A/N: We're still here! Sorry about the big gap in updates, but Leather and I just moved from our apartment to a house near my university, so...yes. There was much unpacking and a total lack of internet for a bit there, but we're back now! We will try to update as frequently as possible, but (for a bit of perspective on how hectic life has been recently) I am going to school full time and working three jobs in order to earn back the money I dished out in order to go to school. Leather is working full time, and...our available time to just sit and write has really been scarce compared to what it has been in the past. We are still writing whenever we get the chance, and actually have parts of several future chapters completely finished, so it's just a matter of filling in the spaces.

A big thank you also goes out to neko11lover, who drew fanart from this story! I posted a link to the piece on our profile here, so go check it out! It's from the last chapter (Chapter 4), and we love it. Thank you, again!

This particular chapter is...silly. It was ridiculously fun to write and provides a lot of insight into...well, you'll see. Please enjoy, and hopefully we will have the next chapter up very soon!


.:Chapter 5:.

"Tea with Erika"


Rolling up his sleeves, Mello saw the door swing open. As he looked up, his eyes narrowed slightly, trying exactly to comprehend how such an unfitting woman would stumble into this particular bar.

A handkerchief covered the young blond woman's hair, her eyes blocked by giant Gucci sunglasses. She was long, slender, and looked as if she belonged on Park Avenue, not in Mello's bar. Her bedazzled nails glittered against the low lighting, her heels clinking loudly against the floor as she closed the door.

She instantly reached into her over sized Coach bag, pulling out hand sanitizer. If anyone had looked at that moment, they might have sworn a rat jumped into her bag. The woman cooed at the rat, making it clear it was, in fact, a small dog. Her puffy pink lips shushed the pooch as she walked toward the bar, a cloud of what could be perfume drifting with her.

Placing the bag down, she slid her sunglasses down the bridge of her nose and addressed Mello by snapping her fingers. "Server, yes. You. I need some information about a boyfriend snatching hoe-bag. I hear this is her favorite dump to slum in." She pressed one of her finely manicured fingernails over her temple. "I'm going to bitch slap that blond brat into the next century."

It took Mello a moment to formulate a coherent reply that didn't include the words 'go fuck yourself'. "Excuse me, but could you repeat that with a little less bitch?"

The woman allowed a slight moment of confusion to pass over her perfect features before she snapped back. "It's your job to do two things, sir," she raised her hand and counted on her fingers dramatically. "Serve me drinks, and answer my questions. Anything else is simply uncalled for. Do your job and watch your mouth before I report you to your boss." She looked for his name tag or…whatever the lower class had to identify themselves, "Whatever your name is."

Oh Good Lord, what a bitch. "I hate to inform you that I am entitled to refused service to any customer," the blond cocked his head to the side, a small smirk tugging at his lips. "So, as your humble servant, I suggest that either you change your tone so that I may help you, or you better get the fuck out of my bar."

Again, the blond looked confused for a split second before she smiled. Her perfect white teeth almost looked fake as she started to laugh. "I like you," she chirped before sitting at the stool. "Maybe I started off wrong," her voice seemed to change, now taking on a smooth tone. "My name is Erika, and I'm trying to find the blond bimbo that's been fooling around with my man." She sighed dramatically, waving herself with her hand, "I don't blame him. Men are so easy, you know? Anything pretty enough can distract them."

As much as her sudden change in demeanor startled him, Mello replied somewhat courteously, even through an odd, foreboding pang in his stomach, "And so you came here in search of answers as to who this blond is. How do you even know she's stealing your boyfriend?"

"Oh darling, how does any woman know? The distracted conversations, being out every night, blond hair on his clothes! Not only that, but he's actually mentioned her a few times," she looked scandalized as she tapped her nails on the counter. "He mentioned meeting the bitch RIGHT here!"

Blond eyebrows furrowed underneath equally blond bangs. The pang returned. "Who is your boyfriend? If he's a regular here, I might have a way to help you, or I might be able to tell you who I've seen him with."

Erika brushed wisps of blond hair out of her bright blue eyes, her angled face shifted closer, her hand cupped the side of her face as she spoke low. "He's 5'9, shaggy reddish brown hair, boyishly handsome, perhaps still in his work clothes. He tells a lot of geeky jokes that just go right over my head." She muttered before sitting back, "But God, for a geek, my Matty sure knows what he's doing in bed." She giggled slightly before her bitch face came back. "I'm going to claw that biotch's eyes out. No one steals T-Erika's man, I don't wear tiara's for nothing. I'm the Queen of bitches, and no low class, box-blond is touching my man!" When she mentioned a tiara, Erika had motioned to under her handkerchief; a tiny diamond encrusted tiara sat on top of a nest of blond hair.

Sweet Jesus, she was not serious. "Fuck, Matt," Mello mumbled under his breath before killing the laugh that was threatening to escape his throat. "Matt is your boyfriend."

Erika seemed overjoyed that the blond bartender knew which person she had referred to. "Oh yes, Matty. His real name is Mail, but that's way too dorky. To tell you the truth, I think he's ashamed of it or some junk. He doesn't like it when I call him Matty either, but I do anyway. It's so much cuter." She shrugged, "Whatever though, righty?" She leaned forward on her elbows, eager to ask him the question burning on her lips, "Have you seen my Matt with a blond hooker?"

"No hookers, no," Mello eyed the girl at the bar, unsure whether to laugh or punch her. "Do you know a name? Anything other than the fact that she's blond? Because, to be honest, I haven't seen him meet anyone the entire time he's been coming here."

"Duh, of course I know her name!" She slammed her fist so hard on the counter that her rat-dog jumped a little in her bag. "He calls her Mel, I can only assume it's short for Melody! I swear to God, he won't shut up about her. It's like I'm not even there anymore. Doesn't he realize it isn't right to talk about another girl so much around your girlfriend? OH GOD, I'm going to kill this bitch!" She huffed, pushing her blond locks back in place. "Sorry…I just want her to go away, so he'll pay due attention to me again."

There was a pause. "Mel?"

"Yeah, the bitch's name is Mel."

The faintest glimmer of a grin quirked the corners of Mello's lips. "Well, what does he say about...her?"

Erika stared at the blond for a moment, her crystal blue eyes narrowing slightly before she spoke. "Do you expect me to regale his tales of this one-trick pony? Bitch isn't staying around, why would it even matter?"

The smile faded instantly. This girl was really starting to make him sick. "Then why are you even here if she doesn't matter? Honestly, if you didn't think you had anything to worry about, you wouldn't have pranced in, asking me about what your boyfriend does here."

"Clearly, so I could locate her. What he says doesn't matter. What I'm going to do to her does." She clicked her tongue, staring at the bartender. For a moment she wondered if perhaps this man was friends with the floozy.

"Well, I haven't seen your little Matty snuggling up with any girls, so you're shit outta luck," his eyes narrowed slightly, "so why don't you and your fake tits get out of my bar."

A loud gasp erupted from her lips, "Excuse YOU?" she howled looking at her chest. "These are all real!"

"If by real you mean 'really' made out of silicon, then yes, they're very real."

In a split second, the blond leaned over the counter, snatched his hand, and placed it on one of her breasts. "Feel fake to you?" She snapped, a triumphant smirk on her lips.

For all his verbose tendencies, Mello was left silent, brows furrowing, staring somewhat baffled at the other blond.

"You have my apologies, those are very real."

"Damn straight! God blessed me with what other women only wish they had." With that she sat back down on the stool and pet the small dog in her purse. "I just can't understand what Matt sees in this Mel. He said they…click, like I assume chemistry or whatever. He enjoys being around her, like they feel connected." She scoffed, "I'm connected! I have the box X."

Crossing his arms casually, the blond raised an eyebrow, "You mean an Xbox?"

Looking confused, she tilted her head, "What?"

"Never mind," Mello brushed her off, shaking his head. "So, he said they click?"

"Yeah, in so many words. Like he's known her forever or some bullshit. Please, she has nothing on me. She must have thrown herself at him, men are so easily lead astray." She seemed distracted for a moment as a man walked in the bar, but glared evenly at Mello when she looked back. "I'm better."

He laughed at that, fighting yet another urge to punch her. "I'm sure you are."

"Hey, Mel, when you're done I need you to help me move something, okay?" the man asked, slipping behind the counter and heading into the back room.

Erika watched the man as he walked away, confusion riddled on her face. It took her a good five minutes before she spoke, "Mel?" it was another minute before her beautiful features contorted into laughter. First it was a small snort, then a giggle, then a full-on laugh filled the bar. Her hand slapped the counter, and after a while she was gasping for air. "You...? Hahaha, Mel? Matt? HA!"

Finally when her laughter died down, she looked up at him, a few strands of her hair misplaced, and smirked. "Now I feel better. He only meant those things as a friend. Matt would never leave me for a man. God, this makes so much sense! He must have been here talking to you! You're blond, it explains the hair on his jacket."

She gave him a once over before slipping her glasses back over her eyes and stood. "Nothing to worry about here."

The color drained from Mello's face. "Excuse me?"

"You know, darling, nothing to worry about. The idea of my Matty leaving me for you is about as plausible as my little Capitan Snooki-boo becoming a Gucci model." She pet her dog when she mentioned him, smiling brightly. "I mean, Matt isn't gay." She shrugged and laughed, "Sorry, I didn't realize he had simply made a new friend. A girl is one thing, a boy is another."

After gathering her things, she started toward the door, blowing a kiss over her shoulder and flashing one last smile. "Tell Matty hi when you see him. Kisses! Bye, Mel!" With that, the incognito blond was gone.

He stood frozen, barely registering that she'd already departed. He sighed then, trying to get a grip on the anger he felt swelling in his chest, and trying to force down the bile rising in his throat.

He felt cold, and frustrated, and...wait.

Wait, he shouldn't be feeling much of anything right now, other than annoyance at the disgusting display of female stupidity that had paraded around his bar minutes earlier.

Fucking Matt. That stupid redhead with his horrible taste in women and...he shouldn't care. This shouldn't matter. It shouldn't matter that Mello knew that Matt could do better and wanted to see him have someone with at least an ounce of wit to keep up with that stupid gamer and-

"Mel, you coming, or are you going to be an ass and stare off into space while I move shit?"

The blond snapped out of his reverie, turning to the other man. "Yeah, sorry, Jose."

"Shit, what's with you? Some bitch lets you grab her boob and you lose it?" he laughed, walking back into the room. "I saw that shit, don't deny it. Lucky bastard."

"Fuck you," Mello managed a laugh, casting another glance at the entrance.

Fucking Matt.