Barney was up at around eleven that next morning. He almost fell back asleep before he realized that he was meeting Sharon at noon in the park. He jumped out of bed, pulling the covers along with him. He grabbed his pants resting on his desk chair and quickly pulled them on. He fell asleep with his shirt on, so he just buttoned it up, put on his tie, and his jacket.
"Suit up!" He said to himself in the mirror, with a grin. Before leaving, he fixed up his hair, winked at himself, and grabbed his keys. She likes getting flowers and chocolate… he told himself as he made his way to a local florist shop just a little way from the park where he was meeting Sharon. When he got in, he looked around and was at a complete loss. He didn't even know what type of flowers she liked.
"Smart Barney," he grumbled, pulling out his phone and calling Robin.
"Hello? Metro News 1. May I help you?" The receptionist said on the other line.
"Yes, I would like to speak with Robin Scherbatsky," Barney replied.
"She is about to go on the air. Who is calling?"
"Barney Stinson; I'm a friend. You have to let me talk to her! It's urgent." The women sighed.
"Miss Scherbatsky," she called. "Phone for you. A Barney Stinson."
"Oh, god, what could he want?" Barney heard her and he chuckled underneath his breath. He heard her footsteps coming closer.
"He says it's urgent."
"What?" Robin asked after getting the phone from the receptionist.
"Wow, rude much?" Barney asked.
"What do you want? What is so urgent?"
"What kind of flowers does Sharon like?"
"It is for me! Unless people from Canada don't care what kind of flowers they get."
"Shut up, Stinson. She likes roses. Any color."
"Are you sure?" He asked. "I better not show up with white roses and have her yell at me that she wanted them red, and then demand I paint them red like she's the freaking Queen of Hearts!" There was a silence between them.
"That's not going to happen. Now, I have to go," she said. "See you later."
"Wait! Robin…." He sighed. "…Thanks…. And bye."
"Bye," she replied. Barney stayed on the line hoping she would change her mind and decide to talk to him further, but she hung up. After a minute or two, so did he. Barney grabbed the reddest roses he could find; he did not want to have to paint roses; he didn't mix well with work. After buying the roses, he went straight for the candy shop, buying a heart-shaped box of milk chocolate because he didn't want to risk getting any with nuts in them. He didn't want her to eat one and then have her choke and die on the park grass with tons of little kids playing soccer watching because he was stupid enough not to ask if she was allergic. Better safe than sorry, right?
"Alright," he told himself. "I've got candy and flowers… I think I'm ready." He made his way to the park and saw her sitting on a bench, with her waist length black hair up in a high ponytail that shined from the sunlight. "Hello," he said when he approached her. She turned around to face him.
"Hey," she replied, getting up from the bench and wiping her green dress, which matched her eyes perfectly. Her eyes narrowed. "What are those for?"
"Huh?" He looked down at the flowers and chocolate. "Oh, for you." He handed them to her.
"Why give this to me? This isn't a date, Barney, I told you that!"
"Excuse me… just a gift to welcome you to America!" He laughed. Great excuse! You are one awesome fellow!
"Thank you," she said, smelling the roses. He smiled. "You're pathetic, you know that?" His smile faded from his face.
"You don't think I actually fell for that lame excuse." She laughed. "Now, what can I help you with?"
"Well…. I've been avoiding Robin lately," he admitted with a slightly pink face. "Things haven't been too good between us and I want smooth the relationship." Yeah, I'm seriously here to get help for her birthday present. Don't you realize I'm trying to get you?
"Can I ask what happened?"
"I…. I'd rather not say." He didn't want to tell her that he'd been sleeping with her and then they starting fighting, so they broke up or he'd have no way of wooing her.
"Fair enough," she said. "What I remember is that she loved journalism. Didn't she become a newscaster?"
"Yeah, she did."
"Why don't you buy her a personalized journal? I also remember her liking violent objects, so…. A paintball gun or a box of cigars?" Barney thought on it for about two minutes.
"Yeah, that actually sounds good," he finally said with a smile. "I think all three would be great presents. So… Tell me about yourself." He sat down on the bench and patted next to him for her to sit next to him. She was reluctant to, but she did it anyway. He was glad to be off the subject of gifts for Robin.
"What do you want to know?" Anything to win your heart.
"Anything," he replied. "You know, hobbies, stuff like that."
"I like animals. Foxes, especially. And I really like art," she said, looking down at her feet with a slight blush.
"I know it sounds lame, but it's really fun."
"No, I don't think that's lame. I think it's really cool actually."
"Yeah. My friend, Lily, is into art, and her artwork's pretty good." He shrugged, wondering if Lily was painting at that moment. Good going, Barney. You're wearing her down. He glanced at his watch. "Well, I got to get going. Thanks for putting up with me. Well, want to go back to my apartment? You sure are cute, aren't ya?" He nudged her with his elbow as he did the night before. She rolled her eyes and groaned. She really thought he was being a generous guy until he went on and said that.
"Like I said, Barney, I know your type," she spat.
"Right," he sighed. "So, can I meet up with you next week?"
"This wasn't a date, as I have told you before, so why should I meet you next week?" Uh, I need another excuse…..
"I still need to get the presents for her. So, can you come with me and help pick out? I'm no good with these types of things…I would probably just buy her a suit or something…"He smiled.
"Alright, but that's it!" Sharon yelled, pointing her index finger at him. "Got it?"
"Got it," he said, taking her hand and shaking it. He crossed his fingers behind his back with his free hand. Yeah, right, do you seriously think I'm just going to quit? Barney Stinson is too awesome to quit!
Barney met up with Lily and Marshall at the diner (really a pub in the show; bear with me, I've only seen one episode.) and asked for their advice. I'm too awesome! Why am I asking for advice from these two? Oh, yeah, they're married.
"I can't believe I'm doing this," he began when they were seated, holdings hands, as Barney noticed, "but I'm in need of dating advice." Marshall and Lily gasped as though the world just ended. "I know, right? An awesome guy like me, needing advice? It shocks me too. I think even more than you guys."
"Barney, are you joking with us?" Lily asked in a rather serious tone.
"I am not. I would never joke about something so sick and shocking. It's just…" he shrugged in order to show how shocked he was. "… It's sickening."
"It really is," Marshall commented. "But why come to us?"
"Yeah, like I'm really going to go to blondie and birdface!"
"Who?" Marshall asked, leaning towards Lily.
"I think he's talking about Ted and Robin," she explained. "But seriously, Barn, why us?"
"Well, you guys are married. You must know something about dating… and…. Who cares why? Just help me out!" Marshall and Lily exchanged glances and Marshall nodded. Barney smiled.
"Okay, listen, and listen good, I don't want to have to repeat myself, because that counts as work, and as you know, the Barnman doesn't work."
"Yeah," Marshall said coldly remembering when he tricked him with a recorded message and believed the man in the cab was Barney's doppelganger. He glanced over at Lily, hoping they would be blessed with a child sometime soon. He turned back to Barney. "Go on."
"Well," Barney began, "I really like that girl, Sharon. Robin's friend!" He added when they gave him blank looks. "Anyway, she's playing hard to get and I really want her and I need help on getting her. I've never dealt with a woman like this before."
"Sure, you have," Lily and Marshall said at the same time.
"What do you mean?" He asked, pulling at his collar.
"There have been tons of times when you've flirted with women and they didn't want you," Lily explained.
"True. However, with a little flirting that took about three seconds of my life, I had them in my apartment that same night and out before they could talk about our future together. WHAM!" He banged the table on the last word, making people around jump and scowl at him. "This chick is different. I flirted with her and nothing!"
"Have you even talked to Sharon since we met her last night?" Lily asked.
"I met up with her this afternoon," he explained.
"If you went out with her already, why do you need our advice?" She pointed to herself and Marshall. Barney looked down at his feet in obvious embarrassment.
"I had to lie to her," he admitted. "I told her I needed her help in finding a birthday present for Robin."
"Her birthday's not until next month," Marshall spoke up.
"Don't you think I know that? It was just a lame excuse to learn more about her."
"Well, what did you learn?"
"She's into art."
"Really?" Lily asked, feeling interested now because of her own love for art. "It would be cool if you dated her… that is, if you actually date her. I don't want you sleeping with her and then leaving."
"I guarantee, Lily, I will not be doing that. I actually like her," he said.
"Well, if you want to woo her," Lily said, "take her to the art museum."
"Art museum? Lammmeeee."
"Oh, come on! It's really nice. Marshall took me there on our first date." She squeezed his hand and leaned in for a kiss. He immediately kissed her back.
"Hey, hey!" Barney yelled. "I'm having a crisis here!"
"Sorry," Marshall blushed. "What else does she like?"
"She also says she likes animals."
"Take her to a slaughterhouse!" Marshall cheered. Lily turned to him with a weirded out look.
"No, Marshall, just no," she said. "Take her to a zoo."
"A zoo?" Barney asked, with a sigh. "Can't I just get her a stuffed animal?"
"If you want to take the easy way out," she sighed.
"Well, it's sure as hell easier than taking the hard way out. Well, I think I have a pretty good idea about what I want to do." He got up, brushing off his suit. "Thanks, buddy, Lily." He patted them both on the shoulder and left the diner with a smile on his face.