Hogwarts goes Catholic.

hello there :) This first chapter is alittle short , but they will get longer as the story continues. Sorry if it offends any nuns , catholics or scientologists.

disclaimer: one day i will sue jk rowing for stealing harry potter from me.


Before the start of the new year , Dumbledore held a staff meeting. The teachers gathered in the staff room discussing holiday gossip and plans for their classes. Sanpe wondered in , scowling and sat down at the back end of the long table.

"Hello Severus." said McGonagall , upon noticing him , "How were your holidays?"

"Oh it was absolutely wonderful , Minerva ," Snape said , his voice dripping with sarcasm , "I laughed all day , picked daisies and rode on a magical pixie horse that shitted out rainbows."

"Well sorry for asking." said McGonagall , employing her own use of sarcasm.

"Attention my fellow staff members." said Dumbledore , waltzing into the room , gazing at them all. Everyone took thier seats , McGonagall having to sit next to Snape as the only free seat was beside him. Snape growled in annoyance but said nothing.

"I trust you had a good summer break...considering in the circumstances," continued Dumbledore. "Voldemort is back."

There was murmur of discomfort throughout the room at the mention of "Voldemort."

Dumbledore paused for a second , his face growing more serious , "The Ministry does not want to accept this fact and as a result the entire wizarding community is in danger. Now it is my responsibility to protect this school , to shield us all and the children from Lord Voldemort's wrath of terror. That's why this year , there are going to be some changes." Dumbledore surveyed his audience with his twinkling eyes , wondering how everyone would take the news.

"Hogwarts is going Catholic."

The room was awkwardly silent for a second before Snape spluttered ,"WHAT?"

At the same time McGonagall exclaimed ,"Why?"

"Hey" said Hagrid , "It's better than Scientology."

"It's quite simple really. I came upon the idea whilst reading the Bible." said Dumbledore , "Voldemort is the devil. If the school becomes Catholic , God can save us all."

The entire room was speechless.

"What...the...hell?" said Snape.

"Now , Now Severus. Hell is a bad word." said Dumbledore, as if he was telling off a naughty toddler.

"Albus...are you sure your feeling alright?" asked Madam Pomfey.

"Better than ever, my dear Poppy ," said Dumbledore ,beaming.

McGonagall groaned and Snape hit his head against the desk.

"Now some arrangements must be taken care of ." said Dumbledore and with a wave of his wand a black cloak appeared on the table. "That is for you Severus."

"Why would I need another black rode." asked Snape , feeling annoyed.

"That's not just any black robe Severus ," said McGonagall , smirking and handling the robe , "It's a nun's robe."

Sprout burst into laugher while Flitwick sniggered loudly. Snape gaped in disbelief and anger.

"Severus ," said Dumbledore , unable to keep a straight face , "I am appointing you head nun."


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