Sheets and the Dangers of Drunken Confessions
. . .
"Oh baby, I wanna get wit'cha.
And take yo picture.
My homeboys tried to warn me,
But that butt you got makes me so horny.
"Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait Edward," Daisy said, grabbing her boyfriend's arm to stop him from dropping the array of pillows, sheets, and blankets he'd collected from Alice's guest bedroom on the bathroom floor.
Swirl halted but kept humming the jaunty tune. It hadn't left them with the forest.
"Look at him," Daisy sighed.
"Willow." The dog was sitting in front of them, his head slanted up in earnest. "He's just… Guh. He's sooooooo cute. Like, ridiculous cute. Oh, my God! He's you!"
The dog's head tilted, causing his ears to flop back and Daisy's heart to burst. Everything was charming when she was sloshed. "How could I have not noticed before? You're the two most handsomest men in the whole world. Yes, you are, Willow. Yes, you are. You're just adorable. I wuv you so much."
"Hmmm… I don't see it," Swirl said. "Can I put these down now?"
"Of course. You don't need my permission."
Swirl smiled lovingly and dumped the bedding. Daisy wasted no time in falling onto the disorganized pile. Everything was comfortable when she was sloshed. Pulling a pillow out from under the mound, Swirl joined her.
"What should we do now?" Daisy asked, cozying up to Edward's chest. Her buzz had faded significantly but was far from gone.
"I think we should tell each other our deepest, darkest, most embarrassing moments."
"Why on Earth would we do that?"
Swirl held up his left hand, the one with the blue ring drawn around his finger. "I just think, now that we're kind of married, we shouldn't have any secrets."
That was good enough for Daisy. "Okay! You first."
"Why do I have to go first?"
"Because it's your idea."
"That is true." Swirl inhaled dramatically. "Here goes. When we first met, I used to… um, have you ever heard the term, 'nocturnal emission'?"
"How about 'wet dream'?"
Daisy scrunched up her nose. "Is that where you pee your pants while you're sleeping or something?"
"No, no, no. It means that I," Swirl squinted his eye, "ejaculated in my sleep when I had dreams about you, which was almost every night."
Daisy fell into a fit of giggles. Everything, especially her boyfriend's deviant confession, was funny when she was sloshed.
"Hey." He swatted her hair. "Don't laugh. It was horrifying. My Mom got so tired of doing my laundry, I had to do it myself."
"I'm sorry," Daisy said, calming herself. She turned over and crawled up his chest so she could plant a kiss on his lips. "I think it's sweet that you used to do that."
"Of course. Is it normal?"
Swirl scoffed. "Yes, it's normal. Research suggests over eighty percent of males have experienced nocturnal emissions."
"Well, that's a relief."
"Now, tell me yours. I've earned it."
"Wait a minute. I think it's about to happen."
"What do you mean?"
"I need to throw up."
Swirl soon learned that some things should be kept private.