Disclaimer: I do not own Loveless, dammit. *Sobs*. It belongs to Yun Kouga. All lyrics used belong to the Boyzone and edited to suit the fic by me.

Notes: I was inspired by Brat-Child3... an avid SeimeiRitsuka fan. *Shrugs* so I was bored, unable to sleep and thought why the heck not...? Slight AU in the fact that I am giving them a bit more time together so that Ritsuka is about fifteen/sixteen when Seimei died. Gives more a chance for the relationship to develop.

*is a bit of a pervert. Sorry xD*

So um... INCEST. Yus yus. But not explicit. Unbeta'd

Media: Both

Spoilers: None really. Seimei's death.


"Sometimes late at night
I lie awake and watch [him] sleeping
[He's] lost in peaceful dreams
So I turn out the lights and lay there in the dark
And the thought crosses my mind
If I never wake up in the morning
Would [he] ever doubt the way I feel
About [him] in my heart"

Dead. It's so final. So absolute. You pass his memory every day. The door to his room is firmly shut, locked. Forbidden. You fear to venture in there. You fear the normalcy. You fear how it looks. Nothing has changed. Only dust settles in there now. But you know the planner will be still sitting on the side. His bed will be made with those same sheets. The memories bolted inside there like a time capsule are like glass. Fragile and cherished. You remember how Seimei would come into your room, when the nightmares were rife and dark and horrid. When they tortured and taunted and teased your mind and you would twitch and whimper.

You remember how he would gently rouse you and envelope you in his arms. The warmth and security he provided made you feel safe. There was nothing like Seimei. No one could compare. No one could take his place.

You never wanted a replacement. You just want him. And every day you pass that door. Every day when he doesn't greet you in the kitchen with that special smile just for you, or rescue from the nightmares with his soft words and tender comfort, every day you light that candle your heart breaks just a little bit more.

If tomorrow never comes
Will [he] know how much I loved [him]
Did I try in every way to show [him] every day
That [he's] my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And [he] must face the world without me
Is the love I gave [him] in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes

Maybe you were naive. Maybe you were just young. But somewhere, that line between sibling love and another much more adult love blurred. But you couldn't bring yourself to be disgusted, because it's Seimei. He made you feel special. He made you feel good. When your mother disowned you, screamed at you. When her slaps and fists landed on their targets and all you could do was apologise for something you couldn't control, he was there.

He rescued her from her wrath; he showed you the love that was lacking from your parents. He would tell you that you were loved, he would spend time with you, abandon his homework to help you with yours. He would wrap his arms around you, press soft lips to your temple and tell you everything would be okay. He'd kiss every wound she'd inflict on your skin, he made you feel worth the affection he showed. He made you smile.

You look around now, and you find little to smile for. He used to always ruffle your hair and spare you joke or even just smile at you and he would lighten your day.

But what's the point in smiling now, when you have nothing to smile for? Your smile became an open wound when he died and you couldn't bare the sight of it, so you stopped.

Can you even remember how to smile properly these days? You doubt it.

'Cause I've lost loved ones in my life
Who never knew how much I loved them
Now I live with the regret
That my true feelings for them never were revealed
So I made a promise to myself
To say each day how much [he] means to me
And avoid that circumstance
Where there's no second chance to tell her how I feel

You grew up a little more, and those kisses ventured to your lips. Soft, tender: they showed you what 'love' was. They gave you a reason to live; he gave you a reason to live. Mother was bearable when you knew he would erase the pain with something else. He would replace those awful memories with kisses and light, searing touches over your skin.

A part of you knew this was wrong, that this love was decadent and wrong – but Seimei would only say that love had no gender, no family or age. It just was. It was just an ephemeral thing and that you should be thankful it blessed you. That he should be thankful he was blessed.

Beloved. You both were. Loved by each other. You didn't need anyone else when Seimei was alive.

If tomorrow never comes
Will [he] know how much I loved [him]
Did I try in every way to show [his] every day
That [he's] my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And [he] must face the world without me
Is the love I gave [him] in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes

He would take you to his bed, even if the nightmares didn't plague you. And you would let him. This wasn't something disgusting, something dark and evil and dirty. This was love in its purest form. And you both expressed that love, not through words as such anymore, but more through your actions. He asked you to trust him and you did. He never let you down.

So that first time, when you were nervous and his fingers trailed down your skin, he kissed you softly, offered you the chance to just sleep. He didn't pressurize you, he didn't demand more than you could give. His eyes were earnest, and when you nodded, his special smile, that one kept just for you, was so bright. And you returned it.

Those fingers trailed lower, and with assistance from something cool that made you squirm, they gently eased into you – stretching, pleasuring, promising. You were scared – you won't deny that you squeezed your eyes shut or that the nervous butterflies were slamming into each other in your stomach. But he comforted you, he moved slowly, ensuring that you felt good. He whispered things your ear, soothed your fears with gentle kisses.

And when you were finally connected, not just physically but on a whole different plane, you had never been more content, more complete. And that feeling, you are sure, will never come again – because Seimei was taken from you not long after that night.

So tell that someone that you love
Just what you're thinking of
If tomorrow never comes

Because for the pair of you, that tomorrow never did come.