I want to thank my Beta reader. Emmettroselover. She helped whip this story into shape.
Twilighted Supervisory Beta: qjmom
Twilighted Senior Validation Beta: nikkipattinson
I was arriving home to my apartment after a long backbreaking day of listening to excuse after excuse, Mason trailing not too far behind me, jabbering about his day at school. I was tired and hungry, and it didn't help the fact that I didn't have much money to get groceries, much less, pay bills. Mason and I got by with what we had.
I went to open my door, finding another eviction notice taped to it. I rolled my eyes, grabbed it, unlocked my door and walked into my stingy little apartment. I threw the note on the counter with the others that I had received over the week. I went to turn the lights on...nothing. Shit...
"Mommy, why aren't the lights coming on," Mason asked. It broke my heart to have to lie to him. I squatted down in front of him to help him out of his jacket and wet shoes while I tried to come up with a good answer to his questions.
"Do you know the men that work on the light poles, with the lift bucket thing that you like to watch?" I asked him, while waiting for him to answer. He just nodded.
"Well they came today and worked on our poles, they must have forgotten to turn our lights back on when they were through." He nodded without further questioning. He began jabbering about not getting to see the big truck.
At times like these I was grateful that my son seemed to have inherited my old soul. My mother had once told me that she thought I had been born thirty-five and had gotten more middle-aged every year. That same thing seemed to apply to Mason.
I knew that my answers hadn't appeased him, and that sometime soon, Mason would ask me about the lights and other things as well, but I still had no idea about what I was going to tell him. How do you tell an innocent little five year old who still believes fairy tales can happen to normal people that sometimes the world is just...fucked up?
I grabbed the flashlight that I left out since I knew that it was only a matter of time before the electricity was turned off. I then made my way to look through the cupboards for something to eat. I found cereal, but quickly decided that probably wasn't healthy enough and then moved onto some cans of soup, a box of macaroni and cheese, and then I saw the bread. I quickly grabbed that and a jar of peanut butter and made my way to the couch with a glass of milk for each of us. I patted the couch and told Mason to sit down and eat his dinner. It wasn't much, but it would have to do for now. I grabbed a slice of bread and the peanut butter and started to spread it over the piece I had in my hand. I handed Mason his sandwich, and I quickly took a bite of mine, it tasted so good.
I looked around my dingy apartment. The only light was coming from the street light. I watched Mason finish his sandwich and lick his tiny little fingers. I enjoy the moments like this. But it always made me wonder what it would have been like if I would've told Edward I was pregnant. What happened if he would have called me, like I asked? Would he enjoy his son, or would he just run away from us?
"When you finish your sandwich, let's get you ready for bed, okay Mason?" I turned to look at him to see why he hadn't answered me. He was laid back into the cushions of the couch sleeping soundly. I just smiled at him, gently picked him up and carried him to his room. How I carried him and got him ready for bed was nothing short of a miracle.
I bolted the door and sighed. I was dead on my feet but I didn't want to go to sleep knowing full well my dreams would be about him. The dreams would come every time I would think too much about him during the day and though I loved dreaming about him, the pain that always followed was hard to bear. I changed into some comfortable sweats, and climbed into my bed wondering how he would have reacted to Mason. Sleep won over me, but the city outside my window never slept.
Morning came all too soon for me. Sometime during the night our lights came back on, and our apartment was just beginning to warm up a little bit. I took my shower, and dressed for another grueling day at work. I woke Mason up and helped him get ready for school. I walked into the living room while Mason put his shoes on. I was looking through Mason's backpack at all his assignments, school calendar and reminders. I came across one reminder that I wish I hadn't seen and wished that no one mentioned it to him either. Mason's class was having a day to bring in your father and tell them about what their daddies do for a living.
"Mommy," a high musical voice resonated through the living room.
"Yes sweetie?" I looked up from the reminder that I was reading, seeing my handsome little five year old standing in front of me smiling a crooked grin at me.
"That's the reminder that Mrs. Boren sent out about us bringing our daddy to school," he pointed out to me. "But I told Mrs. Boren that I didn't have a daddy, so I asked her if I could bring my Uncle Emmett," he told me grinning ear to ear.
"What did Mrs. Boren say about bringing your Uncle Emmett?" It was the question I had been dreading since the day he was born. I would have been happy to answer any question he had for me - even the one about where babies came from - but not this one. I knew it was coming before he even asked it.
"She said that Uncle Emmett isn't my daddy, so I couldn't bring him." He was now looking at the floor, almost crying. "It isn't fair that everyone else is going to have a daddy there and I won't! Mommy," Mason asked his frown increasing and his head slightly dipped to the side. I turned and bent down to look him straight into his big emerald eyes.
He didn't know he was just about to rip the stitches from my heart, stitches that had been in place for more than five years.
"Why don't I have a daddy?" I tried to remember the answers I had thought up when I had been rehearsing this conversation in my mind, but I couldn't come up with anything. I didn't want to lie to him. The stitches in my heart began to unravel by his question.
"Mommy," Mason asked. He noticed something was wrong and I sighed. Why did he have to be so damn perceptive? I knew I had never been good at lying, but I should have at least been able to fool a small child. But he knew whenever I was editing and lying to him, he would just roll his eyes and ask the same question again. I sighed once again, trying to get as much air in my lungs as possible. Let's get this over with. I thought of an explanation, but nothing came to me.
"You do have a daddy, Mason," I answered. "He's just not...around." I knew that my answer didn't satisfy him one bit and another round of questions would come around. However that would have to wait until this evening, we were running late.
"Why not," he asked looking puzzled.
Chapter End Notes:
My first fan fic. Please tell me what you think. Read and review.