This story will have adult subject matter. This story will contain an attempted suicide, cutting, emotional subject matter, teen drinking, smoking and a scene or scenes of drug use. As well as foul language and sexual content. There will be no rape, no sexual abuse or assault.
This story is centered around high school students. This story is ALL HUMAN, and very OOC.
No copyright infringement intended.
All recognizable characters, etc. belongs to Stephanie Meyer.
The storyline is mine.
P.S. I am a HEA kinda girl.
I'm back...again with a new name viiolentdelight - sorry for any mix up this might cause! :)
First of all, I am so very sorry for this looooooooong wait.
Thank you all for being patient with me! I sincerely appreciate it.
I won't make this long, but there will be a longer one at the end. :]
I would like to thank my beta GinnMeadows and pre-reader, JandMsMommy for not only helping me with this chapter, but
encouraging me to keep writing ;)
Also thank you to all my Twitter girlies who also encouraged me and told me I could finish this 33
I love you all sooo much. ;)
Last, but not least, I would like to thank my readers...for sticking with me. :)
+outfits, characters, & extra stuff from this chappie are on my profile.+
Please review! Thanks and Enjoy!
+ previously in chapter one...
Rosalie slowly let go of my hand and leaned down to place a single red rose on the tombstone. I was hoping she would at least say something, anything, but she didn't. She stood back up and started to walk back to my old, run down Volvo.
"I'll just be a few minutes!" I called out to her.
I sat down on the cool wet grass in front of the tombstone, not really sure how to begin talking to her since this was going to be my last time. I sat there for a few seconds before I finally spoke.
"I miss you," I whispered, not really sure if I could continue when I felt myself choke up.
"Anyways," I continued. "I brought you this." I said as I placed a pink carnation next to Rosalie's red rose.
The tears started flowing freely from my eyes; I swallowed, trying hard to finish telling her how much I cared for her.
"I will never forget you and...and...I love you." I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand, stood up and walked to my car.
I couldn't do it. I couldn't say goodbye. No matter how much I needed to tell her, no matter how badly I had to let her go, I couldn't do it. So instead, I got into my Volvo without saying a word to Rose, knowing she wouldn't say anything either. I just started the engine and turned the radio up as loud as I could, letting the sound of The Cure kill everything that surrounded me. Knowing that this was the end of my old life and a new one was awaiting.
THE EARTH LAUGHS IN FLOWERS
Jeff Buckley - Morning Theft
The Cinematic Orchestra - To Build A Home
Dear And The Headlights - Flowers For My Brain
M83 - Too Late
"It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, but what is the most painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let the person know how you feel."- Author Unknown
(four days after chapter one)
I found myself –once again– seeking some sort of happiness on a rooftop. As I slowly sat down, I noticed a cool rush of wind that swept by the large tree in our new front yard. The wind swiftly knocked the few leaves that hung free and easy from it to the cold, hard ground. I watched closely as they gradually escaped down the street, and I soon found myself being envious of those leaves. They were able to run away, which was something I wanted to do every since I saw the Forks population sign. I wanted to escape this new reality I had to face, because it was something I knew deep down I couldn't do.
Hatred truly fueled my drive to Forks, but it ended up being a drive that I secretly desired and desperately needed. I executed a plan, a plan that I was so sure would be successful and would help me go unnoticed during my time in Forks. I was tired of everyone knowing my life story and then throwing"sorry's" at me as if I couldn't survive without them. I wanted to be a mystery, to go unobserved, to keep people guessing. I wanted to be that guy who looked like he had everything going for him, because in reality he didn't. He was messed up, broken, confused. But being invisible held power that no one could ever take away and it was better than being weak. I didn't want to deal with the pain of seeing everything I remembered and cared about being taken away from me in an instant without any say in the matter.
I decided to get through my final years of high school with no attachments, no friends, no nothing. I wanted to go back to Chicago without second thoughts or guilt of leaving someone I loved behind again, because I hated goodbyes.
I sighed as I pulled my plain black headphones over my ears and set the volume on my iPod as loud as it could go when I played "Morning Theft" by Jeff Buckley. I closed my eyes, taking comfort in the lyrics and I forgot everything at once. I forgot about the strange new house I sat on and how cold and distant it felt. I forgot about the house's repulsive forest-like green paint that was chipped and faded and the ugly-old whitewash swing that was on our new porch. I forgot about the small town that I hated already and how uncomfortable I felt here. I forgot about how my father stuck my mother's box full of her cherished things in the attic, as if she never existed.
My father was of course not home to see us off for our first day of school. He just left a note for me on the fridge stating that he had to go down to the police station early and for me to watch out for Rose at school. I grabbed the note and threw it in the trash. We hadn't really seen him since we got to Forks. He was either at the station, unpacking, or in his room, like always. I didn't mind much; I guess I was just use to it.
"Rose! We have to go!" I yelled for the third time from the kitchen. I grabbed a package from the cinnamon Pop-Tart box and called for Rose again as I got into the living room. After no response –which I knew she wouldn't give me – I was about to yell for her again but she came racing down the stairs in a panic. I laughed at her when she almost fell from the last step.
"Someone's in a hurry," I sarcastically said, irritating her.
"You said you were going to leave me here,"she signed to me.
"I needed you to hurry," I stated smiling.
"You're a loser," she signed.
"I love you too, Rosie," I signed back.
I grabbed my shoes from the side of the couch and put them on, watching as she fixed her hair in the hallway mirror.
Rose quit speaking about a month or so after our mother's death. She was eight. Out of us all, she took her death the hardest since she was the last one with her, the one who watched her die. She handed me her first note the second time we celebrated Mother's Day without our mother. The note was covered with a variety of different stickers, pink glitter, and drawings. It was exactly what I expected from a little kid. But when I read it I wasn't expecting her to feel so guilty... so ashamed of herself.
If mom can't talk, I shouldn't talk and you shouldn't talk,was the one thing she wrote that haunted me the most. I showed my father after I read it, but he thought it was just her way of expressing herself. After that, she sent him a note about how she shouldn't be alive, but with our mother. So he decided to send her to the school counselor hoping she would just get over it. But the counselor ended up wanting to send her to a family therapist to get real help. My father denied the offer saying his kids aren't 'crazies'. It was the one thing that I had ever agreed with him on. I didn't think Rosalie needed a therapist, she just needed me.
When Rose turned nine I taught her and myself sign language so she wouldn't have to write notes anymore. I held her when she had nightmares, I comforted her when she believed with all of her heart that she killed our mother. I sang her songs when she was having a bad day. I did everything I thought was best. I believed with time that she would get better, but she still didn't speak. She hid her pain and secrets well, hiding behind a brick wall she had built up over the years. Rose was well known for her loner-esque and "I don't give a shit attitude" back in Chicago. Her large white headphones became her security blanket as did her purple notebook she carried around every where. She ignored everyone... especially our father.
"She looks just like your mother," my father told me one day after I found him at the kitchen table with an empty bottle of vodka in his hand. "I can't bare to look at her anymore or talk to her."
Rosalie was 13 when she overheard that whole conversation. In fact, she was standing right behind him. She noticed the way he would walk passed her without acknowledging she was even there. He wouldn't say anything or even look her way. Even when Rosalie never admitted it, I knew it hurt her more each day.
"Ready?" I asked her as I grabbed my keys from the coffee table.
She nodded as she then opened the front door and made her way to the Volvo. I followed, closing the door behind me.
Just as Rose and I were about to get into the car, we heard someone yelling.
At the yellow house behind me, standing in the driveway, was a small girl around my age waving her hand frantically towards us.
I looked back at Rose who looked just as confused as I felt.
"Hey?" the girl yelled again as I looked at her.
Her multi-colored bag hung off of one shoulder, unzipped, while she held three small white binders in one hand and a vintage looking camera in the other. As she got closer I noticed the bright red highlights she had in her black hair and the black and pink tutu she was wearing.
Just as the girl was about to walk into the street, she tripped off the sidewalk. Everything from her backpack fell out onto the ground, including the white binders she was holding.
"Shit!" she yelled. "Could this day get any worse?"
When she finally looked at me, I felt something inside I knew I shouldn't have felt; something I never even felt for Kate.
The girl had dark brown eyes that were sadly hidden behind a lot of black eyeliner and mascara. Her eyebrow and nose were pierced, and she had many piercings in one ear.
"Got a problem?"she asked putting her hands on her hips. "It's not polite to stare," she stated.
I found myself incapable of responding, so I just walked over to where she was, bent down and picked up a black book that had "Spells" written in red on the front cover.
"Thanks,"she said, taking the book from me and putting it back in her bag. "I'm Izzy," she said without looking at me while she zipped her backpack up.
"You're welcome," I said. "And sorry about your bad day."
"Not your fault. I blame Alice, who clearly forgot I was coming over," she said reaching into her back pocket and pulled out a black cell phone "I also blame my brother who isn't answering any of my calls or texts."
"Do you need a ride?" I offered without thinking as she put the phone back into her pocket.
"Your name's Carlisle, right?"she asked, crossing her arms in front of her.
"Kinda," I said, which caused her to look confused. "I haven't been called Carlisle since I was little," I explained. "I go by Edward, it's my middle name."
"You don't look like a Carlisle anyway," she said with a smile which I returned
"How did you know my name?"
"Small town, people like to talk. I don't know," she said, shrugging her shoulders as she then began to walk towards my car just as Rose quickly got inside it without a smile.
"She's not really a morning person," I said, hoping to justify Rosalie's attitude.
"Totally understandable," she said opening the backseat door of the car.
She then looked at me with an intense stare that immediately made me tense up. I cleared my throat since the silence was making me nervous.
"I can see you're obviously not a fucking creep who's going to drive me into the woods, leave me there to get eaten by wolves and die. So I accept your offer."
I could feel myself wanting to smile at her crazy gesture and how she said all of that without taking a breath. I just nodded as she then got into the car without another word.
The drive to school was quiet, like it normally was between Rose and I, but this time was different. Usually Rosalie would sign to me or write me little notes with jokes on them at stop signs or red lights, but she didn't.
I watched as she leaned her head against the passenger side window, her white headphones covered her ears and a worn down copy of The Perks Of Being A Wallflower sat on her lap. She seemed relaxed and at peace with herself, but I couldn't help but feel some sort of sympathy towards her. She was only 15, and she had endured so much in a short amount of time; it wasn't fair to her. And at that moment I realized I had done to her what I hated others for doing to me; I was throwing her a "sorry". I immediately turned my gaze elsewhere, so I didn't have to subject myself to her wrath. I felt Rosalie roughly tap me on the shoulder and I knew she figured out what I was doing. I turned towards her and came face to face with a piece of paper that read, "Don't!". I sighed as I took it from her. She returned to looking out the window and turned her iPod up louder so I wouldn't be able to tell her anything.
I then stole a few glances towards Izzy through the rear view mirror before she scowled at me after I stared at her for the fifth time.
When I finally drove into the parking lot in front of the school, Izzy informed me that her friend, Alice, finally texted her back and told her to meet her in the back of the school.
"Oh! There's Alice." Izzy stated.
"There?" I questioned, pointing to a girl who had vibrant blue highlights in her hair and a Hello Kitty backpack hanging off her left shoulder.
I parked a couple of spaces from where Alice was leaning against a small, beat up, red car talking to a guy who had black hair that fell in his eyes and a lit cigarette that rested in between his index and middle finger.
"I hate him," Izzy said, as she leaned in closer by me to stare at them. I closed my eyes taking in what I believed to be coconut coming from the lotion she had on or her shampoo.
"Uhh, who?" I questioned finally opening my eyes as I turned the car off.
"Riley Biers," she said, staring at them intently. "Well, thanks for the ride, Edward," Izzy said clearly wanting to change the subject. She gathered all of her things, got out of the car and walked over to her friend.
"Oh!" Izzy said, turning back around.
I quickly grabbed my messenger bag and got out the car.
"I almost forgot." She said reaching into one of her white binders and pulled a stack of beige envelopes out.
"Alice is having a Halloween party on Friday," she said handing one to me. I took the envelope from her that had "Cullen" written on it in fancy cursive. "Well Alice and her brothers. I'm in charge of handing out the invites, even though I told that evil little elf I didn't want to."
"Thanks, but I have to ask our dad." I internally kicked myself for sounding like a child.
"Mary -Alice Brandon is the queen of convincing," she stated, holding up the other invites in her right hand. "I'm sure the chief of police wouldn't stand a chance."
"Alright," I said as Rosalie finally got out of the car.
She saluted then began to walk towards Alice again.
I looked at Rose, who removed her headphones, letting them rest on the back of her neck, and looked at me. I knew she was upset that I accepted the invite to the party, because I explained to her the night before about my plans to make it out of Forks unattached so it would be easier to go back to Chicago. Just as I was about to tell Rose to just drop it, the bell rang.
"You ready, Rosie?" I signed.
She shook her head, knowing that I was avoiding the situation.
"We'll talk about this later... and don't call me Rosie." She signed, as she then stuck her tongue out at me. I shook my head with a laugh as we walked to the red double doors.
As we entered the school together Rosalie immediately put her headphones back on and hastily walked to her locker at the end of the hallway – to avoid the sea of people that crowded around. Since she walked away too quickly I texted her to let her know to meet me by my locker for lunch so she didn't have to go in there by herself.
Large orange and black banners with 'Halloween Dance' written neatly across them covered the school walls including cob webs that hate large fake spiders spread out evenly over them. I immediately began to remember the first Halloween dance I went to back at Lincoln High. It was the first and only dance I had gone to, but it was probably one of the best nights of my life because Kate made sure nothing could go wrong. I quietly laughed to myself as I remembered how great she was before.
At that moment, it was no longer Kate I was thinking about, but Izzy. In every class, I suddenly found myself unknowingly thinking about Izzy and wanting to know her more.
In Biology, I thought about her amazing dark brown eyes and how I wish she wouldn't cover them up with all of that black makeup.
While some girl named Jane was trying to get my attention in History, I looked out the windows shamelessly hoping she would walk by.
In P.E. I thought about those piercings she had and wondered what possessed her to get so many before I got pushed down accidentally by a senior who felt really bad about it.
But it was in Art that I found myself drawing a yellow chrysanthemum. As I stared at the drawing I realized the truth behind it; I wanted to be her secret admirer. Even if I didn't want to admit it to myself, I wanted to know everything there was to know about her. I wanted to know what made her happy or sad. She consumed my everything thought and I knew if I didn't stop now I would regret it later. So I quickly reminded myself about the plan and how I needed to follow through with it...for Rose.
I was relieved when the bell finally rang for lunch. I ripped the drawing of the flower out of my drawing pad and shoved it roughly into my pocket.
"You ok?" Rosalie signed when I met her by my locker. She looked concerned as I stood in front of her
"Fine." I said out of breath.
"Were you running?" She questioned.
"Alice stopped me when I got out of Art," I started to explain. "She wanted to talk about her party and if we got her invite. I had to make a run for it" I stated laughing.
"What did you say?" Rose asked, as we started walking to the cafeteria.
"I said I would let her know by Thursday," I confessed knowing that Rose would be upset.
"Gosh, Edward! We're not going."She quickly walked to the cafeteria entrance and opened the door, clearly aggravated with me.
"I know." I said as I spotted an empty table at the back of the cafeteria. I pointed it out to Rose and we both walked over and sat down. Rose grabbed her purple notebook from her bag, then grabbed her lunch bag and set it on the table. I adjusted my eye glasses that started to slip down my nose, then set my drawing pad and lunch on the table as well.
As we ate in complete silence I noticed I forget to grab Rose's soda from the fridge before we left the house. So I decided to face the long lunch line for her. When the lunch lady was about to ask me what I wanted I heard a girl yelling. I looked behind me to see what was going on, but before I could see anything everyone seemed to crowd around me at the same time.
"What the fuck, Angie?"
I forgot about the soda and left the line to see what was going on, but as I did, a rush of adrenaline coursed through me.
I spotted Rosalie sitting hunched over with her head down and her hands tightly gripping her headphones as if to bring them even closer to her ears. I then noticed her...the girl who was yelling. She stood in front of Rose as if protecting her from the girl named Angie. As I got closer I noticed her black hair went straight down her back, stopping at the middle.
It couldn't be. I thought to myself.
"I don't know what your deal is, Angela, but you need to just back the fuck off!" It was Izzy, the girl who dominated my every thought.
"What is your deal, Isabella!" the girl named Angie yelled as she took a step closer. "I guess freaks do stick together!" she said shoving Izzy slightly with her acrylic nails.
Izzy glared right into Angie's face as she snickered and inched closer. She whispered something quietly to her, so no one else would hear. At that moment Angie's whole demeanor changed. She looked frightened and surprised. Angie backed away slowly, walked back to her table where she grabbed Jane by the arm and walked out of the cafeteria.
I felt myself smiling at Izzy, who then put her hand on Rosalie's back trying to comfort her. Rosalie brushed her off, grabbed her things and ran out of the cafeteria. I quickly followed her.
"Rose!" I yelled, running down the hall after her. "Rose, please stop!"
She finally stopped in front of my locker. She leaned her back against it and slid down it slowly until she was sitting on the floor. She brought her knees to her chest and rested her head against the locker. I could see that tears were trying to fight their way out, but they had yet to fall.
"Rose, are you ok?"
"What kind of question is that Edward! Do I look ok?" She signed with shaky hands as she cried freely. She calmly, but quickly brushed them away as she then took her headphones off and let them rest on the back of her neck.
"I know, I'm sorry," I apologized "I'm sorry I wasn't with you." I sat down next to her, hoping she wouldn't reject me.
When she didn't, I put my arm around her, bringing her closer to me.
"You can't always be there for me, Edward,"
"I should be though...always," I said, pulling her a little closer.
Just as I was about to suggest we ditch and just go home, I heard someone calling out to us.
As I lifted my head up I saw the girl who I secretly admired walking towards us, holding the things I had left in the cafeteria in her hands.
"Sorry about Angie, she's a fucking bitch who needs to just mind her own god damn business," she said as she finally stood in front of us. "I don't think she will bother you again.
She looked at me, but I had no idea what to say. I just smiled, and she smiled back.
"Are you ok?"she asked looking down at Rose.
Rose looked up at her and smiled, signing "thank you"
"You know sign language?" I questioned surprised, getting up to stand in front of her.
"No, I just remember that one from Blue's Clue's," she claimed.
"Well thanks for helping my sister out."
"No problem. I was happy to help," she said with a smile. "Oh, here are your drawings," she said, handing my drawing pad to me.
"You're a really great artist."
"It's just random doodles and stuff," I said, sticking the drawing pad into my bag. "But thanks."
"I really like the yellow flower," she said.
I was overcome with embarrassment and confusion. I checked my pockets for the drawing and sure enough it wasn't there. It must have slipped out as I went after Rose. I opened the notebook to the first page and there was the drawing. I looked back up and saw that she started to walk away. And before I realized what I was doing, I called out to her.
"Yeah?" she asked walking back towards me.
Just as I was about to take out the drawing and hand it to her – not only because of the secret meaning behind it, but because she liked it – someone called her name. I glanced over her shoulder just as she did. A guy, holding a tan guitar case with wavy brown hair, stood at the end of the hallway waving to her.
"I've got to go,"she said when she looked back at me. "I'm coming!" She yelled walking towards him.
I deceived myself. I over thought things about her that shouldn't have been thought about. She clearly had a boyfriend and I was naïve to think a stupid drawing would make her happy. I shut the drawing pad, shoved it back into my bag and watched as she excitably jumped onto the guys back as he walked away. All the courage I had to give her a hint as to how I felt faded when they turned the corner.
I couldn't let this happen again. I couldn't think, talk or look at her anymore for my own good.
I ran both of my hands through my hair and cursed myself for ruining everything.
"Let's just go home, Rose." I sighed as I helped her up from the ground. I shoved the drawing back into my pocket, hoping I would never have to see it again.
When Rose finally stood in front of me she hugged me tightly. I knew it wasn't because I had helped her and made her feel better. It was because she knew, without asking, that it was because of what she just witnessed with the flower drawing and with Izzy. I smiled, giving her a tight squeeze before I let her go.
I reached into my pocket and pulled out the drawing. When I straightened it out as much as I could I handed it over to Rose.
"I'll just be your secret admirer." I said with a laugh. She smiled as she took it and wiped her tear stained cheeks.
I put my hands on her shoulders gently, "We will get through this, we have too, I promise."
A few things have prevented me to get this chapter out.
Family issues, vacation, writers block, my laptop breaking, more writers block... but I am hoping to get back into a routine.
I have started chapter 3, so that is good news. I truly thank you all for being patient.
Enough of my excuses lol
What do you all think?
I really hope it was worth the wait... lol
I would love to know :)
I have a couple of questions:
+ How do you think Edward and Rosalie's mom might have died?
+ What do you think Kate has to do with any of this?
+ Who was that guy giving Izzy a piggy-back ride in the hallway? ;]
I would love to know your ideas or what you think! :D
Please follow me on twitter- viiolentdelight
Please leave a review. I would really love to know what you all think.
Yellow Chrysanthemums to you all.