This chapter is shorter than most, but the idea for it popped into my head yesterday morning. I was so excited that I finally had the time and motivation to write this chapter, that during all my excitement, I completely forgot to save the darn document. So I took a nap and my computer just so happened to power surge.
This chapter is the second time I've written it. I was so upset because I thought I did a really good job with the first time, so here's hoping the second time through is just as good.
Oh well, always keep your head up!
Enjoy Chapter...38? I think...?
Matthew woke up to a shirtless body pressed against his back, and pale arms draped lazily around his chest. He turned his head and watched the curtains billow from breeze blowing in through the window. Looking up, he came face to face with Gilbert, who was still asleep. He burrowed his face deeper into the blankets, thinking back to everything that had happened last night.
Matthew was sitting next to Gilbert in the field while they watched the dogs run back and forth. The sun began to set behind the trees, casting shadows across the field.
Looking at them now, the trees no longer seemed to reach out like menacing claws, wanting to rip and tear away at him. Instead, they were beautiful shapes, the way their branches turned in all different directions, reaching out as high as they can go. He still felt his heart beat in his chest, remembering whenever him and Alfred had become lost on that faithful day. But something inside of him willed him to be a little rebellious. Why should he be afraid anymore? He still felt his skin prickle in uneasiness, but as the same time, it didn't look like a death sentence. The setting sun cast beautiful colors across the sky, and instead of fear, he felt a small smile on his lips.
"I…confronted Ivan about everything." Matthew blurted out before he could think twice. He looked over to see Gilbert looking back at him with an alarmed look on his face.
"What? Are you serious?" Gilbert barked, sitting up and looking at Matthew intently. "What happened? He didn't do anything to you, did he?"
Matthew looked at Gilbert in surprise when he heard the concern in his voice. He knew Gilbert was a defensive person that didn't like it when other people messed with the things he owned, but Matthew hadn't expected him to sound so protective. He felt himself stumbling over words as he attempted explained.
"N-no, he didn't do anything."
Gilbert seemed to visibly calm down a little, and regarded Matthew with an impressed look. "What happened?"
Matthew turned and looked across the field, his eyes following the dogs again. He began to tell Gilbert when he had learned that Ivan had quit hockey, to the moment he had stepped outside to see him sitting on the hood of his car with a cigarette between his fingers. In that moment, he decided it was best to not tell Gilbert about whenever Ivan had grabbed his shirt so tightly it had almost lifted him off the ground. Whenever he was finished telling the story, he looked at Gilbert, who was giving him the most quizzical look, his eyebrows furrowed as if he were frustrated.
Matthew felt his heart beat at Gilbert's expression. It's not that he knew how Gilbert would react, but that definitely wasn't the reaction he had expected. "Did I…do something wrong?" He asked hesitantly.
Gilbert refocused on Matthew and shook his head. "You didn't. It's just that everything that had happened between Ivan and I, that's our problem. And I shouldn't have put in you in the middle of that. You shouldn't have had to stand up for me and confronted him. That was my responsibility."
"Oh." Matthew turned away, his face growing hot in embarrassment. Just whenever he thought he had finally helped out, he found out that he hadn't done any good at all. He felt an arm wrap around him and tug him closer.
"Hey." Gilbert said, his voice gentle. "You did good. It's just that's my problem, not yours."
Matthew looked up at Gilbert who cracked a smile at him. He gave a small smile back, but looked away again, still feeling foolish. Gilbert chuckled next to him and pressed his lips to his forehead.
Matthew felt his heart flutter at the gratitude and smiled back at him. He laid his head against Gilbert's chest and stared out at the field with him. He cursed internally whenever he realized that he had left his hockey equipment in the parking lot whenever he and Ivan had confronted each other. He hoped that one of the janitors had grabbed it and taken it inside to the lost and found. It would be no use now if he decided to go back. Everything would be locked up.
The warm air blew onto Matthew's face and he felt his eyelids flutter. The soothing feeling of Gilbert gently brushing his fingers up and down his arm almost made him doze off. Just whenever the sky was turning a dark indigo, and the stars were shining above, Gilbert asked Matthew if he wanted to go inside. Matthew nodded, and together they ushered the dogs into the house. He looked on amused as Gilbert had to stop and pull burrs out of Blackie's thick fur.
Whenever they were inside, Gilbert opened Ludwig's bedroom door, letting all three dogs barrage into the room and leap onto his Ludwig's bed, who had been trying to read. The glare he shot Gilbert was only halfhearted, since he was affectionately scratching the dogs behind their ears a moment later.
Gilbert closed the door with a smirk on his face as he turned toward Matthew. Neither of them said a word. Matthew looked at him expectantly, wondering what he was doing, until he watched Gilbert's eyes slowly wander over his body. He could feel his gaze slowly take in his body, slowly lingering on his neck, and lips, before Gilbert's face broke into a sly smile. Matthew felt his heart beat in his chest and the hair on his neck stand up. He felt nervous, like he was and excited at the same time, wondering what Gilbert was thinking, and at the same time, wondering if he was thinking the same thing as him.
He followed Gilbert upstairs into his bedroom. Gilbert had hardly shut the bedroom door before he walked up toward Matthew, and grabbed the sides of his face, pulling Matthew into a kiss so fierce that it lit up thousands of neurons in his brain, all firing at once, all pointing in the same direction, all wanting the same thing.
His arms wrapped around Gilbert's neck, his hands clenched to white hair, their bodies became closer until they were tangled. Gilbert's shirt was thrown off, and the sides of Matthew's face were encased by two, strong hands, as he felt the cool lips light him up like a solar system. He was pushed back onto the bed. Breathless, he stared up at Gilbert.
"Sorry." Gilbert gave a hoarse laugh, brushing a blonde curl out of Matthew's face. Matthew smiled, letting out a small giggle, before they were kissing again, feeling nothing but each other's skin.
Matthew began to feel himself spinning out of control, making small noises as he felt teeth over his neck. He groaned and ran his fingers over Gilbert's stomach, marveling at the feeling. Slwoly, Gilbert slid his hands down further, and he gasped, losing any last feeling of control. Gasping for air, recklessly biting his collarbone, he clenched his teeth with every jerk and excited spasm his body made. Letting out a gasp, Matthew clenched on as tight as he could to the breathing, living human being next to him.
After, their eyes met, and they smiled. Gilbert leaned over and placed kiss onto his lips. Exhausted, they laid on the bed, catching their breath. Appreciating the night air blowing over their bodies, Matthew laid on top of Gilbert wordlessly traced his fingers over Gilbert's skin that prickled with goose bumps. He stopped whenever he noticed that Gilbert had been watching him.
"What?" Matthew whispered, feeling uneasy under his stare.
"Nothing." Gilbert said, shifting. He placed a hand onto Matthew's hip. "You should have lost some layers." He rubbed the fabric of his t-shirt.
Matthew blushed, acknowledging that Gilbert did have a point. Gilbert was practically naked—no t-shirt, and his pants unbuckled—where Matthew still had his t-shirt on, and had zipped his pants up as soon as they had finished. His eyes took another moment to wander over Gilbert's body. Oddly, Matthew found it sexy, the way he simply laid on the bed half naked, as if he were too lazy to do anything about it.
"I don't know…" Was all he could muster in response. He didn't say he was shy. But he felt it. Taking off his clothing, baring himself to someone else, even in the most intimate of moments felt like he were revealing a huge flaw. He didn't feel comfortable with the thought.
Gilbert picked up on Matthew's uneasiness, and figured it was something that would wear away with time. "It's fine, you're just nervous, but it'll get easier." He cocked an eyebrow at Matthew. "Did I do a good job? It sounded like I did."
Matthew's face lit up in a blush and he slid off Gilbert onto the bed where he buried his face into the pillow. "Shut up."
Gilbert laughed and pinched Matthew's cheek. "It did, it did. I'm amazing at anything I do."
Matthew batted Gilbert's hand away while he thought about it. It had been good. It felt amazing. He turned his head and looked at Gilbert, whose eyes were closed, his hands resting underneath his head.
"Hm?" Gilbert grunted out his reply.
"Am I the first…guy you've ever done stuff with?"
Gilbert didn't answer for a moment. He opened his eyes and looked over at Matthew. "Yeah, why?"
"I don't know…" Matthew chewed onto a thousand words in his mind, unsure of what to say exactly.
But Gilbert, always seeming to be two steps further, spoke again. "It's not that hard. Honestly I'm working with the same kind of anatomy on you than I am on me. I mean, how hard can it be for me to figure out what I'm supposed to be doing down there?"
Matthew hid his face again. "No! I know! I jus—that's not what I meant!"
Gilbert laughed, finding it adorable at how shy Matthew was getting. He reached out his finger and brushed his cheek.
"I know what you mean. You're wondering how I'm so comfortable with jacking off (Matthew huffed in embarrassment, and Gilbert laughed) okay, sorry, doing stuff with another guy when I've only ever been with girls before." Matthew gave a small nod and Gilbert shrugged. "Why should I be worried about it? If this is the kind of thing I like doing and it makes me happy, I should just accept it instead of going through the whole 'who am I, why was I born this way' bullshit."
Matthew watched Gilbert's eyes wander through his room, and then focus on the full moon outside his window. He continued to speak, but "I…was a little freaked out when I realized I started liking you. Nothing made sense anymore at that point." He sighed and stretched his arms. "I guess I was just tired of always being scared."
Matthew stared at him in the silence, hanging on to every word, afraid that if he spoke, Gilbert would stop. Gilbert turned and looked at him, their eyes locked together for the longest time.
"After always being scared, I didn't want to get rid of something that made me happy."
Matthew stared at him in disbelief. He was sure Gilbert was pulling another prank. Him? He was too afraid to believe it was true. Because what if this were another prank that was being pulled on him?
But Gilbert didn't elaborate anymore, and instead, pulled Matthew close to him. "I love you." He murmured, kissing the top of his head.
Matthew hid his face into Gilbert's chest. "I love you too." He muttered back, wrapping his arm aroung Gilbert.
They didn't say anything for the rest of the night until they both dosed off. Matthew's stayed awake a little bit longer, his heart lighting up, and keeping the rest of his body warm.
Liar…Matthew had wanted to whisper. His anxiety made him doubt the words. He was afraid that if he believed them, they would be taken away just as quickly. He bit his lower lip and he listened to Gilbert's breathing grow deeper. He found his mind wandering toward his family. Or what was left of it. He was close with Alfred, but what about his parents? He hardly even saw them anymore, and even when they were home, they were shut away from the world, too tired to talk to their own children.
In their own home, he didn't feel love as much as he felt loneliness, nor did he feel the family that he used to have. Were they falling apart, or had they always been falling apart from the beginning? He had been so much younger when they used to do things together. Had he been naïve and it had all been an act?
Matthew closed his eyes tight, ridding the confusion from his mind. He was tired, and he had no idea what he was thinking about. Taking a deep breath, he let sleep take him.
Matthew sat up and stretched his arms over his head. He looked over at Gilbert, watching how his hair messily fell across his face and stood up in a million different directions. Bemused, reached out a hand to brush some of his hair away from his face. Gilbert felt the movement and stirred in his sleep. He opened one eye and blearily looked up at Matthew.
"Mm…hey." He said quietly.
Matthew smiled down at him. "Good morning."
I hope you all enjoyed it, because I enjoyed writing it...for the second time.
Haha. Hahaha. Ha.
Have a good night everyone, and be safe! I love you all!