The Dead Pan Contest Entry
Title: Compton's Island: The Second Pamela Ravenscroft
Story/movie parodied:
Gilligan's Island
I do not own the characters of the Southern Vampire Mysteries, and really, does anyone really own another person? So if anyone does, Charlaine Harris has the rights to them, I just make them do weird stuff. I don't own Gilligan's Island either.

A/N: *waves hi* This one shot was an entry in the Dead Pan contest. It was anonymous, so this is my big reveal as the author, I hope you enjoy it.

Thanks so much to A Redhead Thing for betaing this for me and not laughing so loud I could hear it over the internet when I told her I was Dead Panning Gilligan. You know how I feel about you Red. MWUAH.


They left the marina for what should have been a three hour tour. The weather grew stormy, and after hours of being tossed around on the ferocious sea, they were shipwrecked on a deserted island. Their ship, the Werewolf, was no longer seaworthy. All of their radar and communication devices were blown. There was no cell phone reception, and they were completely cut off from the world.

The small band of survivors included the ship's skipper, Sam Merlotte, his first mate Bill Compton, a professor of natural science, Eric Northman, the famous movie star and singer, Pamela Ravenscroft, a tourist from Louisiana, Sookie Stackhouse, a millionaire, Sophie Anne Le Clerc, and her husband Andre.

As the days on the island passed, the group began to fear they would not be found. They were well supplied with coconuts, Professor Northman was becoming an expert spear fisher, and the Skipper sent Compton to search the jungle for additional food. Compton wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed, and had come back empty handed, claiming he didn't know what was edible. The Skipper had walked through the vegetation with him, identifying fruits, berries and roots that he should collect.

Eventually, they had built themselves a little village that they we quite proud of. They had all become friendly, but there were still alliances and cliques forming. Pamela had quite a crush on the Professor. He was attracted to her, but he worried about the repercussions of a dalliance with another castaway.

Ever the star, Pamela made sure that the other two women on the island believed that she and the professor were involved, intimately. She told them that Eric's public aloofness was all an act. She made a point of leaving the hut that she shared with Sookie late at night to reinforce her ruse.

Sookie was attracted to Eric, he was a strikingly handsome man. His intelligence made him even more attractive to the small town girl, who had looked up to her teachers, and dreamed of going to college. But Sookie accepted that she would only live vicariously through Pamela; the Professor would never have feelings for a farm girl with a high school education.

Days turned into weeks, weeks into months, and they were not rescued. The Skipper finally decided that everyone needed some fun. He held a meeting, and after a long discussion, they decided to hold a talent show. Pamela would take the lead, supervising rehearsals and hosting the event. All of the castaways were thrilled with the prospect of an entertaining evening under the tiki torches. As they returned to their daily activities, the group was abuzz with ideas for their performances.

Sookie approached Pamela for help that evening in their hut.

"Pamela, I'd really like to sing in the talent show, but I'm not sure if I'm good enough. I sang the national anthem at the county fair once, and I was in the high school musical, but, I just don't know."

Pamela could only imagine the caliber of performers at the county fair in, Louisiana, or Texas, she couldn't remember. Sookie was from one of those states where people called each other 'ya'll' and that was all she needed to know.

"Perhaps singing isn't the best choice for you Sookie. I could teach you some lines to recite from one of my movies. You wouldn't want to have to learn an entire song."

"Oh, that's okay Pamela. I was going to sing a song I know. My granny used to sing it to me."

Good lord. What song could this bumpkin have in mind?

"Well, why don't you sing a little bit of it for me and I'll give you an honest opinion."

"Um. Okay." Sookie cleared her throat, stood up straight, and began to sing.

Pamela's jaw nearly hit the ground as Sookie's voice rang out in the hut, singing a classic Janis Joplin tune.

"Busted flat in Baton Rouge, waitin' for a train. I's feelin' near as faded as my jeans. Bobby thumbed a diesel down, just before it rained. It rode all the way to New Orleans."

Sookie stopped, and looked at Pamela expectantly. She didn't want to continue if Pamela was going to tell her it was horrendous. But Pamela was grinning from ear to ear.

"Oh, sweet girl. I think we've just found my warm-up number."

The castaways practiced for a week, keeping their performances secret from everyone but Pamela. They built a theater, complete with a stage, and logs for the audience to sit on. As the week wore on, the castaways began to spend more time alone to practice for the show.

One evening, Pamela decided that she would allow Sookie to wear one of her gowns for the talent show. She had looked over her dresses, finding one that Sookie could wear without shortening. The dress was icy blue and would compliment the girls eyes. It was, however, rather low cut in the front, but Sookie certainly had the cleavage to pull it off. When offering the use of the dress, Pamela simply told her that she had found the perfect thing for her to wear, and Sookie agreed wholeheartedly that she would wear it. Pamela did not need to explain that she would have been mortified to see Sookie on stage in cut off jeans and a bikini top, which was Sookie's everyday wear on the island.

The night of the talent show arrived, and all of the castaways were nervous. Compton was lighting torches at the Skippers' order, while Andre helped Sophie Anne find the perfect seat to watch the show. They were going to dance the tango, and were just waiting for the things to begin.

Pamela and Sookie dressed in their hut. Sookie was even able to wear a pair of Pamela's heels, as long as she walked carefully. They used some of Pamela's emergency supply of cosmetics; she was saving them for when they were rescued. She planned to go home with bright eyes and a red smile.

They made their way to the theater, and Sookie took a seat in the front row. Her song was second to last, just before Pamela's big finale. The Skipper started the show, welcoming everyone, and reciting Robert Frosts' poem, 'The Road Not Taken." It was one of his favorites. The words had comforted him when his family could not understand his love of the sea; he could not make them see that his soul was best suited for the open water and salt air.

The Professor followed his reading with a series of simple science experiments. Then Compton did a juggling act, before Sophie and Andre performed the big dance number. They moved with grace, even without any music, and received a standing ovation from the other castaways.

Sookie took a deep breath as they stepped down into the audience. Pamela nodded, and when Sophie and Andre took their seats, Sookie moved to center stage. She exhaled and gave a shy smile before beginning her song.

The rest of the castaways were just as stunned as Pamela had been. The raspy voice drifting off the stage was a complete surprise.

"Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose. Nothing don't mean nothing honey if it ain't free, now now. And feeling good was easy, Lord, when he sang the blues. You know feeling good was good enough for me; good enough for me and my Bobby McGee."

The castaways were quiet, entranced, as she slowly moved to the front of the stage during the course of her performance. Sookie sang like she had been born to be in front of an audience. And when it came time for the final verse, she gave it her all, swinging her head and belting out the tune.

"Lord, I'm calling my lover, calling my man. I said I'm calling my lover just the best I can.
C'mon, hey now Bobby yeah, hey now Bobby McGee, yeah. Lordy Lordy Lordy Lordy Lordy Lordy Lordy Lord. Hey, hey, hey, Bobby McGee, Lord!"

Her voice died out and the audience stood, clapping and yelling; even Pamela was misty eyed. The Skipper had been right on, this was what everyone needed. As the crowd quieted down, Sookie turned to leave the stage, and the heel of her shoe caught between two boards. She slipped, falling halfway off the stage, her head hitting a coconut that Compton had set out as decoration.

She brought her hand to the back of her head, wincing. When she opened her eyes, the Professor was crouched down to examine her. The other castaways looked around nervously, not knowing what to do. There had been bumps and bruises on the island before, but this was the first time someone had lost consiousness.

"Eric," she sighed.

"Are you alright? How many fingers am I holding up?"

"Two." Smiling, she brought her hand to his cheek. "I'm fine."

He helped her up, and she began brushing the sand off her dress. She shook out her hair, and then looked at her fellow castaways. They seemed to be waiting for her to say something.

"What are you all looking at? The show must go on. Are you ready for my big number?"

Pam gasped, "Well, I never!" How dare that little Shania Twain wannabe act like her silly song was the big number in the show? She, Pamela Ravenscroft, famed actress, would perform the finale.

Sophie Anne and Andre looked on in confusion; they had been discussing a new hiding place for their money. Andre had seen Compton outside their hut that afternoon, and they had always thought he seemed shifty, they didn't trust him.

Compton had rushed forward when he saw her fall. He had thought the coconuts were a nice touch, now he wasn't so sure.

She rubbed her head and raised her lip in disgust at the ridiculous excuse for a First Mate. "Compton, don't just stand there. Get those coconuts out of here. You don't want to be responsible for anyone else getting hurt."

He was surprised at her tone; she was usually quite understanding of his gaffs. Just now, she had sounded like Pamela.

The Skipper watched it all unfold standing beside the Professor. Something was off. The girl wasn't acting like herself. Just then, she put her hand to her forehead dramatically, and her knees seemed to wobble.

"Professor," the skipper called. "You're the most qualified to provide medical care. You should take her back to your hut and look her over. She might need to rest and maybe you should keep an eye on her."

She whimpered, proving his point. "Perhaps I should get off my feet."

"Of course, Skipper." The Professor lifted her up, bridal style, and carried her away from the theater. "I'm sorry, we'll have to miss the finale. Please, do carry on."

Pamela was frustrated, because Sookie was supposed to warm up the crowd for her, not steal her thunder. She stomped off to the interior of the island, leaving a stunned crowd behind her. She grinned to herself, knowing that she'd regained their attention as she left.

The Professor carried the young woman towards his hut. It was on the outskirts of the little village they had built. He had never needed much sleep, and was frequently up late tinkering with experiments or inventions. His hut was far enough away that he wouldn't need to worry about keeping the neighbors awake at night.

He put her down, wanting to test her balance. She surprised him by immediately putting her arms around his neck and lacing her fingers in his hair. Standing on her tip toes, she kissed him before he realized what was happening. Her mouth touched his like they had shared a thousand years worth of kisses; their lips and tongues moving easily together. His arms went around her, and she felt better than he had ever imagined.

The only relief he'd found while stranded on the island had been from his own hand. Oh, the actress had offered, but he wasn't interested when he considered the consequences. She struck him as a black widow, and the island was way too small to create an enemy if things didn't work out. But Sookie, she was off limits for entirely different reasons. When he looked into her eyes he knew that she still had dreams, that she hadn't been jaded or trampled on by life. He had a feeling that getting involved with her would be much more than sex. Island life was not going to get any easier, and the last thing he needed was an affair of the heart. But here she was, kissing him like they were lovers, and he couldn't push her away.

"Mmmm, Professor. See, I feel better already."

"You should lay down, get some rest."

He led her to his bunk and was going to help her lie down. She kicked off her shoes and grinned at him, reaching behind her to unzip her dress.

"Wait, what?" He started, but she put a finger to his lips.

"I'm not going to sleep in this dress. The sequins are uncomfortable."

"Oh, of course."

Turning his head, he gave her some privacy. He couldn't believe she was getting undressed, and began to wonder if he'd been the one that had hit his head instead of her. He heard the dress fall to the floor, and waited a few seconds, but he didn't hear her get into bed. He turned cautiously, and she stood before him, naked.

"You're beautiful." The words tumbled out of his mouth before his brain could stop them. He studied her body and creamy skin with awe.

"Nothing you haven't seen before." She grinned and reached down, lifting the hem of his shirt, pulling it over his head.

Well, yes, he'd seen naked women, but not her. There was something about the way she said it that bothered him. She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around him for a second time.


He was focusing on her face and trying to get a hold of a situation that was spiraling out of control.

"Eric, why would you say her name? I'm sure she's back in our hut rereading that book she brought with her."

"Anna Karenina," he mumbled, as he began to realize what had happened. Compton and his fucking decorative coconuts. He stepped back and looked into the blond girls eyes.



His heart sank, and he understood. Sookie thought she was Pamela, and she thought that they had been sleeping together. Damn Pamela!

"I think you should lie down."

"That is a fabulous idea." She stepped back towards the bed. "Join me?"

"Oh, ah, um, I don't think so."

He tried to take his hand back, but she was pulling him with her towards the bed.

She sat down, and he realized she was eye level with his straining zipper. Her hands reached for his waist band. She bit her lip, looking up at him through her eyelashes.

"Fuck." He groaned. "S—Pam, this is a bad idea."

"Oh, I'm sure you'll enjoy it."

"Shit. I never said I wouldn't," he mumbled.

He stepped back, turning around and walking across the room. Looking out the window, he ran his hands through his hair. Clearly hitting her head had confused her. How could he get her to realize that she wasn't Pamela? Also, how could he ever get the images of a naked Sookie out of his head?

He wasn't a real doctor. He had a Ph.D. in Natural Science, and he had worked ski patrol in Colorado for two winters in college. That made him more qualified than anyone else on the island. He never should have moved her from the theater. Seeing her fall had startled him. He had been caught up in watching the firelight dance off the sequins that molded to her curves. Cursing himself, he shook his head. What if moving her had done more harm than good? She seemed pretty coherent, maybe he should just try talking to her.

Exhaling, he readied himself to turn and face her, stealing himself to avoid looking at her luscious curves. Startled by the feel of soft hands on his waist, he jumped, throwing his head back, and their skulls met with a crack.

"Ouch! Oh, shit!"

He turned around, and dropped to his knees, trying to catch her as she fell to the floor.

"Ow. Damn."

"Are you alright?"

He was sitting on the floor with her gathered in his lap. Brushing hair out of her eyes, he looked down at her, his brows furrowed with worry.

She reached up, smoothing his forehead. "You have a hard head Professor."

He laughed and rubbed his head. "You too."

They sat smiling at each other, it was a sweet moment, and then she tried to sit up. She frowned, looking down at herself, then jumped out of his arms.

"Oh my god! Eric, I mean, Professor! What the hell? Where? Oh, shit. I. Hell."

She scrambled back towards the bed and pulled his blanket around her.


"Who else would I be?"

"Oh thank God." He sighed with relief.

"What's going on? Why am I naked? Where's your shirt?"

He stood, moving closer to her. "Do you remember the talent show? You fell and hit your head."

"I did?"

"Yes. You fell off the stage and hit your head on one of those damn coconuts Compton put out."

"Oh my." She rubbed the back of her head. "But how did I get here? Naked?"

He put his hands on her shoulders to calm her down, trying to explain what had happened; how he had brought her to his hut to lay down, and that she had gotten confused from hitting her head and believed she was Pamela.

Her eyes got wide and she put her head in her hands. "Oh no."

"Nothing happened, Sookie. I swear."

"Of course it didn't. I'm so humiliated. Pamela, your girlfriend, is going to hate me."

"Pamela is not my girlfriend, Sookie."

"What? Whatever. I'm so embarrassed. I threw myself at you, didn't I? And you ... You rejected me. Oh god. I'm an idiot."

"Wait, Sookie. No. I only rejected you because you thought you were Pamela. You weren't yourself. I know what Pamela has been saying, but none of it is true."

"Where are my clothes. Let me get dressed. I'll never be able to look you in the eye. Oh, god. I'm so sorry you had to see me naked."

"Sookie, you're beautiful. Seeing you that way, it wasn't a hardship."

"What? Oh God. You're just saying that to be nice."

She was trying to figure out how to put on her dress without showing him her body again.

He stepped forward, stilling her hands. "Sookie, stop. Take a deep breath. You are beautiful."

Her blue eyes were wide, she couldn't decide if she should believe him.

"Thank you, I guess. I should go." She was still turning her head frantically, looking for an escape route.

He would hate himself if he let her walk away, but he knew that his next move was completely inappropriate. Cupping her face in his hands, he kissed her. Stroking her mouth with his tongue, and pulling her body against his, so she could feel just how beautiful he thought she was.

He moved to kiss along her neck.

"You're gorgeous."


"You're funny."


"You're smart."

He pulled the blanket open and his eyes raked over her body.

"Jesus, you're sexy."

He molded his hands around her breasts and she moaned.

"We shouldn't do this," she whispered. The blanket fell in a pool at her feet as she ran her hands up his chest.

"Probably not."

He bent forward, taking a pert nipple in his mouth. She whimpered, putting her hands in his hair, and clutching him to her chest. He moved his mouth, paying equal attention to her other breast. His hand moved between her legs, drawn there by a magnetic force that he could not escape. Her wet heat made him groan. Leading her back to the bunk, he intended to drop to his knees and worship her, but her hands went to his waistband again. She pulled his pants over his hips and he finished removing them as she stretched out in the bunk. He climbed in, nestling between her legs, hissing at the touch of flesh on flesh, and resting his weight on his elbows.

He tried to give her an out. "We don't have to. We could, I mean, do you want to?"

She pulled his face towards her, kissing him hard. "Don't stop now."

He knew there would be regrets when it was over, and concerns until she had her period, but the island was a lonely place. She was right. They had come this far, and he would not stop.

They made love slowly, caressing each other, crying out in ecstasy. After catching their breath, she turned the tables and straddled his waist, riding him hard and fast. They wore each other out, with round after round of mind blowing sex. It was as if they both knew this was a once in a lifetime opportunity, and they were going to get their monies worth.

Shortly before dawn, she woke. Aching and exhausted, she stretched, remembering how good it felt to lose herself in this man. She wondered how she would be able to sit across the table from him when they ate dinner as a group like they usually did, and not hear an echo of him crying her name when he came.

He stirred, kissing her neck as he woke up. Clearing his throat, he rubbed the sleep from his eyes.

"Good morning."


She was feeling shy again.

"Are you okay, Sookie?"

"I'm fine, Eric. This island isn't big enough for two Pamela Ravenscrofts."

He laughed. "No. It's definitely not. Sookie, I would really like for us to be friends."

"I thought we were friends Professor."

"Yes, well. We were such good friends that you thought I was dating Pamela."

She snorted a laugh.

"We should get up. We can go to the lagoon and get cleaned up before anyone else wakes up."

"I guess we should."

Neither made a move to get out of bed.

"Maybe we should do it one more time," she whispered. "As friends, and you know, because we can't let this happen again."

Her eyes sparkled, and he grinned back at her.

"I like the way you think, Sookie."


Come on, you know this is how you wanted things to play out on at least one episode! I love me some Eric as the Professor.

Thanks for taking time to read, and hopefully review. Let me know what you thought of this. I loved writing it, I have a soft spot for Amnesia Sookie (See Halo Effect. Ha ha.).