Asakura Kazumi tries her hand at writing a book. Needless to say, it all goes slightly insane.

Er... just as a quick note, I live in the UK, so whatever ridiculous mistakes Asakura and Haruna make in this story are supposed to be mistakes.

Possible spoilers for up to chapter 234-ish? Just because Rakan's mentioned in it, and his super-special-awesome movie. Takes place a little before before everyone re-meeting Yue for the first time.

Mahora. A city ruled by the Japanese yakuza. The particular yakuza group controlling this beautiful cityscape: the Konoe clan. Powerful and cunning, this family have been around for hundreds of years, dealing in drugs, small-time theft, big-time theft, identity theft and magic.

Yes, you heard right. Magic. The secret of the Konoe clan's sucess.

Too many a clan have fallen because bodyguards of the leaders were inept. Because the leaders could not be protected. In this instance, magic is the secret of longevity. For instance, the granddaughter of the Konoe boss, Konoka, though unaware of her family's business, is constantly under the watchful eye of Setsuna Sakurazaki- a magic-wielding swordswoman. It is this kind of magic which keeps the Konoe clan strong. Plus, they make good money hiring out these bodyguards. Lots of good, dirty money.

"Asakura-san? What are you doing?" Haruna asks, trying to peer over Asakura's shoulder at the notebook.

"Nothing! Absolutely nothing!" Asakura slams the book shut. Then it occurs to her that her journalistic reflexes just ruined any chances she had of writing in peace.

Haruna grins and pushes her glasses up her nose.

"I don't believe you! You're making me curious, Asakura," she declares, sounding more than a little unhinged.

"I'm just writing a little!" Maybe Haruna will leave her alone?

"Aww! Let me see!" No chance.

"Not right now! I'm on a roll!" Asakura's getting desperate now. It's too early to show people her work!

Strangely enough, Haruna pauses. Even more strangely, she agrees to wait.

Asakura briefly wonders if this is the real Haruna.

"What are you waiting for?" Haruna yells in impatience. "Come on, get writing!"

Okay. It's the real Haruna. Back to work.

Now, let's travel across the world to a tiny green valley in England. There's just a small village with lots of sheep and even more trees. This is the central headquarters for the Welsh mafia. Specialising in pirate DVDs, counterfeit designer jeans and illegal cheese smuggling, the Welsh mafia are small and slightly useless at the moment, but shall become known and feared throughout the world- thanks to their minute leader, Negi Springfield.

"Illegal cheese smuggling? Are you serious?" Haruna giggles. Asakura freezes. She should've known that Haruna was just pretending to be nice!

"Well, what do they do in Wales? All I know is that it's in England, and it's green!"

"Hohoho..." That... That giggle... No! Asakura didn't want to know what was coming!


"You should always research whatever you're writing about. But since this is just the first draft, I think we can revise that later."

Now, Negi-chan is a mere ten years old at this moment in time. He has been brought up by his family, who are only slightly richer than your average person. Why is this, exactly?

Negi's father, the greatly feared Thousand Master (Lit. Master of a Thousand

"A thousand..." Asakura stops. "A thousand girls? A thousand deals? A thousand pounds?"

"A thousand... uh... just stick with 'girls' for now. Rakan-san mentioned that Nagi-san was a flirt. Actually, better make that 'women'. Just in case people read this and think he was a pedophile or something..."

"Who'd think that?"

"I dunno. But 'women' sounds better, right? And more believable."

Negi's father, the greatly-feared Thousand Master (Lit. Master of a Thousand Gorgeous Women) was not only the greatest gang leader of all times, but also the worst possible accountant in all of the grassy green hills of Wales.

"Uh... Wales isn't all that big. Try 'the West'."


Negi's father, the greatly-feared Thousand Master (Lit. Master of a Thousand Goregeous Women) was not only the greatest gang leader of all time, but also the worst possible accountant in all the Western world. So although he should have been a multi-billionaire by the time he turned twenty-three, he lost most of it in various weird ways. Noone really knows how anyone can be that bad at maths, but apparently Nagi-san was. Other theories on this matter include a hole in the time-space continuum and an evil rubber duck conspiracy involving cotton wool, pomegranates and Gothic Lolita robots.

The reason as to why Negi has been brought up by distant relatives is that the aforementioned Nagi-san went missing, guns a-blazing, one winter's day ten years ago. This happened in a strange incident involving an apple, tentacled monsters and possibly a spaceship. Noone has verified this, although the crop circles found nearby have seemed to suggest that Nagi may have been abducted by aliens.

Negi-chan doesn't know this. The truth was deemed to terrible to give to a four-year-old boy.

"...Abducted by aliens...?" Haruna asked, incredulously.

"What? It's possible! And it's the best I can think of at the moment!"

"Uh... I suppose we can correct that later. Carry on, then."

However, what Negi does know is that he wants to find his dad and that he also really wants to be a better boss. See, when Negi was little, the English mafia (whom Nagi had often offended with his tremendously bad flirting skills and simply terrible grammar. Not to mention the way he always, always spoke in schoolgirl Japanese and ranted about how hard being this hot was quite frequently in Welsh) had wanted to 'settle a score' with Nagi.

Upon not finding him, the overly-polite gentlemen decended into a stark-raving loony berserker frenzy, tearing apart whatever they could with their bare hands and shiny iron golf clubs alone. Well, at least their Battle Butlers did. The sheer snarkiness of the Mafia boss' words caused buildings to fall down, sheep to fall over and for milk to curdle.

In short, it was a chaotic battle that ravaged the entire village.

It was during that time that Negi saw his father, atop a small, green hill in darkness.

"Hey, Negi. I can't stay long, but have this." The mysterious figure offered a staff to the small boy.

"What is it?" the little boy asked, taking it.

"It's something that'll save your life! If you ever get attacked, make sure you hit them over the head, okay? Plus, it'll make you look really cool. I should know, I look awesome with it." The figure struck a dramatic, totally badass pose.

It was at this moment that Negi knew he could surpass his father- at least where common sense was concerned. Negi took the staff, secretly hoping to look cooler than his dad, too. Or at least more badass.

"...I don't think you're wrong there. From Rakan-san's videos, Nagi-san was quite foolish." Haruna murmured.

"Almost more so than Rakan-san himself."

"Negi-sensei already has more common sense. Plus, I'm sure that no matter how hot his dad was, Negi will suprass him."

"Agreed. On both points."

"Did I hear my name?" Negi asked, from behind the two girls.

"Uh... no!" Asakura yelped, shocked.

"We were just commenting on that video! Yeah, the one Rakan-san showed us." Haruna stuttered.

"Oh, that was a rather good recording, wasn't it? It was a bit focused on Rakan-san, but it had a lot of information in it. Wouldn't you agree?"

"Yes, sensei!" Asakura smiled.

"Oh! Sensei! I forgot to ask you earlier, but what was it like in Wales?" Haruna asked, innocently.

"What are you doing, Haruna?" Asakura hissed.

"Research!" Haruna murmured.

"Um, it's a very nice place. The part of Wales I lived in was surrounded by little grassy hills and lots of trees. It's very peaceful."

"Interesting..." Haruna said, thoughtfully. "Sensei! Tell me more! What about Britain? Does anyone you know participate in illegal activities? What about cheese smuggling? Is there a mafia in Wales? Tell me, sensei!" Haruna cried, an evil glint in her eyes. It was enough to scare even Asakura.

"I- I don't know any of those things!" Negi wailed.

Asakura got on with writing. Getting on Haruna's bad side was a serious no-no.

So. Yeah. The real question is- will I ever update? :O Well, no, it isn't the BIG question. The BIG question is whether you're gonna review. (The right answer is yes, isn't it? I knew it!)