Hey I'm back. Alright so I planned on posting this earlier but moving across the country is no small feet and I'm just now starting to get my life back together.
I want to thank my beta's Megara Megumi and Jaspers Izzy for looking this over and making sure its good enough to post. They are wonderful and I would be no where without them.
I removed my muddy clothing and climbed in to the scolding hot shower. My skin tingled and burned as the hot water came into contact with my cold, rain soaked skin. The feeling was painful but welcome. Over the last few weeks I had become so numb that the slightest amount of pain had become a much-needed feeling. Life had been a bit of a daze since I had received the news of Jasper's passing. Nothing could have prepared me for the pain, the emptiness that filled my chest. It was like a hole had opened in my chest and nothing I did made it any better. I couldn't repair myself and I didn't want to. I needed this hole. It's what I got for finding my soul mate so early in life.
I finished shampooing my hair and switched the water from shower to bath and waited while the tub filled up. Jasper always hated the way I took showers. I had spent a few years over in Japan when I was younger and had gotten used to cleaning myself off in a shower and soaking in a tub after. It was a habit I had been unwilling to give up when my family moved back to the states. Jasper always complained that I was wasting water and that I was the reason our water bill was so high. He was of course right, and I conceded his points but still was unwilling to change.
The tub had finished filling and I climbed in, submerging myself in the hot water to let my body relax.
The scent of jasmine and vanilla were strong in the soap infused water. Bubbles clung to my chest and arms as I sank under the water. Holding my breath I opened my eyes. The soapy water stung but my sight was clear, or at least as clear as looking through water without goggles can be. The bubbles had moved making my view of the bathroom possible. The room was small and simple. Jasper had picked out the color of the walls. Sea foam green! I had cringed and almost fought him on the color but he had been so happy that he had been given a chance to decorate one room of the house. Alice and his sister Esme had done the rest. They had bulldozed all of his opinions so when they had told me I could do the master bath however I wanted; I had decided to let Jasper have his say.
I had only questioned his choice after the bathroom had been painted and finished. We had chosen a coastal theme to go with the sea foam color. It was really the only thing that went with the color.
"Jazz, I don't understand why you picked this color," I said sitting on the side of the tub staring at the now finished bathroom. It had taken two weeks to complete.
"Bells, this is my favorite color. It makes me think of hope and safety. I feel safe around this color." I had looked at him with what I was sure was a dumbfounded look. I had been so sure his response would have been something generic like "I like the color"; the response I got was nothing like I had expected.
"What do you mean you feel safe? I thought you're favorite color was green."
"Don't you remember the day I met you?" he knew that was a stupid question, of course I remembered; it was the day my life began. I nodded in response.
"This color," he said waving his hands "the color of these walls is the color of the shoes you were wearing. It was the first thing I saw when I looked under the porch. Seeing that color under a dark dirty porch was what made me look harder for you. It's my favorite color because I found you at the other end of those shoes. You saved me that day Bella, not the other way around. This color reminds me of everything that went right in my life." I had tears in my eyes as he finished explaining his color choice. I had forgotten about those shoes. I had hated them! I had told my mom I needed new shoes, and my stepfather had flipped out about me always wanting stupid shit. Later that day, my stepfather came home with those ugly sea foam green tennis shoes. He had found them at a Good Will and refused to allow me to wear anything else. The fact that they meant so much to Jasper had taken me by surprise.
Jasper had said the color was one he associated with hope and safety. It was such an odd reason that I had required him to go into more detail. His reason for loving that hideous color was the same reason I loved the smell of damp earth. It always reminded me of the day I was saved from my life.
The bathroom had become my favorite place to be. It was the one place that reminded me of Jasper.
The world was starting to go dark and my head was feeling dizzy. I was still under the water holding my breath. My body was screaming for oxygen but my heart was asking what the point was. Just a little longer and I would be with Jasper.
We were standing in a park; the same one where we had our first date. Jasper had taken me out for a nighttime picnic. We couldn't go far, he may have been 17 but he didn't have a car so we stayed in walking distance of our houses. The park meant a lot to me. A lot had happened over the years in this park. Our first date, the day he told me he loved me. The best thing to happen in this park, though, was the day he proposed. We had sat on our bench watching the kids of the neighborhood play until it had gone dark and they had all gone home.
I didn't know why we had stayed at the park so long, but I was content just to sit there on the park bench snuggled under Jasper's arm.
All he had said when we got to the park was that he wanted us to "get back to our roots." His wording had caused me to laugh but us "getting back to our roots," meant a nighttime picnic. He had placed the ring at the bottom my champagne glass and I had, being the klutz that I am, almost swallowed it. He was always trying to be romantic and I was always finding ways of messing it up. I looked up to say yes and Jasper's face had changed. His hair was shorter, Almost military short but it was still long enough to show some of the curls. He was still gorgeous and took my breath away.
"Bella, why are you doing this?" I didn't understand why he was asking me this question. I thought the answer would have been obvious.
"What do you mean? I want to marry you."
"No Bella, why are you here, this isn't right, you know this isn't the way things are supposed to be."
"I'm doing this to be with you, Jasper. I've always ever wanted to be with you. We belong together." He sighed, moved to stand next to me and wrapped his arm around me.
"You are with me. You will always be with me Bella." His words brought tears to my eyes.
"It's not the same, I can't go on without you. Life, it's pointless if I don't have you to wake up to everyday." He gripped me tighter, he was the only thing keeping me from falling to my knees. He was always the one holding me up.
"You can't do this Bella. I know you think its best, but trust me, it's not your time yet." I blinked, wiping away my tears.
"But why Jasper? Why was it your time and it's not mine?" He sighed again and sat down on the grass pulling me with him.
"I changed my destiny by accident. I should have never been on that Humvee," I stared at him in confusion.
"What do you mean, you should have never been on the Humvee?" I asked. My heart was pounding so hard it felt like it was going to jump out of my chest.
"I should have stayed behind on watch, but I wanted to get something special for you. I had seen a ring in the village that would have been a perfect replacement for the cheap ring I gave you originally. Hallen switched posts with me. He should have been the one in the Humvee. He's alive because of me." I cringed, just another reason to dislike Peter.
"You're dead because of him," I said matter-o-factly. "But why isn't it my time? You changed your destiny why can't I change mine? Jasper, I want to be with you. Life isn't worth living if I can't have you with me."
"Listen to me Bella." He said cupping my cheeks with his hands, " I don't have much time you have to go back. You are going to meet a person, soon. They are going to need you just like you needed me. You need to save them." Tears were running down my face again. I could feel a pulling start like something was trying to drag me away. I closed my eyes as Jasper kissed me for the last time, "I love you Baby Bells." I opened my eyes to tell him I loved him too but he had gone. The pulling got stronger and the park disappeared. Suddenly it felt like I was choking. I awoke coughing, Rose was standing over me in her paramedic's uniform as more paramedics came racing into the bathroom. I started to focus on the faces of the people around me other than Rose. My eyes landed on Alice, who had this worried and stern look on her face. I knew I was in trouble.
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