Chapter 11: The Black Hole
It didn't matter what they threw at the giant Pikachu BOW, the monster kept coming for them and shocking the hell out of every living thing. Leon had forgotten about fighting and was running back and forth screaming about his beautiful hair that now looked liked an afro. They had found guns but were wasting ammo only to make the giant Pikachu even madder. Wesker's superhuman attacks only bounced off the fat, round belly of the BOW.
"Ssspppttt! Over here ya'll!"
The voice was uncannily familiar. They all looked to see the Merchant in the corner waving at them. The group barreled over each other to get to him, never before so excited to see the strange merchant.
"My buddy 'ol pal!" Leon squealed.
"Howdy strangers! Whad'ya buyin'?"
He opened his robes, but instead of weapons there were only PokeBalls. Wesker shrilled out, arms rising to the sky as he fell to his knees in despair. He did not want to do a Pokemon battle. The others scooped up some balls and started throwing them.
"Male Zombie type A use Bite!" Jill called.
"Licker, use Tongue Slap!" Claire yelled.
"Hunter, use Talon Swipe!" Chris yelled, jumping up and down excitedly.
Rebecca tossed out a ball. "Cerberus use Growl to intimidate!"
Wesker shook his head. "This is ridiculous! Have I gone completely bonkers?"
Leon was laughing, throwing a ball out there. It ended up being a grenade and everyone dove for cover as it exploded. They all got to their feet and glared at Leon, who was embarrassed.
Someone poked Wesker on the shoulder. He turned to looked and see who it was, only for his eyes to widen as he recognized the mysterious female ninja. He ducked just in time to evade her lips and her fingers.
"Were you trying to kiss me or take my sunglasses?" Wesker asked.
The ninja had to think about it for a moment. "Both!"
"Get away from me!"
So while the tyrants, Bob, Nicholai, Krauser and HUNK cheered for the good guys battling with their BOWs, Wesker was running around the room trying to get away from the ninja. Ada watched him trying to decide whether she wanted to help her boss or not. She was having fun watching him dance around. The battle with the giant Pikachu wasn't coming out in their favor, and out of frustration Rebecca threw an object at the giant BOW. She realized it was a PokeBall. The ball hit hard on the Pikachu's head, knocking him out cold and the ball sucked him up inside and the giant BOW was defeated.
"Well that was anti-climatic," Jill sighed.
"I wanted a Rocket Launcher for this scene!" Chris complained.
"Who cares, let's get out of here!" Claire yelled.
Both groups made for a quick exit. Even the Merchant and the mysterious female ninja tagged along to get out of the building before it exploded. They managed to get outside safely, and it was only moments later that the building was blasted to smithereens. It only took both groups minutes to realize they were stuck on an island.
"Dammit Ashford twins!" Ada cursed.
"Hey, what happened to Barry?" Chris asked, suddenly confused.
"He was thrown from Titanic II remember?" Jill replied, glaring at Ada.
Back on a beach in the Bahamas…
Barry was soaking up the sun, drinking some beer and watching hot ladies walk the beach. He chuckled, turning to the others. Carlos was chatting up some girls. William and Sherry were making a sand castle. Ashley sat on her towel with a hat over her face from the horrible headache she had received as Ashleyzilla. Even Itchy the zombie dog puppy was there chasing people around, barking, and chewing on ankles.
Back to the heroes and villains…
"Well at least we aren't in Antarctica," Rebecca stated. "Just some random island far away from the Bahamas."
"So what now?" Claire asked, looking around.
"Time to repopulate the earth!" Leon laughed. He was quickly conked on the head by the women.
The island they were on was small, and the only building on it was now burning behind them. They were reminded of their time by the plane wreckage on the other island, but that one was much larger than this one.
"I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that we are stuck on an island," Nemesis chuckled, only to receive glares from everyone.
Wesker felt that his feet were suddenly cold. He looked down, saw that his socks and shoes were gone, and that the girl ninja was making off with them. She had found a single jet ski and was riding off into the ocean with Wesker's shoes under her arms.
"The hell?" Ada chuckled.
"My boots! How did she do that?" Wesker cried.
"Great, our only transportation off of this tiny island was stolen by the ninja that has an obsession with annoying you, Wesker!" Jill grumbled.
"It's not my fault!"
"Hey Merchant! Got anything to build a raft with or anything?" Krauser asked.
"Let me check me arsenal, stranger." He opened his coat once more, scanning through his inventory. "More PokeBalls…a cherry pie…a rubber ducky…some ammo…some arrows…"
"Alright, let's go make people take arrows to the knee!" Leon squealed in delight.
"Cute," Ada stated. "People are still saying that?"
"I used to be an agent in Spain trying to find the President's daughter, and then I took an arrow to the knee."
"Leon, you did not take an arrow to the knee in Spain," Ada sighed, folding her arms.
"Oh yeah…I just took your knife to my thigh when I was choking you, Ashley's butt to my face when she fell from a ladder, Salazar's foot to my shin, Krauser's arm-thingy to-"
"We get it, Leon," Claire interrupted.
"So who is gonna rescue us way out here, you think?" Bob questioned.
"No, Leon, you idiot. It's gonna be Superman," Chris chuckled.
"Maybe George Clooney?" Rebecca asked, and then all the women sighed dreamily.
"Look, a ship, boss! We're saved!" Mr. X cried, pointing out to sea. He and Rocko and Nemesis started bouncing up and down in tyrant fits of glee.
"Yes! I want off this tiny island and away from all you crazy people!" Wesker yelled out, running for the shore to wave down the ship.
"It's heading this way! It sees us!" Jill stated excitedly.
"It's Canada! We're saved!" Leon laughed.
"That's a United States Army ship you idiot!" Claire snapped, dragging the laughing Leon along.
A rescue boat was already heading for the island. Leon got even more excited when he recognized Ingrid Hunnigan in her usual attire in the boat. When it docked on the island, the soldiers and Ingrid got out, and she was immediately clobbered by Leon.
"Hunny! I've missed you!"
"Don't call me that!" Ingrid snapped, kneeing Leon in the groin. As Leon dropped to the sand, chuckling how that Ingrid hadn't changed, she turned to the others. "We're here to rescue all of you."
"How did you find us?" Ada asked suspiciously.
Ingrid sighed, glaring down at Leon. "Leon gets lost…a lot. So the government planted a chip in his ass so we could always locate him."
Leon was back on his feet, checking out his own butt. "Really? Awesome! Is that why it beeps randomly once in awhile?"
"Is that why I have gas a lot?"
The other rescue boats had arrived to give everyone a ride to the ship out at sea. Ingrid directed them to get into the boats so they could get off the random island and back onto the ship.
"Wait!" Wesker objected.
"Yes?" Ingrid asked.
"Are you taking us straight to the Bahamas?" he asked.
"That's correct. So long as nothing comes up, that is."
"Shhh! You'll jinx us!" Wesker hollered.
Ada put a hand on his shoulder. "I think you need to lie down and rest."
"And some new shoes," Ada added.
Wesker quivered his lip. "Those were my favorite pair. They were my boots of doom."
Ada patted his shoulder reassuringly. "I know. I know. It's okay."
"Do you guys need a moment?" Ingrid asked, raising an eyebrow.
"He'll be okay," Ada sighed. "He has moments."
"Okay, well, let's get everybody loaded onto the rescue boats. After all, we need to get to the Bahamas if we are all gonna have a vacation," Jill stated.
"What's left of it anyway," Claire grumbled.
They all loaded up on the boats and were sent to the awaiting ship. Aboard the ship, Ada stole some boots that were lying about and gave them to Wesker. Her boss was still upset about his boots of doom still being gone, but at least now he didn't have bear feet walking around. The ship started sail for the Bahamas, and everyone could take a breath of relief that things were starting to turn out better.
"This ship isn't going to sink or hit a random iceberg is it?" Chris asked.
Ingrid glared at him. "It hurts that you question the competence of my men."
"We question Leon all the time," Claire chuckled.
"Hey! At least I can run and shoot at the same time!"
"No you can't Leon! None of us can!"
"Damn you Capcom!"
Ingrid rubbed her temples. "I'm getting a headache. I didn't know that the good guys and bad guys took vacation together anyways."
"We don't!" Wesker yelled. "It's Chris's fault!"
"Why do you always blame me?" Chris asked, offended.
"Because you are my arch nemesis!"
"I'm a nemesis!" Nemesis laughed, making Mr. X and Rocko join in, but soon their boss glared them down and the tyrants hushed.
"Miss Hunnigan! We got something strange coming up ahead," the captain of the ship said.
"What is it?" Ingrid asked briskly, following the captain to look out ahead of the ship.
"Please let it be a Chinese buffet! I'm starving!" Leon exclaimed.
"That would be awesome!" Chris agreed.
Jill and Claire face palmed.
"Where did HUNK, Nicholai, and Krauser go?" Wesker asked.
"To play poker with the soldiers," Ada answered.
"It looks like some kind of black hole…but in the middle of the ocean and not in space," Ingrid stated, slightly confused. She squinted her eyes hard. "It's so pretty, really."
"A black hole?" Ada inquired, baffled.
They all walked over to see a shimmering hole that was forming in the ocean. It looked like it was sucking water and seagulls into its mass, and the ship was heading straight for it.
"Maybe we should…I don't know, go around it?" Jill stated, as if it was obvious.
"Yes, because I want to go to the Bahamas, not some alternate universe or room with a moose!" Wesker growled.
"On it," the captain replied, ordering the crew to steer clear of the black hole looking thing.
It didn't matter, as the ship got closer, the black hole was sucking the vessel towards it. Everyone had to hold on as the alarms started going off in the ship.
"Why does this have to happen to me? I just wanted a vacation! Is that so much to ask?" Wesker cried.
"Shut up!" Ada yelled.
And with an echoing slurping noise, the ship was sucked into the black hole, and just like that the circling mass of mystery and darkness exploded. Everyone on the ship was screaming as they were traveling through a warping hole of colors and oddities. And just like that, the ship crashed onto a dark, deserted street in the middle of a city.
They were quick to abandon ship, wondering what the hell happened. They started to look around, seeing how the streets and buildings looked very familiar. There were cars parked along the road, but there was destruction and blood everywhere. There were fires going, broken glass all over the street, and moans echoing from far off.
"Holy crap! We're back in Raccoon City!" Jill exclaimed, horrified.
"Damn it!" Wesker yelled, kicking a dead zombie. "I'll never get my vacation!"
"Wesker, this is serious! We could die in here!" Ada snapped.
"Oh, come on! We're all just dreaming…or very high," Leon chuckled.
They suddenly realized that Ingrid and the soldiers had disappeared out of nowhere. Even the ship was gone. Krauser and Nicholai were arguing over who won at poker. HUNK was getting excited because he was seeing zombies to kill, and Bob was sticking close to the tyrants. They were all accounted for, except for the ship, soldiers, and Ingrid.
"So how are we going to get out of here?" Rebecca asked meekly.
"Just like we did before, dummy!" Chris replied. "Let's go kill some shit!"
"You know what would be cool? If we ran into our past selves while we were here! How twisted would that be?" Leon laughed.
Just as he finished those words, Jill in her Resident Evil 3 costume was running along the street. The men's eyes went wide, and they started howling like wolves. Real Jill grew red in anger and punched the closest man, which happened to have been Chris.
"Great. I have a feeling this is going to be very annoying," Wesker grumbled.
"As long as we all stick together, I'm sure we can figure a way out of this nightmare," Claire stated logically.
Just then alternate universe Ada dressed in her Resident Evil 2 costume ran past, down a different street from Resident Evil 3 Jill. Leon squealed and took off after her.
A/N: After a super long wait on this chapter, it's finally back and with more randomness than ever lol! So sorry for the wait, I had major writer's block on this. I hate writer's block! It really sucks! So it looks now that our heroes and villains are trapped in an alternate universe of the past of the destruction of Raccoon City...did that make sense? I have a feeling next chapter is gonna be confusing lol!