Where Do We Go From Here Chapter One
It was silent as they lay, entangled in each other's arms. He was asleep, she was not. It was early, too early, and yet it was late, very late, and Teresa Lisbon was too wound up to sleep. The events of the night were replaying over and over in her mind, as though on a permanent loop and no matter how hard she tried, she could not distance herself from them. Why she'd agreed to a drink with the gang early that evening, Lisbon didn't know. Or why she'd agreed to stay behind with him when all the others had left to go back to their respective hotel rooms. That had been a bad idea. The worst idea. The combination of his good looks, and the alcohol coursing through her veins, had led Lisbon to be in the position she was currently in. She'd slept a little, but now she was sobering up, suddenly faced with what they had done. She sighed, and blinked back a tear. She pulled her arms free of his, and ran her hands over her face, letting them catch in her hair, which was splayed across the pillow, and his chest. This wasn't supposed to happen. Ever. She slowly and gently extricated herself from his arms, careful not to wake him, and climbed out of the bed. She looked around for her clothes, and reluctantly pulled them on. Carefully, she pulled a sheet over his sleeping form, her fingers gently brushing over his chest. In his sleep, he shifted towards her touch, a small smile playing on his lips. Lisbon sighed, and, with one lingering glance over her shoulder, left the room and returned to her own.
Once she was there, Lisbon showered and changed, downed some pain killers for the headache forming at the back of her head, and then crawled into bed. She pulled the blankets up over her head, trying to block out the thoughts and memories that were keeping her awake. It didn't work. She began gnaw on a fingernail. They were on a case, for crying out loud! Just because the case was solved didn't mean that she should go out and get drunk. And it definitely didn't mean sleeping with her partner. Lisbon groaned as she remembered the conversation that had led to their drunken encounter. Despite the alcohol, it had seemed like a good idea at the time. He was gorgeous, there was no denying that, and over the last few years he had definitely worked up some sexual frustration. Perhaps that was the problem, Lisbon reflected. He still wore his wedding band, he was still married, and in love with his dead wife. Lisbon rolled over and pulled a pillow over her head, trying to dispense the confusing and conflicting emotions and thoughts that circled around within her almost throbbing head. Eventually she gave up, and flung the blankets away. She got out of bed, and went to sit on her balcony, hoping the crisp air would help her to relax. She gazed out at the city, the lights a comfort, and she tried to forget about the night's events.
He sighed as he awoke, instinctively reaching out towards the other side of the bed. Sadly, he found it empty. Cracking open one eye, Patrick Jane glared towards the empty side of the bed. Inwardly he wasn't surprised that she was gone, but at the same time he was disappointed she hadn't stayed. He opened his other eye, and glanced at the clock on the bedside table. 9:30. Hmm. Jane rubbed his eyes, and sat up. He had to decide how to proceed from here. Did he confront her, or did he let it go? Judging by the lack of her here, she apparently wanted to forget about what had happened. But Jane could still feel her, writhing beneath him, begging for more. And he didn't want to give that up, no matter how selfish it seemed. He didn't want to give her up. Not now. Jane swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood up, immediately finding a clean suit and slipping into it. He went to the bathroom and brushed his teeth and combed his hair. All the while his mind was racing. What would he say? What could he say? How would he get through to her? With a cursory glance at himself in the mirror, Jane headed out of his room, towards hers.
A loud and insistent banging interrupted her sleep later that morning and Lisbon started awake, still reclining in the chair on her balcony. It was about midmorning, she figured. The banging continued, and she realised that it wasn't the pounding in her head, but someone pounding on her door. She stood shakily and moved inside, towards the door. She glanced through the peephole and sighed.
"Lisbon! I know you're in there! Open the door!"
She had a brief internal struggle, wondering if opening the door was going to be a good idea. Eventually she decided that she would have to face him eventually, and if she didn't open the door, he'd probably kick it down. Lisbon opened the door, and Patrick Jane spilled into the room. His blue eyes fixed her with a penetrating stare, as he closed the door behind him.
Avoiding his gaze, Lisbon went to grab a few more painkillers. As she poured herself a glass of water, she asked, "What do you want?"
"We need to talk." Jane replied simply.
"No, we don't." Lisbon replied, putting the glass down and turning away from him.
"Yes, we do." Jane insisted. "Last night..."
"Was a mistake." Lisbon finished the sentence for him. "A mistake that is not going to be repeated, or ever spoken of again." She stood, her back to Jane, avoiding looking into his eyes, scared of what she might see.
"Teresa..." A hand brushed over Lisbon's neck, and she shivered involuntarily.
"A mistake, Jane. And I don't want to talk about it." The use of his surname was deliberate, to distance him. She turned, shrugging off his hand, and looking at him properly for the first time since he'd arrived. "It should never have happened."
"But it did." Jane pointed out. "Teresa." He said again, and Lisbon looked away.
"I'm Lisbon. You're Jane. Okay? I'm not ready for this." Lisbon said, waving a hand between them. "Nor are you. I'm not ready to have this discussion with you, either. We work together. Nothing more. Got it?"
Silently, Jane nodded once. His eyes were unreadable, and Lisbon suddenly wished she knew what he was thinking. It would make things so much easier. Or possibly more complicated.
"Good." She said. "Now if you don't mind, I need to pack up my things so we can go home."
Jane headed for the door, but turned just before he reached it. "Lisbon..." He tried.
"No, Jane." Lisbon replied, her words heavy with implication.
"Okay." He said, and he left the room in silence.
Lisbon sank onto her bed, and cradled her head in her hands. Everything was so messed up, and she had absolutely no idea of what to do next.
Jane returned to his room, and busied himself with packing, unpacking, and repacking his things. Anything to keep his mind from wandering back to Lisbon. It was difficult not to think about her, about the beauty she kept hidden, about the strength of her character. About everything that made her Lisbon. Jane recalled how she looked the night before, when they'd been drinking and laughing together. She'd loosened up, her hair was falling around her face, and she spent most of the night smiling at him. They had a connection, that was obvious, but Jane didn't know what he was going to do with it. He didn't want to manipulate her into anything, and so he decided that it was up to her. He'd wait for as long as she needed to think everything through and make a decision. Jane had stopped packing by now, and had sat down on the bed. If he knew Lisbon, which he was pretty sure he did, she would need time. And space. But staying away from her was going to be difficult. Especially now, when all he could think about was having her beneath him again, calling his name in pleasure. Yes, he decided, this was going to be difficult.
They returned to Sacramento later that day, and the journey was not overly pleasant. The trip started with an hour long drive to the airport. The team took two cars, and that was where the first problem arose. Usually, Lisbon and Jane took one car, leaving the rest of the team to take the other. So when Wayne Rigsby, Grace Van Pelt and Kimball Cho went automatically to one car, Lisbon stepped in.
"Uh, Rigsby, Cho, you ride with Jane. Van Pelt, with me."
They all looked puzzled for a brief moment, but professionalism kicked in.
"Yes, boss." Rigsby replied, walking over to Jane. Cho followed quietly.
Lisbon stowed her bags in the back of the car, and hopped in behind the wheel, without so much as a backwards glance at the rest of her team.
Grace hopped into the passenger's seat. "Everything all right, boss?" She asked once they'd started driving.
"Yep." Lisbon replied shortly.
"Did something happen last night?" Van Pelt asked tentatively.
"We don't discuss our private lives, Van Pelt." Lisbon snapped. "I'm your boss, not your friend."
"Oh. Okay, then." Van Pelt took the hint, and didn't say anything else.
"What's up with Lisbon this morning?" Rigsby asked once they'd started driving.
"Dunno." Cho replied, his eyes glued on the road as he drove.
"Beats me." Jane said, and Rigsby turned to look quizzically at him.
"Really? Usually you know everything that someone's trying to hide." He said, sounding disbelieving.
"Well, my guess is that she's grumpy."
"How about we stop discussing the boss behind her back?" Cho suggested.
"Fine with me." Jane replied, and he turned to stare out the window at the passing scenery. Sure, he knew why Lisbon was upset, but he definitely wasn't going to tell Rigsby and Cho, just as, he imagined, Lisbon wouldn't have said anything to Van Pelt.
Rigsby and Cho eventually started playing word games, and Jane continued to stare out the window, staying uncharacteristically quiet.
They spent another hour at the airport. They all checked their luggage in, and then drifted towards the boarding lounge. Lisbon sank into a chair next to their boarding gate, and Jane sat down next to her. Lisbon rolled her eyes, and refused to look at him.
"Lisbon." Jane said, his tone indicating that he wanted to talk. Badly. "We really need to talk."
"No, we don't, Jane." Lisbon snapped back. "Not now, not ever. So drop it. Leave me alone." She stood up and stormed towards the nearest restroom. She splashed some water onto her face, and stared at herself in the mirror. She looked terrible. There were bags under her eyes, and her hair was a mess. Lisbon sighed, and ran her fingers through her hair, trying to smooth it out a little. A tear gathered in the corner of her eye, and Lisbon angrily swiped it away, determined not to let this get to her. But deep inside she knew she couldn't forget. The memory of Jane's hands on her skin was still fresh in her mind, and she feel of him, hard against her... She just hoped she hadn't completely ruined their working relationship, because despite the fact that he was usually a pain in the ass, he was still a damn fine consultant. And he was useful. But most of all, Lisbon didn't want to lose him as a friend.
Lisbon had been so lost in her thoughts that she hadn't heard the door open. She looked up. Van Pelt was standing there, looking concerned.
"Van Pelt." Lisbon said.
"I know you don't want to talk about it. Whatever 'it' is. But if you need anything, I'm here."
Lisbon was too drained to snap at the young agent again, besides, she was just trying to help.
"Thank you." Lisbon replied. "That means a lot." She wiped her face again, and turned to face the younger woman. She gave a small smile. "I will be fine. I just want to get home."
"Don't we all." Van Pelt agreed. "This case was pretty draining."
"Yes, it was." Lisbon said, wishing that that was the case with her as well. She moved to leave the bathroom, but turned back before she reached the door. "Life is hard sometimes, isn't it?"
"Yes." Van Pelt replied. "Sometimes it seems like it can only get worse, but other times you find it can definitely get better." She gave a smile. "Just hang in there."
Lisbon nodded in reply, and left the bathroom.
Once they were on the plane, it was easier to avoid Jane, Lisbon had discovered. All she had to do was sit as far away from him as possible, and pretend to go to sleep. Jane couldn't help himself, and soon he was entertaining the other passengers with his mentalist mind games. While that would usual irritate but amuse Lisbon, today was different, and soon she found herself actually falling asleep. She woke a few times, but each time Jane was busy so didn't disturb her. She thanked God that sometimes Jane was easily distracted, and she allowed herself to go back to sleep, the stress of the case and the lack of sleep the night before finally catching up with her. It was a relief to get home and collapse into her own bed. She was glad to be home, and glad to be away from Jane. At the same time, however, she found herself feeling lonely. They'd only spent one night together, but she already missed the warmth he provided. Curling her arms around herself, Lisbon snuggled into her doona, it wasn't the same, but it gave some semblance of comfort. She stayed curled up in bed like that for the rest of the afternoon, and eventually fell asleep, where in her dreams she could return to him.
A/N: So yeah. This is gonna be a longer fic, I've written about eight chapters so far. I'd love to know what you think. :D