Carrie was starring out the car window sitting next to her boyfriend for six months, Xaviour. Carrie had wondered where he was taking her. She was sure it was somewhere beautiful; everywhere else he took her was beautiful. One thing Carrie loved about Xaviour was that he went way out of his way just to please her and show her that he was falling in love, which made her fall in love all the more. Strangely enough being with Xaviour was also her escape from her brother Jon. It's not like Carrie didn't love him because she knew that deep inside she really did but of course no one needed to know that. Jon was the perfect goodie two shoes kind of guy who was in a rock band that everyone looked up to unlike her who seemed beautiful and unbroken on the outside but in the inside had so many secrets and she was so broken, even Xaviour didn't know that. People couldn't read Carrie Steingard; they never tried or noticed when they should have because if they had looked into her eyes they would see perseverance grown weak but no one seemed to care.
Carrie was always one to go off in her thoughts and forget about the world. She hated to think about fairy tales but loves to wonder that if they were real there shouldn't be so much brokenness in the world. She wanted to be a beautiful princess in a fairytale but she knew that was impossible. No one ever told her she was beautiful, not even her so called perfect boyfriend that she practically worshipped. It didn't matter though, nothing mattered as long as she made herself believe that this guy could actually love her, and thinks shes beautiful even though he never came out and said it. Maybe it was possible to be beautiful but her chances were slim. It didn't stop her from falling in love or what she made herself believe to be love. Carrie's thoughts vanished as soon as she saw the view coming from the driver seat and outside. The sunset was breathtaking, and the ocean was at peace. It was the most beautiful picture of reality she had ever seen.
Xaviour looked at her with complete confidence and she felt in her heart that this was going to last forever, it was meant to happen. It had to. "Are you ready to see your surprise sweetheart?" Xaviour gently whispered in her ear. She couldn't help but blush and nod once. Xaviour grabbed her by the hand and ran to the beach as quick as they possibly could. He took her to a beautiful soon to be candlelit picnic right in front of the sun setting. The two of them were the only two to be seen on the beach almost as if it were planned.
"Oh my goodness, Xaviour it's gorgeous." She squealed.
"I was going to have some music but I know you don' like it. I hope it's what you want."
"Music, bad idea… but the candles were a beautiful idea, and so is the sunset. Thank you so much." Carrie reached in to kiss him. He was so thoughtful with her in everything. He knew she hated music so he didn't include that in his little surprise which meant so much to her, and she loved candles. He kept proving to her how much he knew her and loved her. Falling in love was such an out of this world feeling, it was magical. "I love you." She sweetly whispered. Love was such a strong word. Something she never took lightly. Xaviour wouldn't respond to the question and she knew that but it was worth a shot. Of course she got what she expected. Xaviour just smiled and gently kissed her forehead. Those words meant so much to her, the words she has never heard. Jon was always gone and even when he was home he never told her how proud he was of her or that he simply loved his sister. He's always too focused on the music, and Xaviour simply never told her and she never understood it but learned to accept the fact that it was simply impossible for her to be loved. She had to be okay with that.
The night went on just as she hoped. Everything was perfect, he was beautiful. Carrie loved to play with his black smooth hair while staring into his beautiful green eyes. Kissing his gentle lips was heaven. They both were relentless when it came to kissing. Their physical attraction toward each other was something she had never felt before, something no one else would have. She was his princess even if he never told her to her face it had to be true. The fairytale was perfect, he was perfect.
The sun was almost gone, and it was about that time where she was hoping with everything she had that Jon would not call her and force her to come home. Jon had just gotten home from tour and once he was home Carrie had to be home once the sun had set. Jon wasn't just Mr. Perfect he was also Mr. Overprotective, something she didn't quite understand knowing that for last 5 years all he ever did was abandon her. She never understood why Jon would care about what happened to her, or wants to spend time with her when he clearly knew she hated him, but every time he came home he still loved her. Jon never gave up on what he knew was important to him, Carrie knew that. She just never cared. The vibration from her phone had interrupted her thoughts. The caller ID clearly in big letters said Jon calling. A big heave of a sigh had escaped her mouth as she picked up.
"Hi Jon" she said in a bothered way.
"It's time to come home. It's late."
"UGH" Carrie slammed her phone shut and pulled Xaviour with a strong force to his car like it was gravity pulling him down. "My annoying brother likes to make my life a living hell."
"Oh come on Carrie, I'm sure he means well." Xaviour said while trying to escape Carrie's force.
"Excuse me?" Carrie stopped in her tracks to give Xaviour that look. She knew if she gave him that look it would make him fall back into his place to hate Jon once more just like her.
"I guess 10 O'clock is a little early."
Carrie smiled her undefeated smile like she had just won 10 Olympic Gold medals. Carrie put everything she had into gymnastics, it was her happy place, a place where she could think, and put the world behind her and forget that her brother ever existed, and she had made it her life. But Gymnastics was the last thing on her mind right now. Jon had made her so upset. Yelling was out of the question, she didn't want to do anything stupid, she would just tell him she hated him then slam her door. No big deal.
The drive home was completely silent. Carrie just left the car as soon as Xaviour dropped her off without saying a single word. The door to the house made a loud creek as she was trying to sneak in so maybe she didn't have to face Jon tonight, but Jon heard it.
"Carrie! How are you?" He reached for hug but Carrie just pulled away. "What were you doing tonight?"
"Nothing" She mumbled.
"You must've done something."
"Why do you care?" She shouted.
"I just like to know what's going on in your life."
"Well don't like it okay because I'm not going to tell you. Just leave me alone, I hate you!" She stormed up to her room and slammed the door shut, leaving Jon to himself.
There was a battle going on inside her heart, she knew she couldn't fight it. Carrie had raised herself for the last five years and she knew nothing was going to change. She wanted nothing more than just someone to love her, a father figure, a mother, something. She knew that wasn't going to happen tonight. Her father had left when she was only 10, while her mother died of cancer when she was 13. Her mother was her best friend whom she could tell everything to but that didn't matter to God or anyone. She had to die and she could only wish it would have been Jon instead. Thoughts flooded her mind as she took the razor she carried around with her across her arm to leave the blood flowing. Avril Lavigne was playing in the background so Jon couldn't hear her cry of help. Carrie hated music but Avril was the exception. Avril knew what she was going through; she knew Carrie's heart when no one else did.
God was somewhere in the distance watching, but he did not dare interrupt watching Carrie suffer. Her night of perfection was ruined and now all she could do was bleed away the pain and she knew God was laughing. God had created her to watch her suffer, a thought she would think almost every day. God was never there for her, and Jon always told her differently. Lie. God could never love her the way she loved Xaviour. Xaviour was her savior, she didn't need God. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered besides the perfection that was left behind as soon as she entered hell.