WHAT IF I SAID

By: Cindy
Email: davidpamhasselhoff@skynet.be
Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me. They are owned by their owners (well duh!!). :-)No copyright fringe is intended. I promise to return them as soon as I'm finished. Please don't sue me. Craziness is beyond my control.
Rating: PG
Spoilers: None.
Classification: Angst/Romance. Kaye POV
Keywords: Mitch and Kaye. Pure fluff.
Summary: Mitch and Kaye meet again under almost dramatic circumstances.
Dedication: To Irene and Annie. And happy Valentine to everyone!
Feedback: Please??? My mailbox loves feedback for dinner.
Author's Note: This story was inspired by "What if I said" by Anita Cochran and Steve Wariner. It's about the thin line between friendship and love.

What if I said (Anita Cochran and Steve Wariner)

We've been friends for a long long time
You tell me your secrets and I'll tell you mine
She's left you all alone
And you feel like no one cares
But I have never failed you
I've always been there

You tell your story
It sounds a bit like mine
It's the same old situation
It happens every time
Can't we see it oh maybe you and me
Is what's meant to be
Do we disagree

What if I told you what if I said that I love you
How would you feel what would you think
What would we do
Do we dare to cross that line between your heart and mine
Or would I lose a friend or find a love that would never end
What if I said

She doesn't love you oh it's' plain to see
I can read between the lines of what you're telling me
He doesn't hold you the way a woman should be held
How long can I go on keeping these feelings to myself

What if I told you what if I said that I love you
How would you feel what would you think
What would we do
Do we dare to cross that line between your heart and mine
Or would I lose a friend or find a love that would never end
What if I said

Oh we've both had our share of loneliness
So whose to say that we can't have a little happiness
And if I found that in you
It would make my dreams come true
Or would you walk away
Hear what I have to say

What if I told you what if I said that I love you
How would you feel what would you think
What would we do

Do we dare to cross that line between your heart and mine
I've always wondered from the day we met
What if I said
What if I said
What if I said


Let's get the show on the road


WHAT IF I SAID

I'm standing in a cold graveyard, my coat closed tightly around me. I know it's cold, even more so for Los Angeles. I don't feel the cold anymore. I stopped feeling anything the day my sister died. That was almost two months ago and yet it still hurts like it was yesterday. I come here everyday, in the hope that I won't forget her. Eventually, I know I have to let her go. But not just yet.

I feel wetness on my face, unknowing if it's the rain or my own tears. It's probably a bit of both; two months of unshed tears mingling with cold rain. It's time for me to leave; it's time to let her go. I should seek help, talk to someone. But there's only one person I want to talk to. And I don't trust myself around him. My feelings are such a mess; it would be so easy to notice how I really feel. And I have been such an expert at hiding my feelings for him, that it would be stupid the let them out after all these years. One weak moment in your life and everything crushes back in your face. Despite everything, my heart tells me something else. It's time for me to open up and start living again.

I walk on the Santa Monica Boardwalk, my hands stuffed deep in my pockets. I sadly stare at the ocean, feeling turmoil deep inside me. I can't watch a lifeguard tower without thinking about him. Why, Mitch? Why did I have to fall head over heals for you, my best friend? Now that I come to think of it, falling in love with him was easy. He's good looking, witty, and sweet and a genuine nice guy. It's the best friend anyone can wish for. He can touch people in such a deep way, creating an emotional bond. I don't think he knows what he does to someone.

As I walk by a window decorated with huge red hearts, I realize that today is Valentine's Day. Well, see if I care. I'd rather not think about it anyway. I have no one to share the most romantic day of the year with. But this store picks my interest and I enter anyway. My first stop is the isle with the cards. They come in all shapes and sizes. My eyes fall on one with two golden retriever puppies, snuggles closely together. I feel tears standing in the corner of my eyes and I do the best I can to fight them. But I can't. Ten years of fighting feelings and two months of mourning are taking its toll. I start feeling light headed and dizzy. Someone on the other side of the isle is giving my odd looks. I start swaying and my legs are giving in. Before I fall on the floor with a loud thud, two strong arms encircle my waist and prevent me from falling. I'm landing against a very muscled chest and tears start rolling down my face. It hurts so much to be in love and not being able to say it out loud. I close my eyes for a second, but a very familiar voice wakes me out of my own contemplations.

"Are you okay?"

I stand there, shocked. Out of all people, my deepest fantasy holds me. Actually, he's not really holding me, just preventing me from falling. Mitch doesn't move. He's just talking to me, but I can't hear what he says.

"Kaye, are you okay?"

I turn around and smile at him, tears shimmering in my eyes. And I don't really care if he sees me crying. I'm unable to speak, so I just nod my head. I look him straight in the eyes, concern written in his baby blue eyes. They bore through my entire soul. We both stand there motionless, holding on to each other for dear life. And I wonder where that came from. Mitch finally moves away a little, but his hands remain on my waist to steady me.

"Kaye, say something. You're scaring me."
"I..."

My voice sounds raspy and it hurts when I talk. I feel my lower lip tremble and before I realize what's happening, I'm crying again. All my walls have been torn down with one simple look and I don't know how to stop that flood. I feel Mitch guiding me out of the store. I welcome the cold rain against my face and let out a deep sigh I didn't know I had been holding. Mitch turns me around and my legs give in. Before I fall to the ground he catches me and lifts me in his arms. I burry my face in his neck and cry. All the tears I've been holding back since my sister died come out in an unstoppable cascade.

"I don't care what you're gonna say, Kaye, but I'm taking you to see a doctor."

I want to protest, my whole body is protesting. I want to reply that I'm fine, but I can't move my mouth. I'm trembling from head to toe now. I cast one last glance at Mitch, before everything turns black. I slip into unconsciousness, all pain momentarily forgotten.

MITCHANDKAYEMITCHANDKAYEMITCHANDKAYEMITCHANDKAYEMITCHANDKAYEMITCHANDKAYEMITCHANDKAYE

A strong hand holds mine and I try to open my eyes. I blink at the sudden light and my eyes fall upon the person sitting next to me: Mitch. I wonder what he's doing here and how I got here.

"Mitch?"

He smiles at me, gently caressing the palm of my hand with his thumb.

"You okay?"
"I feel fine. What happened? What am I doing here?"
"You don't remember?"
"Not everything. How long have I been here?"
"Just a little over two hours. The doctors put you on an IV, because you were dehydrated and you went into shock. That's why you can't remember. Kaye, what are you trying to do to yourself?"
"What do you mean?"
"Apparently you forgot to eat and drink."
"I... That's a long story."
"I've got time."
"I can't... Not now. Not here."
"Kaye, don't push me away. I'm here for you; I'm your friend. It's hurts me to see you like this."
"Don't feel sorry for me, Mitch. It's not your fault."
"That's not what I meant. But I do care about you."

Did he just say what I think he said? Yes, he said he cared about me. But what does care mean? He probably just cares about me as a friend. For a split second our eyes lock and I'm unable to read his. He doesn't let me read them as he turns away when the doctor enters.

"Miss Morgan, how are you feeling?"
"I feel fine."
"Yes, now you do. But we had to put a lot of fluids in your body. It surprises me that you didn't go into shock a lot earlier. You suffered a serious dehydration. Have you been sick recently?"
"Last week."
"Let me guess: you lost a lot of body fluids and you didn't think it was necessary to drink?"

I look away, embarrassed. I feel like a school kid being punished by the teacher.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize."
"You're lucky your friend got you here in time."
"I know. When can I go home?"
"I don't know. You need someone to look after you. Do you have someone?"
"No."
"Sorry, but I can't let you go out alone. You have something heavy on your mind and it's eating you away. It's so serious that you forget to drink and eat. I'm sorry, but I think you are too weak to look after yourself."

I look at the doctor with my mouth open, unable to reply to that. Mitch's voice interrupts us.

"Can she go home if I promise to look after her, Doctor?"
"I don't know."
"I promise I won't let her out of my sight."
"Fine. She's lucky to have you."

Mitch turns his head and I silently thank him. The doctor nods his approval an turns to leave the room. The door closes behind him with a thud and I feel Mitch's hand on my arm. It feels warm and it's burning through my skin.

"I think we need to talk, Kaye."
"We do."
"But I still don't understand why you didn't tell me."
"What are you talking about, Mitch?"
"You should have called me when your sister died. I didn't even know you came back from New York."
"How did you...?"
"I ran into your dad this morning and he told me he was worried about you."
"I'm sorry. But I was scared, lost and didn't know what I was doing."
"I thought we were friends."
"We were... We are. I'm sorry."
"That's okay, you didn't hurt me. You just hurt yourself. I just hoped we could go back to the way we were."
"So do I."

He smiles sweetly at me and takes my hand, helping me to my feet. I'm still on wobbly legs and he puts his arm around me waist, holding me close to him. We leave the hospital and I'm glad to be with him. Even if he's nothing more than a friend. You have to cherish what you've got and I learned that the hard way.

MITCHANDKAYEMITCHANDKAYEMITCHANDKAYEMITCHANDKAYEMITCHANDKAYEMITCHANDKAYEMITCHANDKAYE

I'm sitting on his very comfortable couch, a bowl of popcorn between us. We are watching some sappy movie on TV, but I couldn't care less. I'm with my best friend and we are having a wonderful night. So he may not be who I want him to be, but I'm feeling better already. He moves uncomfortable next to me and somehow I know what's coming next.

"Kaye... I wanna ask you something."
"Why didn't I tell you?"
"Yes, why didn't you?"
"I don't know. It's a blur really. I was shocked when my dad called me to say that my sister had died in an accident. First thing I did was pack my bags and head back to LA. I wanted to call you, I really do. But I was feeling vulnerable. I was hurt and I didn't want you to see me like that. I know it sounds stupid, but I wanted you to think of me as a strong woman. And as time went by I thought I didn't need anyone that I could do this alone. My feelings were clouding my judgement. Everything I had held back all those years came to the surface. I started doubting about my choices. I blamed myself for what happened to my sister. And I kept asking myself why I left LA to live in New York. And when I realized why, I knew I needed to stay away from you."

He looks at me, a questioning look on his face. He has no clue what I'm talking about. Maybe I should make myself clearer, but all I can do is ramble and babble. If I ever want to tell him how I feel, this is the time. I feel tears rolling down my cheeks again and I move my hand to wipe them away. But his hand stops me from doing so. He takes his hand in mine, intertwining our fingers. With his other hand he puts a lock of hair that has fallen in my face behind my ear and wipes my tears away with his thumb. He hand remains on my face for a second and then he pulls me to him. I welcome his warm embrace and he is murmuring gentle words to my temple. His thumb makes slow circles on my arm and unconsciously I lean into his touch. My head comes to rest on his shoulder and I look at him. He looks back at me and I place a tender kiss on his cheek. My mouth remains there a little longer than needed and he turns his head to stare at me. And before I know what I'm doing, I feel his lips on mine. At first he pulls away, looking shocked. But then by our own accord our mouths meet again. Our kiss is tender, gentle and sweet. Short but oh so wonderful. He pulls away, my mouth wide open.

"I love you."
"I'm sorry, Mitch, I didn't mean to... But.... What did you just say?"
"I love you, Kaye."

My mouth falls open even wider and then he gives me the most beautiful and warm smile I have ever seen. I want to say something, but he silences me with another kiss. As he pulls away again, he prevents me from speaking again.

"So, why didn't you tell me, Kaye?"
"What did you want me to do? Tell my best friend in the world that I love him and ruin our friendship? How was I supposed to know you felt the same?"
"Well, that's easy. You could have just asked."
"I couldn't. I was scared, confused and in denial."
"Just one more thing. How long?"
"Since I first laid my eyes on you. But I realized it when my sister died. I realized that you couldn't let go what's important."
"I have loved you for so long, that I can't remember. But just like you, I was scared to say anything and risk our friendship."
"We make quite a pair."
"You can say that again."
"And what happens next?"

He pulls me in his lap and gives me a slow and tantalizing kiss. If that's a promise for the future, I never want to let him go. I feel him smile and talk into the kiss and I silently thank my sister. I'm sure she's watching this. And all we wanted for each other was to be happy. She's not here anymore, but I'm sure she's happy wherever she is. And me? Well, that's easy. Most of the time you don't realize that all you need is standing right in front of you. Sometimes you just have to take the courage to reach out, even if it means you can get hurt in the process. I was lucky that my best friend felt the same. I would have been crushed if he were not in love with me. But I should have seen it coming. We are the two missing pieces of a puzzle fitting together. Two souls becoming one. And I know that I never want to let him go again. I want to spend the rest of my life with this man. I love him more than I love life itself. This turned out to be a wonderful Valentine's Day after all!!!

THE END. HOPE YOU LIKED IT!!!!!