How did he get here? Oh right. He signed up for it. A friend who worked over in NERV-1 referred him. "You're into all that sci-fi crap, right? Dude, NERV is perfect for that."
He doesn't know whether to kick his friend in the jewels, or kiss him.
He signed up to work at the nearest NERV HQ he could get to, NERV-Alaska, expecting fantasy and wonderment. He got that alright. He got Fantasy and Wonderment. Until he eventually became the Head of Science. Then he realized that everyone around him is crazy. Some crazier then others, some still more Crazy Awesome then anything. But everyone here is not mentally balanced. And when you're dealing with arms development, only Crazy Awesome can cut it. Not just Crazy. He has too many Just Crazy people. Not enough Crazy Awesome.
Mind you, the people at NERV-Alaska are the first people he's met that didn't think "Dream" was a silly name. That's a bonus. He still prefers to be called "Dr. Mondschein," though.
He was going over the test results for some type of weapon. Some bomb hypothesized to take out only inorganic material. He didn't come up with it, that's for damn sure. Why the hell was this project allowed to even see the light of day? They were fighting Angels, otherwise known as gigantic, ORGANIC, alien… things. Who submitted this? He'll have them fired, one way or another. Let's see here…
PROJECT SUBMITTED BY:
"… God damnit," He mutters, as he slaps his palm to his forhead, "So I don't get to fire anyone. Between the Ayanami Sisters and the Ikaris, NERV-1 is going to be the death of me."
He looks up from the test results and sees a man at his office door. A young man, obviously new. He still has some sanity left in him.
"Yes, what is it?"
"We have a new project submission."
"Let me see the folder."
The young man hands him the folder labelled "Project: Make stuff blow up." He can get behind that idea. He can get behind that idea very much. He opened the folder, and was greeted by a very nice schematic of what appeared to be an exploding drill, of all things. Okay, okay. This could work. Who designed this thing? Two names, written at the bottom of the page: Ayanami, Rei and Ayanami, Nana. A smile spreads across Dr. Mondschein's face.
"Always did like those two. Do whatever you can to make this work."
"Yes, sir, and we also have another project submission."
"Oh? Let me see."
No project name. Just a message. "Give it a chance." He opened up the folder. At the very top of the proposal, read "Okay, you're going to think this is a crazy idea, but here me out. In order to supe up the Eva units, we're going to use, get this, MAGIC."
Dr. Mondschein looks at who submitted it. One of the people here on the base. He closes the folder and chuckles to himself.
"Crazy… Crazy Awesome. Just what we need. These two projects, approved. And the guy who submitted this Magic one? I like him. Next time you see him, tell him that he's promoted."
PROJECT: MAKE STUFF BLOW UP
NERV-Alaska Weapons development lab. Here's where the magic happens. While he's more or less in charge of everything at NERV-Alaska, and can get other people to do things for him, Dr. Dream Mondschein still liked involving himself in weapons-developement.
He also liked to see shit explode.
So, when something like "Project: Make Stuff Blow Up" is dropped on his desk, he's interested. He took the schematics for the MSBU to the good ol' folks down at Wep-dev. The head of Weapons, Allan Fisher, was there to greet him.
"Dr. Mondschein, what can I do for you?"
He laid out the schematics on a nearby table. Fisher looked over it, slightly interested. But when you're the head of weapons development, something like an exploding drill isn't all that exciting.
"This shouldn't take too long. I can probably have it in a Test-Type Eva by the end of the week."
"Excellent. I'll see you in a week then."
1 Week later, at Test Location 05...
Dr. Mondschein and the other members of the Science team watched the view screen in the Command Center of NERV-Alaska. On the view screen was the Test-Type Eva unit, with the MSBU Drill attached to its arm. The Test-Type Eva… To call it an Evangelion was an insult. It lacked everything that made an Evangelion unit… An Evangelion unit. It didn't have a core, it had a barely sufficient AI, no organic parts, nothing. It was merely a placeholder, to see how a weapon would balance on an actual Eva unit. The AI was there to test how the weapon could be treated in combat. The AI would make the Test-Type move in various complicated manoeuvres, to test whatever weapon it was wielding to the extreme.
Dr. Mondschein liked Extreme.
"Okay, Mr. Fisher. You may begin testing."
"Roger that. Activating Test-Type. Subroutine MSBU uploaded. Test number One: Straight firing. Ready in 3… 2… 1… Fire."
The Test-Type braced itself and fired the drill. It fired a good distance, nearly 2 kilometres. The fun part was the explosion. The explosion nearly covered the distance between the impact point. A small smile spread on Dr. Mondschein's face.
"Oh yes," He said, writing down a couple of notes on a clipboard, "This is going to be good."
After the tests were over, all that was left was for Dr. Mondschein to give the green light and send the MSBU over to NERV-1.
That wasn't going to happen. He had better things in mind for this piece of work.
He found himself talking to Fisher again. Fisher couldn't understand why Dr. Mondschein wouldn't give the green light. Again, a sly smile appeared on the good doctor's face.
"I want to make it… bigger."
"Yes. Bigger. And better."
"But it passed all the tests. It wouldn't put the pilot in too much harm, and it launches a decent amount of distance away from the Eva unit! How could we make it bigger while making it better at the same time?"
"Throw some Technobabble at it!"
Fisher stopped, and started thinking. Then a smile appeared on his face.
"How about this: We could have the drill interface directly with the core."
A smile appeared on Dr. Mondschein's face.
"Why, Mr. Fisher! That would make the Eva's AT Field extend to the Drill, would it not?"
"Yes, yes it would, good doctor! However, the drill itself would have to be connected by cable to the Evangelion, thus turning it into more of a… Grapple Drill, instead of a Make Stuff Blow Up Drill."
Dr. Mondschein wanted an explosion, damnit, and he was going to get one! He pondered for a moment, when it hit him like… an explosion.
"I know! We fit the tip of the drill with explosives! Not as much as the old prototype, thus creating a much smaller explosion…"
"But it would still create an explosion." The head of Weapons-Development stated.
Dr. Mondschein sighed. He knows Hatchi likes big explosions. And Rei is just crazy. They wouldn't settle for a smaller explosion. But…
"If the payload is smaller…" Dr. Mondschein started, "What if we used something more explosive?"
A sly smile appeared on Fisher's face.
"Oh, I don't know. Anti-Matter?"
"… With that, we could use the Drill's AT Field to minimize the damage."
"What kind of damage are we talkin' here?"
Fisher ran some numbers in his head.
"If we don't use the AT Field? We'd be lucky if Tokyo-3 is still intact."
"And if we do use the AT Field?"
"It would be restricted to a certain area. Probably just within either the drill's or the Angel's AT field."
"So in other words, a Localized Supernova."
"You got it, Doc."
"The only downside," Fisher said, "is it would require heavy modification to the Eva in order for the weapon to work properly."
"I don't think that the Pilot will mind too much. Mind you, I heard that the Eva units are more or less sentient, so we'd need the Eva's consent, or something."
"Have you heard some of the stories involving Unit 05?"
"… Yeah, that probably won't be a problem, either."
"Now the real problem: How are we going to test it?"
"Is Unit 04 still intact?"
"More or less. It's not complete, and the project was scrapped when they used the S2 organ on ADAM."
"Does it still have Eva parts?"
"I don't see why it wouldn't."
"Good. Get it shipped up here and we'll test the weapon with that."
"I'll get right on that."
"Oh, and Fisher?"
Fisher turned at the office door.
"You have approval to use the Test-Type Angel, as well."
"Are you sure?"
"Well, we need to see if it'll affect an AT Field, won't we?"
"… I guess. Alright, we'll begin working on it."
And with that, Fisher left the office. With as much modifications as the weapon went through, he couldn't keep the original name. So, Dr. Mondschein took black pen out of his pocket, and wrote on the folder for Project MSBU. The new weapon name?
MSBU-Grapple Drill Break.
Oh yes. The Ayanami girls will love this.
Project MSBU Grapple Drill Break
Unit 04 stood in the middle of an empty field. From a safe distance away, Dr. Mondschein and the other members of the Science team watched on the monitors in the NERV-Alaska Command Center. Unit 04 was hastily assembled. It lacked organic leggings and its left arm was incomplete, but the right arm and the torso were intact. They outfitted it with the legs of a Test-Type Eva unit, and left the arm as it was. It had an AT Field, and that's all that mattered.
"Sir, are you sure to use the Test-Type Angel?"
From his spot at the top of the Command Center, Dr. Mondschein looked down at one of the operators.
"I've already told you, we need to test the Drill's AT Field against an actual AT field. This is the only feasible way of testing. Are we clear?"
"Yes, sir. Preparing Test-Type Angel."
A hatch opened up in the ground, roughly 5 kilometres away from Unit 04, producing a floating red sphere. The hatch closed as soon as the Test-Type left.
"Detecting an AT Field. It's working so far."
"Alright, activate Unit 04's test AI."
"Affirmative. Activating Test AI."
The Silver AI suddenly gained life.
"Any sign of it going crazy?"
"None yet, sir."
"Alright. Proceed with the test."
The Test-Type Angel and Unit 04 moved closer together. Unit 04 raised its Drill arm and pointed it towards the Angel.
The Drill launched towards the Angel, and impacted with the AT Field.
"Activate the Drill's AT Field."
The Drill began glowing orange, and slowly started to penetrate the Angel's AT Field.
"The Angel's AT Field is weakening."
It bore through the AT Field, but stopped before it could do any damage. They needed the Test-Type Angel intact for future tests.
"Test 1 successful. The Drill can effectively go through an AT Field."
"Excellent," Dr. Mondchein remarked, "Now, prepare the second test."
"Affirmative. Initiate Test 2, Urban Combat."
Hatches all around the Angel and Unit 04 open up, revealing structures simulating an urban environment. The Angel and Unit 04 backed away from each other, to opposite ends of the "City."
"Alright, go ahead."
That's when things went to shit.
"The Test-Type Angel has gained sentience!" One of the operators called out.
"I should have seen this coming," Dr. Mondschein muttered, "I really should have seen this coming."
THROUGH LICENSE OF THOSE WHO CALL THEMSELVES 'HUMANITY,' I HAVE COME.
I KNOW NOT THE ONE WHO SHOULD BE MY MOTHER, NOR THE ONE WHO SHOULD BE MY FATHER.
INSTEAD, I WILL CARVE MY OWN PATH.
I WILL CARVE IT TOWARDS MY OWN FUTURE.
I WILL CARVE HUMANITY AND ANGEL KIND ALIKE UNTIL THEIR CANVAS PORTRAYS MY EXCELLENCE.
I AM ANGELUS.
I HAVE COME.
The red sphere turned Silver, and the metal from surrounding buildings merged with the core.
"The Test AI for Unit 04 can't handle actual combat! We need a pilot!"
The Head of Science laughed to himself.
"Well, I always wanted to pilot a Giant Robot."
"Sir, you can't pilot Unit 04, only children can!"
"We're all children at heart, aren't we?"
And before anyone could voice how wrong Dr. Mondschein was, he was already gone.
"… That man is crazy."
Before he knew it, he was in the Parking Garage. In order for something like this to work, he needed two things: His computer, Unit 04's on board speaker system, and a nice set of wheels to make a dynamic entry. He had his computer, all he needed was wheels. Then he spotted it.
"This will do."
The Command Center was in an uproar. They lost control of an Angel, the only Evangelion unit they have can't effectively engage it, and they lost the man in charge. That's when the security cameras picked up something. Dr. Mondschein bursting out of the parking garage on a motorcycle, with a wrist computer and a devilish smile on his face, and heading towards the test location. The operators all looked at each other.
"That man will either deliver us to glory, or he'll kill us all."
He climbed one of the buildings nearest Unit 04. The Angel was looming in the distance, bits of metal forming building sized buzz saws. At this point, he's thinking this is either the best or worst idea he's ever had. He clipped the A10 connectors to his hair, and leaped towards Unit 04. He landed on the shoulder, and activated his wrist communicator.
"Patch me through to NERV-Alaska HQ."
"We're getting a communication from Dr. Mondschein!"
"Patch him through." One of the scientists ordered.
"Okay," Came Dr. Mondschein's voice over the loudspeakers, "I know how you all think this is crazy. But that's why it's going to work."
"And how, pray tell, is it going to work?"
"Easy. Substitute the on board AI with Me."
"What? That's Crazy!"
"Crazy enough to work! I won't be interfacing with the Eva unit itself, I'll be influencing the AI, which will in turn influence the Eva Unit."
"Again, that's Crazy. It can't work."
"COME ON! I've always wanted to pilot a giant robot! Give it a chance!"
"Even if it did work, you would need to achieve 400% synchronization to become the AI."
The command center grew silent.
"That… could be a problem, then."
"Yes. Yes it would."
"Alright. I'll upgrade the AI in Unit 04 then."
"You'll what? You can't do something like that on such short notice!"
"You don't become the Head of Science for NERV-Alaska for nothing. Dr. Mondschein, out."
Back at test location…
"Well, there goes my dreams of piloting a giant robot. Oh well."
He activates his wrist computer and accesses the on board AI for Unit 04. He starts typing furiously, well as furious as you can with only one hand. He looks up, and sees the Angel slowly advancing towards him, cutting up everything in it's path.
"Okay… Time to work faster."
This AI needs to be completely self sufficient. Heighten its reaction times. Allow it to think. Give it a brain. Give it a [i]soul[/i]. Make it an actual living being. Give it a personality. Give it a sense of humour, give it like, give it dislikes.
Make it Crazy Awesome.
This will work perfectly.
He finishes typing and uploads the new AI into Unit 04. The Angel forms a particularly large and rather intimidating blade, and raises it into the sky.
"Come on, faster."
The blade comes down.
"Come on, you stupid AI! Come on!"
And right before the blade comes down, the tip of the MSBU Drill splits open, and Unit 04 grabs the blade with its drill arm.
"I'll forgive that "Stupid" remark if you give me some tunes to kick ass to."
The Enrty Plug ejects from the back of Unit 04's neck.
Dr. Mondschein scrambles for the Entry plug, and hops in.
"Now, about those tunes…"
"Here you go."(.com/watch?v=bby132VFgVY)
The song starts blaring out the Eva's speakers. The Unit 04's head starts bobbing.
"Sufficient. Let's kick ass."
The Drill Arm releases and Unit 04 delivers a kick to the center of the angel. The shiny metal coating cracks, but instantly fixes itself. So Unit 04 continues to kick it, producing cracks that are instantly fixed.
"That isn't working!"
"I know! I'm just wearing it down first!"
"You don't have to wear it down, just kill it!"
"But in order to kill it, I need to wear it down!"
"You have the ability to penetrate it's AT field and create a localized Supernova. That'll wear it down and kill it at the same time!"
"… That could work."
Unit 04 jumped away from the Angel. As soon as it lands, tiny droplets of metal start forming on the surface of the Angel. The droplets break off and start firing at Unit 04.
"It's making bullets. Clever."
Unit 04 raises it's own AT Field, and the bullets bounce off harmlessly. Then the bullets get bigger. As in, the Angel has resorted to using Buzz Saws again. It zooms towards Unit 04 and starts pounding on the AT Field.
"That's it! Taste Supernova, bitch!"
Unit 04 aims it's Drill, and fires. The drill starts tearing through the AT field of the angel. The tip opens up and grabs the Angel's core. Unit 04 picks up the angel and starts swinging it around, shattering its metal coating completely, before sending it into the sky and activating the Antimatter explosives in the tip. The Angel barely has time to scream as the AT Field of the Drill envelopes the Angel and creates a second sun in the sky. The explosion is relatively small, but everything within a couple miles gets a lot brighter. When the light fades, there's nothing left of the Angel or the Drill tip.
"That was exciting."
"Indeed it was."
The Ayanami girls are going to LOVE this.
PROJECT MSBU GRAPPLE DRILL BREAK: Approved, sent to NERV-1.