Antiaol, bmango and mskathy own me. Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. But I own Subward.
Our Lives Unbound, Chapter 35: Our Home
"Where does this one go?" Emmett lumbers through the door, an unmarked box in hands, and I almost choke.
"Play-" I stop myself just in time, closing my eyes and remembering. "Sp-spare room."
The one good thing about a history of stammering is that no one suspects you when you correct yourself mid-word.
Ignoring Jasper's stifled laugh, Emmett disappears into the Alice's old room, and I hold my breath until he returns. Everything is still in boxes, so there's nothing too incriminating for him to find. I think. To my relief, he emerges quickly, saying nothing of the dark grey walls or the other oddities of the décor. Instead, he sits down heavily on Bella's and my new couch and flips on the TV.
"When are the girls due back, anyway?"
I wipe my brow and spare a glance down at my phone. "Any minute now."
While Emmett, Jasper and I unload the last of my things here, Rosalie and Bella are at Alice's new apartment, helping her paint. It is a peace offering of sorts between Alice and Bella - their first afternoon together since Alice moved out.
I can only hope that it goes well.
Emmett groans and hauls himself back up to standing. "Then I should probably move the truck, huh?"
After the door closes behind him, Jasper and I sit in a comfortable silence as I unpack books and he puts back together another of my shelves. My eyes dart from the pictures on the wall to the furniture, to the orchid that my mother sent me as a housewarming gift. The room is crowded and homey, and it looks like Bella, and it look like me. Just sitting in it makes me happy.
Jasper sighs, and I hear him put down the tools that he is using. "This place seems so weird without Ally's things."
I laugh. "I was just thinking how much I like how it llllooks now."
"Yeah," he says, sighing. "Me, too."
"How is that, anyway? Between the two of you?"
"Hard, honestly." He pauses, thinking. "I mean, it's good, too. God knows I missed her. But we're both on edge, me looking for signs she's really changed and her waiting for me to leave her again. And fuck, it's hard not to just forgive her for everything, you know? I still love her. Just…"
"But she's trying. Really. I think. She's more open now. More willing to let me tell her when she's being difficult and pushing me away."
"That's good. She's been a less … awful. To me."
She really has. The faint traces of gratitude she showed after the night I called Jasper haven't gone away. In their own way, I think they've morphed into respect.
And I'm no longer willing to accept anything less from her.
After a long pause, Jasper volunteers, "She was so jealous of you."
The book that I am shelving slips slightly in my hand. Looking down, I fumble with it, hearing Alice's words in my head.
"Yeah. I k-kind of figured." Pulling the last two books out of the box, I sigh. "I was never competing, though."
"I know. And so does she, on some level. But she's always had such issues with commitment, and Bella did, too. Seeing Bella give in and find happiness … Add in that she couldn't deal with Bella's, er, lifestyle choices and …"
"I get it." My understanding doesn't make it any less unpleasant.
"It's something she's promised to work on."
"Admitting that she's wrong. Because she is. About you and Bella, but about you especially."
I swallow hard before simply saying, "Thanks."
Jasper finishes his task in silence and then shifts to sit on the couch. "So … You really ready to do this with Bella?"
I cannot stop the smile that spreads across my face. "Yeah. I've never been more ready for anything."
"From the looks of the 'spare room' I'd say that's an understatement."
My face heats as I turn back to my wall of books. But I deny nothing.
A few minutes later, the door to the apartment opens to reveal Emmett, who has apparently managed to intercept the girls on their way back home. They file in, laughing, and Bella tosses a bag down on what used to be my old chair. It's our chair now.
"Hey, beautiful," I murmur as she sits beside me on the floor, placing a quick peck on my lips and leaning against me. I work to catch her eyes to show her my meaning as I ask tightly, "Did you have a nice time?"
She smiles genuinely, and I am instantly relieved. With her gaze flickering to Alice, she says, "It was good." She re-centers on me, her posture easing as she asks, "How about you guys? Looks like you got a lot done."
My arm goes around her waist. "We did."
I lean in close, preparing to whisper in her ear how I almost told Emmett what we've done with Alice's old room when he interrupts me. "Break it up, love birds. I believe we were promised pizza for helping."
I pull away from Bella with a sigh but brush my mouth across her cheek. "You were," I agree. As I dig my phone back out of my pocket, I look to Alice and Jasper and ask, "You guys staying, too?"
"Sure. That sounds nice," Alice says, her voice restrained. There's a foot of distance between them, but at her neutral tone, Jasper reaches for her hand, smiling.
For the first time in my life, I order more than one pizza. And because they are all for my friends - or people I hope may someday become my friends - I know what everyone wants.
And as I speak into the phone, I am not asked to repeat myself. Not even once.
As my brother changes stations on the television, I rise, kissing Bella's cheek before gathering up glasses and plates. As I begin to fill the sink, I hear the clink of yet more dishes piling up on the counter beside me.
Still, I startle when I hear the voice.
"Need any help?"
Glancing at Alice and then down at the rising water, I have a flashback to the last time we were in this position. To the night I spoke my love without intending to. To the night that Bella collared me and told me that she loved me, too.
This is nothing like that night.
I force a smile that looks just as stiff and plastered-on as Alice's. "No, I've g-got it. But thank you."
"Sure. Just let me know."
At her escape, her relief is as palpable as mine.
The dish drainer is halfway full when warm arms slip around my waist. Kissing the base of my neck, Bella murmurs, "You don't have to do these now, you know."
I smile for real this time. "I know. I wanted to."
"Okay." Bella knows. She knows that for all I love to be surrounded by friends now, I am still the sort of man to need a moment to myself sometimes. "Well, come back to us soon."
Twisting to kiss her lips, I promise. "I will."
"Oh fuck, Pet, yes."
Mistress rides my face, her thighs so hot around my ears. Towering above me, she is soft and supple, hard and commanding.
We've been christening our playroom for hours now. It's all tastefully done, the toys in drawers or hung up in the closet, the Saint Andrew's cross we built standing beside a giant picture frame that could cover it at a moment's notice. It's a spare room, should we need it to be.
Tonight, we need it to be something else entirely.
The words 'our playroom' run through my mind again, and my cock pulses against my stomach, my tongue redoubling its efforts at her flesh. It's safe here. It's safe for her to be her and for me to be me. Her pet, her toy, I focus on her pleasure and my accompanying joy. Her breaths are quickening, the rocking of her pussy on my mouth increasingly insistent, and I know it's almost there.
"My … Pet … has the … best … fucking … mouth. God, yes, right there."
Like I could go anywhere else. I lie beneath her with my hands bound behind me, my back arched deliciously painfully, a leather ring around my cock. As she pauses and shudders, I spell out, "Mistress," on her flesh with my tongue. I spell out, "Please," and, "Come," and, "Take me."
Finally, she silences, all her will bent to this orgasm - to taking her pleasure from me. I groan with the relief of her pussy tensing, spasming. Her hands rip at my hair, and there's elation at her scream.
Everything she does feels good.
"God, Pet. Fuck," she breathes as she comes down and dismounts me.
I've not permission to speak right now, so I simply regard her, staring up beseechingly.
"You are such a sight, Pet." Standing, Mistress runs her fingers through my hair, and I can feel the dampness there. Slick and sweaty, bound and hard, I know I must look wanton.
A few moments later, she shows me.
Rolling me over to my side, my Mistress instructs me to be still as she sets up the mirror on what used to be my kitchen table, but which is now just another place for her to tie me and fuck me. Lying there on the black satin sheets we've used to cover my old bed, I am shockingly pale. Except, of course, where I am flushed. Marked.
As I look, my Mistress moves around the room, grabbing something from a chest of drawers before returning to my side. Uncertain what she wants of me, but desperately hoping that she'll let me come, I turn my eyes to hers to find her smiling smugly.
I groan when she holds up a plug. A new one.
It's shaped like a cock.
"Kiss," she breathes, holding it before my lips.
I close my eyes, remembering I'm safe here. I'm so safe.
My lips touch plastic, and I know it's all she wants. Still, she lets it linger near my mouth. I look up at her, asking questions with my eyes.
I know I don't have to.
But still, watching her all the while, I take the very tip inside my mouth.
Her eyes shine as she rasps, "Such a good boy. Such a good, good boy."
Before either of us can push me too far, she withdraws the plug and moves behind me. In the mirror, I watch her coat it with lube before coaxing my legs apart. She slides it in so slowly. There's pleasure and pain, and I moan loudly when I feel it all the way inside of me.
With one hand on my hip, she bends to kiss my sweaty forehead. In her reflection, I see her smirking as she lays one playful swat against my ass. "Relax. Rest."
She walks beyond my sight, and from the sounds of her heels, I think she leaves the room entirely, but there's no way to be sure.
Imagining that I've got some time, I sink down into the mattress and into my restraints, shifting slightly to feel the fabric on my skin and the tugs of the ropes. They're just right tonight - not tight enough to hurt me, but tight enough to form bright lines of bondage on my body. They're tight enough to cut into my mind.
Bit by bit my breathing slows; though, thanks to the ring, my arousal doesn't really stop throbbing. I pull my thoughts back into myself and into my submission, knowing that there is more to this than just an opportunity to rest. Slowly, the passage of time glowing ever so slightly, I let my eyes roam the room. At this angle, though, there's not much to see. There's nothing, really.
Nothing except me.
Deciding this must be my Mistress's intention, I settle my gaze on the mirror before me. Though it does not bother me so much now, I'm still not one with an appreciation for regarding my own reflection. But tonight I make an effort.
In the glass, I see my body, muscles slightly strained with the way the ropes pull my shoulders back. I see the ever-present circle of my collar and the contrast of the bright red ropes against white skin, the flush to my thighs where she has spanked me. I see the circle at the base of my cock, and I see my own flesh, swollen and glistening with need.
And then I look closer to see her name, etched possessively around that leather strip.
I zoom out to take in the whole of me.
I look possessed.
A bound, well-fucked, submissive man, I look like somebody owns me. Like Bella owns me.
And fuck me if I don't look deliriously happy.
"That can be arranged."
My eyes dart up, away from my own face to find my Mistress's reflection, her body just behind me. And my cheeks redden sharply as I realize I've spoken out loud.
She watches that knowledge cross my face, and she pulls the flogger back into her hand, retrieving it from where she'd left it by my side. "'Fuck me?' was it, Pet?"
I am not so naughty as to reply.
Though I am almost tempted to, to earn another stroke.
"Two then," she says evenly, her smile wicked. Rolling me to lie a little more on my stomach than my side, she orders, "Watch."
We've never done this in front of a mirror before. Not like this.
I've never gotten to watch her punish me.
The blows are hard and fast, just the way I wish she'd fuck me, and I grimace at each. Still, I can't take my eyes off her expression, gripping in its intensity. Tenderly, afterward, she massages my burning skin. "Good boy. You're such a good boy."
Were I allowed a sound, I'd purr.
When I'm back on my side again, she whispers, "Just like this."
My muscles lock down in an effort to obey, but it's hard as I watch her walk around the bed to stand before me. Wrapped tightly in glossy, black PVC, her curves are devastatingly sexy, and the ache in my balls is almost too much to take. I am close to begging her as she stands there, staring at me.
But then she sinks to her knees.
She takes me in her mouth instead, my whole body convulsing at the feeling of my head at her throat, the muscle relaxing to envelop me. I'm grateful for the ring, so close already to coming after hours of being worked this way.
She pops off to tell me, "Watch."
It seems so wrong to feel this good, to so enjoy watching my Mistress suck me as I lie there, bound for her pleasure, and for mine. My exhales grow more and more belabored, the pleasure rising hotly, and just when I am close to breaking my silence to beg for some release, she removes her mouth from me. Internally, I groan.
With great difficulty and without the use of my arms, I bring myself to standing. I'm light-headed, but her hand on my hip is enough to ground me.
Still, it makes me dizzy when she lies on the bed with her legs spread, her pussy open. Inviting me. With her ass at the edge of the mattress, she's at the perfect height for me to drive into her.
"Fuck me," she breathes, inviting me to do just that.
With my eyes half rolling back inside my head, I stagger to the edge of the bed. Her legs begin to snake around me, heels digging into my ass, and she reaches out one hand to guide me.
High on how good she feels, I slowly sink in.
"Fast and hard, Pet. Just the way you like it."
Biting my tongue, I do just as she says, struggling without my arms to support me. Not that it matters. She's there to hold me up.
Her one hand goes to her clit while the other one rests on my side, above my hip. And for all that I am fucking her, she is the one who is clearly in control of me.
I wouldn't have it any other way.
After a few short minutes of thrusting, I feel my will-power crumbling, the ring not even enough now to keep me from coming. I must be blue in the face from how I barely allow myself to breathe.
Finally, she groans the words, "Come for me," and I gasp raggedly.
As she spasms around me, I feel my orgasm gather in every nerve between my legs, a teetering, elating feeling. A moment later, it surges outward.
And I fall forward onto the bed, twitching uncontrollably as I pulse and shatter and empty.
Afterward, she strokes my hair. "I love you, Pet."
I bend to kiss her throat. And rules or no, I whisper, "Mistress, I love you, too."
She doesn't punish me.
I haul the last bag of things to take to Bella's place out into the living room and set it by the door. Wiping my hands on my jeans, I turn to find Bella in the middle of the room, turning in a slow circle contemplatively.
"It's looks so … empty," she says to the four bare walls. "Kind of lonely, really." Her eyes drift up to mine, her expression soft. "But then, it always did have a little bit of that feel to it."
I shake my head and smile as I approach her. "Only until you came along."
Pulling her into my arms, I kiss her softly, and she accepts me willingly. Her hands tug me closer, but they also pull me down.
We sit against the wall in the empty room for a while, making out like I imagine teenagers would do. With Bella, I feel just that young, and everything seems new. Eventually, our kisses deepen, hands straying. "One last time?" I ask, breathless as she palms me.
Her mouth twists sourly. "That makes it sound so sad."
I shake my head and slide my thumb across her lips. "It is, in its own way. This is where I fell in love with you."
"It's where I fell in love with you, too."
We regard each other for a moment, fingertips soft on skin, eyes warm.
"One last time," she says finally.
We move slowly tonight, kissing until we each feel fit to burst before sliding away clothing, touching gently at all that is revealed. Still, it isn't long before I find myself naked on my back on the bare floor. As Bella sinks down over me, I say goodbye to a place that saw me at my loneliest, but which also saw me find the courage to look for more and the strength to love with all my heart.
With her body one with mine, I open myself to a future that's so bright with possibility.
One where the only ties that bind me are those that link my life to hers.
A/N: Expect the epilogue in two weeks. *sniffle*
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And one last reminder that I've started posting what's probably going to end up being my last multi-chaptered fic, "The Music of the Night." The link is on my profile, and Chapter 3 will be up next Thursday.
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