Hadn't met you yet: A Hameron House fan fiction.
They say love changes you. And there's always one idiot who reckons that he'll be the exception. That not only will he never fall in love, but you'll never catch him being the mushy, sentimental type that brings home flowers, takes the time to cook dinner or plan dates, and most importantly, never never gets the biggest thrill out of saying those three little words ("I love you") and hearing them in return.
Well... I was that idiot. And it just proves what women have known all along- men are stupid. It's probably an understatement I haven't had the best track record with women, and I've never been a romantic. My father would never have allowed it for a starter- his son, talking about his feelings without a shrink next to him to take notes? Never. Actually, he probably would have seen going to a shrink as a sign of weakness too.
Considering my last relationship resulted in a pain-killer addiction and most of my thigh muscle being removed, it seemed like the natural next step to avoid any form of commitment and push away anyone who tried to get close to me.
It was easy, becoming a cynic- one of those people who's right there putting bets on when every relationship will end and being unsurprised by the misery that "love" causes. I guess my parents started me on the right track, and as she walked out the door and out of my life, Stacy gave me a big push.
The problem with love (if it so exists) is that it's so easily changeable by the human race. If you get in the right mindset, with the right circumstances, you can talk yourself into believing that you're in love. Likewise, you can talk yourself out of love.
I've done both. And although Wilson might say that I am an exception to this rule, given that I'm an ass, he's done it too. It's the reason each of this three marriages all floundered and died. Although his inability to keep it in his pants might have contributed also, now that I think about it.
But the thing is... if you let people in, you run a risk of becoming blind to their flaws. You put that person on a pedestal and the tiniest thing can bring them (and you) crashing down.
Personally, I blame her.
I was quite happy, minding my own business, saving lives and such... and then little Miss- Perfect walked into my office for a fellowship interview. I met her... Ok, Wilson met her and I studied her... for only maybe fifteen minutes, and I knew something had changed.
Since Stacy had left... four and a half years prior, I'd seen women (duh, I'm not blind), but I'd never really seen a woman. Does that make sense? Every woman I met, I'd immediately focus on her visible flaws and create a million excuses why it was better that I stayed away. It was working, I thought it was foolproof.
But with Allison Cameron... the little voice in my head kept asking "why not?" and no matter what excuses I used, I couldn't shut it up. For the next three years I tried... but somewhere in those three years that little voice in my head turned "Cameron" into "my Cameron" and was astounded that the global male population had somehow missed the memo about that.
You know all those stories and cheesy romantic comedy plotlines about guys who are basically just lazy bums or womanising playboys or some such cliché; until they meet The One Girl. And suddenly, they're willing to make an effort and do the big romantic gestures, etc, etc. And the entire male audience that has most likely been dragged to such a film by a woman they're really hoping to sleep with or appear sweet and romantic, sits there and internally rolls their eyes thinking "yeah, right."
Well, guess what? If anyone who writes those scripts are male, they must be writing from personal experience. Because let me tell you, it happens just like that. You meet a girl, and suddenly, you realise if you don't make it seem beneficial for her to stick around, she'll leave and find someone who will. And that sucks for you.
Don't get me wrong, it has to be the right girl. But she'll be the one you put in a little extra effort with, to make it look like your life could be a romantic comedy, at least for a moment. That's what all girls are looking for you know, more so than the happily ever after. After the age of ten anyway, when they realise there's not too many Princes chasing around after girls with glass slippers, because man those things are a bitch.
I didn't believe in those stories... but that's because I hadn't met the right girl yet. And when I did, I had to get some sense knocked into me to see it.
I guess it's a matter of luck... or timing, I'm not quite sure. I guess you have to be ready to see it, and if you happen to meet someone then- bully for you. Whereas if you're ready to see it , and realise she's been working in your office and answering your mail for three years... boy, is that a slap in the face. I mean, you would think the phrase 'out of the blue' wouldn't apply in this situation, but it does. Allison Cameron came out of nowhere, and now she's everywhere I look.
For a cynic of love to admit they are capable of change as a result of love... it's a pretty big deal. The best I can describe what Cameron did for me is... when you begin a relationship, you usually hope it's going to be a long term thing, right? Depending on your age and romantic history, you hope that this person is the one you're going to spend the rest of your life with.
But it took me a long time to actually get with Cameron, I can admit it. And yeah, a bit of that was mainly hoping to get into her pants, I never really thought of long term- thanks, Stace. But from the first time I kissed her... I saw our future together. I know it sounds ridiculous, but all of a sudden, nothing seemed impossible.
And when I say nothing, I mean 'nothing' in terms of relationship milestones. Alas, invisibility cloaks still only exist in Harry Potter and my dreams.
But, just like the turning point of a romantic comedy, I realised not every girl is Stacy. Shocking I know. And I realised... there's a lot of things I like about being with Allison Cameron more than the fact I get to have sex with her anytime I want... when she lets me. I actually like waking up beside her, despite the fact she's usually using my arm as a pillow and it's gone numb at some stage of the night. Funnily enough, one of the things I like most is that she loves those sappy, cheesy, predictable romantic comedies. Because she has faith that if someone's with the right person, they might be capable of all those acts that guys see and swear they will never do. (I mean, just look at The Notebook. Who really is going to make the effort to write down their love story and read it every day? Just don't get Cameron started on A Walk to Remember).
The weird thing, is that Cameron knew I had changed before I did. Girls are like that, I think. They pay a lot more attention to little hints, just the way I say something tells her so much more; and it comes in handy regarding our patients too on occasion.
You may ask, it's all very well for me to be blabbering on about love and change and yada, yada, yada; but how do I know that I have changed? Good question. The big clue was that I was the first one to say "I love you". I knew she wanted to, but kept stopping herself in case it scared me off. So one day, after we had a ten year old patient that died, and I found her crying in her kitchen under the pretence of finding takeout menus... and I hugged her (I'm not a hugging person, in case you haven't picked that up). But I hugged her, told her she was an idiot for crying about a little kids she'd known for three days, and then told her I loved her and the fact she cried about the sufferings of people she barely knew was just reason number one.
The fact I found myself looking at engagement rings the other day in a store window was a little hint too. What can I say? When you meet the right girl, everything changes. And you won't even see it coming.