Edward's departure were like a waking nightmare. I kept seeing

Edward's lips moving, but no sound came out. It was like watching a DVD with no

volume skip and repeat over and over. "You are just not good for me, You are just not

good for me..."

The only other vivid recollection was Edward's cool lips pressed against my forehead just

as he left. I had certainly seen this scenario played out in endless movies and TV shows.

Still- I never could have imagined the destruction that Edward would leave in

his path. He took all of me because I had given him all of me. Although we never

consummated our relationship in the usual sense, my body felt abandoned

in addition to my mind. It felt like I was a shell and I had no colorful memories, only

black, white and gray hazy ones. I knew deep in my heart (which actually did physically

ache-just like the cliche) that I would never be OK. Rationally I knew that teenagers felt

that nothing would get better after they were dumped (and yet nearly always they did bounce back), but as my mom told me so many years back "you were born 35 years

old." which already gave me a disadvantage in the "getting over Edward quickly

category". Between the loss of Edward and the Cullen family, I accepted that this was

the end of the line for me as far as love and happiness went. There was no melodrama

which normally accompanied teen breakups, no ripping up photos, plotting secret

revenges with friends, no rebound relationships-just cold, harsh reality. Even the crying

stopped pretty quickly. When Sam found me in the woods in a semi-coma, I spent about

a week on crying jags. The tears stopped and were replaced by a permanent headache and

a sick feeling in my stomach and heart. I spent no time with the usual "why me, what did

I do, can I get him back...?" musings. The sick thing is that this ending wasn't as

shocking as it should have been. What did I expect? I always knew that Edward and his

kind were superior to me in every way-speed, strength, etc. Although I had never been

vain, the biggest area of superiority in my mind was Edward's physical appearance. I

never tired of glancing at him when he wasn't looking; his golden honey eyes, perfectly

sculpted features, fascinating red/brown hair and porcelain skin (fabulous even when he

wasn't sparkling). I never had any confidence in my looks, I was slightly too thin, not

busty, mousy and there was nothing which set me apart from any other girl. I always was

self-conscious around Edward and the Cullens. (I didn't even want to think about the

beautiful vampire Tanya, who so lusted after Edward-he probably lied about not wanting

her, in fact, I bet that he slept with her) He obviously must have thought I was too

unattractive to make love to...and masked it by his fear of "hurting me" in the act. As

soon as I had this flood of feelings, I would try to get them out of my head by

concentrating hard on a color or by counting.

The days after "his" departure endlessly drifted into each other. I mechanically made

breakfast for Charlie, made pleasant remarks, went to school, sat alone at lunch (I

couldn't manage any questions from my peers), toyed with my food, went home,

finished homework, stared at the TV, made Charlie dinner, pretended to eat, went to bed,

stared at the ceiling, and repeated this routine daily. I knew that I couldn't keep this up

physically but I had lost control. I was damaging my body more each day with

lack of food and sleep. I thought that I might be fooling Charlie-he might believe I was

eating OK, he surely didn't know I wasn't sleeping well, and I was pretty sure that he

couldn't hear my tortured screams when I awoke after a few hours of early

morning sleep.

One day after school, Charlie was home early and asked if we could talk. I knew that this

was not a good sign. Charlie was (rightfully) concerned but I just wanted to

be left alone. My job now would simply be to placate Charlie, and lead him away from

worrying about me. "Bells" said Charlie with an almost desperate look "you are killing

yourself slowly and I am so frightened. I never realized the depth of your love for Ed..,

…him. You have to let me in. I'd like to send you to live with your mom" I was angered

with that thought. It felt in a way like I would be moving far away from a gravesite of a

spouse (Edward) that I had been married to for decades. Didn't

Charlie understand that leaving here was my last connection with the Cullen family

(maybe some of them didn't view me with total contempt) I knew that I'd never see them

again, that Charlie was probably right, but leaving Forks oddly made me feel like I was

betraying the strength of the love I had for Edward (Made no sense). "Charlie I simply

can't leave. Besides, I am slowly starting to feel better, and reconnecting with some of my

friends. I don't want miss any of the milestones of high school" I lied through my teeth.

Charlie seemed to buy my protestations that I was getting better. I felt a great sense of

relief. The next day I went off to school as usual, tired, weak and zombie-like. I made it

through English class (thankfully all my teachers had given up on asking me questions)

Next I struggled to gym and took my place on the floor. I had been long excused from

gym class, and no one bothered to try to get me moving. Even the ever hopeful, cheery

Mike rarely glanced my way. I noticed that he had bulked up a lot and gotten quite

handsome since... Mike and Jessica had become a full fledged "item" It hit me that

I was a ghost in this school. People had long lost their stamina for my depression, and

felt hopeless in their efforts to help me. I trudged to Biology class and sat in the seat next

to his old chair. Everything finally fell to pieces around me. I had a light headed feeling

everything in the class swirled above my head, and I collapsed to the floor. I felt so

grateful to feel nothing at all. I was conscious of many of my classmates and my Biology

teacher above me calling my name. My next recollection was waking up in the

Forks hospital, with Charlie and Rene in the room. My first pathetic thought was that

Carlisle would enter the room any moment. Instead, I overheard my parents whispering.

"Rene, I have no idea what to do. This has been hell. I didn't know what to do for her

and she locked me out" Charlie sounded so desperate that my heart re-broke. "Charlie,

I certainly don't blame you. I can't believe I've been in such denial about my sweet baby.

I feel so helpless" Rene whispered, and then asked, "What are the doctors saying?"

"They aren't quite sure what to do. They are rehydrating her, giving her liquid

nourishment and giving her pills to sleep. The problem is, they say, that she has lost

her will to live, and they would like to get her to the mental hospital, Bellevue, and get

her the help she needs. All I know is that Bellevue's sister hospital in Biloxi, is world

renowned." "Charlie-my baby-in an institution? How did it get to this? Was the loss of

Edward that profound?" Rene pleaded. "Rene, if I get hold of that kid, I am going to

kill him. He literally destroyed her. I thought that he was in love with her."

"Umm, guys, I'm awake", I stammered. "You will not put me into Bellevue. I'll be fine if

people leave me alone-no offense." The irony was not lost on me that Alice spent nearly

her whole life in the Biloxi hospital my dad referred to. (On that note, maybe I should go.

You never know-maybe that's the key to getting turned like Alice was, I thought bitterly.

"Bells, said Charlie sadly, the decision isn't yours to make. As a minor, we have the

ability to have you committed. It's not at all what we want for you, but you are slowly

killing yourself." I shrieked: "I'll hate you both forever! You can't… you wouldn't. You'll

never see me again" I was feeling more and more agitated and flailed around trying to

wrench myself out of bed. It was the first time I had really noticed my body in awhile. I

looked ridiculously thin and pale. Two large male nurses slipped into the room, one

holding me down gently, the other adding a powerful sedative to my IV. I drifted off to

sleep and for once had a peaceful dream. I was in the meadow "our meadow" and I was

napping amongst the lovely purple flowers. A light breeze was blowing, a light piano

piece was playing, and after straining my ears, I recognized the lullaby that Edward

composed for me. Gentle tears streamed down my face, yet I felt at peace and was happy

just to feel the sun on my face. The urgency to find Edward was gone. As I enjoyed the

pastoral scene, there was movement behind the trees. My stomach tensed up, expecting

the worst-Victoria out for revenge. Instead a male vampire appeared-Edward! No-

Carlisle! Carlisle strolled toward me impossibly slowly for a vampire, but it gave me a

chance to really observe him. I had always been aware of his incredible intelligence,

kindness and gentility, but I saw something different this time. As he came towards me,

kindly smiling, his bright blonde hair ruffled by the wind and amber eyes sparkling-it hit

me-WOW! He is fabulously good looking. I can't believe I'd never noticed him in that

way before. Edward was dazzlingly handsome, but so was Carlisle, in fact in a much

more manly way. This man was sexiness personified. He reached me, offered a hand and

pulled me to my feet. Carlisle gently embraced me, smoothed my hair, and buried his

face into my hair, taking a deep breath. He whispered right into my ear: "Isabella, I am so

sorry and heartbroken. My family has done this to you, my gentle dear." "Please, do as

your parents say, your health is in grave danger. I will be back for you and I will try to

bring Edward with me. In any case I will not leave you alone ever again. Trust me.