By Tigersmeleth

Disclaimer: Stargate Atlantis belongs to MGM studios and their affiliates. Nothing belongs to me except for the writing of this particular story.

Summary: Set during Season 2's "The Lost Boys" and "The Hive". A look at Ford's last thoughts. He said he was lying about wanting to go home, but was he really?

I want to go home. I miss Nana and Gramps. You know, when you're living with a bunch of guys, the cooking is horrible. I miss the smell of Nana's pancakes and the sound of Gramps getting ready to fry something. I'm so far from home.

No! I can't go back! They'll all think I'm crazy, even Nana and Gramps! I am NOT crazy. I'll prove it to them. They'll see that I'm the big guy now. No one to play "Let's Pick On Ford" anymore. Nana and Gramps will be even prouder than they were before. Their grankid made something of himself. He's not just a high school drop out forced into boot camp. They'll see, Dr. Weir, Sheppard, everyone! But especially Sheppard.

Tired, angry, but so tired. No! Don't let them take me, I don't wanna die that way! Damn that girl. If it weren't for her, we'd be outta here, I'd get more of my enzyme, and I'd be doing something other than watching the non-existent pictures on the wall move. So different from Nana's house. I remember falling down in the hallway when I was sick. I'd eaten too much of something and just couldn't move, all I wanted to do was to turn around and throw-up because the pictures had so many colors, which I did. Poor Nana, I should've done more for her before I went off to military school. I should have done m ore for all of them. I'm sorry Nana, I'm sorry Gramps, but there's my chance!

Ow. I shouldn't let that much time go in between enzyme doses. The fight is exhilarating. They don't say anything about that feeling in military school. There's the Major, here's my chance. Even if I die now, he'll say in his report that I died single-handedly saving everyone on the team. My team. I'm someone now, everyone will know. Nana and Gramps will be proud of how I died. They'll be sad to hear I'm gone, by my cousin will be there. She'll help them pull through. I want to go home so badly…and now I know that soon, I'll be home, and I'll see Nana and Gramps when they decide to go home too. Major, this one's for you. You've saved my ass more times than you haven't. Thanks, it's my turn now.