Greetings anonymous Internet goers. I wrote this story for me 'cause I'm totally crushing on Doof right now. He's definitely my favorite evil doctor of all time.
Yea, so for those of you that don't know me, (that's the majority of everyone I recon) I'm a total perve, and my friends, it is safe to assume that the story below is going to reflect that. Uh...let's rephrase that so you can't miss it: THIS STORY IS PERVERTED GARBAGE (erm...contains graphic violence and sadomasochistic undertones)
So now that that's out of the way...enjoy! ;D
The Doctor's Reform
It was a terrible day for filing papers, and Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz just wasn't in the mood for it. Of course filing papers is always a terrible activity, it hardly matters what day it is. Filing papers is terrible everyday. It's terrible during a thunderstorm, and during a tornado-in the rain, on a plain, in a box, with a fox...well, you get the picture. Filing papers is always terrible and Dr. Doofenshmirtz didn't feel like doing it. Not one bit.
He looked down at a collection of records that he had spread out on the desk in front of him (for the purpose of more convenient filibility). He could have easily spread them out across three additional desks of equal size, but didn't bother with this for two reasons:
reason one: He didn't feel like it.
reason two: If he where to do this then he would probably discover enough papers to occupy a fourth desk and that would just be depressing.
He slammed his face down onto the desk in frustration, injuring his large nose on its wooden surface.
"Ow!" he shrieked indignantly rubbing the tip of his villainous nose. "Well I'm just angry now."
He though this over for a moment, observing the vast pile of relentless papers, and then swept them into a pile and pushed them over the edge of the desk into a cardboard box that was on the floor next to the useless-inator (a little experiment that Heinz had been working on that had never quite worked out).
"Organising thing is overratted!" Doofenshmirtz shouted triumphantly, eyeing the garbled pile of obnoxious papers with distaste.
He turned around. There was a green platypus standing there for some reason.
"Perry the Platypus!" the evil doctor announced in his usual fashion, throwing his arms up into the air for dramatic effect. "I'm sorry to disappoint you but I don't have any evil plans going on just yet...you see...I had been attempting to organise these papers...but have just given up-so yea I guess its time for have an evil plan now."
Dr. Doofenshmirtz pushed a button and a large cage sprung from the sealing, falling on Perry the Platypus, and leaving him trapped, as usual forced to listen to Doogenshmirtz's idiotic new plan.
"I have created a new inator which is sure to make me erm..." Heinz paused he couldn't seem to come up with any terrible puns to thematically fit the situation. "I really great and cool guy, by which I mean a guy who's really cool...but also...you know...great-anyways, my newest inator is called the "Inator-inator" it is an inator that spontaneous produces inators, thereby making it impossible for you to destroy them all."
Garry the Platipus narrowed his eyes sceptically.
"Oh COME ON it's gonna work this time...I just push this red button...and..."
The large, complicated, machine spontaneously exploded, leaving the doctor ashen-faced and staring at the blackened mess in front of him with a shocked and dumbfounded expression.
"OK, so that didn't work," said Doofenshmirtz defeatedly. His eyes narrowed with irritation. "So I guess I'll fill you in on that other stuff I was doing...you know since I have no one else to talk to."
The platypus didn't look the slightest bit amused, but he was quite literally a captive audience so he didn't have much choice but to listen anyway.
"Yea, so, anyway, I was organising this big pile of paper. They're mostly, I don't know, my arrest records, and newspaper clipping about stuff I wasn't arrested for and stuff like that. The deed to my house is in here somewhere...the divorce paper that where never officially officialesed...my ex-wife'll want those...and um my free credit report from free credit report dot com. Yea, my credits bound to be pretty awful so I'm not looking forward to finding that."
Perry the Platipus rolled his eyes.
"Ugh...I wouldn't expect you to understand," said the doctor collapsing against his desk once more. All of that "organising" had made him rather tired, and he swiftly fell a sleep.
Perry the Platypus was quite adept at freeing himself from traps. He was so good at, it in fact, that Dr. Doofenshmirtz no longer bothered to make his traps very complicated, or difficult to escape from.
The cage that Perry had been trapped in wasn't actually locked, and Perry found that the cage door swung open easily with minimal effort on his part.
Heinz was still asleep. His hunched figure rose and fell with his labored breathing. His face was buried in the crook of one of his bony arms, and he was snoring loudly. He could have been faking it, but he wasn't. Perry was quite confident of that. He knew Heinz good enough to know that his fake snore was far less obnoxious than his real one.
"Jeese, Doofenshmirtz," thought Perry sarcastically as he observed the sleeping doctor. "For some one who's a genius you really are an idiot."
"...Cha...Charlene," whimpered Heinz between snores. "Charlene...I..."
Perry averted his eyes. He had never seen a sleeping man look so depressed, and it felt almost obscene to watch. That damned evil scientist was much of a threat really. He just always seemed to be making a nuisance of himself. Headquarters was getting sick of him. Which, Perry supposed, was the reason that they wanted him quarantined.
Perry supposed that it was for the best. They could put this lunatic in a rubber room where he would never be able to hurt himself or any one else ever again. It was an excellent idea, really. Perry was surprised that they hadn't thought to do it before...and yet...he couldn't help but feel a little bad for the poor guy. It didn't feel right having to cuff him while he was asleep like this, practically sniveling over his ex-wife.
But Perry the Platypus had a job to do. Heinz Doofenshmirtz may have been sentimental, but he was far from safe. Despite his recent depression-based lack of enthusiasm, he really was rather intelligent, and he was more than capable of bringing the entire tri-state area under his evil influence. After all, how did someone who was unemployed afford a sky-scrapper and a blimp? You could only charge so much to your ex-wife's credit card.
The Platypus sighed, and snapped the handcuffs closed over Heinz's wrists as he slept. Headquarters had set up an unnecessarily elaborate plan in anticipation of the scientist's capture, but it was even less necessary now. There was a teleportation device attached to one of the cuffs that hung loosely around the sleeping doctor's narrow wrists. It looked like a tiny green button with the word "teleport" written on it.
Perry pressed the button with one of his green platypus paws, and the doctor was instantaneously teleported to headquarters. Perry hoped that they would be kind to him.
(I'm going to keep writing this story until its finished and/or my obsession with this damn cartoon goes away. Eventually it'll be rated M, because, you know, its bound to deteriorate into porn at some point. SickoLady out.)