Metal Gear Gas. (Third Part)
By: Alfa Ishida

After inserting disk 2, Snake gets into the base´s furnace. There were a lot of Stupid Genome Soldiers walking around. Perhaps they weren´t informed that a "one-man army" was walking around, and could throw them into the hot hot lava... Snake did so (Throw them, not inform them), and eventually got into an elevator that would take him to the hangar.. Suddenly, a bunch of soldiers jumped from the edge to the elevator, but they failed and fell to the abyss.

Snake: Oh my God... Nobody realizes it..?

Snake began to see a bunch of ravens flying around him, and received a Codec call from Master Miller..

Master: *Fart* Yo Snake! Please turn your monitor off. Snake: (Click!) There... Whazzzzzaaaaaapppp?! Master: Waaaaaazzzzzzzaaaaabbbbbbeeeee!? I want to talk to you. Snake: About what?

Master: It´s about Naomi Hunter. *Fart* Snake: Oh, that annoying b*tch? What´s up with her? She died? Master: I hope she would... *Fart* But no.. I think she is a spy.. Snake: Oh oh... Master: *Fart* Snake, have you heard of something called FoxDie? Snake: Yeah, a couple of times... Roy and Naomi were talking a lot about that.. Master: *Fart* FoxDie is a virus that causes hearts attacks, and melts the skin of humans. Snake: WHAT!? Master: *Fart* Well, that´s after you throw up all your inner organs. Snake: That must be really painful.. Master: We think that Naomi created the virus to kill everyone! Specially you! *Fart* Snake: So that´s why I felt like being drunk... Master: You sould call her and discover the whole thing. *Fart* Snake: I´ll do it. Let me call her.

Master cuts out his transmition, so Snake gets the chance to call Naomi.

Snake: Naomi?

Naomi: What the hell do you want? Snake: Look, You don´t like me and I don´t like you either, but you gotta tell me, did you created FoxDie? Naomi: Yeah, pretty cool stuff, eh? Snake: Indeed.. Did you created it for taking revenge against me for killing your brother?

Naomi: No, I don´t know how did you obtain that information... Snake: I learned the whole story at GameFaqs.com. Naomi: Oh well.. No, I didn´t created it for that reason. Snake: Then why? Naomi: It was because I was ordered to... Remember the shot I gave you at the begining of the mission?

Snake: Yeah. Naomi: It contained FoxDie, but it was like... "unactive"... Snake: And?

Naomi: I didn´t want to kill you, but then you began acting mean to me, so I activated FoxDie using a remote control. Snake: Technology can do that?

Naomi: Technology can create Metal Gears, what did you expect? Snake: Oh... How much time do I have left? Naomi: About... (Cuts transmition and Campbell takes over) Snake: Colonel! Put her back!

Campbell: I can´t do that Snake, I´m a liar, remember?

Snake: Oh yeah.. I forgot. (Cuts out transmition)

Snake reaches a frozen warehouse, and a lot of ravens fly around him. Then, the huge man that was inside the tank appears, holding a giant gattling gun.

Snake: HOLY CRAP!! Raven: Hello there.. Ravens aren´t scavengers as people think. Snake: Who cares? Raven: The ravens tell me that you are a worthy oponent... Fight!

Suddenly, the ravens start attacking their own master.

Raven: OH SH*T!! I FORGOT TO FEED THEM THIS MORNING!! Snake: Breed crows, and they will take your eyes out.. That´s what my granny said... Raven: My spirit will be watching you! HAHAHAHA!!! OUCH!! OUCCCCHHHH!!!

Snake gets past the warehouse and eventually gets to Metal Gear Crap´s hangar. Then Snake looked up and discovered the giant weapon of mass destruction... It was a giant...

Snake: CAN OF SODA!? WHAT THE HELL?!

Yeah, Metal Gear Crap was a giant can of soda. But what could it do?!

Snake climbs a lot of ladders and gets into the commanding room, where Gas and Assholot.. Ahem... Ocelot, where talking about confidential stuff.

Gas: *Fart* I know the list of the actors of Star Wars, episode 7.. Ocelot: Wow! Tell me! Maybe I can sell it in the black market. Gas: *Fart* No, you are capable of selling your own mother in the black market. Ocelot: I already did it. She was worth 20 bucks. Gas: *Fart* Anyway, I´ll destroy Lopnor, China. Ocelot: Why don´t you blow up Mother Russia? Gas: *Fart* Because your grandmother still lives there, you idiot. Ocelot: Oh., yeah.

Just then, Snake gets a Codec call from Otacon.

Otacon: Snake! The Pal key changes its shape at different temperatures! Snake: What? Pal key? Nobody gave a Pal key in the whole story. Otacon: (Teleports Pal Key) There. Snake: (Gets the key) Ok, now I have to change its... Ocelot: (Sees Snake and shoots at his hand) Who´s there!

The Pal key was trown away by the impact, but Snake managed to catch it in middle air.

Snake: Gotcha baby.. Gas: *Fart* Oh great, now how are we supposed to get away? Ocelot: (Jumps trough the bullet-proof glass and falls into the darkness) GGYYAAAAHH! Gas: (Does the same) Snake: There, it wasn´t that hard.

Snake inserts the "normal temperature" key into the slot. The message "PAL code number 1 confirmed" is heard. Then Snake climbs down all the ladders, when he finally gets to the first floor, he sees Gas and Ocelot lying on the floor, unconscious. Snake goes all the way back to the frozen warehouse and freezes the PAL key. Then he goes to the commanding room again and inserts the key.

Snake: Now I have to heat the key.. Oh yeah, I know..

Snake puts the card key just behind his ass and begins farting like a maniac so the key warms up and changes its form. Snake inserts the last key into the slot and an alarm goes off.

Computer Voice: Metal Gear Crap has been activated, please don´t panic. Snake: No! I deactivated it! Gas: (Calls on Codec) *Fart* HAHAHA!! YOU IDIOT! EVERYTHING HAS BEEN PLANNED!! Snake: What a lame excuse for losing all your comrades. Gas: *Fart* ........ *Fart* Anyway, now die!

Suddenly, poison gas is realeased in the room. But thanks to the hole Ocelot did in the bullet-proof glass, Snake can get out alive and kicking.

Gas: *Fart* Snake! Did you like my contact lenses? Snake: They look neat. (Points gun to Gas) Gas: *Fart* You point your weapon to your own brother?

Snake: And you try to kill your own brother by enclosing him in a room full of poison gas?

Gas: *Fart* That´s another story. Did you know that Naomi was working with the pentagon? Snake: Duh, I would be an idiot if I didn´t. Gas: *Fart* We are twins! Products of experiments with Big Boss´DNA! Snake: So we don´t have a mommy.. Crap.. Gas: *Fart* Yeah.. how sad... (Controls himself) Now die Snake! (Jumps to Metal Gear Crap)

Gas activates Metal Gear Crap, and a pair of legs appear from within the Soda can. Snake takes out his Men in Black weapon replica and blasts MGC to hell.

Snake: Did that do it?

Gas: *Fart* NICE TRY!! NOW DIEEEE!!! (Tries to step on Snake)

Ninja: (Appears and puts a banana peel on the floor, so Metal Gear trips and falls) Snake: Gray Fox! Ninja: A name from long, long, loooonnnggg ago.. It sounds cooler than Deepthroath. Snake: A lot cooler. Ninja: Snake, I killed Naomi´s parents, so I raised her to sooth my conscience. Snake: Yeah sure, you wanted someone to cook for you in the war. Ninja: Tell her that I was the one who killed her parents! Snake: Why? She´s already gone insane. Gas: *Fart* (Metal Gear gets up) THERE YOU ARE!! Ninja: Here´s a final present from Deepthroath. (Shows Snake a box of cigarretes)

The Ninja starts fighting with Metal Gear Crap, and manages to destroy the Radome (The thing that allowed Gas to see outside).

Snake: This beats the crap out of "The Matrix" Fox: (Trips on banana peel and falls over his back) Gas: *Fart* (Steps on Gray Fox) Hahaha!! Fox: Snake, we´re not tools of the government, or anyone else! I only knew how to fight! Snake: That´s because you left elementary school, remember? I told you being a bully wouldn´t take you anywhere good. Fox: Shut up Snake... And... farewell.. (Gets crushed by Metal Gear Crap) Snake: FOOOOOOOOO.... (Chokes) Gas: *Fart* NOW ITS YOUR TURN!! (Trips again on banana peel and Metal Gear is destroyed) Snake: Oh... Duh... (Trips on banana peel too and falls unconscoius)

Snake wakes up minutes ago. He´s been tied by hands and feet and notices that someone stole his wallet.

Gas: (Appears and shows Meryl to Snake) Here´s your girlfriend, but we are gonna die anyway. Snake: Why?

Gas: *Fart* Because the pentagon sent armed jets to bomb the place, that´s why. Snake: Oh, that could hurt a little. Gas: *Fart* Why don´t you ask Campbell about it, if you insist to be skeptic. Snake: (Calls Campbell) Colonel! What´s the pentagon trying to do?

Campbell: How should I know? Im retired, remember? By the way, Jim Houseman wants to talk with you. Snake: How´s Jim Houseman...? Jim: Im the secretary of defense! And Im evil! Snake: Man, today everybody can become part of the government. Jim: You two are a failure, kill yourselves and never come back!! HAHAHAHA!! Snake: Duh... (Cuts transmition)

Gas: *Fart* Let´s fight! (Trips on himself and falls over his face) Snake: Now I have to rescue Meryl. (Unties her) Meryl: Snake! You saved me! Snake: No thanks to those godamned programmers.

Snake and Meryl run away, but they are stopped by Otacon.

Otacon: Hey! Nice of you by leaving me behind! Snake: Sorry. Otacon: I´ll drive! (The three jump into a jeep and escape) Gas: *Fart* (Appears on second jeep) NOT YET SNAKE!! ITS NOT OVER YET!!! Snake: Gas!! Gas: (His jeep gets runs of gas -gasoline, not Gas Snake- and stops) NOOO!!!!

Snake: Hehehe... idiot...

Finally the survivors can get out the base, but Gas appears with a gun in his hand and points it to Snake.

Gas: *Fart* You are a real pain in the ass! *Fart* Now it´s time to say good-bye! Snake: (Closes eyes) Well, I lived a long peaceful life... not.... Gas: (Has heart attack) FO.... FOX..... Snake: Die..... Gas: (Falls to the ground, pointing his ass to the sky) Otacon: That´s the end of Gas Snake. Let´s hope nobody gets his ass and implants into somebody else, so Gas can live again. Snake: Yeah, let´s hope so. Meryl: There´s a Mc Donalds near, do you want to go eat there? Snake: Sure! (Finds a snowmobile and the 3 get in) Otacon: I want to fin a new purpose in life.. I want to be a Trekkie instead of being an Otaku. Meryl: I want to be more lady-like and leave weapons for good. Snake: I want to live a new life, free of battles, blood, gore and those ugly things. Otacon: Will you find it? Snake: Probably not, this game has a sequel, remember?

Otacon: Oh yeah, let´s go!

And so it ends, our heroes of Shadow Moses went to eat hamburguers that tasted like toilet paper, and they lived happily forever and ever (Except for Meryl, who was killed by getting ran over by a bus and died).

(Black Screen)

Ocelot: Yeah boss.. They are still alive... 2 of them... ¿?: ........ Ocelot: Yes sir, I got everything ready for the dirty party you are planning... ¿? ....... Ocelot: Yes, I´ll be sure to implant Gas´s ass on myself. Why? Because he´s got a great ass. ¿?: ...... Ocelot: Yes sir, I´ll bring eggs and bacon for tomorrow´s breakfast.. ¿?: ....... ¿?: Yes, nobody knows that you are the president and the third Snake brother.. Some random guy: WHAT THE HELL?!

Ocelot: Excuse me, the lines got crossed... Good-bye, Mr. President. (Hangs up)

THE END....?

(There, the first part of Metal Gear Solid is finally complete. Be sure to check my sequel here at Fanfiction.net, by the name of "Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of their mother". Thanks for reading my stupidities, any ideas, or sugestions to improve the story will be accepted to alfa@danworld.com. I´ll also receive flames or bomb mails, if you can send them.. Hehe.)