This is going to be the last chapter of this fic as I've not been happy with it since chapter two. Chapter three was terribly strange and have no idea where that Tyki/Allen ending came from- It has started to read more like an actual story than the completely random crack-fic it was supposed to be. So, this is the final chapter with a Lavi/Allen pairing.

This chapter starts at the second line.


"What the bloody hell do you think you're doing here, Tyki?"

"I wanted to see you, Shounen. Ever since you were stolen away by that stupid ponytail Samurai… I can't stop thinking about you… more than usual. I so desperately wanted to see you."

"And I know just what you were thinking about me, I'm sure! Well, now you've seen me. Would you please get out of my room before someone finds out you're here and tries to kill you. Before I try to kill you."

"Allen, my love, you wouldn't really kill me would you? And even if you wanted me dead, surely you wouldn't anyone else to kill me, yes?"

"…there is something wrong with you." As he said this Tyki had been slowly backing Allen to the bed.

"I'm love sick, Allen love. Only you can cure me." The white haired teen was abruptly pinned to the aforementioned bed.

"Tyki Mi-" Allen was cut off by the lips of a certain sexy Noah. The younger was only wide-eyed and pissed off for a moment. As soon as tanned hands began slowly, sensually moving up Allen's pale sides he was lost. Tyki's hands moved to wrap around the boys back as he started to kiss and bite down his neck. The little moan these actions dragged from Allen's throat was absolutely divine to the Noah's ears.

"Tyki." It seemed the only thing the Exorcist was capable of saying.

Just as Tyki was about to do a little victory dance in his head, a wall exploded behind him and a veritable monster emerged (read: Komurin).

Komui focused on Allen with an intensity that would have scared even Lenalee.

"Allen-kun! Are you alright? Are you okay? Has anyone touched you?"

"No Komui-san, I'm fine. But you're Komurin just destroyed my wall, so-"

"Don't worry about that Allen-kun. I've built a new room for you already. It's 100% guaranteed to keep all these horrible, slimy octopi away from you. And-… Allen, who is this nefarious looking fellow lurking in your room?"

"He's just a pervert who won't leave me be, Komui-san." Allen grinned evilly, knowing what kind of reaction those words would get him because of Komui's new 'Allen complex.'

"But Allen, my love, I'm not a pervert, I just-"

"'Just' what, Tyki? We went over this last week. A person does not express love by constantly trying to get into the other person's pants! Honestly…"

"Allen-kun, has this fellow been trying to… to violate you?" An evil glint entered Komui's eyes. "Mwahahahaha! You will now face the wrath of Komurin XIV: Allen Version! My latest and greatest invention!"

Tyki looked truly concerned. "Uh, Allen, is this really necessary…?" Tyki tried to hide behind Allen, to no avail. "What is that thing?"

"You brought this upon yourself-"

"Haha! I can finally test out the new brainwashing feature of Komur-"

"Allen-kun, what's going on here? We heard so much…noise…" Lenalee and Lavi stood by the remnants of Allen's door frame in shock as they took in the scene before them. Komurin was currently trying to pry an oddly frightened looking Noah of Pleasure off of a very annoyed looking Allen Walker.

"Ah! Lenalee, Lavi. So good to see you. Do you think you could help get this bloody persistent Noah off of me?"

"O-Of, course Allen-kun," Lenalee all but stammered. "Komui-nii-san, have Komurin let go of the pervert-stalker-Noah. We'll take care of him."

("I'm not a pervert!" "But you admit to being a stalker?" "...")

"But Lenalee!"

"Nii-san!" Knowing that her tone usually meant the imminent destruction of one of his beloved Komurin, he left. Turning back to Allen and Tyki, the Chinese Exorcist had an odd sense of déjà-vu.


"So you admit to being a stalker?" Lavi retorted. He hated when anyone tried to make his Allen's life any more difficult than it already was.

"…Well, maybe a little… but he's my Allen, so it's perfectly natural," Tyki countered as he and the red head ignored the argument between the Lee siblings, despite that it was happening just next to them.

"He isn't your Allen, damnitt! And I can't believe he'd ever want to be with a creepy stalker like you!"

"Don't be stupid, Red. I'm a very attractive gentleman- a Marquis who can give him anything and everything he could ever want. You're just an apprentice to Bookman-"

"Shut up! You are no gentleman, title or no. And Allen isn't materialistic like you. Besides, I can hardly be called a 'Bookman' when I've fallen in love and have no intention of leaving my love. Stupid Noah."

Allen had been listening closely to the conversation, mostly to make sure that no one would notice his escape. Still, he found that he was rather flattered by the unabashed devotion of these two men. As he was still confused, the cornerstone of quite a few quarrels, and in danger of losing his earthly innocence he decided to flee. No argument related to himself would end well and he'd just rather avoid the unavoidably violent aftermath. Moments after he left his destroyed bedroom he was joined by Komui.

"I'm fine, you know. You don't have to follow me everywhere."

"How can you ask me to leave your side with all these horrid octopi lurking about?"

"There aren't any here, but you just left Lenalee with two 'octopi.' Maybe you should-"

"Lenalee! No!"

Allen stared after the mad scientist for amoment as he and is monster robot rushed back to save his sister. He was surprised that his ploy to get rid of Komui had worked. Then again, it was surprising that he'd been given a place with Lenalee as an object of Komui's adoration and insanity. Snapping out of his thoughts he turned and sprinted to the cafeteria, fearing there might be more obstacles between him and Jerry's divine cooking.

"Jerry-san! Am I ever glad to see you!"

"Allen-kun, always nice to see you too, cutie-pie! The usual order?"

"With extra mitarashi-dango today? Please?"

Twenty seconds later Jerry reappeared with a veritable mountain of Allen's favorite dessert.

"Rough day? I heard that that sadistic, gorgeous Noah suitor of yours is here. How I would love to have such a paramour. Ah, young love!"

"Umm, yeah… Well, thanks Jerry-san!" Allen said awkwardly as he grabbed the rest of his order which had appeared just as magically as his dessert.

"You're welcome sweetheart!"

Allen sat down in a far corner of the cafeteria, not wanting to be noticed or disturbed by his suitors, or anyone else for that matter. After a few minutes peace he relaxed and began to eat in earnest.

"Che, glutton."

Allen nearly jumped out of his skin at hearing the voice of one of his admirers. He quickly turned to look at the ever annoyed Japanese teen who stood next to him. He glared at the older boy, incredibly annoyed at having been snuck up on and interrupted while eating.

"Bakanda, what do you want?"

Kanda said nothing as he sat down next to his Moyashi. Allen glared a moment longer, but when Kanda remained silent, calmly sipping his tea and eating his soba, he decided to return to his own sustenance. Unfortunately, the calm and quiet only lasted another few minutes. The white haired teen was horrified to see Lavi and Tyki burst through the cafeteria doors.

"Allen, my love, I've found you again!" Allen could swear he saw little, pink hearts fluttering around the other Noah's head.

"Shut-up, Beauty-mark. You just followed me. Anyone who knows Allen-chan well enough knows that Jerry's kitchen is his favorite place to be."

Pushing and hitting each other, Tyki and Lavi quickly moved to sit in front of Allen. They continued to argue loudly for another two minutes, completely unaware of Allen's growing rage. The sound of metal snapping instantly stopped their bickering. The duo looked at the pronged half of a fork lying in an unfinished plate of pasta, then to the horns that mysteriously appeared atop a white-haired head. A sense of impending doom settled over them (as well as everyone else in a half mile radius). After all, Black Allen was far more frightening than Cross and the Earl combined.

"A-Allen?" Lavi started nervously. "Maybe it would be best-"

"Shut up."

"Allen, love, perhaps-" Tyki tried.

"Shut. Up. Both of you." Allen was in no mood to be placated.

Lavi and Tyki shrunk in their seats. Kanda smirked at them over his tea cup, but moved a few seats from his Moyashi. Just in case. Even he was scared of Black Allen.

"I don't want to hear one. more. word- from either of you. If you speak again during my meal, disrupt the peace of my sanctuary in Jerry-san's cafeteria, or try to keep me from his delicious cooking for even a moment I will never speak to you again. Do I make myself clear?"

The red head and the brunette nodded anxiously, eyes wide in fear and looking very much like reprimanded children. Judging the danger to be past, Kanda returned to his place near his Moyashi. From that point on the cafeteria remained silent. While Allen ate, each of his suitors watched him in their own way: Tyki gazed at him in unrepressed adoration; Lavi watched him inhale his food in wonder and amusement, as he always did; and though he couldn't keep from grimacing at the sheer quantity and speed at which Allen consumed his meal, it was easy enough to see the fondness in the glances Kanda sent the younger boy's way.

Thirteen main courses, nine appetizers, and three desserts later, on top of the mountain of mitarashi-dango, Allen had finished his meal. Surrounded by towers of plates, the glutton of a teenager sat quietly and sipped a cup of earl grey.

"Allen-"

"Shut up. I am happily digesting my fantastic meal."

"I was just going to ask if I could take your dishes away for you?"

Allen blinked at him curiously for a moment. "Thank you, Lavi," he said hesitantly, fully expecting some sort of hidden agenda- and rightfully so.

"I'll help!" Tyki immediately, and far too enthusiastically, offered.

Allen watched them, skeptical of their 'gentlemanly' intentions. He looked at Kanda, afraid the Samurai might do something just as out of character as the other two men were. It wasn't exactly out of character, but the unabashed lustful leer he was receiving made him just as nervous.

Lavi and Tyki hadn't been away from Allen for more than thirty seconds. Half a minute was, apparently, more than enough time for Kanda to disappear with the object of their psychotic affections. Neither man was pleased.

"This is your fault, Noah!"

"How do you figure that, Cyclops?"

"Ever since you and the other Noah came into the picture things have become increasingly complicated."

"I still don't see how that makes this situation my fault."

They argued a few more minutes before giving up and splitting up to search. Lavi was fairly certain he knew where Kanda was taking Allen and he didn't want the Noah in the way.

It wasn't until several minutes after leaving the dining hall that Allen regained consciousness. As his hazy mind cleared, he began to more thoroughly take in his surroundings. The spacious room he was in was lit with nothing more than an oil lamp and a few candles scattered about. He became uneasy when he realized he was on a plush bed that he was certain he'd never seen before. He nearly fell off the bed in his surprise as Kanda materialized out of the shadows the bedroom was drowning in. Allen paled at the glazed look in the Samurai's eyes. He backed into the headboard as Kanda sat next to him.

He was almost undoubtedly on his Ark. Worse, he was in a bedroom with a lusty, morally challenged Bakanda. This was so not good.

Lavi knew for sure that his blue-eyed rival in love had taken Allen to the Ark when he came upon an open gateway and a number of battered and unconscious scientists. Now the only problem was finding his little Moyashi amongst the seemingly endless rooms. This was so not good. But he would succeed! He had to. Everyone knew that, when it came to Allen, Kanda was selfish (more so than usual), borderline crazed, and uncharacteristically needy. He had to save his Allen-chanbefore the Kanda seduced him and stole his heart.

"Bakanda, what are you doing? Stay away! Wait! Really, Kanda!"

Just as Kanda was about to literally rip Allen's clothes off, Lavi burst into the room.

"Allen! Allen, I'm here to rescue you!"

Surprised that his hiding place was so quickly discovered, Kanda was completely unprepared for Oudzuchi, Koudzuchi as it came flying toward his head. The Samurai was unconscious before he hit the ground.

"Allen-chan, are you alright? Thank god I found you when I did."

"Lavi…" the younger teen said dreamily, "Lavi, you came to save me."

"Of course, Allen, I love you."

Unbeknownst to any of his suitors, Allen had developed 'damsel in distress'* syndrome due to being kidnapped so often. Thus, the growing affection Allen had held for the red haired Exorcist shifted and turned into endless adoration and love.

"Oh, Lavi, I love you so much. I'm so glad you saved me from Kanda. Now that I think about it, you saved me from Tyki earlier today, too."

The red head nearly melted at hearing his one and only say those three magic words. Fortunately, he still possessed the presence of mind to realize that he and his love had to get out of that room and away from the still unconscious Kanda.

"Allen-chan, as happy as I am to hear you say that and as much as I would like to simply ravish you right now, we need to get out of here. If Yuu wakes up now, he's going to kill me."

"Alright. Where are we going?"

"Somewhere safe, to hide till Lenalee has the chance to calm Kanda down a bit. And some place Beauty-mark can't follow. Any ideas?"

"I might know a place," he said, a mischievous grin forming on his pretty face. Lavi swooned just that much more.

"Lead the way, my love!"

A few minutes later found the new couple ensconced in the Ark's secret piano room. The furious Samurai wandering around the Ark, destroying buildings (and anything else in his way) as he went was completely ignored. The Noah of Pleasure, who'd finally figured out that Allen had been taken to the white Ark, was also ignored.

For the rest of the day, and most of the night, Allen and Lavi made very good use of the piano room's couch… as well as most of the rest of the furniture. The happy couple wasn't seen until late the next day, when Allen's stomach became impossible to ignore.


*I know it's not called 'damsel in distress' syndrome, but I couldn't remember what it was called, so if anyh=one can tell me the real name, I would be most appreciative.

Thank you everyone who has been reading and following this fic. It's not as great as I hoped, but it would seem I'm not so great at sequels in general. I apologize for taking so many months to update and finalize this fic, but I've completely lost inspiration and interest in it. I hope, at least, that this chapter is better than the last one.

Thanks for your support!