Disclaimer – I own nothing in the world of Harry Potter; it all belongs to the phenomenal J.K. Rowling and company. I make no money from this fanfiction.
Summary – Sad fic about Hermione visiting her husband on his birthday. It's quite possibly a tearjerker, but please just give it a chance, it has a happy ending. SS/HG and RL/HG. Obviously OOC and AU.
Thanks to Puff Daddy and Faith Evans for singing the song "I'll Be Missing You", for the tears, the laughter, and the inspiration that helped me finish writing this.
This is in dedication to Eric L. Wade, who will never be able to read this story, but he lives on within heart and spirit. God knows we all love you and miss you so much Spanky. And to anyone who has lost a partner and knows the pain that comes with their death, as well as the pain in moving on.
A huge, massive thank you to my beta reader/ English Love Muffin, Moina! You are amazing.
Warning – Just as a precaution. Character death and mild sexual implications.
Fifty year old Hermione Granger walked through two wrought iron gates, her shoes sloshing in the heavy layer of melting snow. It was an unusually warm day in January; the sun was out but the compacted white snow was still up to her knees. She walked the main path, her eyes not swaying to the many monuments or statues around her. Her black cloak grazed along the top layer of snow as she turned off the path, making her way to the familiar spot.
Hermione produced her wand and wordlessly made a seven foot by three foot section of snow disappear. She unceremoniously dropped to the ground, her legs folding beneath her. She used her hand to brush snow off the large stone in front of her, taking care to make sure every white flake was gone. She ran her hand over the hard marble, breathing deeply through her nose, trying to keep the tears at bay.
"Happy birthday, darling," she said quietly, feeling awkward as her voice cut through the deafening silence.
Hermione caressed the headstone, sighing. She traced each letter, each number, every little bit of it she could. It was a large headstone, but not gaudy; that hadn't been his style. Nothing on it really mattered to Hermione other than the name – Severus Tobias Snape, but she always found herself reading it over and over every time she came.
Severus Tobias Snape
9 January 1960 – 20 June 2020
Loving husband, father, friend, and professor.
Once and always a hero; a man who lived many years within the Dark to help save the Light.
Forever to be missed, but forever within the hearts of those who love him.
Hermione traced the word 'husband' a few times before tears leaked out of her eyes. It had been almost eleven years since he had died, and even though everyday life was easier, it didn't make the pain she felt now any less. The guilt she had over his death came sweeping back as she traced the word 'father'. Her breath hitched as she remembered the day clearly.
They had been in a park, finally having a few hours to themselves after months of demanding work and family schedules that took up nearly every minute of their days. Severus had taken her hand as they slowly walked through the 'Tunnel of Trees', a site to behold in Autumn when all the leaves changed, burning reds and yellows making them look almost aflame. That was where he had proposed to her exactly seventeen years previous to that day.
After officially graduating Hogwarts, Hermione had taken an apprenticeship with Severus, and somewhere within that year they had fallen in love. They had both entered the relationship with extreme trepidation, both having been hurt by people they had deeply loved. Ron, during her redo seventh year, had accepted a position with a professional Quidditch team. Naturally he had taken it, and Hermione backed him a hundred and ten percent. What she hadn't approved of was his female fans. She had trusted him fully, which had been a massive mistake. Only six months after he had joined the team, pictures cropped up in the Daily Prophet and Witch Weekly of him and various women in compromising positions. The worst part of the whole thing was that Ron never denied it. Hermione promptly ended the viral relationship.
But, on that warm summer day, the couple continued on until they came across the exact spot that Severus had dropped down to one knee, spilling his heart out to her before asking her to be his wife. When they came to that spot, Severus leant against a tree and pulled Hermione's slight frame against his own, lovingly wrapping his arms around her shoulders and kissed her. She had fisted his black, cotton shirt and kissed him back passionately, smiling as he deepened the kiss, his tongue caressing hers slowly.
"How I have missed this, my beautiful wife," he said, not letting his lips leave hers.
Hermione couldn't help but giggle. "You did a lot more than kiss me last night, husband. But I've missed you too," she said, knowing he meant that he missed their quiet moments together, doing nothing but sitting together in their bed and reading to each other until early morning hours.
"I love you, Hermione," he whispered against her lips.
"Mmm, Severus, I love you too," she murmured before taking his mouth again
His hands went to her hips, pressing her harder against him, the obvious bulge in his pants lighting a fire within her stomach.
Severus and Hermione froze before pulling apart. Severus looked over her head and she saw his eyes get wide and he tightened his grip around her. Her heart slammed within her chest, instantly scared as she saw the fear on her husband's face.
"Lucius," Severus said, more for Hermione's benefit than actually addressing the man. She stiffened in his arms, a cold dread settling in her stomach.
She heard a humorless laugh from behind her and she shuddered slightly. "Severus, Hermione," Lucius said, almost courteously. Hermione whimpered as she felt his wand tip dig into her back. "Move and she's as dead as that leech Dumbledore."
Hermione bit back a retort to defend her previous Headmaster. Instead, Severus spoke. "What business do you have with my wife and me, Lucius?"
"The same as it would have been twenty years ago, friend," he answered hotly. "As you see, I have escaped Azkaban. In short, I have come for my revenge – a life for a life. My son is all but dead to me, having turned to a fickle life of a lowly do-gooder, not wanting anything to do with me because of the ideas you put into his head. I do believe it would be acceptable to take away the thing you love most, your Mudblood whore."
Within the length of a breath, Severus swung Hermione about with the strength of a man possessed just as Lucius screamed those two, horrid, life-ending words. Just as the words left Lucius' mouth, Severus whispered 'I love you' in her ear, overpowering the crazy scream from her husband's murderer. Lucius stood there, wide-eyed and horrified that he'd killed his previous best friend. It was enough for Hermione to be able to draw her husband's wand from his back pocket and fire the first spell that came to her.
"SECTUMPRA!" she screamed, brandishing the wand while trying to support of the weight of her dead love. Lucius fell to the ground, spluttering and quivering as the blood quickly drained from his body.
"I-I'm so s-sorry, Severus," she choked out, driven back to reality by a strong breeze whipping through her unruly hair. She let her tears run their course, knowing there was no reason to try and fight them back any longer. She took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down.
"I know you'd probably be surprised," she started, trying to go down a less painful road, "but I took today off work to come here. Remus was very supportive."
A small smile graced Hermione's face at the mention of Remus.
"He loves you too, you know," she whispered. "We miss you so much. I remember you joking once that you always thought I'd end up with Remus out of anyone. I can understand why you said that now, but you know I loved you so much. I still love you. I think about you every day, my love, not one going by where I don't remember little things about you I had nearly forgotten. It's a blessing and a curse."
She traced the word 'husband' against and sighed. "I think it's easier, being with Remus, because Dora died, too. He still gets upset sometimes, like I do. I used to wonder if he and I were just together because we know each other's pain, but that's not true. I wouldn't disgrace you by doing that. I know you'd wanted me to happy, love, if you ever died."
Her eyes stung as she remembered a conversation they had about eight years into their marriage….
They were lying in bed together, snuggled tightly beneath the covers, just enjoying their time together. "I don't know what I'd do without you, Severus," she had said.
He had smiled and tilted her chin up so he could look directly into her caramel eyes. "I'd hope you would live your life happily."
Her eyebrows pulled together. "I don't mean to sound dramatic, but I would be destroyed if I ever lost you."
He chuckled and kissed her forehead. "I would be, too, love. However, I would want you to move on. To find happiness in whatever or whomever you thought worthy. If something like that were to happen, I wouldn't want you to live your life alone, unable to love again because I wasn't there. I'd be right here," he said quietly, placing his hand over where her heart was beating quickly. "I love you, until the day I die and beyond, but I couldn't deal with the knowledge that you basically died with me, even though your body hadn't. I love your mind, and your heart, and your passion. I wouldn't want those to be wasted. I would want you to be happy."
She had agreed wholeheartedly, not able to live knowing that if she died that Severus would lose the beautiful person he was. But she had been completely destroyed after his death, unable to do anything but cry and hold their children, who were just as heartbroken. Remus, along with his and Tonks' son Teddy, showed up two days after it had happened to help Hermione, knowing firsthand the pain that came with losing your spouse and parent.
Tonks had been killed, only six months before Severus, in the line of duty by a cracked-out wizard that she had meant to apprehend. Remus and Teddy pretty much just stuck around in the following months, helping to pick up the pieces and make sure the kids got on the train on time. They moved in only a year after Severus had died, but Hermione and Remus' relationship didn't start until nearly five years after that. They had both needed time to heal and get to a point where they would be able love someone else.
"He's so good to us," she said to the headstone. "I know you liked him, thought of him as a brother. I was so surprised to see the two of you become such good friends after the war ended. But I guess it was for the best, you two were meant to have one another in each other's lives. I think sometimes he misses you as much as I do. You were there for him so often, especially when Dora died. I feel bad sometimes, loving someone you were so close with, but I know you would be alright with it. I knew you, Severus, so well. Gods, I was so lucky to have you, wasn't I? I don't think I told you that enough.
"It's just hard sometimes," she whispered, taking in a shaky breath. "I'm sorry I haven't been around lately, Severus. We've just been so busy, with work and the holidays and Chloe's wedding and all."
At the mention of their daughter, tears slid down her face again. She put her forehead against the cold marble, choking sobs ripping through her chest. "She misses you so much," she sobbed. "She-she's so beautiful, Severus, I wish you could have seen her in her white dress. She cried so much the day before, wanting you to be there. 'I want my daddy' she screamed more than once at me, and it just ripped my heart out, seeing our twenty-four year old daughter screaming for you.
"Of course Talia and S.J., who was sorted into Ravenclaw, by the way, heard her and got upset too," she continued, unable to stop now. "Chandler finally came into the room and screamed back at her, telling her that we all missed you and she needn't upset the whole house. Obviously, he still gets angry sometimes. He always says it's because he knew you the longest, even if it was just two minutes longer than Cassie."
She shivered as the breeze blew harder and she tightened the cloak around her body. "S.J. was so young when you died, he feels cheated sometimes. Hell, I feel cheated sometimes." Hermione sighed, brushing the tears off her face. "Anyway, I yelled at Chandler halfway through his rant and he started to cry, and we all just sat in my bed and cried, missing you to no end. Remus came home and Chloe ran up to him and pounded her fists against his chest, crying so hysterically no one could understand what she was saying.
"Once Remus caught on to what was happening, he wrapped his arms around her and held her until she stopped hitting him. It was so horrible. Eventually he got her back into the bed and Talia and S.J. and Cassie and Teddy came in, and all eight of us just sat there, calming down. It wasn't until Chloe very quietly apologized and asked Remus to walk her down the aisle the next day that I completely broke down again. I mean, he's been there for a long time, but he's also helped me raise them so well these past eleven years, he really has. You should see him with the kids, Sev, he's great. They just adore him. Remus felt awkward about accepting it, because he didn't want to step into your shoes, but I don't think the wedding would have been right without it."
Hermione couldn't help but smile through her tears, remembering her daughter's wedding. "It was really quite sweet, the way he gave her away. When the Official asked who gives her away, he said, 'Her mother, Hermione, her father, Severus, and I do.' She hugged him so tightly and did so well at not bursting into tears."
Hermione wiped her cheeks again, which was pointless, the tears just wouldn't stop. "I try to be so strong, Severus, I really do," she whimpered. "It's just so hard, watching them grow and knowing that you can't. You can't hold our babies and walk our daughters down the aisle. You aren't there to watch them grow into the amazing people I know they'll be. You don't get to see them go through the hardships of school and relationships and weddings. You don't get to watch them have babies of their own and help them through parenthood. It's not right!"
She hiccupped in a sob and stopped herself from talking, taking a moment to calm down.
"S.J. wanted me to tell you that he misses you and he loves you," Hermione said shakily. "God, Severus, I can't believe you're gone sometimes… Especially when I look into Severus Jr.'s eyes and see you staring back at me; that's probably the worst. I try not to tell him he looks just like you because it upsets him a little, not because he's practically identical to you, but because he never really knew you. He was so little when you died. He was only six months old for Merlin's sake. I wish I could ask you if it bothered you that we call him S.J., but I don't know if I could constantly call him 'Severus', and I don't know if the other kids could either."
Hermione was silent for awhile, snuggling into her cloak, trying to find his smell within it. It had been one of his many cloaks that she had shrunk down so it fit her; it had lost his scent long ago, but if she closed her eyes, she could almost feel his arms around her again. Oh, how she missed being in his arms, his fingers playing with her long hair. She missed his touch, so soft and gentle. She longed for his mouth, that beautiful, perfect mouth, which had loved to cover every inch of her body.
"Am I a horrible person?" she asked the headstone. "Is it wrong for me to love Remus, but still want you back? I know he misses Dora, but I know he loves me too. How wrong is it that I still miss your touch? Your long hugs and your sweet kisses. They way your eyes would light up when the kids called you 'daddy' or did something utterly adorable." She paused for a minute, trying to find the right words to say. "I have moved on, and I do love Remus unconditionally, but you'll never be gone from my heart, from my soul. He knows that, and accepts it, the same way I do with his love for Dora. I know I repeat myself every time I'm here, and I'm sorry I don't have much new, but it helps me to clear my head."
Hermione sighed and slid down, stretching out her body until she was lying directly on top of where his casket was, six feet below the ground. She turned and curled onto her side and stroked the grass, hoping somehow it would get to him, and tears rose within her eyes again. "I miss you," she whispered. "I love you, Severus… so much."
Three hours later Hermione found herself being lifted off the ground, strong arms sliding beneath her body and easily supporting her weight. She had unintentionally fallen asleep and she kept her eyes closed and inhaled through her nose. For one second, she had blindly thought it was a dream and Severus had come back for her. But when a different manly scent tickled her nose, she immediately knew who it was.
Hermione smiled and snuggled into Remus' chest. "Aren't I too heavy?" she asked.
"You? Never," he whispered, kissing the top of her head, completely leaving out the fact he had placed a lightening charm on her. He was seventy-one after all, but in the wizarding world he was basically forty, and didn't look a day older since the first time they had met in her third year at Hogwarts.
"How long have you been here?" she asked.
"Only about an hour or so," he said quietly.
Hermione understood. "Good visit?" she asked.
"Yes, it was refreshing," he replied. "I hadn't been to Dora's grave in a long while. You?"
"Very good. It's nice to see you though," she replied honestly.
He smiled. "I couldn't agree more, love. It's nice to see you too. Ready to go home? If not, I'll just place you back down where you were, I don't mind."
"No," she said, feeling better than she had in a long time. "No, Remus, I'm ready to go home."
A/N – I'm really worried how this turned out, so please take just a minute to review and let me know what you thought! I really do value all your thoughts and opinions! Thank you!