*waves* Hello all...

i want to thank Jaspers Izzy for beta'ing this and encouraging me to post this under my real pen name and not under a new name.


I was standing in a big gymnasium; peoples loved ones all around me but I couldn't be bothered to notice them. All I cared about was the person standing in front of me. His short blond hair, still so unlike I was used to seeing, was tucked under his military issue hat. He looked so handsome his cammies. The tan color blended perfectly with his sun washed Texas skin. His eyes sparkled with unshed tears, making the light green more bright and vibrant.

He was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen, and he was mine.

He had been able to hold back his tears; I on the other hand was having no such luck. The tears streamed down my face and my nose was starting to run. It seamed like I had been crying for a week straight. My husband had joined the Army and was embarking on his very first deployment. To a place in the Middle East that I had not been made aware of. Top-secret mission only a handful of people knew about, and I was not one of them.

"Bella, please stop crying. I'll be back soon. It's only for a few months. Its not like I'll be gone for 15 months like most people. This is just a quick mission. I'll be fine."

I nodded and wiped my eyes, "Just a short mission." I said it more to myself than to him. I was about to say something else when the commander of the unit told the men to fall in line. I gave him one last hug and kissed him good-bye.

"I love you Jasper Whitlock. Come home safe."

"I love you too, Mrs. Whitlock, and I promise, I will be home before you know it."

End Flashback

"I'll be home before you know it, those were the last words you ever said to me, you know that?" I sat kneeling on the grass in front of a grave marker. The words "Jasper Whitlock devoted husband" written on it in an elegant script Alice had picked out. My fingers wrapped around a handful of flowers. The funeral had only been a week ago. The grass had been laid that same day. The day I watched my husband being lowered into the ground. I hadn't stopped crying since the day they told me he had been killed in combat.

Flash back

Alice and I were about to go shopping. Jasper would be home in a few weeks and I wanted everything to look nice when he got home. I had received an email from him that morning confirming the date of his arrival and I was in full "get ready for your husbands return" mode. Alice was dragging me out of the house because she wanted to make sure I looked good for his return. She was such an awesome friend. Her husband was in the Army as well but hadn't been deployed with Jasper. Emmett was in North Korea though, and that meant Alice had to stay behind. Dependents aren't allowed over in hazard zones and North Korea is a hazard zone.

I had just picked up my keys and called for Alice to hurry up in the bathroom when there was a knock on my door. I opened the door and my heart stopped. There on my step were two military people in their dress uniform looking very somber.

I couldn't tell you what they said, something about a humvee and an IUD but I think I blocked most of it out. The sound of my keys hitting the floor and my strangled cry alerted Alice that something was wrong. She was soon by my side wanting to know what the problem was. The three of them caught me and carried me to the couch. The two official people kept talking to me but their mouths moved in slow motion and nothing was sticking in my head. They were talking about the funeral and life insurance and all the technicalities that came with a fallen solider. I wasn't listening.

The rest of the week was a blur of emotions and loved ones coming over to give me their condolences. Alice took care of all of the prep work and organized the wake. Had I had my way, I would have stayed in bed, under the covers holding tight to the pillow that Jasper had slept on for the last 7 years. Alice would never let me do that and she had known that were I to have planned the funeral it would have been a small group, quiet and subdued. Alice never did anything small and Jasper's funeral was no exception. Only one person within Jasper's troop had survived. Peter, whom I had never really liked, showed up to pay his respects and then left. I didn't need him there anyway. I knew it was stupid and irrational but I hated him for surviving. Why did he get to survive while Jasper died? Why was Charlotte allowed to have her husband back and wasn't? I hated them both.

End flashback

"You told me it would be safe, that you would return to me! We were going to start a family. Damn it Jasper how could you do this to me. How could you just leave me? What am I supposed to do now? I'm 25 and already a widow. How do I move on with my life when you are…were my life?" the tears came faster, stronger. I was asking the same questions over and over again and never getting the answers to them; I knew I never would. My life was over and I didn't know how to live. I wasn't even sure if I was alive. I felt nothing inside. I may as well have died the day Jasper did.

Jasper had saved me all those years ago while we were in high school. Saved me from an abusive stepfather and found me shelter when I needed an escape. I needed him and now he was gone! He had been my reason to breathe, to keep moving. With him gone I wasn't sure I wanted to keep going. Wasn't sure life was worth it. What kind of a world would it be without someone as sweet and endearing and beautiful as Jasper was? Yet something told me I needed to hang on. I knew Jasper would want me to overcome this, to be strong.

I gripped the flowers tightly in my hands, the thorns of the roses digging into the palms of my hands making them bleed. I liked the pain of it; it let me know I was still alive. The blood dripped down and landed on the grass and was soon washed away by the rain. When had it started raining? My clothing was soaked through and my knees were getting muddy. The logical thing would have been to get up and go home but I couldn't do it. I had to spend, as much time with him as I could. I wasn't ready to let go of him; I didn't know if I would ever let go of him. So instead of being logical I stretched out over the grave. Maybe if I lay there long enough it would feel as though I were back in my bed next to my wonderful husband. My face was pointed to the sky, rain hitting me. The clouds were dark gray and angry, the sky looked like it was crying, the weather reflected my mood perfectly. In the distance I heard a clap of thunder and sighed to myself. Thunder always comforted me. It reminded me of Jasper.

So, i know the world just came to a stand still, i Jaspers Dark Angel KILLED Jasper. but i had to! it was the only way that i would be able to write an e/b honestly removing Jasper from the story was the only way to prevent me from turning the story back into a j/b story.

i also know that most of you that are reading this know me as an only Jasper girl so you are probably all falling over dead that i decided to write and e/b. if you know me you know i hate edward and refuse to read any edward story where he isnt gay!

please leave me some reviews. I'm feeling a bit self-conscious about this story because it is an e/b and out of comfort zone, its not even in the same universe as my comfort zone to be honest with you so please leave reviews i really need to know how you feel about this story.