Sam rolled her eyes as I came in her room smiling brightly and said "Hi!"
"Hey Melanie, How was the date with Fredweirdo?"
"It would've been better if he believed I exist" I knew Sam liked to prank Freddie, but why had she never told him she had a twin in the first place? It's terrible going on a date with a guy who's really cute and sweet; but who thinks you're just playing a prank in a disguise.
Sam smiled and said, "I tried telling him I was serious"
"You know he's not gonna believe you after that clown day thing. That's probably why he didn't even believe Carly or Spencer"
"Hey I didn't plan on him finding out about you"
"Why don't you want people knowing you have a twin?"
"Cuz you're the good one! You know? Everyone likes you cuz you can get along with anyone. You don't like people who do bad stuff and normally they wouldn't like you, but you accept them so they think you're cool"
"Oh come on. You have awesome friends"
"Was Fredweird as boring as I said he'd be?"
"Actually no, He's very sweet and funny"
Sam gagged and shot a fly with a hair bow. She hit the bulls' eye. I looked at the dead fly on the floor and the little bit of fly guts on the wall and said, "I'll never understand how you can do that"
"Years of practice. You know in class, detention, Franklin's office"
"Anyway…you were half right"
"Bout what?" she asked aiming at another fly
"About Freddie being boring"
"I am always right. What do you mean half right?"
"He was fun, but really most of the time he was just trying to get me to say I was you in disguise playing a prank on him"
"Yup but he'll never win an argument with me"
I changed into pjs and lied on my air mattress on the floor. Sam looked at me and asked, "You're really into Freddie aren't you?"
"Yeah but I can't date someone who doesn't believe I'm real"
"I'll try to convince him you're real again"
"Thanks but it's alright. Actually, the thought of having a crush on a guy who I'm probably never gonna see after I leave in a few days, and was persistent about thinking he was on a date with my sister, is just gross"
"And every other reason he's unappealing"
"Actually I think he has a crush on you," I said, knowing Sam wouldn't notice any subtle hints I said.
Sam fake gagged and laughed, "Mel, are you ok? I thought I told you he's in love with Carly"
"Oh please Sam, whatever; him and Carly have no chemistry past friendship"
"Since when does teasing and mild physical abuse mercilessly make chemistry?"
"You two invented it"
"Whatever, you should call that teen club you guys went to. I think someone put something in the drinks"
"Seriously! Why else would he feel comfortable enough to go on a date with me, thinking it was you?"
"He wanted revenge for me tricking him with Clown Day"
"Just to get revenge, would he ever ask you out, hold your hand, tell you that you look hot, slow dance with you, and hug you when he said goodbye?"
"No" she laughed, "He knows if I know that if he even thought about doing that to me, I'd punch him"
"He thought you were taking the prank really serious"
"I'd have to quit playing the prank if he started hitting on me"
"Seriously I've never known anyone put up with emotional and physical pain like you've done to him for that long. And he's still friends with you like he doesn't care"
"Freddie's weird like that. And if we stopped being friends, we'd have to stop doing iCarly and he wouldn't be able to hang out with Carly as much"
"Believe me or not, but you two should totally date"
"You're just saying that to get over your bad date with him"
"It wasn't bad and I wouldn't do that to you. I don't trick anyone"
"True, you've been a sissy since the womb"
"You really should date Freddie"
"That fancy school in Texas has made you loopy"
"I'm serious, you even kissed him"
"What makes you think that?"
"When I kissed him, he said 'You swore we'd never do that again'"
I knew I stumped her, after being her twin for over fifteen years, I learned how to trick someone into telling the truth. She blushed slightly and said, "It was just to get our first kiss jitters over with. You know how everyone makes such a big deal out of their first kiss? We were sick of dealing with that so we just got it over with"
"You wait fifteen years to have your first kiss and to 'get it over with' you choose Freddie? What about your boyfriends in the past? You didn't want to kiss them?"
"I did but they turned out to be jerks before I kissed them. Or my breath stank, I had a cold, or whatever so I couldn't kiss them then. If my breath stinks, or I had a cold, I wouldn't care about it with the dork"
"Why didn't he kiss anyone before?"
"Cuz he's a dork and no one wanted to kiss him! Plus he was waiting for Carly to fall for him"
"He's so cute though, caring, friendly, smart, why wouldn't a girl want to kiss him?"
"Cuz he's a nub! His mom makes him sign a contract promising he shampooed twice, eats all his vegetables, and wears a belt and tennis shoes, and all this stupid overprotective crap"
"Oh she's just being a mom not wanting to let her baby go"
"She makes him wear antibacterial underwear, disinfects all his stuff daily, and says his mom disinfects him more after being with me"
"Oh…well that's…being an overprotective, out of touch with reality, clean freak mother"
"That's what everyone says!"
"But you kissed him" I said in a singsong voice
She threw a pillow at me, I blocked my face, but it just hurt my arms. I never knew how something so soft could hurt so badly. Until Sam started throwing pillows, cotton balls, spoiled bananas, and even a plastic bag of flour. "It wasn't like that," she growled
"Ok but you know you can tell me"
"Yeah yeah I know"
"Freddie called me hot"
"Ew don't make me gag"
"Sam he called me hot"
"Yeah…you said that"
"So if he called me hot, he must think you're hot too"
"He knows better than to call me hot"
"Yeah you're right. Even though we're identical! And he thought I was you!"
"We're not identical"
"Yeah we are," I said letting down my hair, messing it up like Sam's hairstyle. It was air-drying from the shower so it was curly like hers. I dragged her to the mirror and showed her. "See? We totally are"
"Now we are, but that's just it. Freddork likes girly girls like you and Carly. And I'm never being girly for a guy again. Way too much work"
"Did you feel sparks?"
"When? When I licked that light socket? Yeah!"
"No! And that was way too dangerous. No, I meant when you kissed him. Cuz I didn't"
She was silent so I knew that was a yes. "Tell him you did," I suggested
"Dude no way. We agreed it was strictly to get it over with, meant nothing, we wouldn't tell anyone, we went straight back to hating each other. The spark was just because it was my first kiss and the fire escape was sort of cliche romantic"
"I went to apologize for telling everyone on iCarly he never kissed anyone, we talked agreed to kiss there, said it was nice, said we hated each other, I left, big whoop" she said unexcitedly "And we said we'd never mention it again, so I'm not telling him anything"
"When have you ever kept a promise?"
"I'm keeping this one"
"You already broke it by telling me"
"I broke a lamp in Mega Mart, promised to pay for it after I got my purse from the car, and never paid. If I break the promise to a multinational corporation that's technically a crime, I can lie to Frednerd"
"He thinks you're hot" I said changing the subject to my advantage
"He's a nub that thinks you're hot"
"No we're not. You do your hair different and wear girlier clothes and makeup. He just likes girls like that"
"Okay seriously? What guy would only like a girl cuz she straightens her hair and wears it up, wear dresses and makeup?"
"Apparently Freddie does. I call him a prancy all the time, but he's still a fifteen-year-old dude. Fifteen year old dudes are shallow about liking girls right now. And you remember me telling you bout Jonah and Pete" she lied down in bed, putting on an orange sock and a green polka sock
I scoffed turning the light off. "Oh come on, he's way too sweet to do that like those jerks"
That night, I heard Sam tossing and turning a lot. She did that when she was worried about something. I knew Sam loved Freddie, but she'd never admit it. I think Freddie might even love her back. I've seen them argue and fight on iCarly; to someone who doesn't know them would think they really didn't like each other. But to me, I knew she didn't mean any of it and Freddie knew it too. If he didn't know she was joking, why did he still hang out with her? True, he needed to hang out with Carly and do iCarly; but if he truly hated her insulting him, he could leave. He could quit iCarly and not be with Carly if Sam's there.
Sam always picks on a guy she likes a lot, that's why she pushed that Frankie Murkin kid out of a tree and he broke his leg. She didn't mean for him to break his leg, but she really liked him and didn't know how to express it. She also picks on geeks who annoy her. So Freddie gets a double dose of torture. And she has to make fun of him so he won't know how she feels, so their friendship and iCarly wouldn't be ruined.
But Freddie loves her too, even if he wouldn't admit it. I've seen him look at her; it looks like he's thinking about her constantly, but turns his eyes away before anyone will notice. I've noticed though. I definitely know how he looked at me, thinking I was Sam. It was probably good it really was me, and not Sam. Sam would punch him into next week, not because she doesn't like him, but because she doesn't want to risk being hurt. She's strong physically and emotionally to a point. But when her feelings get hurt, she gets hurt! She goes home, locks her bedroom door, lies in bed, and cries. She's written to me before to vent. She vented over her ex boyfriends Jonah and Pete, not being able to insult Freddie for a week, having to work at Chili My Bowl (which was terrible) to pay Freddie and Carly back, Freddie handcuffing her to Gibby, and two really bad fights with Carly.
Oddly enough, Freddie seemed to be involved in her life so much, both for good and bad stuff. Carly was too, but she didn't really have an impact on her other than keeping her out of trouble. Sam needed someone to take her anger out on, and Freddie was there to endure it. He had to care about her to take that constant physical, emotional, verbal, and even in the form of writing abuse. He had to care about her a lot. They were perfect for each other. She got him out of his shell that his mom made him stay in, and if she wasn't so stubborn, he would calm her down to be less violent and disrespectful. But maybe Freddie liked her how she was.