They Fight Crime!

Summary: AU He's a wealthy, cocky cop who loves apple pie and is an all-around womanizer. She's a rational, fist-pounding, hot-tempered medical examiner with a taste for vodka and 12-gauge shotguns. They fight crime! [Shisui x Sakura] [Oneshot prize for 15thBurningFiddle]







"Sexbomb" by Andy Caine/The Easy Virtue Orchestra

Disclaimer: Don't own anything. Tear-jerking, isn't it?


"Spy on me, baby
Use a satellite
Infrared to see me through the night
Aim gonna fire,
Shoot me right
I'm going to like the way you fight.

Now you found the secret code
I use to wash away my lonely blues,
So I can't deny or lie
'Cause you're the only one that makes me fly."

-Sexbomb, Andy Caine


"Haruno! A new body has been discovered–we need you to perform an autopsy and exam the corpse for evidence!"

"Haruno! There's a strange anomaly on John Doe 543! Can you please examine the marking when you get the chance?"

"Haruno Sakura! We need your findings about the Fujioka case as soon as possible. We think we might have to reopen the case!"

Such was the busy life of Haruno Sakura, renowned medical examiner of the Konoha Law Enforcement & Medical Lab Institution. There were days when she was practically swamped and unable to get a peace of mind without someone demanding for her attention and assistance. And sometimes, on rare occasions, days would be serene and mellow, with little or no huge tasks for her to complete. Even though Sakura loved her job, she sometimes seriously contemplated in taking a two week vacation to the Caribbean or some other exotic place. After all, she could finally relax and get Ino off her back for being such a workaholic.

"Sakura! Where is my favorite, sexy medical examiner?"

At the sound of Uchiha Shisui's jaunty voice, the said woman groaned out loud and let her head crash down on her desk with a solid 'thud'. Honestly, why did he always have to say that out loud for everyone to hear? This was precisely why Ino kept bugging and pestering her to go out with Shisui since he had flirting with her and making passes at her every so often when he didn't have fear for his mortal life (she had punched him often on his first attempts when they had just met months ago). Sakura negated each and every one of his advances, learning how to ignore and deal with the philandering cop. However, he was very devoted to his team and job, which Sakura covertly admired him for that. Shisui was superb at his job; he didn't reach Lieutenant with help from Daddy or his abnormally large wallet. His best comrade, Itachi, was ranked higher than him, a Captain, and from what Sakura heard, those two were some of the most feared officers in the criminal world and their camaraderie was legendary.

"Uchiha," she grounded out, purposely calling him by his surname, "Stop calling me 'sexy'. It's embarrassing." She glanced up just in time to see Shisui's jovial smirk.

"Why, I could never do such a thing, Sakura! To omit 'sexy' from your title…it would be a crime! A travesty!" he declared, winking roguishly at her before taking a seat in front of her desk. Sakura swallowed the urge to throw one of her medical books at him.

"What do you want, Shisui?" she grumbled, trying to pretend she was busy working on other tasks (which ironically, she was) than to pay attention to him.

"I want you to come to dinner with me."

I knew it! Why does he always keep asking me even though the answer is always 'no'?

"I'm afraid for the umpteenth time, Shisui, I must decline your invitation," Sakura mustered out forcefully, pinning him with a frosted glare, "And can you please stop asking me out? You know I don't think of you that way."

Shisui pouted like a five-year-old who didn't get a cookie before dinner. "Why don't you give me a chance, Sakura? Who knows? I could very well be your type."

The roseate-haired medical examiner snorted. "I highly doubt it. I don't care much for haughty lady killers and womanizers."

"Haughty? I'm not haughty!" protested Shisui, dramatically placing his hand over his heart as if Sakura's wounds fatal wounded him. "How could you utter such a horrid thing?"

"So you're admitting that you are a womanizer," Sakura answered with a shadow of a smirk curving on her lips as Shisui began sputtering out incoherent excuses. "I thought so."

"And was that all you came to tell me?" she added, wheeling herself over to small bookshelf of books, grabbing a few to use for research, "Or do you have another case for me to look at?"

He nodded and handed her the file he had been covertly tucking underneath his armpit. "We need you to determine cause of death for this victim and perhaps identify the murder weapon."

Taking the dossier, Sakura gave it a cursory glance before replying, "I look into it when I get the chance. I have three things I have to get done right away."

Shisui nodded automatically. "I understand. Everyone seems to need you these days." An amused smirk nearly left his lips as he stood up. "But think about that dinner invitation, will you? At least give me a chance." He left her office with his trademark golden smile flashing in her direction. Sakura suppressed an eye roll but dimly wondered if the man had a point.

Maybe she should give him a chance. Just this once.


"Tell me, Sakura, why you still haven't gone out with Uchiha Shisui yet?"

For the second time, Sakura banged her head on the table. "Ino! Why must you keep pestering me about him? I told you, I'm not interested in Shisui!"

The blonde frowned at her friend's words, shaking her head in utter disbelief. "Oh, come on, Sakura; don't be in denial so much. After a few months of being partners, you tell me you still hold no attraction to him whatsoever?"

"None whatsoever," Sakura answered a little too quickly, slighting the triumphant sparkle in Ino's celeste orbs.

"Why don't you at least go on one date with him? Who knows what could happen, he could very well turn up to be a proper gentleman in disguise." Sakura snorted at this.

"I highly doubt it," she mumbled right before Anko, one of the few female police officers of Konoha Law Enforcement & Medical Lab Institution, dumped her tray right next the two females and plopped right down beside them.

"Haruno, if you don't go for him, I will," Anko cut in bluntly, a feral grin on her lips, "I'm sure I can convince him to have a threesome with me and Genma."

Ino grimaced while Sakura did her utmost best to remain deadpanned and block all the mental images of her partner, Shisui, making love to Anko with an equally naked Genma watching them.

Gaaaah! Such…horrendous…imagery! Dammit Anko, why did you have to say that? That was too much information!

"Thanks, Anko," the rosette-haired medical examiner grounded out staidly, focusing all her attention on her slice of pizza in hopes to forget the foreplay scene of Shisui, Anko, and Genma that was currently dancing around in her head. Shockingly enough, the scarring image changed and suddenly it was just Shisui and a pink-haired woman who looked suspiciously like her.

Sakura just wanted to pull all her tresses out from their roots–couldn't she just have one single damn day without being plagued by Shisui or any mental visions of him? The last thing she bloody needed was to have dream sex of him!

"Just go one date with him, Forehead Girl, and see how it goes. If you don't like it, then you don't have to go out with Shisiu any more," drawled out Ino, unwittingly shattering Sakura's rather intimate imagery of her and a certain cocky Uchiha who loves both women and apple pie. Ino and Anko snapped their heads towards Sakura, an expectant look adorning on both of their countenances. Sighing with exasperation, Sakura conceded.

"Fine. I'll give him a bloody chance."


Really, just how did Ino and Anko manage to convince her go through and accept Shisui's dinner invitation? She should have known she would instantly regret her decision the moment his face lit up with excitement, delivery in his charcoal eyes as he kissed her fully on the lips.

"You won't regret this, Sakura!"

Staring herself worriedly in the mirror, her pink rose tresses damp and messy from her shower, Sakura dimly pondered if she already had. What the date went horribly wrong? What if she messed up and ruined the bond of their partnership? Then what?

"Ino, I hope you're happy," she grumbled as the rosette-haired woman began combing her curls in a vigorous, almost vindictive fashion. Even though she kept her hair rather short, it was still long enough for her to put into a small, delicate bun, leaving a few strands of maiden's blush to frame her heart-shaped visage rather majestically. As for her dress, Sakura decide to go all ebony and against her inner judgment, chose a nigrine gown with high band lace neckline, the bodice defined by diamond-shaped lace. The skirt's hem was also laced with the skirt long on the back side while in the front, cutting off near her mid-thighs for the sole purpose to show off her muscular, shapely legs. The back of the dress was cut into a triangular V, mostly construed out of black lace. The silken material caressed her skin as the gown simply simmered down her frame, making her feel more beautiful and graceful than she really was.

Just as she was finished getting ready for her first official date with Shisui, the doorbell rang. Nearly dropping her shoes, Sakura practically raced from her chambers and across the living room, making sure she didn't run into anything in the process. When she finally made it to her door, she yanked it open so fiercely she was half afraid of ripping the door right off its hinges.

"Shisui," she greeted, her cheeks flushed, "You're here early." He winked friskily at her.

"On the contrary–according to my watch–I'm right on time," he replied, tapping on his obscenely expensive watch, "Are you ready to go?" She nodded, setting her shoes down and slipping her feet into them, clutching her purse in her other hand.

"Where are we going?" Sakura inquired as he helped her get into his sleek, nitid, and onyx Porsche, noticing how his eyes freely roamed all over her physique, especially down at her legs. She should have selected a less provocative dress.

"It's a surprise," he told her mysteriously, a delighted glint in his jet-black eyes. Just when he was about to get into the car, his cell phone rang. Within seconds, he answered it.

His cheerful demeanor evaporated instantly and a shadow flashed across his face, his jaw tightening considerably. Sakura knew immediately what was going on: the station called him and wanted him to go in. And since he appeared to have waited forever to go out with her, this interruption probably enraged him to no end.

"Understood, sir," Shisui grounded out prior to snapping his phone shut. "Dammit! Why now, of all times?" He looked like he was ready to shot something, or someone. Her expression softening, Sakura placed a sympathetic hand on his arm.

"What happened, Shisui?" The said cop glanced up to face her, his onyx eyes hard and rife with rage.

"Remember that one case we have been working, the one with the younger brother killing off all his family members just so he could inherit his family's rich estates?" She nodded firmly. "Well, they caught the son of bitch and want me to interrogate him–now."

He was truly devastated that their date was going to be disrupted for a bit, maybe even cancelled, his hands gripped the steering wheel so tightly that his knuckles were a death-white color now. At sight of such distress and hidden ire, Sakura's heart went out to him. She never had seen him so crushed before, so torn and frustrated at the occurring events. Knowing full well he would need her support, she patted his arm encouragingly and said, "Shisui, it's perfectly okay if we have to postpone the date. I will come with you while you interrogate the man and if we miss our dinner reservations we can always go back to my house and eat there. I have vodka and leftover apple pie in fridge."

The mentioning of apple pie perked Shisui up a bit. "What about whip cream?"

Sakura laughed, nodding her head. "Yes, that too. And maybe after when we're done, we could go to the range and fire a few rounds. I just received this old-fashioned 12 gauge shotgun from my father and I've been dying to test it out!"

This time it was Shisui's turn to toss back his head and chortle. "I should have known you would try to squeeze some shooting into our date, Sakura. But then again, I don't mind. I find you firing a shotgun while wearing that beautiful black dress of yours very sexy."

As he started the engine and stepped on the gas, Sakura shook her head and proceed to roll her eyes at his last remark. Frankly, that man was so incorrigible, no matter what!

And yet somehow, I'm beginning to see what other women see in him.

Sakura's eyes widen at this startling realization.

Oh-no! I'm not finding him highly attractive now, am I?


"Sexbomb, Sexbomb,
You're a sexbomb,
You can give it to me when I need to come along
Sexbomb, Sexbomb,
You're my sexbomb
And baby, you can turn me on."

-Sexbomb,Andy Caine


This idea came around when I was looking at generators for plot ideas for this oneshot. I was looking at both the Serendipityand They Fight Crimegenerators when something in theThey Fight Crime site sparked my imagination. And then the show Bones sort of came into mind while I jotting the summary down. So, in the end, I got Shisui and Sakura working the law enforcement, fighting crime together!

And FYI, I love the song "Sexbomb" by The Easy Virtue Orchestra and it does echo Shisui's desire for Sakura. And speaking of Easy Virtue, I should go and watch that movie some time when I'm in the mood…

And for those who are curious, here is the link for Sakura's dress: http: / www. elegantmart .com / Fashion / Movie-Star-Sexy-Dress_8029 . aspx(minus all the spaces). I needed something to describe. When it comes to clothes, gowns especially, I need a visual.

P.S. 15thBurningFiddle, I hope you enjoyed your prize!

Transmuting out,