Chapter 1



Do I llook like Eoin Colfer? If you thinks so then you are dumber than you look (if that 's possible.) [jk. I love you guys.] Anyway... I do not own any part of Artemis Fowl. (Even though I wish I did.) Note all of the following phrases that are in parethesis are said by Holly unless the specifically say Author's note.

Dear Diary, (Let me just say that first of all I hate starting off like that. But I guess I'm just Cliche)

My name is Holly Short. I am an elf, and a LEPrecon, but that's just a job. This of course means that I work for the recon division of the LEP. LEP referring to the Lower Elements Police, but of course you knew that.

You may be wondering why I'm writing this stupid diary. The answer is quite simple. In fact there are two words to answer your question. Can you guess what they are? Artemis Fowl. I have been very... confused about my feelings for said mud boy (well mud man now, I suppose.) lately. Anyway... there will be more on that later.

If I'm going to be writing in you, you may as well learn more about me. As I said before my name is Holly Short and I am a LEPrecon officer. In fact, I was the first female officer to make captain. My career hasn't been very smooth. Internal Affairs has almost had my acorn too many times to count now. Of course all of this was due to the aforementioned mud boy and other less savory people.

Anyway, I am an average looking elf. I am 3 feet tall, and have coffee colored skin. My ears are delicately pointed. I used to have short crew cut, Auburn hair, but now my hair sweeps my shoulders. It's pretty straight. I was born with two hazel eyes, but now my large almond-shaped eyes are two different colors. One is hazel (mine) and the other is an ice cold blue. It was originally the property of Artemis Fowl. My body is curvy yet slim. Meaning that I have hips and a butt, but (yes ha ha, laugh it up) my stomach is flat.

Anyway I decided to write, well type this diary. You may be wondering why I'm typing this since Foaly can hack a computer faster than you can swing a stinkworm. Faster than Mulch can eat a fridge full of food.(In case you didn't know that's really really fast.) Writing would be nice, but that's way too easy to find. Recording would have been ideal, but I would have to record on my helmet, and Foaly can get all of that info too easily. So here I am typing of this Foal-tech computer. (The human equivalent of a lap-top. Patented by Foaly, of course.)

So far I have neglected something very important. My frientds. I don't have very many, but the ones I do have are very special to me.

First of all there's Foaly. The kind and often sarcastic friend of mine. Scratch that always sarcastic. He's a centaut and technical advisor th the Lep and Section 8. And of course he's saved my butt a million times.

Butt. Mulch Diggums. Mulch is a short, hairy, kleptomatic dwarf. He's been many things over the years: enemies, partners, friends. He's a funny guy, and he happens to eat more in a day than I do in a week. Whereas Foaly saved my butt, Mulch's butt saved me.

I almost forgot my new friend Caballine. She's a female centaur married to Foaly. Whe have spa days every week and regular shopping trips. Sh's the onlu person I can have "girl talk" with. She keeps trying to ghet me to admit my feelings for a certain mud boy, but of course I always deny it.

In fact one of my favorite people is a mud man. His name is Butler, and he is Artemis Fowl's body guard. Artemis says we get along so well, because we're both soldiers, and he's probably right. Artemis usually is. Anyway, Butler is a mountanous man who is as deadly as he is huge. Thankfully, he is not my enemy. I've been down that road once, and wouldn't go back down it for anything in the world.

As they say: save the best for last. Artemis Fowl is the best. He's my best friend, and sometimes I wouldn't mind being more. I can't help but think of his raven hair ahd his cold blue eye and the hazel one that used to belong to me. He's lanky and wouldn't know athletics if they bit him on the butt. If he has one. Of course, he's a genius, and a sarcastic conceited mud bou, but I guess that's part of his charm.

Well, that's it. I think you know enough about me for now.