(A/N: I've come to the conclusion I am part magician because that is my only explanation for how thoroughly I disappeared. I am a million times sorry and I have written the next few chapters as an "I'm sorry gift".

Of course there's a catch…I mean it's me ;) you have to review and I'll post the next chapter that is already written. SO enjoy my loves! And I will continue my A/N at the bottom,

Love. MissRisa

Disclaimer:

Roses are red

Violets are blue

I am so sorry I disappeared on you!

*SM owns all recognizable characters! Though the plot is mine, hmmm think she might want to trade?*

Chapter 6: Confessions of a Teenage Vampire

*PREVIOUSLY*

I hit the last note of the song, and held it. The sound echoing loud around me, the audience was silent. The light blacked out and I stood up shakily from the bench.

I felt a pair of small hands, and pair of large warm hands grab me and steady me.

"Thank you Alice thanks Jake." I whispered quietly.

The crowd recovered now and was cheering and clapping like crazy. I recognized some of the cheering and whistles from the wolves and I heard even a few howls from them. The band, Alice and I were standing in a group at the front of the stage me in the middle being held by Alice and Jake.

I laughed slightly at the pack members howling. I felt something running down my face. I reached my hands up and brought them down. They were covered in this liquid. It was slightly gold colored. I looked at Alice; she gasped and touched my face.

"Bella, you're- you're crying!" Alice whispered.

I looked at the Cullens and a few of them gasped.

Vampires weren't supposed to be able to cry and here I was crying.

Not just regular tears though.

I was crying my venom.

Bella's POV:

Of course I already knew I could do this. I found out shortly after I was changed that some of my human traits had carried over. Even if I looked forward to never having to talk to them again, the Cullens were dying to have an answer. (No pun intended)

I mean I have been hurt enough by Edward's actions. Why should I have to put myself through more pain? I sighed at my internal monologue. I knew I deserved to answer their questions.

Even if being in a certain vampire's presence makes me feel a little bit uncomfortable.

I would just bring some big fuzzy wolves to comfort me. I smiled just a tiny bit. I couldn't picture having a serious conversation with the wolves around, while in the presence of other vampires. Well not one where they weren't trying to kill each other.

I was brought back to reality as I was ushered into our dressing room. I was pushed not-so-gently by a warm set of hands and shaken slightly by a colder pair.

I blinked away my venom, and stared up at the people who brought me out of my thoughts. (A/n: remember she cries her venom, all will be explained though later on.)

"Bella? Bella?" Alice said, with her rising panic tinting the edge of her words.

I looked up at her and I was happy to have my best friend back. I mean I love the pack and all, but they don't understand everything I go through. Not just as a girl, but as a vampire and a broken hearted one at that.

"Alice calm down I'm okay. Don't worry about me," I said trading places and comforting her instead. "Maybe you should sit down Alice"

"BELLA! You're crying!" she said throwing her hands up exasperated. "You're a vampire. Vampires don't cry. They can't, and here you are crying!"

I chuckled slightly at her antics and stood up. I crossed the room and started washing my face. I didn't want to leave with venom all over my face.

I finished cleaning up and Jacob's eyes met mine, concern etched into his face. I gave him a small smile letting him know I was fine. Jake was a good friend. I knew at times he wanted more, but things were so complicated in my life and he understood enough to just leave us as friends. Though at times I knew we were more than that.

Alice was vibrating in her spot just bursting trying to hold back her questions. I giggled at her and turned around to face her.

"Alice," I said warily, "you know I need to wait to explain till everyone else is here. I mean it would be just a pain to explain the same thing more than once."

"But-"

"No buts Alice we have to wait I hate telling the same thing more than once." I said firmly," Besides I realized that completely ignoring them is wrong and that they deserve some explanation and their questions answered."

"Fine." She sighed pouting slightly.

I walked behind the dressing room screen so I could change out of my outfit from the show and into something else. Normally I kept a bunch of different outfits back stage so during the show or after I could change if I wanted to. I looked through the bags I had and for some reason I couldn't find any of my stuff.

"Alice!" I growled.

My clothes had been all replaced. Every pair of sweatpants and yoga pants was gone. All of them replaced with dresses, skirts, and short shorts.

"Yes?" she trilled.

"Where have you taken all of my clothes?"

"I replaced them. As your stylist there is no way I could allow you to walk on stage looking like a hobo."

"I look very nice thank you!" I said my voice rising "and when did you become my stylist?"

"When I was in your closet and I found your stash of sweatpants" She said.

"So what am I supposed to where then Alice!" I said growling at the clothes in front of me.

Walking over she picked up a blood red tank top (probably designer), and paired it with a black short shorts.

"Alice why do I need to wear clothes like this, and heels when I'm just going to be with you and the rest of them? It's not like I'm going to a party or anything." I sighed, putting the clothes on anyway, knowing better then to argue with Alice.

Coming out from getting changed, I stood in front of Alice glaring.

Jake was in the corner and I could tell he was fighting from laughing at the two of us. I turned my glare to him and huffed, "I don't see you laughing when she replaces your wardrobe."

Effectively silencing Jake I left the room.

I wasn't sure If I was ready to face the Cullens and their questions, but hell…I would look good doing it.

I went back to my house and waited there. Alice was going to ride with the Cullens over and pack was going out to have fun.

Me…well I was going to have what would probably be an awkward and painful night of rehashing my past and old wounds. Fun.

It was just after 11 and I knew the pack would be gone till at least 2am and that meant that I would have to deal with the Cullens by myself until then. I could last that long. If not… I'm sure I could find a way to escape before things got to painful.

I heard 2 cars going at a speed that only vampires would drive, approaching the house. Taking a few cleansing breaths I headed to the front door, straightening up as I passed as I headed towards the door.

I opened the door to the family that left me, as I heard the crunch of gravel, not knowing what would happen I would just have to let fate lead me.

In a blink the Cullens were out of the cars and standing in a loose group in front of the porch. They seemed hesitant as what to do, and I was to nervous to say anything. Alice broke the tension by walking forward from the group and smiling at me as she walked in to the house.

With an eye roll I turned to follow her and I heard one of the Cullens sigh in relief behind me. I guess I wasn't the only nervous one here.

I was scooped up from behind by Emmett and he gave me a signature bear hug that only he can get right. I closed my eyes and tried to stop my heart from hurting. I had missed everyone so much and my façade of indifference was slowly slipping.

Emmett placed me back on the floor and ruffled my hair. "Missed you sis" he said.

I smiled slightly at that and headed into the living room. I took refuge in one of the chairs, and everyone else fanned out among the couches, all sitting facing me so they could see me.

"So where should I begin?" I said skipping all the small talk. Might as well get into the stuff they really wanted to know.

Carlisle unnecessarily cleared his throat before saying," I guess from the beginning Bella."

I quietly sighed. Of course I would have to rehash all of the unwanted memories in from of the very family that caused me my pain.

"Well, I guess you could say I was a little catatonic after you guys left."

"Bella you need to tell them the whole truth don't lie," Alice said staring at me.

"It isn't a lie, I was catatonic after…the woods." I said "After that…my memories are faded. I can't really tell you about what happened in the first few months after you guys left Forks." Left me I silently added.

Edward growled quietly and I threw my shield out and over Alice. She looked a little confused at first felling the slight difference in the air. But Edward needed to hear all of this from me. Not from Alice's thoughts from what I had already told her.

"It wasn't until Charlie threatened to send me away to Renee's that I realized that I wasn't living anymore. I couldn't tell you what day of the week it was if you had asked me. I was living day to day just barely making it through.

"One day I just woke up I guess and I realized that I was hurting Charlie and things needed to change. SO I drove down to La Push and hung with Jacob and his fronds. They weren't wolves at the time, just normal teenage boys. It was refreshing being around them for just a few moments I forget everything. And I could really breathe.

"Before you knew it I was there every day, and if I didn't go…it was bad. I found that doing certain activities made it possible for me to see Edward, even if it was only him angry at me for doing stupid, crazy things. I guess you could say I became a sort of adrenaline junkie. I was to the point I would do anything to hear his voice again."

"Bella," Edward said concerned.

"What kind of things exactly did you do?" Carlisle asked.

"It's not really important," I said trying to wave it off.

"Bella…"Alice said looking seriously at me, "Tell them."

I looked down at the floor, the walls, anything but them. "You know just motorcycles, walking down alleys alone, some emergency room visits, cliff diving, hiking."

Silence and staring. The Cullens were silent. A rare thing to see among them and they were silenced by me.

"So anyway," I said, "Back to the story"

"After Jake joined the pack, he knew staying my friend was dangerous. He could lose his temper at any moment and he didn't want me to get hurt. So he avoided me. I was falling apart and I didn't know what to do. I went hiking. I was looking for the meadow and it took me most of the day. I was relieved to have finally found it, I hadn't had a hallucination in weeks and I was so glad to have finally found it. I should've known it wasn't going to be the same though. I was standing in the meadow just barely holding myself together before I realized he was there."

"Who Bella?" Emmett asked.

"Laurent." I whispered

Several growls emanated from around the room. I ignored them and wrapped my arms around my torso.

"I knew I should've tried to have run, that I should have been afraid. But honestly all I felt was satisfaction. I was starting to believe none of you all were real, and there before me was Laurent, a vampire. And I was just glad that I had finally found proof.

"I didn't realize right away that his eyes were the wrong color, red instead of gold.

"I tried listening to the most realistic hallucination of Edward I had yet. I couldn't lie well enough though. My hallucination looked more and more real as the danger I was in became clearer. It talked me through on how to get out alive. 'Edward' told me to threaten him, when it failed he begged me to beg for my life…it didn't work though.

"Laurent said he was doing me a favor. Laurent said that what Victoria had in store for me was much worse.

"He had just bitten my when the wolves came. The pack chased him off and killed him. They were too late to do anything to help me though. The venom was spreading and all they could do was watch. Jacob was my friend still though and he wouldn't let the pack kill me.

"I woke up 3 days later in the woods surrounded by giant wolves. I did what came natural to me, I ran. The pack followed me until they could corner me. They closed in meaning to talk to me but I was afraid. Something snapped in me though ad I was cornered, and it felt right, I felt safe. The wolves continued their approach and they all of a sudden stopped. The kept trying to walk forward but it was like there was this invisible wall there that kept them from getting close to me.

"It took them hours for them to get me to put down the shield. During which they told me they would sometimes be able to see the shield, and other times I would be invisible too.

"So what is your power then exactly Bella?" Jasper asked curiously.

"I'm a shield, both physical and mental. I can block anything that can affect the mind, like reading thoughts. And I can put up a physical shield, which can make me invisible if I want it to, and prevent attacks." I stated.

"Have you tested your limits?" Carlisle asked.

"Well I can cover quite a few people with both shields. And I've even practiced a couple times taking the shield off of me but I can't really test it out sense I don't have anyone to try a mental attack on me with." I explained

"What about the crying Bella?" Alice busted finally asking the question she's been dying to know.

"Well it seems I have brought over some of my human traits," I said shifting in my seat.

"Like what?" Esme asked politely.

"Well I can cry, its venom since I don't produce tears anymore but I can cry. I can enter this dream like state where I'm not really asleep, but its close. "

As the Cullens mulled over that new information I got up to turn the electric fireplace on. The pack would be home soon and I didn't want the house to be too cold. Of course I should've known better and stayed where I was. As I was walking back from the fireplace, I tripped. It was a small trip, more like a stumble. I mean it's not like I was going to fall, just a slight lack of balance for a second to disorient me.

Edward was by me though holding my arm and steadying me. I looked up into his golden eyes and was thankful that I couldn't blush. Even as a vampire he still rescued me, albeit from the floor… but still. I looked away and mumbled thanks before I flashed over to the safety of my chair.

"Oh…My... GOD! Bella you're- you're- clumsy." Emmett laughed.

I crossed my arms defiantly. "I am not! I just like to reacquaint myself with my old friend, the floor from time to time. It doesn't happen often and normally it is just a little stumble. It's not like I fall down a flight of stairs, or trip on nothing like the old Bella."

Emmett continued to laugh boisterously at me. I alternated between pouting and glaring at him until he stopped when Rose and Alice smacked him on the head, earning a giggle from me at his protests.

The pack's cars were approaching I could hear them in the distance. The Cullens did too cause they stood up and headed for the door.

I went up to the door with them to see them out. We said our good byes and Esme even came and hugged me, which of course made me hug her back.

Edward stopped and opened his mouth to say something. My shield was down from Alice so her thoughts must have made him think otherwise.

They all got in their cars and pulled out of the driveway.

I hadn't even noticed that my arms were back around me, trying to hold myself together. I just kept telling myself that they weren't leaving me this time.

They wouldn't leave me this time.

Even if they tried…I would follow them, I was stronger now, and now that I was just starting to think I might have my family back, I wasn't ready to let them go.

(A/N: So here is my lovely chapter of over 3000 words after my horrible writers block and busy schedule. I already have the next chapter written and once I get 10 reviews I will post.

Tell me what you think and any request and suggestions for songs! Either in a review or PM. AND REMEMBER IF I DISAPPEAR YOU CAN PM/REVIEW ME TO COME BACK IT JUST MEANS I'VE LOST INSPIRATION TO WRITE.

Check out my other story I'm working on another chapter for that too. It's called Facing My Fears and it's pretty good.

p.s. Who saw Breaking Dawn? Loved it?

So press that button below.

Love, MissRisa (: