Many thanks to my betas Reamhar & KCerena.
I'd recommend reading my story "Winter of Love" – before reading these outtakes. They kind of don't make sense if you haven't read the story.
Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight
Chapter 19/20 – EPOV Outtake
Everything snapped into place that night. Bella was standing in her pajamas by the window apologizing for something she didn't have to and the sight of her mesmerized me. Her words barely registered with me. All I could do at first was stare at her. I'd spent all afternoon thinking of how to apologize and nothing seemed quite adequate. Bella's hair hung lose around her face and she looked so pretty in the glow of the faint light created by the small lamb by her bedside; her hair shimmered in different shades of red and brown and her skin seemed to glow.
When Charlie asked her whether she liked me and she confirmed it, my heart sunk a little. And, yeah, I know this makes me sound not only stupid, but also like a complete pussy. What did I expect? Grand declarations of her undying love for me - to her father no less - while I was hiding underneath her bed? Never mind that I couldn't even utter those words to her myself.
Alice's admonishments were ringing in my ears. There was no need for her to tell me I was in love with Bella. I remembered the exact time when it first hit me - our first night at the boathouse when I'd made her cry. She stormed down the stairs and suddenly I was scared shitless that I'd lost her. It felt like someone had just kicked me in the gut and all I wanted to do was roll around the floor for a while until the pain went away. Only it would never go away unless I ran after her. The most obvious facts of life barely dawned on me when shit hit the fan.
It was like I didn't really care about football until Mother announced I wasn't allowed to continue practice after James and his buddy had beaten the crap out of me. It didn't even hurt badly and if Laurent hadn't held me down while James pounded his fists into my face, I'm sure I would have been able to handle him. I'd joined the football team because Emmett had begged me to, but when I wasn't allowed to be part of the team anymore, I missed it. I missed the practice session and even the games. I realized it was the one thing I'd done since we'd moved here that made me feel normal, like I fit in. I was surprisingly good at it too.
At first I didn't feel the need to tell Bella. I figured I'd humiliated myself enough every time we made out and feared my self-esteem would sink to an all time low if she told me she didn't feel the same way about me. But after that night in her room, I wanted to really badly. I didn't even care anymore if she said it back. I wanted her to know how amazing she was and that nothing would ever keep me away from her. Most certainly not my Mother. How every time I touched her I was hit by this jolt of electricity and I could no longer live without it. When she smiled my heart beat faster and when she kissed me I felt like everything in me was on fire. I'd never abandon her and I'd never give up on her.
I held it back though. Sometimes for brief seconds she looked scared and withdrawn. I wasn't sure whether something I did or said caused it. So I settled on the next best thing I could come up with – "I miss you." I felt shitty about it. It was so lame. There I was practically molesting her every time I saw her, yet the simple three words wouldn't come out. I'm just waiting for the right moment, I told myself while we were lying on the sofa in the boathouse. At the rate I was going she'd sleep with me before I told her, "And oh, yeah, I'm wretchedly in love with you. Don't ever think about leaving me, because I will follow you wherever you go."
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