Chapter 1 (Freddie's POV

It's not like I'd ever planned to be arrested. I mean, if you're one of my friends, you know that I'm as dorky as they come. I'm a good kid. Well, I guess not. I got arrested and the cops didn't even let me tell my story. The cops were completely un-understanding. If they had looked a little into my past maybe I wouldn't have been arrested. Actually I take that back, I would have anyway. But they would have taken it easier on me. Anyway, I'm getting ahead of myself. If I tell you my story, I'll have to start from the beginning.

My life pretty much sucked up until the point where I met Carly and Sam. Carly was nice to me. Sam was...well, violent and mean towards me. But both of them were my friends. I helped them make iCarly. So my life was getting better. We went through everything together. From Sam and I having our first kisses with each other to a psycho trapping us in their basement. "I'm Carly!" Carly said happily.

"I'm Sam!" Sam said.

"And this is iCarly!" both of them shouted.

I held the camera and followed Sam and Carly around as they stood on their heads and tried to climb the wall with toilet plungers. How we came up with all these things, I had no idea. When iCarly ended, I said, "And...we're clear!"

"Awesome." Sam plopped down on one of the beanbags.

Carly sat down next to her. I walked over to my computer and set my camera down. "Great show tonight, guys," I commented.

"Thanks," Carly smiled.

"So who are you guys taking to the dance?" Sam asked.

"What dance?" I asked.

"The one in May." Sam rolled her eyes.

"But its April," Carly said. "The dance isn't, like, for a month."

"Your point?" Sam asked.

Carly smiled and rolled her eyes. The last week of May was our last week of school. So we were having a dance. I wasn't planning on going, but I'd probably get stuck with a weirdo girl. I wasn't even sure if Sam was going. She wasn't really into dances. After the Girl's Choice Dance, anyway. Carly and I ended up dancing at that one. But out of the corner of my eye, I could see Sam come in. She saw us and she looked like she was a little hurt. It was kind of like us kissing then not telling Carly. "I should get home before my mom has a heart attack," I said.

"Alright, we'll see you tomorrow," Carly said.

"I don't know if I can look at your ugly mug for another day," Sam complained.

Over the years, I had learned to try and ignore Sam's insults, even if it was the hardest thing in the world to do. So being the awesome person that I am, I just walked out the door. Go me. When I got downstairs, Spencer was working on another sculpture. "Hey, Spence, what are you working on?" I asked.

"I'm making a man made out of ropes! I will call him 'Rope Man'!" Spencer said.

"Sweet," I said before leaving the Shay's apartment.

Something wasn't right at my apartment. All the lights were off. I looked around the kitchen. Sometimes my mom left notes saying she was at the store or whatever. A note was laying on the stove: Dear Freddie, I'm going to CVS to pick up your ointment. Be back in an hour. Love, Mom.

Cool. I had the apartment to myself till Mom gets back. I grabbed the remote and plopped down on the couch. Nothing was really on TV. There never was anything on during the night. I yawned as I watched the Cooking Channel. It was really the only channel that my Mom wasn't totally against. I was almost asleep when the phone started ringing. "Shit," I muttered as I scrambled around in the dark looking for the phone.

Finally I spotted it and leaped for it. "Hello?" I grumbled into the phone, as I hit the ground.

"Is this Freddie Benson?" the guy asked.

"Uh, yeah. Who's calling?" I replied.

"I'm sorry, but your mother has been shot and we need you to meet us at the hospital, now," the guy told me.

I almost dropped the phone. My Mom? Shot? "I-I'll be right there." I hung up.

How was I going to get there? "Spencer!" I slammed my fists on Carly's apartment.

"WHAT?" Spencer yelled at me when he opened the door.

"M-My Mom was shot...the paramedics just called me. Can you drive me to the hospital?" I pleaded.

"You don't even need to ask." Spencer grabbed his jacket.

"What's going on?" Carly asked rubbing her eyes.

Spencer blurted out, "Freddie's Mom got shot."

Before Carly could even respond, Spencer grabbed her arm and pulled out of the apartment. We were to the hospital in ten minutes. They told us she was dying and they let me see her since I was her son. "M-Mom?" I crept toward her.

"Freddie," my Mom smiled as soon as she saw me.

"H-How are you?" I pulled a chair next to her bed, tears formed in my eyes.

"I'm dying," she whispered.

"No!" I protested. "You're going to get better. Aren't you? I mean, the doctors took the bullet out and stuff." I knew it didn't matter she was going to die and I couldn't do a damn thing about it.

"You know it's too late, Freddie," Mom said. "I just want you to know, that I love-" She winced and a monitor started to beep. "You," my Mom whispered and fell silent.

"Mom?" I stood up from the chair. "Mom? I cried desperately. "You can't die! You can't leave me!" I shouted.

Doctors and nurses came rushing in the room. A nurse pulled me back. "No!" I tried to push the nurse away. "Let me go! Mom!"

The doctors hung their heads. My heart was beating a thousands beats per minute. I felt like my head was going to explode. One of the doctors turned to me. I stopped struggling against the nurse. She let me go. The doctor's face was sullen. He put a hand on my shoulder, "I'm sorry, son," he sighed. "She's gone."

A week after my mother's death, we had a funeral for her. I was supposed to move in with my aunt, but I, honestly, didn't want to move away from my friends. I was closer to them than any of my family members. Spencer offered me an extra room in his apartment. So I asked my aunt if I could move in with the Shays because I would miss my friends too much and I wanted to stay close to home. She said yes. I moved my belongings into the room next to Carly's. I had a pretty good view of Seattle. My bed was positioned so when I woke up every morning I could see the view. I stood in Carly's room, looking at myself in her mirror. I was wearing a black suit for the funeral. Spencer helped me with my tie. "Thanks," I said.

"I know it's hard for you," Spencer told me. "But it'll get better in time. The hurt will start to fade."

If that had come from anyone else but Spencer or Carly, I would have yelled at them. Spencer and Carly had lost their mother. But Carly didn't remember her because she died after she gave birth to Carly. So Spencer knew how I was feeling. "Yeah," I muttered.

I looked in the mirror again. My eyes looked so...dead. The doorbell rang. "That's probably Sam," Spencer said and headed downstairs.

Sighing, I followed him. Sam came in. She was wearing a black strapless dress and black high-heels. There was dark eyeliner around her eyes. She looked fit for a funeral. Carly sat on the chair by the computer. She was a black dress and flats. Spencer went back to his room to get dressed. Carly came over to me and gave me a hug. When she let go, Sam did the same. "I'm sorry," Sam whispered in my ear.

I hugged Sam back and buried my face in her hair. Sam was, I think, the most understanding. It seemed like since I was in pain, she was too. I let go of her because it was starting to become awkward. Spencer came out of his room dressed in a black suit and tie. "Are you guys ready to leave?" Spencer asked grimly.

"Yeah, let's go," Carly said.

Spencer had recently bought a car because his motorcycle wasn't big enough for Carly, him, and me. We all piled into his car. I got a window seat and starred out the window all the way there. As we pulled into the St. Sebastian parking lot, rain started pouring down. We quickly ran inside the church. Spencer got us seats in the first row. Everyone from my Mom's side of the family was there. My dad died when I was three so I didn't really remember him. But everyone from his side came anyway. The priest started going on about something, but I didn't listen. Then we when to the cemetery. The rain had stopped. We sat in chairs in front of my mother's headstone. We all stood as the coffin was getting ready to be lowered into the ground. I was standing between Carly and Sam. Spencer stood in silence next to Carly.

I bit my lip. It was hard to stand there and just watch. I felt Sam's hand gently slip into mine. The wind started to pick up. I squeezed her hand. Rain trickled down my face. I looked at the dark sky. When the funeral ended, I just stood there. Sam's hand was still in mine. "It'll get better over time, like Spencer said" Sam told me.

"I don't understand how," I said. I let go of Sam's hand and shoved my hands in my pockets. Then I started walking back to the car.

I was sitting on the Shay's couch one week later. I hadn't left the house since the funeral. There was nothing on the TV, as usual. But I just flipped through the channels a hundred times anyway. The door opened. "Hey, Freddie," Carly greeted.

Sam came in behind her. "Sup, Fredward?" Sam asked.

I didn't say "hi" or anything to them. Carly sat down next to me. "Uh, here's the home work for today." Carly opened her backpack and put some textbooks on the table in front of me.

"Thanks," I muttered and leaned forward.

I had lost my will to care about school or homework for that matter. It didn't really matter to me anymore. I started to open my math text book then closed it. "I'll do it tomorrow," I said.

Carly and Sam just starred at me. "You just can't keep blowing off your homework, Freddie," Carly told me.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because you have to get on with your life! You can't just sit here on the couch for the rest of your life! Things will only get better if you allow them too-"

"How would you know, Carly? Huh? Do you remember your mother? No, you don't because she died giving birth to you. So how could you possibly know how I feel? The only person who knows how I feel is Spencer. He was old enough to remember your mother," I snapped. "He's the only one who is even close to knowing my pain."

I stood up and walked over to the counter. "Look, Freddie, I'm sorry. You're right I don't know how you're feeling...but I know that your mom would want you to move on," Carly told me.

"You know she's right, Freddie," Sam said. "You can't let your whole life be ruined by her death. Life goes on."

I knew in my heart they were right. I had to move on. But I never said that when I returned my life that it was going to be the same as it was before. They wanted me to move on. Fine. But I was going to move on in my own way.