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Lauran :-)

Sunday,February 10th



Run,run, huff huff,and PANTS.

Who ever invented jogging must die!

Unless it is girly-type jogging then that is OK.

There is nothing better to perk someone up on a cold day then a girl jogging without a bra.

Or anything on, for that matter.

(15 Minutes Later)

When I got in Josh was teaching Armstrong to read. The only probablem is 1)Armstrong is a dog and 2)Joshy is only 4 1/2 and doesn't know how to read. Not stopping Josh,though.

I tried to sneak past but Josh looked up to see me going through. "Davey boy!"

"Joshy boy!"

"Why you so red?"

"I am doing my impression of a beet. Why don't you go find Mum?"

Amazingly he toddled off and I ran up and collapsed on my bed.

(2 Minutes Later)

OKay, I had to mov mounds of dirty socks elsewhere just to get to my bed (I am sure it's under here somewhere...) but still...

What am I laying on?

(15 Seconds Later)

Why is Mum's special smelly shampoo doing in MY room?

(5 Minutes Later)

Knocked a full 5 minutes on Mariyah's door before she FINALLY opened her door a crack and peeked round.

"WHAT do YOU want?"

She had her hair all done up in a scarf and a green mask thing on.

"Have you exfoliated so much your true self came through?"

'Shuuddup and give that me."

She moved to grab it (ooer) but I danced out of her reach.

"Why was it in MY room?"


I raised an eyebrow "Getting all tarted up for Mike 'The Hands' Hanson?"


"You have to admit, he is a tad on the octopussy side!"

"Shuddup or I'm going to tell Mum you're the one what's been using her exfoliating scrub!"

I went beetroot. OH GOD.

She grabbed the shamps out my hand "Yoink!" and slammed her door.

Oooooh I am going to KILL HER.

(My Room)

Why did I shout at Gee?

(1 Minute Later)

Does she really fancy me ?

Then why was she snogging Robbie?

(1 Minute Later)

She has, it has to be said, excellent snogosity skills...

(2 Minutes Later)

OH GOD Now I'm even talking like her !

(20 Minutes Later)

Looking out the window at other people having a life. Even my sister has a life and she's lives at home,still.

I wish I was more like her..

(1 Minute Later)

No no no,I mean a girl.

(3 Minutes Later)

Though, if I was I'd never go out-I'd just stay at home and play with my nunga-nungas.

(1 Minute Later)

Does that make me a lesbian?

Michael just pulled up.

He is such a chav.

My sister is too good for 'd never think it, the way she dresses, like right now it's about -3000C out and she's got on a long poufy dress and SANDALS and her nunga-nungas are pushed up to her chin and falling out.


(1 Minute And 30 Seconds Later)

Michael just picked a dandelion and put it behind her ear and she actually let him. What a bunch of toss-pots, the lot of them.

Do girls really act SO dim and weedy when us lads are 'round?

(2 Minutes Later)

Yes if Gee and her Homosexualist Handbag Carrrying Boyfriend are anything to go by.

(5 Minutes Later)

OH GOD I am in love with a serial weedgirl !

(40 Minutes Later)

Tom rang. Speaking of weeds...(hahahahahahahahaha)

"Hell, David speaking."

"Blimey, mate, you sound awful."


"No, I mean..I'm guessing things with Georgia didn't go alright then?"

I took the phone with my to the kitchen. Wallowing in self-miserosity made me starving. And besides, if I'm to never go out again, I may as well be fat.

"You can say that again mate. They didn't go at all."

"Oh,God what did she say ?Or snog?"

I said "Your brother" and put down the phone.

Why oh why am I doomed in the ways of the snog?

(2 Minutes Later)

Actually, I am not doomed in the ways of the snog at all. Acording to Georgia, I am the 'best snog she's ever had.'

I am Jack le Biscuit at snogging.

(30 Seconds Later)

SO why does she keep snogging everyone else in this sodding country?

(18 Minutes Later,My Room)

Only found a bit of chiz and a pitcher of juice.


Took it to my room. I am never going out EVER again.

Everytime I do, I hang around hoping to 'accidentally' bump into Gee, and if I don't I'm in a bad mood for the rest of the day .

And if I do, she is smogging or prepring to snog, or has JUST snogged someone else, which puts me in a bad mood for say...A WEEK.


(12 Minutes Later)

I wonder-how many times have we snogged when she's dating someone else, anyways?

(12 Minutes Later)

I can't find my journal ANYWHERE and I think this cherry juice stuff has too much sugar. I even mixed it with a soda and I still feel a bit sick, like the tide before a sugar rush.

Maybe searching for my journal in MARIYAH's room will burn it off...bloody sisters.

(3 Seconds Later)

Blimey her room is a mess.

I may need the extra sugar after all.

(3 Minutes Later,Mariyah's Room)

Why do girls need so much makeup?

Gee wears it by the gallons but she doesn't need it.


Why can't I stop thinking of her?

Plopped down at Mariyah's makeup desk thing, with a mirror and about a zillion lip things and face job things (ooer) on it.

I wonder what she is doing now?

Probably pouting in the mirror,practising for Robbie-Gobbie or whatever horrid name she's got for him.

Why can't I just,for one day,or an hour even,get inside Gee's head, to figure out what she thinks, and how she thinks of me?

(2 Minutes Later)

Do I really want to know the answer to that?

Everytime I see her I try and act cool and so on -I AM Dave le Biscuit after all -but when she pouts at me I just-I lose it all.

Mainly my mind.

And then she acts all cool and mate-y (arrr no no, you know what I mean) ...but sometimes she looks at me and I think...OH I DON'T KNOW.

I slammed my hand down and knocked something off...

Hmmmmm...lip stain.

Does that mean it stains the snogee's lips, or just the snoggers'?

It's not been opened so I can try it without any chance of catching any disease Ocotpus Boy's given my big sis (big cyst is more like it...).

I'll just use a litte dab, here and there, nothing noticeable.

(1 Minute Later)

Hmm my hands are a bit shaky and I am having a bit trouble focusing so I can't really tell..maybe if I put on a little dab more..but nothing in a flash Homosexualist Ooooh-Look-At -Me Get-You! way.

(14 Seconds Later)

Right, a few dabs here and there...

(40 Seconds Later)

Cor, you sexy beast !

I don't actually look half bad.

Is this what it's like to be girl, sitting round all day in front of a mirror, putting on makeup and practising pouting?

(2 Minutes Later)

I still can't figure what could be running through Gee's head.

Maybe a little more makeup ...

(43 Minutes Later)

It took a bit, and a few stabbing-in-the-eye incidents but I managed to the get the full bit on-lippy, panstick,eyliner,mascara, EVERYTHING.

That wasn't too hard.

Why do girls complain so much about it?

She says it takes her ages to get it done right to go clubbing or snogging Homosexualists or whatever.

(4 Minutes Later)

She says it takes her 5 hours to get ready to clubbing.

I bet I can get ready in half the time and still look gorgeous.

(20 Minutes Later)

Right, found a polka dot dress, a big floppy hat and some white strappy shoes.

And it's only been ...20 minutes!

So overall it's taken me...oh,Hell, math is too jangly for my brain.

Let's just say I got done in a LOT shorter time than Gee could.

(3 Minutes Later)

Why does Gee complain so much?

It's no big deal.

In fact, I think I'll go round and tell her !


Sunday,February 10th


Everyone changed into their sleep gear. I went comfy -green tank,black shorts. Jas looked normal for once -white shirt and stripey jammie bottoms.

"Rosie, can you put my hair in 4 piggies?"

..Never mind.

Jools said "So what happened?"

I didn't want to tell everyone-especially in front of Radio Jas, and of course it all sort of came pouring out, like word diarrhea (minus the poo).

"...and he said he would always love me and he kissed me on the cheek and walked off."

There was a bit of silence then Rosie said "What about the Laughy Man?"

"Oh, I don't ran off while Jas was interrogating me."

"You mean asking you a simple question!"

"ALOT,hence, wouldn't've found out if you hadn't been interrogating me."

"I didn't know even know he was there til he burst out my closet!"

Rollo looked at me "Why was Dave in Jas' closet?"

" I-"

We were interrupted by the doorbell. Rosie jumped up "Pizza!"

Jas of course, went off on her Huffmobile. "Tom and I made creme fraiche puffs !"

Dec batted his lashes at Tom "Oooooh ,did you wear an apron miss?"

Tom made to duff him in the head with his pillow but we were interrupted by a mad laughing fit.

We all lept up as Rosie came in "Gee-you have GOT to see this-it's Dave."

"Why would I want to see Dave?"

"He's in drag!"

I was nearly trampled to the door.

I was last there so I couldn't see him but I heard him say "I wannnnnnnnnnnnn seer."

Oh Dear God,was he DRUNK?

Jas grabbed me and pulled me aside.

"Now what are you going to do?"


"He came to see YOU."

Oh,hells bells.

"What am I going to do if one of the neighbor sees and tells mum? What am I going to do? what am I going to do?" She was literally hopping foot to foot.

I resisted a VERY strong urger to kill her . "Take him to the sofa, have him lay down and drink coffee,it's what my Olds do after a night of too much Vino Tinto."

" -where are you going?"

I looked down from the stairs "I'm going to put some bloody makeup on!"


OH my GOD oh my GOD oh my GOD.

Scrabbl scrabble...mascara, please no shaky hands, I don't need panda eyes right now...fluffy hair fluffy hair.

Why is he here?

And why is he DRUNK?

Where on Earth did he get it from?

And what-

What is going on-I don't hear anything...

Sneaked to the top of the stairs and listened.

Dave was saying 'I do, I do I do,I do,I do,I do I do,I do..."

Tom said "Yes mate, I know you do."

"Yes but I really DO."

Do what? Levitate? Believe in fairies,or drag queens, as is he is dressed like one?

OH MY GIDDY GOD please don't give me the inner heeby jeeby giggles, not now!

(Jas' Room)

Now, what on Earth am I going to wear?

White shirt ,black trousers,jean jacket for warmthosity so I can take him outside and give him a good snog-erm, talking to?

(15 Minutes Later)

Settled on white capris,red top, yellow cardi, and boots.

Thank GOD I decided to leave off the Boy Entrancers -I was so nervous and jittery I couldn't see straight in the first place and nearly fell down the stairs arse-over-tit.

When I got back to the living room Jas fringed up and hissed in my ear "Why are you all tarted up? He's DRUNK. He won't notise you, Gee."

Dave looked blearily my way "Gee? You"

I fought down a desire to laugh. He was in a dress and a big floppy hat and had TONS of makeup on and his hair was all akimbo like a bird nested in it.

"Gee, is that shoo?"

He stretched out his hands to me.I moved forward to hug him, or something,but tripped and bally near landed my face in his lap.

I leaped up like a sardine "Dave I-"

He grabbed me and literally crushed me in a hug "I'm almsot too late."

"Almost too late? For what?"

"I need to talk wif,wife,with you,eefore."

"Ok I'm here."



He took my hand and stood up, knocking over a lamp.

Tom said "I'll get that him cold air will right him up."

I took Dave's hand and we walked to the door. 'I'm taking you outside,awright?"

"Mppph I follow you to my end. Hahaha, I'll follow you in the end, get it, in my end? Hahaha"

I took him to the gate, and stopped. Dave leaned against the gate and closed his eyes and breathed in deep a couple times.

What on Earth is going on? First, Masimo becomes a cereal (or do I mean serial?) rapist, then Robbie gets Wet Lindsay preggers, and is marrying her in a few days' time, and now,Dave -

I looked up and Dave was looking at me, steady-on.

"Gee-I want you to show-shoo-chow-I want you to KNOW I *hic* I want to end it this way-"

"You mean ," Great,I'm turning into Ellen,Dither Queen of Ditherland.

"You spend too much time with Ellen...What I mean *hic* mean is this *hic* is *hic* BLOODY FUCK!"

He frowned "Sorry,but what I mean is -HA!"

I raised an eyebrow.

"Right, Georgia, what I mean is -I wanted to tell you before you went to Ireland I mean..I'm sorry."

"No, you don't have to apologize. I've been a right twit."

Dave took my face in his hands (no I don't mean he ripped it off in a fit of whatsit, you loons).

"Georgia-I "

"Yes Dave?"

He leaned forward...

and vommed all over me.


(1 Hour Later)

Told the Ace Gang I was going to take Dave to get clean clothes-HIS clothes and showered and so on.I expected someone to say something rudey-dudey but they just did that crap nodding thing, even Tom,Dec, Rollo and Sven (though I suspect Sven thought we were dancing or something).

Dave's house is vair vair nice.

And sane.

Dave started to bung a few things in a bag when we got there but I made him shower first. He said "Wanna help me?" and waggled his eyebrows.

I threw a shoe at him

"I meant packing you dirty minx"

After he went off to shower I threw a few things in. He's got PANTS with camels on them. How am I not suprised?

(10 Minutes Later)

Packing is exhasuting. I think I'll have a little lie-down on his bed-he won't mind (probably).

Was drifting off to sleep when Dave came in,toweling off (he had PANTS on you naughty minxes!).

He smiled when he saw me and sat on the bed next to my head. He put a pillow behind his back and pulled my head onto his chest.

I could hear his heart beating

Hmmmm niiice and cozy.

And I couldn't help but notising how fit he was too.

"Fanks Kitty."

OH DEAR GOD did I say that outloud?

I craned my neck to look up at him .

He winked 'I knew you couldn't resist me."

"Mmmmm you think so?"

And I went in as to snog him, but stopped centimeteres from his lips leaving him in puckerus interruptus, teeh hee.

"I think it is YOU who can't resist ME."

He pretendeed to think for a bit "Yep." and snogged me.

I reached up and put my hand round his neck and he slid down to meet me,rolling over so we were facing. "Dave -I "

He kissed me "Shhh please not right now." and kissed me again so I couldn't talk.

It was like my brain melted away.

We zoomed up the scale to number 6 (tongues! Yes!) .

He put his hands at my waist so we were close, I could feel his heart beating on mine.

Wow. And wowzee wow.

I was afraid he'd be a bit grabby and go for the nunga-nungas, but no.

Maybe they are too big, and he's afaid if he'd unleash them they'd put his eye out?

Ohhh noooo please no mad laughing fit now...

He slid his hands up my back under my shirt. I felt like I was connected to him...not in a rudey dudey way...just...I don't know, it is hard to understand.

I untucked my shirt so he could reach up better (the back ! God!) and did the same to his.I was trying to pull it out his belt and Dave said "I'm not that sort of girl."

I gave him a Look and he laughed. "Ok maybe I am ..but still."

I biffed him on the biffed me back .I made to hit him and he grabbed my arms and rolled over so he was above me. He looked at me long and deep and snogged me again, soft, then harder. He was on top, with his hands on my neck and hair. It felt sooooo good.

We must have stayed like that,just looking in each others eyes and snogging for hours.

Dave kissed me and rolled to one side, so we were facing each other.

"Georgia, we better get back. People might think something rudey-dudey is going on."

"Let them."

"OO-er Miss! I am not that type of girl!"

I looked at him

He smiled "OK maybe I am that type of girl but still."

I biffed him. He made to biff me back but then the phone rang. He lept up and grabbed it "Helooooooo Luuuurve Hotel...Oh, hi Tom...yes..yeah...she's still here...yeah alot...she's got big ones for me.."

I hit him "Dave!"

"I meant the bags you packed for me,love."

Ohhh he is soooooo annoying !

Dave was still talking " more than 3pounds...ok...ok...bye...Horrrrn!"

I looked at him "3 pounds of sardines?"

"Sven wants a snack."

"Of course he we go?"

(10 Minutes Later,Outside)

On our way to Jas'. Dave is carrying his bag but he insists on holding my hand. It just feels right and I don't think I could be any more happy.

Every few yards he'd stop to kiss me.

Is this what it's like to be a relationship? All happy and carefree and joie de whatsit?

We stopped at the crossing before Jas' street.

I crossed but Dave waited.

"Come on, we're going to be killed!"

"No we won' OK now."

Traffic zoomed by so we just had to stand there.

Does this mean we are a couple? Are we a couple?

I yelled out across the street "Dave, before we get there."

"Yes ?"

"Does this mean-are we-?"

"Yes. "

"And do you.."

"Yes, do you?"

"Yes, I love you."

Dave jumped up to do a irish jumping thing where you click your heels together.


I grabbed him and snogged his brains out before he could finish in then end (Oooer, Miss !).