A/N: Written for this prompt on the glee_kink_meme: "Santana and Brittany are caught going at it by Finn, and to save face (or possibly just to screw with the poor boy's head), Santana claims it's because it's "Gay Day" at the school. Finn believes her. Santana spreads the word, more or less because it's funny. Santana/Brittany, Finn/Kurt, Rachel/Quinn, Mercedes/Tina, Puck/Artie, Matt/Mike. Extra points (and lulz) if there's any Sue/Emma, and Will wondering WTF is going on. XD". I broke the 'Santana spreads the word' clause, as I realized after writing, but still - it was a hell of a lot of fun. Hopefully it will be similarly fun to read.
SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW
Brittany & Santana
Of the various things Finn Hudson has expected from his life, this is not one them.
'This', of course, being 'Santana fingering Brittany under the her Cheerio uniform in the middle of the Glee practice room (does this room have a name?).'
"Um... Brittany? Santana?" he asks.
Brittany shrieks and leaps up. Santana is more dignified, but still abruptly takes away her fingers and starts trying to cool her breathing. Pity – Finn's a sixteen year old dude, when isn't he up for girl-on-girl?
"Finn? What are you doing here?" Santana asks in that 'I am a goddess and you no not deserve to be the dog shit on my shoe, bitch' tone she has so well.
"I was just, um..." he stammers, distracted by both girls' flushed forms and the fact Brittany hasn't remembered to pull her skirt down yet. "What are you doing here?"
"Getting off," Brittany says before Santana can stop her. Okay, you won't be now, idiot, she thinks.
"Uh, why? Aren't you two straight?" Finn asks.
Brittany opens her mouth to say something, but Santana manages to hit her on the arm before she can. "It's Gay Day!" Santana says quickly.
Finn blinks. "What?"
"Uh..." Santana starts to realize that Brittany may not actually be the stupid one here after all. "You know... Gay Day... Where everyone acts gay... for a day."
Pause. "Cool," Finn says brightly, then walks out.
Wait, that actually worked? Santana thinks.
Brittany sighs. "Wow. Guess we were lucky we did this on Gay Day, huh? I mean, otherwise he would have so busted us... How did you know it was Gay Day? I mean, I've never heard of it before."
Santana stares for a few seconds, then hits her own forehead.
Kurt & Finn
Kurt catches Finn at home eventually, in their room and on his bed, looking a little confused. Finn usually looks a little confused, but today, it's a bit more 'a little' than his usual 'a little.'
"Hello Mr. Hudson," Kurt greets him – he's being inappropriately flirty again and he knows it, but Finn's gotten better and dealing with that and Kurt's gotten better about how often it happens, so Kurt doesn't waste that much time feeling guilty. "How are you this fine evening?"
Finn looks up. "Oh, hey Kurt," he says distractedly. "I'm cool."
"Okay," Kurt says and nods. "What's going on? You look confused. Like, more than usual."
"Oh, it was this thing. Brittany and Santana told me it was like, Gay Day today or something."
Kurt raises an eyebrow. "Gay Day?"
"Like where everyone acts gay for a day. Is that true?"
Kurt considered whether or not to be honest for a few seconds. He shrugs internally, and decides against it – hey, what the hell?
"Uh. Yeah. Sure," he says. "Total gay culture thing. Mostly done to give people the chance to experiment, and those still in the closet a chance to get some action. And to hook people up with their straight crushes. Didn't know it was today though."
Finn nods, accepting that blissfully ignorantly. "Oh. Okay," he says. "I feel compelled to make out with you now."
Kurt blinks. "Wait, what?"
Finn shrugs. "Well, it's Gay Day, so I might as well do something. And we both know you've liked me for like, ever, and if that's one of the reasons you guys even have this day? Yeah, I could be cool with that."
Kurt nods. "Ah. Okay then," he says, subtly pinching himself behind his back to make sure this is really happening. It stings, so he guesses it is, and crawls over to Finn's side.
"Are you sure about this?" he asks at the nervous look on Finn's face, trying not to sound too helplessly excited. He doesn't reckon it works, but Finn doesn't seem to notice.
"Sure," Finn says, and pulls Kurt up, onto his lap. Kurt lets out a somewhat undignified squeak. "I mean, it's one day – we should like, make the most of it."
"Carpe diem," Kurt whispered.
Finn blinks. "Dude, you are not bringing a fish into this."
Kurt laughs disbelievingly, and leans down to kiss him.
Okay, Gay Day isn't a real thing, but it should be.
Rachel & Quinn
"Hi Quinn," she says, greeting the pregnant girl in the school bathroom.
"Rachel," Quinn obligatorily acknowledges her. "Are you skipping class? You?"
Rachel frowns, as if she's offended. "Don't talk like my image is that uptight."
"Well then, why are you here?"
"Pregnancy blues. People get it, they just pretend not to."
Quinn sighs, and looks up. "What do you want with me, Berry?"
Rachel takes in a deep breath that indicates she's about to go on one of her trademark rants. "I've spoken to Finn lately, and he has informed me that it is what is commonly referred to as 'Gay Day'; where those who identify themselves as straight as given full freedom and encouraged to indulge in homosexual sexual behavior. My dads are gay, and as an honorary member of the LGBT community, I believe this day should be welcomed and all experimentation should be thoroughly embraced, so–"
"Berry," Quinn cuts her off, holding up one hand. "If you want to have sex, or make out, or whatever just ask."
Rachel takes in a deep breath. "Okay. Quinn, do you want to experiment with me?"
Quinn considers for a moment. "Okay. As long as you stay quiet for once; your babbling will kill the mood."
"Hey. I will let you know that the way I speak is indicative of my enthusiastic and vivacious personality; traits that signify an enjoyment of sex that should only lead to good things, so don't–"
Quinn groans. "Berry. Shut up and get on your knees."
Rachel does so.
Mike & Matt
Mike reckons he should be less surprised by this than he is.
He also reckons he should know where his pants are.
Next to him, Matt groans, holding onto the wooden bench tightly. "Damn man. I mean, I knew you were flexible, but... damn."
Mike isn't sure whether to smirk or blush. He chooses to do both. "Thanks?" he offers.
Matt nods. "You're welcome. No seriously, you're freaking welcome," he says. "Although I may not be able to move for like, three hours."
Mike shrugs. "You win some, you lose some."
"You appear to have lost your pants."
"I know. I have this feeling like I should care more than I do."
"Probably, yeah," Mat says, then sighs. "This isn't gonna happen again, is it? You know, the Gay Day thing. Never expected Finn to be the one to deliver a reason for everyone to turn queer for a day and not have to feel guilty about it."
Mike thinks for a few seconds. "Yeah, I guess. But you're a damn good lay, if you don't mind me saying so, and everyone kind of thinks we're fucking anyway, so I guess it wouldn't be so bad if we actually were."
Matt shrugs. "Yeah. Let's talk about this later. Like, when I can actually feel my legs."
Tina & Mercedes
"So," Tina says flatly, pulling her shirt back on.
"So," Mercedes answers, not bothering to do that quite yet. Tina averts her eyes, as unnecessary as that is at this point.
"So, do we need to, like... talk about this?"
"That would kind of against the point of this day, girl," Mercedes answers, finally reaching for her own shirt. "Free same-sex hookups, I think that was the whole motivation behind this. No-one explained all that clearly."
"Yeah. Still, it was, um, fun," Tina answers nervously. Mercedes smiles.
"Thanks girl. Just checking, your boy isn't going to freak and kill me, is he?"
Tina shakes her head. "No. Artie gets how I'm bowing to peer pressure; I think most of the couples involved have made exceptions to cheating rules for this mess."
Mercedes nods, then frowns slightly. "What is it?" Tina asks.
"Finn caught Brit and Santana in the act two days ago, right?"
"So, unless my maths skills ran off and are now hiding somewhere in Iceland, Gay Day would have been then, not today."
Tina realizes that's true. She sighs.
Puck & Artie
"Dude, you know your girl is hooking up with that black chick the girls' bathroom right now, right?"
Artie looks up. "Yeah, I know. I'm okay with it. And you dated 'that black chick' – briefly, but still – you can't even remember her name?"
"Please dude. I'm a stud. You expect me to remember the name of every one of my chicks?"
"And here starts the thing where I am disgusted by you, and also moderately impressed, which makes me disgusted with myself."
"Dude, you think to much," Puck says, draping himself over one of the Glee practice room's (does it have a name?) chairs. "You should just be like, off trying to get a peek of your chick going for some girl-on-girl right now."
Artie scrunches up his face. "No thanks. Mercedes isn't my type anyway, and it's kind of exploitative."
"Dude, you are so whipped."
"Hey, do you have any idea how much shit I got into with her when I was acting all objectifying like you?"
"Dude, if you pissed her off, you didn't do it right. You don't just go up screaming at them to change, you gotta be subtle about it; undermine them until they don't want to be what you don't want 'em to be."
"...You disturb me."
"Whatever," Puck says. "Although, it wouldn't surprise me if your girl's the one this whole 'Gay Day' mess turns, y'know, actually gay."
"Puck!" Artie exclaims.
"Oh what? Statistically speaking, it's gotta happen with someone, right? And Tina would totally be a hot lesbian."
"I don't think statistics work like that. Now shut up, don't talk about my girlfriend, and don't make badly concealed slights about my manhood."
Puck shrugs. "I was just saying, dude."
"And that's why you really shouldn't talk."
"Whatever. This whole thing is like, weird as fuck anyway."
"Okay, there I agree," Artie concedes. "It's like some kind of sexually perverse meme..."
"Meme? Isn't that like, a meerkat or something?"
Artie sighs. "Forget it."
"Do you have any idea how this happened?"
"Finn is stupid?"
"Well, yeah, but still – why is everyone jumping on it like a trampoline?"
"How am I meant to know?"
"Hey, you're resident wheelchair dude. Can't you like, share some of that epic knowledge with that creepy dude also in the wheelchair who can't talk, and figure it out?"
"Stephen Hawking?" Artie asks. "I don't even know what to be offended at first."
"Whatever, I don't care dude."
"Okay, good," Artie says, awkwardly fidgeting with his hands.
"So... what do we do now?" Puck asks.
Artie shrugs. "I don't know."
Puck thinks it over for a few seconds. "You wanna make out?" he eventually suggests.
Artie considers this for a few seconds. "Yeah, okay."
Sue & Emma
Altogether, Will Schuester is pretty tolerant of the antics of William McKinley High School. Given how overdramatic his students are, he kind of has to be. So yes, maybe the fact they all seem to be experimenting with their sexuality at the same time is bizarre, and walking in of Puck and Artie making out yesterday, of all people (have they even said three words to each other?), did freak him out a bit, but most of the time he's okay with it.
However, when he walks into Sue Sylvester's office to find his said arch-nemesis spreading his sort-of-girlfriend-but-not-really's legs on the desk, he must put his foot down.
"Sue! What are you doing?"
Emma gasps and leaps back, while Sue just smirks. "Well hey William," she says. "Mind giving us a little privacy?"
"W-Will," Emma stammers, practically leaping off the desk. "Why are you-"
"Sue, what is going on?" Will insists, ignoring Emma's outburst. "What are you doing to her, and what is going on with my students?"
"Oh, me, William? I'm just following the example set by your little Glee club. You must have heard about 'Gay Day', right? It's something your club has spread all over school. Everyone's hooking up with whoever's got matching bits; I'm just following the crowd."
Will blinks. "Okay, that would explain a lot... But you're still up to something, Sue!"
"Actually, I think I'm closer to being down."
Emma shrieks. Will looks at her, confused.
"Don't judge me," she snipes, "Not after the way you were acting. I at least have an excuse."
"Relax, William. You do not have to worry about Evelyn and I running off into a field of flowers together – I can't stand flowers, actually, and although I wouldn't blame any woman for being turned gay by you – actually, they may already be, with your hairdo – it would buck the fabulous trend of sexual depravity your club has established. Congratulations William – you turned the high school into a homosexual orgy!"
Will grits his teeth. "This is your fault. I don't know how, but it is."
"Okay, William. So how about you run along, continue to load your hair with spectacular amounts of products, and give us some privacy. Or go get Figgins to hire some better math teachers, because this has been way more than a day now."
Will runs out of things to say, so even though he hates to follow any of Sue's demands, he goes. Sue smirks.
Emma suddenly stands upright, now awkward and uncomfortable. "I should go," she says, pulling her skirt down and half-running toward the door.
Sue scowls, calling out "You are being cowed by the patriarchy, Irma!" to Emma's back. This situation annoys her – while she has managed to piss off William Schuester, she has also been completely teased by the redhead, and she can't even take credit for the whole plan.
She'll be sticking to her own schemes to ruin Schuester from now on.