A/N: Ah, suicide. How I thrive off thee... That sounded a lot more depressed than I meant it too...
Warning: Contains suicide, JDA and umm... I'm not sure, I think that's about it
Guide: Set sometime during Season 6.

Edit: I just changed the line breaker-y things. The full line looked weird. And there will be a sequel! When I have some inspiration! I'll simply post it as a second chapter, however I'll leave it as it's complete status in case I never get around to it. If you have ideas, please tell me!

The italics are JD's thoughts, even if he's not there.

Suicide is for cowards. That's what I'd been told my entire life.

Yet here I am, a knife pressed to my wrist.

"Hey Baby! Whatya wanna do tonight?"

"What about Bambi?"

"I won the bad pan race with Elliot, remember? She's gotta take care of him."

"Hmm, okay. Let's go out for dinner!"

Turk and Carla don't want me around. They've got each other and Izzy now... I'm just the clingy best friend who keeps getting in the way.


"Elliot, did you notice any change in JD lately?"

"I... I haven't really paid attention to him."

"Didn't you go to the bar with him last week?"

"Keith, I lost a bed pan race and forced against my will to watch him. I didn't want to listen to his problems as well... I can't believe JD would do this to us..."

Elliot is always out with her boy toy Keith. I heard the whole bed pan race; I even saw some of it. But I so desperately needed someone to talk to, anyone...


"Dan, its Dr Cox."

"Hey Coxy! What's up with the call?"

"JD, he tried to commit suicide."


"Dan, you still there?"

"Damn it Johnny! You told me you were over this!"

"Don't tell me Carol's tried to do this before?"

"He... Yeah, when he was sixteen. He told me he was over it!"

"Over what, exactly?"

"He's got a personality disorder, DPD to be exact."

"Dependent Personality Disorder? Why hasn't he told anyone?"

"How should I know? We were never exactly close!"

My family never cared. Dad left when I was six, and I didn't really see him much after that. Doesn't matter, he's dead now any way. Mum stopped noticing my existence after the divorce. Maybe she's like me and just can't handle being alone.

And Dan? After the 'incident' when I was sixteen he refused to talk to me. Not that he cared before that.


"Listen, Newbie. I don't know if you can hear this, but... I'm sorry. I know everything know, I looked up your medical record. Your real one, the one under John Doris. If I'd known any of it when I met you, well, I can't say it would've made a real difference, but I wouldn't have said you never suffered.

I wouldn't blame you for being clingy..."

And Dr Cox? He never cared...

Suicide is for cowards. And I'm the biggest coward of all...

A/N: The whole suicide is for cowards wouldn't leave me alone...

I may continue it, if anyone asks.

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie
That's Vithian!