Two bodies tumbled through the open door of the conference room, small blonde slamming face-first into the floor. Unfortunately, he was used as a cushion to break the fall of a certain aristocratic nation.

"Mental Note: Kill Gilbert." He grumbled underneath the brunette, face against the floor.

Laughing erupted from the doorway. "Kesesesesese! How much fun is this going to be? I'll lock you two in this room and listen to you argue for hours! I hope you come up with some good nicknames for this pansy over here, Zwingli. Now get to the fighting, I'll be listinNNGG!" Gilbert was pushed into the room as well by a frightfully strong arm. As he tripped over Vash's leg, he caught a glimpse of devious green eyes and a pink flower through the split-second crack of the door slamming. "ELIZAVETA! DAMN IT! LET ME OUT OF HERE, I DON'T WANT TO BE STUCK IN HERE WITH THESE LOSERS!" He heard eccentric giggling and fading footsteps. He sighed.

Roderich stood and dusted himself off. "Looks like your plan has backfired, Beilschmidt."

"Shut up, ya priss."

Vash didn't want anything to do with either of them, so he grabbed a chair, drug it over to a corner of the room devoid of life, and delightfully stared at the wall.

"What's the matter Zwingli? Can't stand the awesome?"

Vash ignored him.

"Let's just wait for someone to come and find us." Roderich adjusted his glasses.

"Ehh, I don't know how long I can wait. Awesome people don't like to wait."

"I'm sure you can last an hour."

Gilbert slumped down into one of the chairs sitting around the conference table. He began to drum his fingers rhythmically as Roderich sat down a few chairs away. "Oh my god, I'm BORED. Give me some ideas on what I can do, priss." Gilbert stood from his chair and moved around to sit in the one next to the Austrian.

Vash tuned him out and thought of his guns and of how there was probably some naked Italian on his lawn right now. Mental note: Put up huge fence. Huge electrified fence.

"Gilbert, don't touch that." Roderich swatted the Prussian's hand away from his face.

"What IS that Roddy? Have you ever thought about getting that looked at?" He stared in awe at the small blemish on Roderich's face.

"It's just a mole, you moron. It's completely harmle-"

"It could be swine flu! Oh my god Roddy, don't give me your swine flu! Kesesese!"

Guns, guns, guns. Thinking of guns.

"Gilbert, a symptom of swine flu isn't-"

"Hey Roddy, can I play with Mariazell?" The silver-haired man made a grab for Roderich's fly-away hair.

The Austrian jerked away as quickly as he could and grabbed Gilbert's arm. "No. You may NOT." The brunette replied in a stern voice.

"Aww, you're such a party pooper. Don't you want me to have fun?"

"Not by annoying me." Roderich crossed his arms.

"But you're so much fun to play with."

"Just find something else to occupy your time."

"I know something I'd like to occupy." The Prussian sneered at Roderich as he slowly stood up from his chair.

Vash tensed. He sensed that this situation was about to get really awkward, really fast.

"Gilbert Beilschmidt, don't you dare." Roderich stood as well, ready to run if the need arose. He glared at the silver-haired man with violet fury.

Gilbert lunged at Roderich and caught him by the waist, taking him down to the hard conference room floor, where the Austrian's head connected with it rather painfully.

"You moron! That hurt!"

Setting the brunette's hips in his lap, Gilbert snaked his way up between Roderich's legs to hover his body above the aristocrat. "I'm sorry Roddy, let me kiss it better." He replied in a mock-soothing voice and claimed Roderich's lips between his own.

Roderich tried to push Gilbert off of him, but damn, the Prussian was strong.

Gilbert focused his attention to the crook of the Austrian's neck, leaving a wet trail of affection along the way.

"Gilbert, release me at once!"

Vash couldn't take this anymore. He stood and strode over to the two other men, letting out a loud and very obvious cough.

Roderich stared up at him, his face flushed while Gilbert bit down on his earlobe. "Vash, this isn't what it looks like!"

"Release him."

Gilbert cocked his head slightly, letting go of Roderich's earlobe. "And I suppose you're going to make me?" Gilbert laughed. "See this?" He grabbed the brunette's chin and forced Roderich's eyes to meet his own. "This is mine."

"No, he's mine!" The Swiss man gasped and covered his mouth with his hand.

"I always knew there was something between you two, but Roderich is my bitch now." Gilbert licked along the brunette's jawline, slowly and deliberately.

Roderich groaned in slight protest.

"Stop it! Let him go right now!"

"Why should I be afraid of you? You don't even have a gun on you at the moment!" Gilbert pulled the Austrian's hips closer.

Vash laughed slightly. "I always have a gun on me, everyone knows that, or are you just that stupid?"

The silver-haired man stood up quickly, leaving Roderich lying on the floor. "I'm not stupid! And you're weird, always carrying a gun! What? Do you carry a gun everywhere you go because you're afraid that you'll have to protect Roderich because someone is going to move in on him and steal him right out from under you? Wait, no, you'd probably be under him! Kesesesese!" Gilbert was fit with giggles thanks to the EPIC insult he had just pinned on the blonde.

Vash's face turned red with rage. "WHAT? You really think that he could top me? You really are stupid." Vash crossed his arms and looked away from the Prussian.

"He totally would, look how short you are!"

The Swiss man's eyes shot open. "That has NOTHING to do with it! Look how femmy he is!" The blonde pointed straight at a now-standing brunette. "He couldn't top ANYONE!"

The Austrian pouted. "Hey! I resent that!" They both ignored him.

Gilbert brought a hand to his chin, deep in thought. "You know, you're totally right. This pansy over here probably didn't even top when he was married to that crazy bitch who locked us in here."

Roderich was getting angrier by the minute. "I'd prefer if you didn't speak ill of my ex-wife, she is a very nice lad-dmmgg!"

Gilbert shut the brunette up with a sloppy kiss and a hand on the back of his head to keep him there. "Quiet Roddy, the men are talking." The silver-haired man released Roderich, who blushed multiple shades of red, both out of embarrassment and frustration.

"I am a man, you moron!"

"Stop insulting him!"

"Make me, Shorty!"

The blonde snapped and tackled Gilbert. "WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME!" Vash grabbed hold of the Prussian's shirt collar and began to shake him.

"WHAT THE HELL? GET OFF!" The two tousled on the ground for a moment before Roderich tried to pry them apart.

"Stop this madness! This is not a good way to pass time!"

Vash stopped shaking Gilbert and tried to regain his composure.

Gilbert stood and adjusted his collar. "I was passing time perfectly well before Zwingli interrupted."

Roderich scoffed. "I don't know about that."

The silver-haired man's eyes brightened. "Hey, I've got an idea!" He turned to Vash. "You obviously have some kind of secret love for Roderich, and I love invading his vital regions. Why don't we-" He leaned down to whisper in the blonde's ear, whose eyes went wide as Gilbert pulled away, grinning like a madman. Roderich stared at them, hoping Gilbert hadn't said what he thought he had said.

"You're disgusting."

Yep, he said it.

"Fine! More for me!" Gilbert grabbed the Austrian by the waist and hoisted him over his shoulder.

"You uncivilized beast! Put me down!" The brunette slammed his fists into the Prussian's back. "It's not like you can actually take me anywhere. We're locked in a big room!" Gilbert stopped and thought for a moment, Roderich still draped over his shoulder.

"Fine!" He dropped Roderich down onto the conference table. "I'll just do you here on the table!"

"Oh god. You aren't going to do this with me in the room are you?" Vash did NOT want to see that.

Gilbert smirked at him. "Zwingli, it's going to happen whether you're involved or not. So come on, live a little!"

Vash stood silent, wondering if he'd rather get a piece of Austrian ass, or be the awkward third person in the room while Gilbert got a piece of Austrian ass. "Fine."

"What?" A scarlet blush frosted Roderich's cheeks.

"Now you're talking! Dibs on his ass!"

Vash rolled his eyes as he climbed onto the table and knelt next to the Austrian while Gilbert busied himself with the buttons on Roderich's coat. Vash took the brunette's chin in his hand and brought himself down to meet Roderich's lips with his own. Roderich was surprised by his gentle kiss. He could feel the blonde's tongue prodding between his lips, silently asking for entrance. The Austrian parted his lips to allow himself to be kissed deeper. All of Vash's suppressed feelings came flooding back as he shared his passion with his former friend. Roderich parted from the kiss as a pale hand slipped under his now-open shirt. Vash removed the brunette's glasses while trailing kisses down his exposed neck. His fingers flittered lightly along Roderich's stomach as the Prussian drew his mouth around one of the brunette's nipples. Gilbert lightly ground his hips into the Austrian's, delighting in the sharp cry he produced. Roderich could feel that tightness in his body growing, certain articles of clothing becoming tighter as well. Vash raked his fingers through Roderich's hair while kissing and licking along his neck. The silver-haired man popped the button on the Austrian's pants, slowly pulling on the zipper and Roderich suddenly felt much more comfortable, having some of his pressure relieved. The Austrian threaded his slender fingers into Gilbert's hair, begging for more sensations. Vash licked along the shell of Roderich's ear, eliciting shivers from the brunette. Roderich hooked his legs around Gilbert's waist, pulling him closer and feeling the Prussian's erection rub against his own. The blonde started to remove Roderich's coat with some struggle, but eventually had successfully thrown it across the table, gently kissing the brunette again.

Roderich broke the kiss and sighed. "You should have folded th-AT!" Roderich gasped as the silver-haired man firmly palmed the brunette's erection through his pants.

Gilbert slowly pulled down Roderich's pants to let his underwear tent from obvious arousal. "Shut up, Roddy." The Prussian rubbed Roderich's length through the thin fabric.

The Austrian had to arch his back slightly from the pleasure.

"Don't worry about it." Vash smoothed damp strings of chocolate hair away from Roderich's forehead, letting his hand wander down to caress the earlobe Gilbert had bitten earlier. He glanced over to see the silver-haired man pull Roderich's underwear down and let his weeping erection bounce free, flicking a string of pre-come onto the brunette's exposed stomach. The Austrian let out a low moan and Vash just wanted to swallow it up, but he opted to ravish Roderich's neck with nips and bites, leaving small marks wherever his teeth wandered.

Gilbert stroked the brunette's cheek with his thumb. "Delicious. Roderich, you look so hot right now." Gilbert lowered his head to take Roderich into his mouth. The Austrian gasped from sensory overload. Vash had taken to playing with the brunette's nipple while assaulting his neck. The Prussian slowly lifted and lowered his mouth around Roderich's length, sucking and licking all the while. Roderich grabbed Gilbert's head and entwined his fingers into the silver hair, just for something to hold onto, something so he could keep his control.

With a quick flick of his tongue, Gilbert released the Austrian's cock from his lips and positioned himself back in between Roderich's legs. He moved his hand back to the Austrian's face. "Suck."

Roderich took two of Gilbert's fingers into his mouth, coating them in his lubricant as the Prussian undid his pants to let his own erection free.

"That's fine." With a quiet 'pop', Gilbert pulled his fingers free and spread Roderich's legs wider, letting one finger push into the brunette's entrance. Roderich welcomed it with a guttural moan as he hooked one of his legs over Gilbert's shoulder.

"Here, Roderich, roll over a bit so you can suck off Vash." The Prussian rolled the brunette onto his side to face Vash as he inserted another finger. A sharp wave of pleasure rolled through the Austrian at the sudden stretching. The blonde undid his gunbelt, set it down next to him on the table and unzipped his pants, Roderich eagerly waiting. He pulled his underwear down to let his cock up over the waistband and the Austrian wrapped his slim fingers around it, giving slow strokes. The brunette licked the tip of Vash's length and slowly took it into his mouth. The blonde had to hold himself from grabbing the back of the Austrian's head and just fucking his throat raw. Vash let Roderich work him over with his tongue as Gilbert removed his fingers and lined himself up. Roderich moaned around Vash as Gilbert pressed himself deep into the Austrian. The blonde gasped and shuddered violently around this sensation. He tangled his fingers into Roderich's hair and gently began rocking the brunette's head back and forth onto his cock and Roderich steadied himself by taking hold of Vash's hips. Gilbert thrust back and forth erratically into Roderich's heat, slightly pushing him along the table, so the Prussian wrapped his arm tightly around Roderich's leg to hold the Austrian steady as he fucked him.

"Oh god, Roderich... you're really good at this." Vash shouldn't have been surprised, considering just how many alliances and marriages the Austrian had gone through, but the fact that Roderich seemed to have a natural talent for this still surprised him.

Gilbert just laughed, a little short of breath. "Heh, of course he is." The Prussian continued to thrust into Roderich's tight body. "Just how many times has he joined with West and me over these years? In return for his protection, he'd always do this for us."

Roderich glared at the silver-haired man out of the corner of his eye.

"What? You did!" Gilbert grabbed Roderich's erection and started to stroke him. The Austrian arched his back in ecstasy and Gilbert's length hit his prostate. "And don't lie to me, you loved it." Roderich could feel that fire in his body, Gilbert was hitting him perfectly. He moaned around Vash again and the vibrations made the blonde's whole body tense. Roderich tried to clear his lust-hazed mind so he could focus on the Swiss man, but he couldn't seem to get his thoughts straight. Vash took over and pulled the Austrian's head down onto himself while simultaneously thrusting into the brunette's mouth. Roderich glanced up and locked eyes with Vash and the blonde almost came then. Seeing Roderich tied up in this more than compromising situation and having the brunette's deep, violet eyes staring straight up into his own was one of the sexiest things he had ever seen, and having the Austrian's mouth that never said anything that wasn't completely appropriate sucking his dick like he needed it to live really wasn't helping. Roderich started stroking Vash's length and the blonde could feel himself getting closer, he could feel his need to orgasm rising, and he wanted to taint Roderich's once pristine mouth. Gilbert continued pounding into the Austrian with as much strength as he could muster and Vash could feel the table shaking under his knees. Roderich was tightening around Gilbert's cock and the Prussian could see stars. He had forgotten just how tight Roderich was. The Austrian pulled his head back slightly, swirled his tongue around the tip of Vash's length, and the blonde couldn't hold back anymore. His vision went white and he came hard in Roderich's mouth. Roderich removed the Swiss man from his mouth and coughed slightly, a string of come still connecting Vash's cock and Roderich's lips.

Vash collected it on his index finger and placed it in front of the Austrian. "All of it."

Roderich took the blonde's finger into his mouth and cleaned the remaining come off before swallowing the whole mouthful.

"God, that's hot." Gilbert turned Roderich so his back was flat on the table again and hooked both of his arms around the Austrian's thighs. Gilbert rocked his hips powerfully back and forth into Roderich, delighting in the animalistic noises the brunette produced. Roderich felt his body tense, he knew he was close. Just a few more thrusts and the Austrian arched his entire body off the table while he rode his orgasm, sticky, white strings dirtying his pale stomach. The grip that Roderich's body had on Gilbert's cock during the brunette's orgasm was more than enough to make Gilbert come too. He thrust into Roderich one last time, trying to get as deep as he could, and he came inside of the Austrian. Roderich slumped down onto the table, while Vash had just finished cleaning himself off. Gilbert pulled out and deposited himself back into has pants.

Vash cringed. "At least clean yourself off. That's disgusting."

Gilbert shrugged. "I'll do it later."

Vash handed Roderich a box of tissues that were kept in the room in case anyone needed to blow their nose. Or in case anyone decided to have sex in the conference room. Hey, it's happened before.

Roderich stood on shaky legs and cleaned himself off while Vash collected the Austrian's clothing for him. "Thank you. It's not exactly the easiest thing in the world to walk after something like that." Roderich was breathless and his voice was hoarse. The Austrian slipped his pants back up his thighs and buttoned up his shirt.

Gilbert laughed at their gestures. "Look at you two! You're like a real couple! How lame!"

Vash looked at him with a blank expression. "Maybe that's because I actually care for him? Maybe I don't just want to use him as a fuck toy?"

"Hey! I care for him just as much as you!"

Vash rolled his eyes. "Yeah right." The Swiss man and the Prussian began to argue back and forth.

Roderich shook his head in disbelief. "Not this again."