Snape opened his eyes. The last thing he remembered was the Dark Lord setting that freakish snake on him. Snape got up and looked around. He seemed to be surrounded by white mist…and nothing else. So this must be the afterlife. Well, at least it was quiet and peaceful.
"Hey look, Moony! Looks like we got a new guest!" a familiar voice shouted from the mist.
Snape groaned. So much for peace and quiet…
James, Lily, Sirius, Lupin, Tonks, Dumbledore, and others who had passed on came out of the white mist and peered at Snape.
"Why Severus! Fancy seeing you here!" Dumbledore said cheerfully, "It's rather tragic how many were killed at the Battle of Hogwarts, but this is a very nice reunion."
"Very," Snape mumbled, looking at James and Lily. He had a feeling things would get awkward very quickly.
"Old Snivellus looks the same as ever," James said to Sirius, "It's a miracle that my son didn't get murdered or anything with him around!"
"Actually…" Dumbledore began, "…never mind".
"Without me, Harry WOULD have been murdered! It's a pity you weren't there to protect him. I wonder why? Oh yes, you were dead. A pity, Potter," Snape sneered.
James bristled and stepped closer to Snape, "Well, if YOU hadn't spilled the beans to You-Know-Who, I would have been alive!"
Snape glared at James, "I'm sure Harry would have had a great father figure. You proud, arrogant, big-headed fool!"
"Harry sure had a great teacher, you snaky, sarcastic, cold-hearted beast!" James shouted, turning red in the face.
Lily looked nervously at the two men, "Calm down now. We're going to be stuck here for all eternity so we may as well get along."
"Well actually, Lily, things have been rather dull here. I wouldn't mind an old-fashioned fight to spice things up," Tonks said.
"I'm grateful Lily broke off your friendship! I can't imagine my sweet little pumpkin being married to a brute like you!" James sneered.
Snape's face turned as red as Lily's, whose face resembled a ripe tomato.
"That was the last straw, Potter," Snape said, his voice eerily calm, "I hope we have a few nurses here. Because once I'm through with you, it'll be as ugly as your face."
"Well…" James struggled for an insult, "Your mom!"
"I'm amazed by your intelligence. I see it has degenerated much throughout the years," Snape snickered, and reached for his wand…only to find it wasn't there. He swore under his breath and looked up at James. James had thrown off his robe and started rolling up his shirtsleeves.
"Really!" Lily said, exasperated, "You are two grown men! Just forget about it!"
"Fight! Fight! Fight!" Sirius and Lupin hooted. Some other departed souls heard the shouting, and joined in, making a fairly large circle around Snape and James.
"Aim for the chin, boys! Always the chin!" Dumbledore instructed, clearly growing excited. Some deceased Death Eaters, hearing the commotion, joined the crowd.
"Psh," Bellatrix snickered, "I bet Brad Pitt can kick both their puny posteriors."
"Brad who?" Fred asked.
Snape narrowed his eyes and threw off his robe. The two men glared at each other, and then started charging. James head-butted Snape, but was then held in a headlock.
The crowd cheered and hooted, some were taking bets.
"Five Galleons on the one who needs shampoo," an elderly wizard said.
"I'll place mine on the one with the glasses," another one said. James's glasses were torn off his face and stomped to the ground. "Or not."
Lily groaned. High school DOES never end.